I can't rate this. I only made it as far as half-way through chapter 3 before I had to stop. Here are my notes.

Prologue - Okay so a fireball lands and he walks through a gate. Imagery with no substance. Doesn't even offer context or setting to the story.

Chapter 1 - So a guy is dumped in hell and spends just as much time claiming to be innocent and wondering why he is in hell as much time as he spends blaspheming, mocking, spitting insults, and saying "i deserve this" and "i deserve that" and "me me me". Is he actually that stupid or was he just dropped in before being judged and told how much of a shitty person he is? The wording half the time also is trying so hard to be flamboyant that it fails to make any sense. Many of the sentences read like "towards the magnet glorious plane the toaster paper You chalkboard to used!"

Chapter 2 - WALLS. OF. TEXT. BY GAWD. When you are being slapped in the face repeatedly and shoved into boiling water I am pretty sure you cannot manage to pull off 25 sentence paragraphs of speech in between slaps.

Then the level of contrivance is just astounding. A couple demons want to have a meeting and one acts like he doesn't know what the demonic items are, as if he isn't a demon, only to be revealed as one and therefore should know more than he lets on in private, and they cant be bothered to have even one security guard keeping watch to make sure the meeting is secure and just... wow. Are we supposed to take them seriously as half-way compotent?

The world building is also painfully forced. A little bit of it was fine in its execution, but this was like shoving an entire wiki in two paragraphs as, of course, the big bad retards have to be divulging all their plans for the next 20 years, along with their backstory, along with the entire worlds backstory, and all kinds of other stuff, OUTLOUD AS IF THEY DONT KNOW IT THEMSELVES BECAUSE SERIOUSLY WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO!!?, the one moment girly decides to spy on them from 2 feet away.

And then all the arguments just fail to make the slightest sense from their own perspectives. The human-skin-demon can't keep his act straight, public or private, what he is. The girl cant say one sentence that actually makes sense in the way she is portrayed because, fore a single example, if she actually believed she had the right to top-secret meetings (which she doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell of having even if her parents weren't human-skin-demons) then she wouldn't be sneaking, so just saying it was all around stupid no matter what her reason to say it was. Then we are trying to force backstories and prologues and "remember what i did to you?" stupidity into page-long paragraphs.

I was more confused after chapter 2 than before. This was pain.

Chapter 3 - So, lets recap. We just learned her parents were actually human-skinned-demons. We get obnoxiously long prologues and recaps and wiki-world building to learn that. And not only do they NOT kill her, but the first thing she does after being exiled onto the street is turn around and want to go back, with begging and puppy eyes and stuff. And she is like "i cant believe they would do this to me".

I'm just... I... no. No, in fact make that Hell no.

After the yelling stupidity of two idiots butting heads for 10 pages in page-long paragraphs, after the abuse, after the clear goal of genocide and with them being demon worshippers while she is (somehow, again this is one of many contrivances) a worshipper of God, this makes absolutely no sense. Even if we were to retcon it back and forth on whether or not they are human or human-skin-demons or human or human-skin demons or human or human-skin-demons and now say they were in fact fully human, then it wouldn't work. If they were demons this wouldnt work. Nothing. About this. Works. Period.

*sigh* okay lets press on.

So the girl walks off and follows a random bird. The bird flaps its wings and she loses her shit... basically entering an LSD trip for several paragraphs... What? The? Fuck? How does a bird flapping send her into an LSD dream?

And then we are laying on random desert sand and there happens to be a sorcerer. We arent even introduced to him. He is just introduced like "the sorcerer said hi" to which my first question is wtf, when did he get here. And he starts messing with her mediallion. which sends energy back to Venella's corpse (who is Venella, when did she die, and where the hell did a corpse come from??? ARE WE STILL IN THE LSD TRIP DREAM WTF IS HAPPENING!)

