Before you go smashing always make sure it is loose and lively. It has to squeal when you go smashing!

Next story is "When Death Comes to Visit" by @GoldenWingz.

TLDR; A short epic quest to send death back where he came from.

Main Characters - cool, boring, and parasitic met at a bar - You have a couple main characters. Thanatos, Giorgio, and Isabella. Thanatos is the demi-god of death, Giorgio is one of Zues' millions of bastards, and Isabella is... her. Thanatos is interesting because he has a slightly similar feel to Lucifer DC. He looks down on everyone but is incredibly polite while blending in, and but while Lucifer is hilarious because he is sassy, Thanatos is so incredibly blunt and straight to the point that it is somewhat autistic (I am autistic so its not expressed as an insult) and that is also funny. Somewhat. I got the feeling it was meant to be comedic, but it didn't quite pull it off. All around he was interesting to follow. Giorgio was not interesting, pretty much at any point.

Giorgio has a fair motivation that sheds light on how characters view each other. Thanatos has so little giving-of-the-shits that he just swoops in and changes the kids life on a dime and buzzes off. There is a death threat, in multiple ways, because Thanatos' very presence is deadly to humans and he is going to be giving off the next mega-covid if they dont let him go home. Its funny because its all from Thanatos' perspective at this point.

But then when you jump to Giorgio's journey it all falls apart right from the start. I'd put it down to 5% writing, 15% weak narrative, and 80% Isabella. Her entire extinct is pointless except to make him look weak, sad, pathetic, and unable to do anything while she leeches away every possible good thing away from him. Every roadblock to the hero is solved by her right from the start. Every conflict, she solves before it begins. Every bit of information he could learn, she already knows. Every philosophical question or pondering goes out the window. Her very existence erases Giorgio because every time she did an action or spoke a word I wondered "with her there, what's the point of him?" She is solving this so easily she is turning into a mary sue and rolling out the welcome mat to him like he is royalty who needs everyone else to do all of his work. She handles the journey, the same journey legendary mythos have done, with 1% of the effort. It was as easy as walking down the sidewalk, and that... is just no. I got bored. Why is she even here? For woke political points to say you have a diverse set of characters? Its fair enough that her motivation is to meet mommy... I think... I dont even remember she was so boring, but with a story this short then it needs to be closely confined to only one or two main characters with all their respective relationships, conflicts, and journey and frankly, this isn't her story. If this is her story then she needs to be the one approached by Thanatos or be the one with the POVs. She would need vast improvement if that is the approach the author wants to take, but at least her entire existence won't be parasitic to the point of ruining Giorgio in taking him down with her into obscurity.

Side Characters - meh - There is a fairly large cast of side characters, like the entire Greek mythology apparently. They show up for all of two seconds and offer a bit of plot info or some narrative device then buzz off. Ultimately they offer absolutely nothing. The one and only exception is Thanatos' mother as she at least shows up more than once. Again, with the story this short, you need to be very careful on how many characters you cram into it. Imagine pouring a bowl of cereal and counting all the flakes as they fall out the bag and trying to name them all and have actual full characters behind them, each and every flake, and you will get an idea of what we talking about here. I don't mind a large cast, but either the side characters would then need to be combined into the same role and purpose and be 'group characters' or they need the time and space to have their own role, and that is not possible in this story due to its size... yet its exactly what the author attempts. you cant have your cake and eat it too. You cant have a 9-chapter story where every chapter takes 5 minutes to breeze through and except to be able to fit in 3 main characters and dozens of side characters.

Grammar - okay but wordy - The grammar worked. Its technically accurate. But its also so vastly wordy that what is already a short story feels like absolutely even less is accomplished because of the sheer amount of word space used on sentences that offer nothing. Its a lot of air.

World Building - Semi-smashing - Despite the rediculas number of side characters, the story they slowly reveal that is going on around them is mildly intriguing. Apparently there is some kind of war brewing, and this has direct relevance to why Thanatos is stuck, and you know what? That's damn cool. It comes up short though because it isn't really explored or developed. It doesn't shift or change or go into further stages. There is not much cause and effect nor impact from actions orchestrated by the main characters. It is hinted at, at most. Its enough to wet the appetite, but not enough to satisfy.

Plot - Semi-smashing - On a basic level outline the plot is pretty good. Death goes to his little god-corner on earth for a few days and returns to find the door is locked. With his presence bleeding more-literal-death rapidly into the world he decides to show up the gods with a little irony in employing a demigod to open it. So said demigod goes alone, only not really alone because of the parasite, to the underworld via the same usual path you hear of demigods taking to go to death's office and open a door. While waiting death gets a visit informing him that war is brewing and that's why the door is closed, and said demigod sees the army brewing. Death doesn't really take sides but waits until demigod opens the door to storm in and tell Hades and his mother that he doesn't want the war.

Problem is that the way the story handles this doesn't really make sense. Right from the start then why does Death care short of OCD? Why would Zues, who would want death back to keep Hades from winning, as it is crucial that hade's army doesn't grow with the reinforcements of the freshly dead, not seek him out to aid him? Why do all the gods who seem to know what's up be entirely apathetic? Why cant Thanatos just go through the cavern himself? The very fact that he doesn't tells me he doesn't care even a sliver if all of humanity dies and does this just as a jest, but at the same time he suddenly cares enough to take a side. Why would all of Thanatos' lieutenants turn on him? What journey is there for Giorgio to take beyond being babysat by parasite? Shouldn't Thanatos be at least 1% involved in the quest, or is this a story of them going separate ways? Because they seemingly have no relationship or contact with each other beyond "here is what's up now go fix it while I wait." Is this meant to be a comedy or an action story or a hero's journey or what is this meant to be? As comedic as it is for some things to run on electricity the fact that the portal seems to as well pulls me out of the story because it is just weird.

While I can easily continue to sit and poke holes into it, especially every step of the non-existent hero journey, the biggest question that hits me is why in the ever living hell would Thanatos' position alongside Giorgio as his benefactor/sponsor be replaced by a parasite whose entire existence renders him mute? I was mind-numbingly bored by the journey. Not because of the journey itself but because of what she did to it.

A journey devoid of conflict or growth because of a parasite and no relationship between god/demi-god beyond "go do this thing" renders this story to have no character or character growth that I could find outside of one or two comedic moments at the start for Thanatos. It is entirely a story based on its actions rather than characters, but those actions have no weight either because of the lack of cause-effect, and the weight or value of any characters we care about to whom it affects. Nor is this a hero's journey because there is no antagonist or conflict. Not only is there no conflict because of the parasite-girl but there is LITERALLY no antagonist. None. At all. And with a hero journey being only as good as its antagonist... Well, that's a problem. And just merely closing a portal isn't enough to be an antaganist, though it is a nice start, but they need to be actively involved and offer a philosophy opposite to and contrasting the hero.

Overall I'd rate it 2 smashing out of 5! I like the potential of what the story does as it can be a nice comedy/action hero journey between Thanatos and Giorgio, but the story goes out of its way to shoot itself in the foot in every conceivable way with a parasite taking away the entire journey and no antagonist to offer conflict.

I'm out with a smashing!

If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.