Smashing is the only lift you need to get these gains!

TLDR; Distopian school and a lesson in consistency.

Plot: Massive Disappointment -

Order. Community. Security. Civilization. Logic. Striving for self-discipline. Often represented by men.

Chaos. Anarchy. Freedom. Nature. Emotion. Striving for self-worth. Often represented by women.

Stories depicting the two polar opposite concepts has never been something lacking in media. The very first story in history, The Epic of Gilgamesh, told a story depicting the god of order and god of chaos as beings slaughtered by their children and civilization and earth being made out of their corpses. Even back then there has been an understanding that life, and especially developing children, requires moderation and balance between two extremes for us to exist and fulfill needs. The most modern take on this being Godzilla, global warming based apocalypses, and utopia horrors. These first two depict nature rising up due to an imbalance and the third shows the horror of the imbalance when there is no balancing force.

On the opposite end you have westerns, countless super hero depictions, and Star Trek showing the necessity of order for civilization and peace.

Similar to another story I reviewed, "You Must Remember This" by . This story is well in keeping of this philosophical debate and tradition of examining the necessity for balance between them and the dangers of extremity with a school setting. Only where "YMRT" showed the development of a community towards this extreme state, "Everett" shows it in its completed state and could act as a sequel.

The story follows Everett. All he knows is The Community, but something as small as rumors and gossip and myths and legends plant the seed for him to seek more, which ultimately puts him in trouble with an extremely ordered society that denies the existance of anything more than itself and gives no purpose, no goal, no future for him to put his energy toward. He is punished by being placed into a school to be re-educated and brainwashed on principles of The Community, however, just as he begins his descent into being a sheep, the myths he held onto reveal themselves and he embraces that concept of a goal and future denied to him where he can, for the first time, have something to put his energy to.

The plot overall is very fast paced, yet gives time to moments of significance to keep the foundation of the story solid and you don't lose your footing. Many stories that try to be as fast paced as this one often throw you into the wind, but the author here managed to root you down and cuts away the nonsense.

The story is amazingly predictable. It never has surprises. If you have read even 1 story or show or movie within the genre, then you can see everything coming from a mile away. Yet, while predictable, it isn't boring. It knows how to work within the genre, keeps the story short, simple, solid, and goes through the recipe like its a checklist while being smooth enough to keep it from feeling like an outline. This story offers a very good introduction for anyone new to the concept, but, to its detriment, probably will not offer anything interesting for anyone who is well read in the concept.

There is a palpable tension as soon as shit hits the fan and it doesn't let go as punishments of different sizes are given and can be given for any reason. And this tension is exploited beautifully because the characters are intelligent, both ally and enemy, and to a good degree it becomes a game of cunning and shadows.

All of this is the first half. The second half... is another matter.

The punishments in the second half make absoutely no sense. Being out at dark is whipped. Harsh. Gossiping involves branding and something mysterious leads to death. Harsh. But burning down an entire building involves... camping? What? This is inconcistent. Then characters act like death is coming to them for no reason when someone else submits to having done it and there is no sign, whatsoever, that ANYONE thinks it was the character.

And this is just the beginning. The second half of the story makes absoutely no sense, pretty much at any time. The characters, , go down to the intelligence of a hot potatoe and their conversations are contrived, forced, and work together about as well as two 1-year olds having a screaming rant. Neither person knows what they themselves are saying, has no reason to say it, aren't listening to the other people, nor are replying to anything the other person is saying.

Two examples.

Example 1. Everett has the Community. To him, the community is normal. It is his starting standard. The school is a lesser standard of freedom, so he feels caged by it and wants to return to the community, even though we, as outside readers, know it is hardly better. Then he goes to a place that offers freedom of expression, of thought, that offers a goal and future, things that belong to him that he can call his own instead of being owned by the state, GREAT food, as much time to eat as he wants, where he can move and speak as he wants with the only condition of an escort because, AS HE IS GIVEN THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING EXPLAINED, there are sections of the facility that are secret and sensetive. And this RETARD has the audacity to go "so I am a prisoner".

As soon as he said that, near the beginning of the second half, I was about ready to step away because it was so mindnumbingly stupid it was painful.

For someone who is used to anarchy, to living his own life in the wilds, doing what he wants as he wants it when he wants it without restraint, then the concept of being escorted around or any rooms being locked away to him might feel like a prisoner. Like cats. Cats dont like closed doors in my experience. But Everett, from his perspective, should be overwhelmed by the vast amount of freedom being given and instead his perspective, rather than be natural, is forced, contrived, and shoved down our throat, for no damn reason, by the author's perspective instead of the characters with all the grace of a fist i am made to gag on.