Dream ends and thank god because that was pain. But then she opens her mouth and her mother's voice comes out saying some stupid crap about orcs and backstory and exposition and the archduke is there talking to girl or mother... unless we just had a scene transition in the middle of the first girl opening her mouth. But no we didn't scene transition she somehow went from the front of the castle, to following a seagull, to an LCD trip about sand and lightning and fireballs, to sitting in corn, to a random archduke being there threatening to kill her mother while the mother is just rambling on about orcs and exposition, and instead of responding to the threat she chases after the old woman whose corn she sat in. And the old woman speaks to girly to tell her she isn't allowed to... speak... but despite not being allowed to speak to lesser people goes out of her way to speak to the girl to explain that and that she happens to be a clan matriarch (which is about as likely as being struck with lightning 3x, this is just cheap writing)THEN MAYBE DONT TELL HER YOU DUMBASS. This woman is really bad at oaths of silence. She can't stop talking. And the archduke is randomly gone as if his threat never happened. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or cringe from the pain.

The characters aren't actually characters but just want the moment needs them to be as empty puppets to get the story along, feeling things the author wants them to feel, saying what the author wants them to say, and NEVER actually being characters. There is not one character in this story. Just a bunch of puppets. No one is consistent with themselves. No one is consistent with what is being said from themselves to nor the responses given. No one is consistent with the actions of the scene. No one is consistent with the setting and rules of the universe and their place in it. No one is consistent in the knowledge they should and should not have. No one is consistent even in location as they teleport randomly in and out. We have random LSD trips, incompotence from everyone with every action they take, and just such raw random that I am more confused after things happen than before because there is never a time where anything happens in logical response to something else in such a way as if it was done by anyone with the intelligence higher than a houseplant. No one is moving towards anything, literally or figuratively. No one is in the present, reacting to the scene and event as it plays out, nor reacting to events that JUST HAPPENED with emotional responses that make sense in character as if they were actually alive and therefore relatable.

At this point the LSD trip she went into is less of an LSD trip than the stuff around it when she wasn't on an LSD trip.

Also when is the story going to start? We have had things happen to the characters, but we have yet for the characters themselves to actually do one thing nor make a single choice to lead them onto a journey. There is no agency. Its just stuff happening to them. This is just one long prologue.

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Okay so the author replied to my notes with some valid points. Namely that he feels I did not give him much to work with in my thoughts and give him much to work with. While I do think I gave him thoughts to work with, it clearly failed to be given in an understandable manner nor specific, nor offer solutions.

To be clear, I did read the DMs a while back. The DM basically says "this is the 4th in a series", "this is fantasy", and "this is unpolished". I do not mind either factoid but as a reviewer who needs to understand things I am working with my arms and legs tied behind my back when I am starting off 4th in a series, and I can't ask questions because I wouldn't even know what questions to ask. Nor should I approach this as if it is 4th in a series because when people pick up the book you have two kinds of people: 1. those that have read the previous. 2. new people who haven't. And if you ever hope to get people from #2, you need to address the readers and divulge information and place the setting in such a way as if it is not 100% necessary to have read 100,000+ words to get this far. Unless your specific goal and expectation is only for people who have read all 3 previous novels to be the ones to pick this up, in that case just ignore this review because you already have a fanbase enough to satisfy and I don't know why you are here. You don't need me nor anyone else to give any opinions. In addition I should not approach this as a 4th in a series because I do not believe any book, movie, or podcast should require information outside of itself to be able to function. Every story is a moment in history and a period in a person's life, in which there is stuff happening before and stuff happening after, so if we are to require outside information that would be infinite for every story ever written because who knows when that limit ends. A story should simply be able to exist unto itself. If they don't, then you have simply failed from the start with your goal.

Now the author seems like he dearly desires critique. I have never been addressed so fervently outside of people in my book club for this desire, so I will honor it with going into much much further detail. Prepare your buttocks this will take a while.

Prologue paragraph 1:

So we start off with a guy in first person view being transported to a location beneath the earth's crust via fireball.

