In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now

I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around

~~~

"You're so warm," Brendon mumbled into Ryan's chest. The older man chuckled, shaking his boyfriend's body on top of him. The two were cuddling while watching tv and before Ryan knew it, Brendon had gradually pushed him on his back so he could lay over him.

"You comfortable?"

"Mmhm," Brendon hummed with a nod. He closed his eyes and let out a content sigh. Ryan ran his hand up and down the man's back. He focused his attention on how relaxed Brendon was. He could see the gentle rise and fall of Brendon's back with each breath he took.

He brought a hand up and brushed it over Brendon's cheek, ignoring how it was losing its fullness. He didn't even realize he started frowning when he let his fingers skim under his eyes over the darkening bags. Brendon was struggling more and more to get a good nights rest recently.

Ever since Spencer told him about Brendon throwing up last week, Brendon was noticeably changing. He had to spend more time in bed and occasionally would space out during a conversation. Ryan was grateful that he still had the energy to be stubborn about the little things.

Brendon would still throw out sarcastic comments though not as often. Ryan let out a small chuckle at Brendon's feeble attempts to go against someone these days. Yeah, Brendon was still the same stubborn bastard that he loves.

"I love you, Brenny," Ryan whispered. Brendon didn't respond, sleeping soundly on top of his boyfriend. Ryan didn't mind and turned his attention back to the abandoned movie they had on. He continued rubbing his hand mindlessly over Brendon's back.

Ryan was easily relaxed from hearing Brendon's soft snoring. He chuckled when he looked down and saw a thin line of drool going from the corner of the other's mouth down to a dampening spot on his own shirt. Eventually, the end credits rolled onto the screen. He tapped lightly on Brendon's side.

"Come on baby. Let's go to bed." Brendon made no move to get up. He didn't even look like the tap bothered his sleep at all. "Babe," he whispered again. Ryan tapped his side again, harder this time. Brendon didn't budge one bit, causing Ryan's adrenaline to spike.

"Brendon?" He grabbed Brendon's hips and shook him. "Brendon, wake up," he rushed out, failing to keep the rising panic out of his voice. Again, he got no reaction. He pushed himself up into a halfway seated position. One arm was planted on the couch to support his upper body and the other stayed wrapped around Brendon's body to keep him pressed against him.

"Wake up," Ryan let out, fear now dousing his voice. The sudden movement and Ryan's harsh tone caused Brendon to twitch against him. "Brendon," he repeated more hopefully. Brendon let out a low grunt and squinted up at Ryan.

"What're you doing?" He mumbled in a groggy voice. Ryan hugged Brendon tightly and let out a sigh of relief.

"Nothing." Brendon grunted to get Ryan to loosen his grip. He pulled away and gently pushed Ryan back down. Ryan let himself be swayed by Brendon's soft touch. His eyes were glued on the smaller man as he got comfortable on his chest again. "I forget that you're not a light sleeper." Brendon hummed back and shut his eyes.

"The movie's over." Another hum. "Why don't we go to bed and sleep," Ryan suggested. A grunt this time. Ryan let out a chuckle. "I 'm pretty sure your bed is more comfortable than my chest."

"I beg to differ," Brendon mumbled and nuzzled into his personal body pillow.

"Well I think your bed is more comforting than the couch, so why don't we move there anyway." Brendon let out a groan as protest as Ryan slowly moved to sit up, forcing Brendon to get up also. He managed to sit up, getting Brendon to saddle him with his head hanging forward.

"You're a cruel man, Dr. Ross." Ryan couldn't stop his smile while his boyfriend had on a small pout and tried to rub the sleep from his eyes with his fist.

"I'm sorry, babe," Ryan chuckled and brushed a strand of hair out of Brendon's face and tucked it behind his ear. The sleepy man leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Ryan's neck and resting his head against his own arm. "Alright, let's go," Ryan kept his voice soft.

Knowing Brendon wouldn't respond, Ryan held him against his body and carefully got to his feet. His arms locked under Brendon's thighs to support his weight, which wasn't much to Ryan's dislike. He kissed Brendon's temple as he made his way down the same hallway he'd walked down countless times, hoping for the chance to be able to walk down countless more times.

It was a bit of a challenge to get into the bed holding Brendon tightly, not wanting to put him down just yet. Brendon was no help even let out a light giggle at Ryan's struggle. Eventually, they were both comfortable, Brendon on Ryan and Ryan on a less stiff surface. The days like this seemed to start repeating themselves; the couple out in the living room, Brendon getting tired, Ryan needing to carry him to bed. Soon, Brendon wouldn't be able to walk around alone and Ryan would carry him everywhere so Brendon wouldn't get sick of being stuck in this god forsaken bed anymore.

"Ryan," a drowsy voice caught his attention. He looked down to see Brendon barely able to open his eyes to look up at him.

"Yeah?" Brendon let out a small, breathy laugh and reached a hand up. Ryan didn't move as the man dragged his fingers over his forehead.

"Stop frowning. You'll get worry lines." Ryan left himself immediately relax from the touch. He let out a soft sigh and gently grabbed Brendon's wrist. Of course the other didn't resist as Ryan brought his palm to his mouth and gave it a light kiss.

"Okay" Brendon smiled lazily at the warm breath against his skin. Ryan placed the hand on his cheek to soak in the comfort of the touch.

This was it.

This was what's been keeping Ryan going during this whole thing. Ryan took all these moments where Brendon would show his usual self and committed them to memory.

"I was right." Ryan tilted his head to the side in confusion. Brendon flashed the best smile he could and laid his head back on Ryan's chest. He sighed softly, listening Ryan's steady heartbeat below him. "You're more comfortable than my bed."

Fulfilling his boyfriend duties, Ryan placed a gentle kiss on Brendon's head and wrapped his arms around him to keep the man safe from any danger in the small room. He whispered a quick 'I love you' before Brendon fell asleep. Just like on the couch, he watched Brendon's body rise and fall in time with his own breathing. He kept his eyes on the other, too content with the scene to let himself fall asleep for the night.