A/N:

This chapter starts 3 months after Ch 10 Blessing. Last chapter was a few things that happened during those three months in case anyone is confused.

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You know that I can't

Show you me

Give you me

초라한 모습 보여줄 순 없어 (I can't show you a run-down part of myself)

또 가면을 쓰고 널 만나러 가 (I wear a mask again and go to see you)

But I still want you

~~~

"Ugh. Are they still saying goodbye?" Jon grumbled and he entered the hospital and stood by Spencer.

"It's hard to believe they're not actually attached at the hip," Spencer added. The two were standing at the entrance of the hospital, watching the couple saying goodbye to each other. Though they didn't really show PDA around anyone who wasn't the doctor trio, Jon or Spencer, a stranger could tell that Ryan and Brendon were together just by the way they talked and stared at each other. They weren't hiding their relationship, Ryan simply wanted to keep things professional at his work.

"So how long have you known Brendon?" Jon started a conversation to fill the silence. Lucky enough, they haven't really talked so there was plenty of topics to talk about.

"Since we were kids. What about you and Ryan?"

"Med school. We were roommates who happened to end up working at the same hospital." Spencer chuckled.

"You don't sound like you enjoy being around him." Jon shook his head and gave his own small smile.

"It's not bad thing. He just gets himself into these situation that I have to help him out of." They looked over at the couple, who were trying to hide the way they kept brushing their hands together.

"I know what you mean. This past year, Brendon seems to get himself in more and more trouble. It's almost too fast for me to keep up."

"Past year? Did something happen?" Spencer looked down at his feet, scolding himself for his choice of words. "I know," Jon said when Spencer didn't reply. Spencer snapped his head up and turned to Jon.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know... about Brendon." Spencer's eyes went wide.

"He told you?" Jon scoffed.

"I saw from his blood work the night Ryan brought him from the bar.

"Why did he come here?" Spencer looked at the couple who looked like they were finally nearing the end of their goodbye.

"He was drugged at the bar and passed out. Ryan was the one who helped him." Spencer let out a sigh of disbelief. He'll scold Brendon for keeping that a secret, but now he had something more important to talk about.

"Did you tell Ryan?"

"Doctor-patient confidentiality." Spencer nodded in understanding. "I don't like that he's keeping that from my friend. That's something Ryan should know."

"Yeah, I know. It's a constant argument with him. He told me he's gonna tell him soon because they're more serious." Jon looked over at Spencer before turning to watch the couple make their way to them.

"Can we go now?" Spencer questioned in an annoyed voice.

"You know we have a meeting today," Jon reminded Ryan.

"Sorry," the pair said in unison, with no remorse in their voices.

"See you later," Ryan whispered to Brendon with a sweet smile to match. Jon grabbed onto Ryan's jacket and started pulling him away from his boyfriend.

"Let's go lover boy." Spencer mimicked the action, dragging Brendon out the hospital. The car ride back to their apartment was mostly silent, until Spencer spoke up. "Brendon, I think you should tell him soon." He kept his eyes on the road, but he could feel the tension building in the air. "It doesn't look like you and Ryan will split up anytime soon, so you have to tell him."

"I will," Brendon let out, almost cutting Spencer off. His happy mood spoiled by the subject.

"When? I told you to tell him after two months. It's been three and he still doesn't know."

"I said I'd tell him," Brendon spat. "Now get off my back about it."

"Brendon," Spencer spoke softly. Brendon let out an irritated groan and turned to look out his window. "I'm just looking out for you." The man didn't move.

"How about we invite him over one night. He's only been in our apartment twice." Brendon didn't reply, wanting to ignore Spencer. "Brendon," he said impatiently.

"Sure. Whatever," Brendon mumbled in reply. Spencer let out a sigh. He understood why Brendon was upset. His relationship was going well so of course he was scared this would ruin it.

"It's better to do it now before you even fall in love." He waited for a response but only got more silence. "You're not in love with him, right?" He said more as a joke to try and lighten the mood. He let out a small chuckle because the thought of Brendon actually in love with someone was unbelievable.

When Brendon didn't respond, he glanced over and saw Brendon shift uncomfortably in his seat. He felt suddenly nervous at the persistent quiet. He gripped the steering wheel tightly and took a deep breath. He gave Brendon a little longer to reply. When he didn't, he grew more anxious.

"You haven't been together that long. You can't love Ryan yet," Spencer said more as a statement. He wasn't sure who he was wanting to convince more about that. He wasn't sure if it was even working the longer Brendon stared at the window. "Bre-"

"No," he interrupted. Spencer let out a relieved sigh. He knew Brendon being in love would only complicate their situation more and make things more painful for his friend. He shouldn't have worried because Brendon wasn't the type to fall in love so easily anyway. He was a hit it and quit it type of guy. What Spencer didn't see though were the tears slipping down Brendon's cheeks.

"I don't love him," Brendon whispered softly to himself.

