"What if we were reversed, would you blame me?"

His question shocked me, causing my eyes to open wide- something I regretted immediately. He held me so close, his eyes only stirring up more unwanted emotions as they bore into mine.

Would I blame him?

"Would you blame me for finding a dying lady, doing what her dying wish was and then accepting protection for your own government? Would you blame me for trying my best to make sure that no one else was going to die? Blame me for deaths that were completely out of my control, that I didn't even know were going to happen? Deaths that I couldn't have stopped without ignoring a dying lady? Would you blame me?"

He was yelling at me know, his hands dropping from my face causing me to stumble backwards slightly. We were both on our feet now, him pacing slightly as he ran his fingers threw his hair. Why was this causing so much pain to show on his face? Why was I having this effect on him.

His stopped his pacing suddenly, snapping back to face me- his eyes filled with a wild fire.

"Would. You. Blame. Me." Each word he took a step towards me, until his chest was pressed up against mine. I knew my answer and the look in his eyes told me that he knew too. "Say it." He all but growled at me, challenging me to say the words aloud.

"No." I whispered, my word weak and unsure as if it were a question. I didn't need him to think he had gotten to me.

"No what?" He pushed further, his chest shoving against mine as his nostrils flared.

"No I wouldn't blame you!" I exclaimed, my words coming out in a hurried yell- the anger finally taking over me. "I wouldn't blame you, but that doesn't change anything!"

My words brought a glimmer of a smile to Jesse's eyes, his lips puckering slightly in amusement.

"That changes everything, you just can't accept the truth." He stated simply, he took a small step away from me before he sat back down on the bed. He looked pleased, but like there was still more that he needed to accomplish.

"It doesn't change anything." I repeated, dropping back onto the log I leant forward to finish up my stitches but his hands held out to stop me.

"Don't do this to yourself. If we were reversed right now, I know that you wouldn't stop fighting until I forgave myself- you know it's true." His hand grabbed onto mine, jerking me closer to him so that I had no choice but to pay attention. "Why can't you see what everyone else sees?"

What everyone else sees? They are all blinded by lies, they have no idea what I did to get them all here. They follow me because they believe I'm protecting them out of the goodness of my heart. They had no idea the monster that I am. And I was too much of a coward to ever change that.

Them being clueless was my best hope right now for them to keep listening to me. I knew that whether this crash was my fault or not I would have stepped up in the way that I already was, but this need to redeem myself was fuelling me to keep going. I feed off it when I hadn't eaten, I dug into it when I hadn't slept.

The blame I had placed on myself was what was keeping me and everyone else alive, because without it I would be too weak and would have just given in to the first obstacle in my way. Deep down I knew it was unhealthy but that what a therapist would be for when I made it back home. If I ever made it back home.

Jesse was still holding onto my arm, persistent to get me to see things his way. I couldn't afford to, not right now.

"Why won't you just leave me alone Jesse! I don't need this- what ever this is." I snapped, pulling my arm away from him as I roughly shoved his shirt aside to finish what I had started. The quicker I got this done the sooner I could get away from this infuriating boy.

"I can't let you do this to yourself! It's killing me. I can't just give up on you." This time he spoke in a whisper, his tone softening completely when he realised what he had evoked within me.

"I gave up on you out in the woods, so maybe this will make us even." I don't know what I was thinking but as my words left my lips I immediately realised why I wouldn't accept his forgiveness. It wasn't for any other reason other than I could have been the reason he died- and that thought alone was enough for me to think I was unworthy of his forgiveness.

He realised it too.

"I would have done the same thing." It was simply put, one lone line that seemed to put my heart right at ease. "The only. Only thing I could ever blame you for is making me feel like this."

The second line surprised me, causing me to look up in confusion. His eyes were avoiding min, dropped to the side as I watched his face. He took a deep breath to steady himself, everything about his features told me that what came next for him was hard to say.

"I blame you for making me feel like there is another life that I care about more than my own, another person that I'm willing to do crazy things to protect. I need you to be alive so that you can save these people- without you they have no hope and It terrifies me everyday that you are going to run off and do something stupid and leave me with them. I wont be able to protect them on my own. I need you Dru, I need you by my side and seeing you like this kills me."

His words broke mey heart, it felt like someone was yanking at it, causing a wave of nausea to wash over me. He looked so vulnerable when he finished speaking, his head hung low as he watched his fingers fiddle with each other.

I couldn't stop myself from reaching out for his hand, grabbing onto his wrist with one hand and running my other hand over the back of his hand. He didn't look up at me but his hand wrapped around my wrist as his fingers ran up and down, drawing patterns at random.

This Jesse was one that I knew had to be in there somewhere but I thought I would never get to meet. Behind the blood and dirt on his face I could make out pain of a different bread. I couldn't even question his reasoning, it was so clear.

The way I had felt searching for him in the forest was displayed all over his face in this moment. The thought of losing me also meant losing the lives of everyone. Neither of us thought we could get threw this without the other. But that didn't mean the way I was feeling could just go away.

"You don't get to say that." I spoke abruptly, causing him to snap up and away from me. I stood up myself, taking a few steps away from him before turning back quickly and pacing towards him. I could feel all my anger boiled up, ready to burst from me.

" You know, Jesse, I didn't see you coming. You get under my skin, you make me feel unsteady, when I'm with you I question everything. You make me reckless, out of control." I paused when I felt his eyes met mine, my sudden declaration catching us both my surprise. I was yelling out at him, getting closer each sentence I spoke. He just stood there in shock- letting me vent it all out.

"I am infuriatingly drawn to you. I hate now much I need you- it's unhealthy." I leant forward to poke him in the chest. He grabbed my hand before I could poke again, but that didn't stop me from bringing up my other hand. Jabbing my pointer finger into his chest I felt my self unsteadying.

"I hate that you think you can just talk to me like this and make everything better. I hate that you make me feel so angry that I can't even control myself." I stepped closer, pressing out chests together as I challenged him with me eyes. I could she his jaw tense up, his eyes flaring with rage.

"I hate the way you think that this effect you have on me if enough to just fix everything. I hate that I'm even telling you all this. I hate-"

I paused, hesitated before my final words fell from my mouth. I took a few small step back, away from his body as I gathered myself. I needed to be level headed when I spoke, I needed him to take me seriously and not think that another soft moment on his behalf was enough to get me to change.

"You. I hate you."

I did I hated him, the was he spoke, the way he walked around, the way he thought he had control of me- even though he did. I hated the way he looked at me, the anger he brought to me; I hated the way he made me feel. So much that It all just busted out.

My words screamed out in the air, catching us both by surprise again. We were both frozen in out spots for a second before something filled the air. It grew thick, eerie, and full of want. Our eyes were burning into each others, his burning with anger and I knew mine would be a mirror image.

"I hate you." I repeated, something about the mood between us made me feel like I needed to make it clear. But I don't think either of us were buying it.

As I spoke a slight glimmer of a smile flew over Jesse's lips and I knew what was coming, my heart like a magnet pulling me to him.

"Prove it"

I don't know who moved first, if we met in the middle or where either of us were standing. All I knew was that one second we were standing a meter apart, glaring at each other and the next second the distance was closed.

As the distance disappeared my hands raced to his neck, we had no patience no need for a dramatic lead up.

In a rush of limbs and anger, our lips found each other.