What we learn:

Fireball man - 1. Because of the first person view we learn this is the main character. 2. He can sleep through anything. 3. He is tough as nails.

Prologue paragraph 2:

He looks at himself, sees himself in armor. Same armor as 'in life'. Something crashes nearby and he looks to it, but instead of seeing another fireball or anything having crashed, he instead sees a door with a lot of light coming from it. He walks through the door.

What we learn:

Fireball man - 4. bit of a moth. 5. Is dead. 6. Can touch the physical world while dead based on the impacting of "touching" the earth crust via fireball from before. 7. Wore armor, possibly a soldier. 8. has no attention span as he goes from investigating a crash to the next sentence going after doors. 9. is ignorant of what his body does 10. is extremely curious

So we have inconcistency. "unknowingly" makes no sense here in the same sentence as "curious" as one implies intent while the other implies ignorance. Either one works or the other, not both because without "curious" it is implied, but with "curious" it is told instead of implied and is made to be knowingly. It also does not make sense to look into what crashed but instead go after a door. If the goal is that his curiosity overpowered him, then that can work, but that is not what is written.

Chapter 1 Paragraph 1:

So fireball man finds himself in a dark cave. This is basic movement and setting of a scene. He jumps at everything. It is ominous.

What we learn:

Fireball man - 10. easily startled.

Location - 1. not good

Chapter 1 Paragraph 2:

More atmosphere setting.

What we learn:

Location - 2. sucks to be here

Chapter 1 Paragraph 3:

So a guy speaks. He finds the character disappointing, calling him by name. Why is he disappointed? Who knows! Perhaps we will find out.

What we learn:

Fireball man - 11. His name is Kueshango. 12. He disappoints people?

new Person - 1. thinks Kueshango did something wrong deserving of whatever 'this' is. 2. Knows Kueshango.

Chapter 1 Paragraph 4:

The first thing we have from the paragraph is confusion, yet he knows the guy by name, yet it ends on 'great curiosity'. He doesn't seem to have made up his mind if he knows this guy or not. If he is confused by what the guy says, this isnt made clear, but based on how the paragraph is done he is more confused by the person's presence than his words because of the increased confusion being made just from looking at him.

What we learn:

Fireball man - 13. Acts like he doesn't know who Nolann is. 14. Knows who Nolann is. 15. Does not know who Nolann is.

New Person - 3. Is named Nolann. 4. Doesn't know Kueshango. 5. Does know Kueshango. 6. Doesn't know Kueshango.

So right from the start here in paragraph 4 we have inconsistent knowledge. Either he knows who the guy is or he doesn't. Its fine to not know enough, but with the confusion being increased just by looking at guy the tells us he doesnt know who the guy is, but also he knows who the guy is because he names him. So which is it?

Chapter 1 Paragraph 5:

Nolann says some things about pitying him and something about mother of jesus said things a while back. He also causes the atmosphere to change just by existing. This isn't a follow up on the 'disappointing'. Its just something else where it seems he is condemned.

What we learn:

Nolann - 7. Thinks Kueshango doesn't deserve what is happening to him. 8. Believes this is pre-destined.

Mother of Jesus - 1. Exists 2. Can see into the inevitable future

Predestination - 1. exists as a concept and foundation of the universe

So again we have inconsistency. He starts off thinking the guy did something wrong, then immediately turns around and doesn't deserve it, at the same time as acknowledging pre-destination. The very concept of pre-destination makes both the pity and disappointment irrelevant as things that don't matter because choice doesn't exist and life is just nihilism, and this is in the same 3 paragraphs as having both deserving and undeserving being put on the main character.

This is a huge problem because the very foundation and introduction of these two characters is the word 'inconsistency'. Not only on their knowledge, but on their outlook.

It also doesn't address as a follow up to what was previously said about him being disappointing. Its like it never happened. Which isn't good. That makes it feel random, like he doesnt know what he just said two seconds ago.

Chapter 1 Paragraph 6:

So we have a reply. Kueshango wants to know where he is.