Example 2. Everett proves to be useful, insightful, and intelligent. He doesn't offer much because what he does offer is already known by people who have been in the game longer than him, but the very fact that he offers what he does on the same level as people by far his senior should be impressive. This is good. He offers his services to them. Good. He doesn't want to fight. He is not a physical fighter, he is a thinker. He even says this. Good. Then they are like "okay we gotta kill you."

RETARDS. ALL OF THEM.

This is again, forced, contrived, inconsistent, and makes no sense. The entire first half of the story was based on these very attributes. Intelligence, cunning, self-control, stealth, planting seeds, whispers, observing. The only reason they got as far as they did is because of brains and observation. This is not a conflict of punching each other, but of strategy. Then, for no reason, the very strengths they have used and utilized go out the window.

And even if it wasn't a conflict of strategy, anyone with half a braincell would know an army has more than soldiers that can hit their faces on rocks. This includes the marines who have a reputation for being dumb. You have officers who train and lead. You have cooks. You have maintenance that clean and take care of equipment. You have spies and intelligence. If anything, 90% of their forces should be entirely based on taking care of their little community with basic services, like farming, 9% on spies and intelligence to allow the remaining 1% to know where to hit with the most efficency and escape with their lives and hidden.

But no. Lets just have the intelligence of a houseplant. For no reason.

This is just two examples.

I wish I could say this was the extent of how utterly bad the second half became, but no, it never stops. Chapter. After. Chapter. All the way to the end. It was painful. Not just because of how bad it became, but because of how good it could have been because the first half plot, on its own, was 5/5 and then the second half decided to see how bad it could be as if it was a stupidity contest. 1/5. I swear to god its a different author. I cannot rationilize in my mind how a second half this bad, from the standpoint of the first half, is POSSIBLE.

Between a jaw-dropping and tense first half, and a brainless, dogshit second half, I am only disappointed.

Main Character - Semi-Smashing - The main character is Everett, namesake of the story. He is smart, hungry for any freedom of the mind, and is afraid of being a mindless sheep. These three things work very well together. He comes off a bit more mature than I would expect for a kid his age, but I think that is due to his upbringing and culture, so already from the beginning of him as a character you see a noticable effect of the story. Over time he grows noticably as he sees hope and, with just the idea of it, holds on to his sanity and even thrives to become a decent agent and spy without even knowing it. Even the smallest amount of formal training by more experienced agents would show how much of an expert he is, as he knows by heart the different sides and how they think and how to use it to his advantage.

Then the second-half happened...

Still, he is a decent character, but I can't call him a good one, just because of how much sabatage was done to him as a character by the second half.

Side Characters - Semi-Smashing - The characters have variety and its all about the little things. Even as emotionally mute as the other is, the very use of beauty and decoration and small freedoms gives a sense of her being more than a mindless drone, if barely. The various friends little actions tell the story in itself and their place in it, with good payoff of it being portrayed accurately enough that if you pay attention you can find your predictions correct. People are intelligent and patient within a system tearing them down, holding on with no reason to rush things and ruin everything.

Aaaaaaaaand then the second half happened and everyone decided to stick their brains in the microwave and ruin their shown characters.

Grammar and Word Usage - Semi-Smashing: The story was, overall, well written. But it still has noticably more editing to do because of little things that stand out. Like you have ra][][ndom punctuation Buddhism and random words appearing in sentences. Nothing that can't be found with any basic grammar editor to scan the papers. However, I do think stuff like [this] is on purpose, which will just not be acceptable by any publisher if the author intends to publish the story in the future.

The use of word usage and the way things are portrayed and written is very consistent and helps offer the sense of the extreme-order or extreme-chaos areas that Everett finds himself in. Though I am pretty sure his perspective of what consitutes extreme-chaos would be rather biased with his experience and reflection of what freedom actually is (which isn't helped by his mindnumbing stupid question on if its still a prison).

Again. Second half of the story kicked in and made everything inconsistent and bad.

World Building - Semi-Smashing: The world is a lesson of sheer consistency. The descriptions, the actions, the dialogue, the choices, the characters, the way Everett thinks from our outside perspective, everything all comes together with a singular goal of giving a sense of the world around them. It doesn't beat you over the head with it by just repeating the same information, but mixes up the method of expressing the same fact to keep it fresh and keep you delving deeper and deeper.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand guess what? The second half became a lesson in being inconsistent. Not only being consistent within itself, but within both halves.

Overall I'd rate it 3/5. The strength and weaknesses are equally strong. Between a 5/5 first half and a 1/5 second half, this is the result of the whole.

I'm out with a smashing!

If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.