~~~

"Looks like your relationship is going well," Jon randomly said when him and Ryan finished their meeting.

"Yeah, Brendon is more amazing than I could've ever imagined." Ryan started skimming through some paperwork he got in the meeting. He didn't realize Jon was still wanting to continue the conversation until the man tapped on his shoulder. "Sorry, what?"

"I said do you think maybe he's not as amazing as you think?"

"Why would I think that?"

"I don't know. He could be hiding some big secret from you. It could risk your relationship with how big it is." Ryan shook his head with a smile, not taking the comment seriously. Jon had shown his dislike for Brendon since day one. It was obvious he didn't approve of the relationship.

"Look Jon, I like Brendon a lot. I don't think some hypothetical secret will change that. I know you don't like him but you're gonna have to get used to it because I don't plan on letting him go any time soon."

"But Ryan --"

"Can you drop it, please?"

"At least bring it up."

"Why?"

"Just trust me."

"Jon," Ryan sighed. Before he could say anything else, there was a commotion down the hall that caught their attention.

"What the --" Jon's pager went off, spiking up their focus.

"Shit." Jon hurried down the hall with Ryan close behind. When they got to the room with the source of panic, the doctors were shocked to see a young Emmy Grey unconscious in her bed. A few nurses were around the bed, quickly situating the girl to lay back. The heart monitor giving off warning beeps.

Emmy's mother was crying loudly, her husband hold her close and demanding to know what was happening. Jon immediately sprung to action, moving over to the girl's bedside. Ryan escorted the parents out, knowing it wasn't healthy to be in the room. The couple filled with more fear at the sound of the a long beep.

"W-what's happing to our little girl?" They tried looking over Ryan's shoulders wanting to know what Jon was yelling about. Too much was going on for them to fully process everything.

"Clear!" The couple flinched when they heard the shock of a defibrillator.

"Dr. Walker is doing everything he can to help your daughter."

"S-she hasn't been eating. She told us she was just t-tired and she wan-ted to s-sleep," Mrs. Grey cried out. There were a few more 'clear's coming from the room. Ryan silently willed Jon to save the girl fast. There was a uneasy feeling sitting in his stomach, draining him of his hope the longer time passed. He felt his heart stop when Jon stopped and the long beep continued. He watched the couple's faces crumble when Jon spoke in the room.

"Time of death 15:42," he heard Jon sigh out. The doctor soon walked out, professional expression on.

"We did everything we could. Her body was too weak to keep her heart beating." Mrs. Grey collapsed against her husband, her own heart shattered at the news.

"You son of a bitch," Mr. Grey hissed, pointing at Ryan. "You're the one who convinced her to keep going through all that pain."

"Sir, I assure you --"

"She would've been at home and happy if it wasn't for you." Mr. Grey sniffed and looked away, trying his best to hold back his tears. His bottom lip quivered as he tried to keep a sob from coming out.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Ryan spoke in a practiced tone. "Excuse me." He turned and moved down the hall.

"You're just gonna leave? You coward!" Ryan heard behind him. "How can you sleep knowing you're ruining people's lives. You're a murderer." Ryan took a deep breath, brushing the comment off. He rounded the corner and rushed into the first empty room he could. He pressed his back on the door, leaning his head back.

He shut his eyes and swallowed down the lump in his throat. Taking a shaky breath, he slid down to the floor, propping his legs up. He crossed his arms on his knees and rested his forehead on his forearms. Losing patients always took a large toll on him, especially younger ones. He felt a short sudden burst of anger at Jon for involving him with the Grey family.

He had to remind himself that these things happen. He couldn't save everyone. For times like this, he found it comforting to think about all the people he did help, all the children, grandparents and everyone in between. He didn't care much for the money and attention he's gotten in his field.

What helped him keep wanting to come to work was seeing the smiles of gratitude from everyone who would come in needing help and walk out feeling better. He jumped slightly when he felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out, smiling gently at the message on the screen.

Bren: Drinks with Spence and me tomorrow after work?

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A/N:

It's been a hot minute since I updated. Had some family problems come, but everything is good now 😁 Hope you enjoyed the multiple updates! Thanks for reading ❤️