What we learn:

Fireball man - 16. Doesn't know where he is. 17. Is comfortable and trusting enough of Nolann or strangers to expect an honest and straightforward answer. 18. Doesn't like to reply to people, yet expects answers from them

While this is consistent character with his curiosity and exploration, which is good, this has nothing to do with the statements Nolann has made. These two are having completely separate conversations as if they are talking to themselves, which makes the point of conversation meaningless.

I think the author is trying to make it a reply, but it is worded as if it is its own thing. Something like "and just where is 'here'?" would make it a follow up, or anything addressing what is said. Or even a greeting.

Chapter 1 Paragraph 7:

Nolann gives some kind of expression I don't understand, and says something that makes equally no sense. I THINK he is saying that Kueshango is lying to himself, and should know where he is, which would annoyingly function as the first reply in the chapter, but then he makes some statement of about the man's testicles as if he is born from them or something. I have no idea what in the world in being said here. I'm confused.

Nolann - 9. is willing to call Kueshango a liar

Chapter 1 Paragraph 8:

So he starts off with "my thoughts had been confirmed" despite no thoughts being given. In fact, the opposite, he is been portrayed in private to have no thoughts, conclusions, or facts because everything has been "unknowingly" all the way back from the prologue and there has been no follow up wording to change his state of ignorance with even the slightest suspicions.

Then we get something about being a slave to Nether Realm and he almost has a panic attack.

What we learn:

Nether Realm - 1. Exists. 2. Is this current location? 3. has a nation called a 'society' within it

Fireball man - 16. Knows Nether Realm universe and the society in it. 17. Is familiar with this location without necessarily having been here

So this is inconsistent knowledge as it has never been given that he was even suspicious of what this location was despite having been familiar with the idea of it, and supposedly having "thoughts" about it. I want to say that it isn't too bad as he just could be lying to Nolann about his ignorance and his thoughts and internal dialogue is kept from us, but you can't fake a panic attack. Thats not a lie to Nolann or himself. At most it can be "please not this place", but that is not the same thing as what he is accused of nor his state of ignorance being portrayed.

Chapter 1 Paragraph 9:

Fireball man asks why he is here and claims innocence and treats this place like a jail. He is also apparently... in a room. When did that happen? Wasn't it written as a basic cavern tall enough for statues and for a guy to sit on something tall? Unsure, but can roll with it.

What we learn:

Fireball man - 18. forget he walked through the door leading to the room/cavern. 19. believes this to be unjust. 19. possibly an idiot

predestination - 2. Does not exist as a concept and foundation of the universe?

Door from prologue - 1. whacks people with a Forget-Me-Stick?

So this is just all around bad. It makes the universe concepts inconcistent as a foundation that are still being established as rules, and for some reason he forgets he got here by his own volition walking through a door. No one made him go through the door. there was no one else there holding his harm and shoving him in. The door did not grab him. There was an entire universe of possibilities to walk towards isntead of the narrow passage that makes up the door's width. There was even a nearby crash in the prologue that initially drew his attention, but much like my own ADHD/autistic brain on sweet tea, lost interest and made the choice to explore a door.

He is here because it is his fault. this is established, which was further established by both the disappointment and the pity in a way because the former implies its his fault and the pity implies he doesnt deserve to be here, both of which would work if he was just here because of exploration. However, this is also destroyed as a fact by predestination, which was established as something that is a foundation from a super-powerful being that is of big importance and not just superstition by a random nobody who doesnt know anything.

Chapter 1 Paragraph 10:

So Nolann continues calling him a liar to claim innocence, says he was warned and refused the warnings, and then lays down the punishment for his mistakes. The mistakes listed are vague, but seem violent and prideful in nature. But offers a way out via a tournament after he dies (again?).

What we learn:

Nolann - 10. Is willing to call him a liar. (again) 11. says it is his fault 12. is very loyal to his leader 13. is willing to tell people punished by his leader how to escape punishment