《Ancient's Smashing Reviews》Camp Little Willow - @MayaClaridge
Advertisement
This is why I never go camping! Screw camping! Pack up boys, we're going smashing!
This week I took some time to read some of 'Camp Little Willow' by .
TLDR; A lovely teenfiction promising adventure, friendships, comedy, and potentially drama later.
Main Character: Smashing! - The MC starts off strong out the gate. Right from the word 'go' you are given some problems, likes, dislikes, impressions, and reasons for drama. This is immediately capitalized on by the other characters and the MC starts making choices that help you come to understand her as a character. There could be more exploration of other aspects of her character and make her interactions more unique with the different side characters, but that is more a fault of the side characters and world building than her.
Side Characters: Mixed bag - The SCs are a mixed bag. There are many of them. While many side characters are good, it is a problem when they are not given unique roles, characteristics, and positions relative to the MC. You have mother. Great. You have aunt. Great. You have goofy peer. Great. You have roommate. Great. Then you also have peer 2, peer 3, peer 4, and possibly peer 5. Can't tell because at that point they blend together, and that's a problem. When I think back on the story half of the side characters disappear as they basically fulfill the same roles and meaning in the story. Half of them are great and make me look forward to more interactions, but the other half make me scratch my head and struggle to remember who they are as the 'first impression' of them doesn't exist. More variety amongst them in characteristics and roles, and more meaningful first impressions would help cement them. This wouldn't be a problem if they were just guest SCs who are there for 1-2 paragraphs or a single arc like the cooks, but I get the feeling they will be used more.
Advertisement
Grammar and word usage: Minor problems at best - There were a few instances of minor problems like punctuation, but nothing that gave me any problems. There was no confusion at any point with what was written. Only noticeable if you are paying attention closely.
World Building: PAAAAAAAAAAAIN!! - Here is the story's single biggest problem. Everything else is minor and insignificant in comparison. The world building was solid at first. Later there is also promise of good stuff as there is a conflict between two forces over territory that is very meaningful and personal to the characters. Thats great, that's beautiful! But the MC and the world building is shot in the foot by how every single flash back, none of which seemed to have an ounce of meaning, is done through telling, not showing. Characters are presented that aren't in the story, but existed some point in the past, and the MC just decides to information dump me with flash backs about characters that seem to have no relevance, that don't exist in the story, and the events flash-backed-to seem to have no affect past-present-or-future on what is happening. I was sucked out of the story painfully, and this happens multiple times. This world building is so painful because it offers things that are good but also things that are equally painful to read through.
Plot: Smashing! - The plot is solid. The pacing is fast. Right from the first paragraph you are given impressions and everything works off of that. There is a bit of time early on (The entirety of chapter 2) where the plot seems to scid to a stand-still, but it resumes immediately after, with an ever faster pace, with adventure, fun, comedy, and pranks. And I love me some pranks! :D At first glance the story looks like a casual, cute sitcom, but after a few chapters there is promise of something deeper and bigger going on that makes me all the more curious.
Advertisement
Overall I would rate this a 3 smashing out of 5!
If the flashbacks are done to be more showy and relevant to the story, or just removed, then I would easily see this being 4/5. The pacing easily keeps my attention at the same rate the flashbacks threw me out, and even though half of the side characters kinda disappear into the masses the main character is interesting and personally invested into the adventure, which really is solid work.
I'm out with a smashing!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
Advertisement
- In Serial30 Chapters
Children of Danu, People of Skill Book 1. (LitRPG/Gamelit)
Hi all, this is my first attempt at fiction ever. I'm sure it's awful, first attempts at new things usually are. Hopefully you can find something you like in it. I had a great deal of fun writing it. It's a basic Litrpg/Game, God sends you to a new world to do their bidding plot. I Know I did too much telling and not enough showing. I'm working on that. The underlying system is one haven't seen or done much. a full Point Buy system, like Gurps, Champions or the Hero system. After writing it a while, I see why folks don't do it. The record keeping is tedious. And once you start doing math in subsequent chapters, you can't go back and add more action, just because you dread redoing all the math. I've got about 80k words written in two "books" on the novel so far. I'm going to edit chapters and try to drop a couple a week till it's finished. Hopefully that will work for folks. I need to punch up the amount of action. I'll be working on that as well. Thanks, Cal-P.S> The cover art is one of the two CIrce Paintings By Waterhouse.
8 300 - In Serial9 Chapters
I Want To Die, Let's Isekai!
"Today will be my final day in this dull world." Our delusional main character wants to die to escape reality! Aoki Kaito, a young Japanese student and also the self-proclaimed number one fan of his favorite anime, "Bane of Tartaros" suddenly started to question his existence and reality itself. Things start to go wild as he, alongside the school idol, Ueno Sana, are sent to the very same world of "Bane of Tartaros"! Now, our delusional main character wants to become that world's greatest adventurer ever! Will things go smoothly for him?
8 192 - In Serial47 Chapters
The Concerto for Asp and the Creali Orchestra
Making a wish on her fourteenth birthday, Anya had no idea it would come true… literally the next day! She gets transported to a magic world inhabited by strange and dangerous creatures. Will she survive her fairy dream gone scary? The novel is being published in four installments:Part I: AllegroPart II: Adagio Part III: Scherzo Part IV: Finale
8 115 - In Serial18 Chapters
The Deviant Path to Olympus
491BC Ancient Athens. Gaiana was raised as a slave her whole life, she knew nothing more than a life of servitude to her master and his son. For her, this life was predetermined since the day she was born. But as the threat of war looms ahead, with a Persian military prepared to conquer the Greek Peninsula, Gaiana soon discovers that her destiny is far greater than the will of any mortal man. As a vast empire prepares a military campaign across her homeland, Gaiana enters the playing field with the powers of Gods, ready to defend her people against the imminent threat. She will travel, grow, and learn what it means to wield the powers of a deviant, and to use these powers against supernatural forces that exist beyond anyone's understanding. This is Gaiana's path, a Deviant's to Olympus.
8 122 - In Serial12 Chapters
How to get to #1 on Wattpad - Hints and Tips
I managed to get to #1 on Wattpad for Fantasy as well as Adventure in a month and a half. After four months, I had 1 Million reads and a year later I had 5 million. I worked really hard and have been very lucky, but I'm sure that following these simple rules helped a lot!
8 130 - In Serial14 Chapters
The Second's Second Chance
People often forget that Hiraishin is a space time technique. It can affect time alongside space. What awaits Tobirama Senju as he is sent fifty years into the future by a misfired Hiraishin?
8 67