《Ancient's Smashing Reviews》Camp Little Willow - @MayaClaridge
Advertisement
This is why I never go camping! Screw camping! Pack up boys, we're going smashing!
This week I took some time to read some of 'Camp Little Willow' by .
TLDR; A lovely teenfiction promising adventure, friendships, comedy, and potentially drama later.
Main Character: Smashing! - The MC starts off strong out the gate. Right from the word 'go' you are given some problems, likes, dislikes, impressions, and reasons for drama. This is immediately capitalized on by the other characters and the MC starts making choices that help you come to understand her as a character. There could be more exploration of other aspects of her character and make her interactions more unique with the different side characters, but that is more a fault of the side characters and world building than her.
Side Characters: Mixed bag - The SCs are a mixed bag. There are many of them. While many side characters are good, it is a problem when they are not given unique roles, characteristics, and positions relative to the MC. You have mother. Great. You have aunt. Great. You have goofy peer. Great. You have roommate. Great. Then you also have peer 2, peer 3, peer 4, and possibly peer 5. Can't tell because at that point they blend together, and that's a problem. When I think back on the story half of the side characters disappear as they basically fulfill the same roles and meaning in the story. Half of them are great and make me look forward to more interactions, but the other half make me scratch my head and struggle to remember who they are as the 'first impression' of them doesn't exist. More variety amongst them in characteristics and roles, and more meaningful first impressions would help cement them. This wouldn't be a problem if they were just guest SCs who are there for 1-2 paragraphs or a single arc like the cooks, but I get the feeling they will be used more.
Advertisement
Grammar and word usage: Minor problems at best - There were a few instances of minor problems like punctuation, but nothing that gave me any problems. There was no confusion at any point with what was written. Only noticeable if you are paying attention closely.
World Building: PAAAAAAAAAAAIN!! - Here is the story's single biggest problem. Everything else is minor and insignificant in comparison. The world building was solid at first. Later there is also promise of good stuff as there is a conflict between two forces over territory that is very meaningful and personal to the characters. Thats great, that's beautiful! But the MC and the world building is shot in the foot by how every single flash back, none of which seemed to have an ounce of meaning, is done through telling, not showing. Characters are presented that aren't in the story, but existed some point in the past, and the MC just decides to information dump me with flash backs about characters that seem to have no relevance, that don't exist in the story, and the events flash-backed-to seem to have no affect past-present-or-future on what is happening. I was sucked out of the story painfully, and this happens multiple times. This world building is so painful because it offers things that are good but also things that are equally painful to read through.
Plot: Smashing! - The plot is solid. The pacing is fast. Right from the first paragraph you are given impressions and everything works off of that. There is a bit of time early on (The entirety of chapter 2) where the plot seems to scid to a stand-still, but it resumes immediately after, with an ever faster pace, with adventure, fun, comedy, and pranks. And I love me some pranks! :D At first glance the story looks like a casual, cute sitcom, but after a few chapters there is promise of something deeper and bigger going on that makes me all the more curious.
Advertisement
Overall I would rate this a 3 smashing out of 5!
If the flashbacks are done to be more showy and relevant to the story, or just removed, then I would easily see this being 4/5. The pacing easily keeps my attention at the same rate the flashbacks threw me out, and even though half of the side characters kinda disappear into the masses the main character is interesting and personally invested into the adventure, which really is solid work.
I'm out with a smashing!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
Advertisement
- In Serial43 Chapters
Sand (Hiatus-2/01/18)
‘If you can survive the trials of treading a million nails, would you still go? If you are willing to encounter death at every step, dreading the next, are you still willing to enter? If you leave and experience the trials further still, would you do so? If you find yourself being pursued by everyone and everything, chasing you down to the edge of the cliff, would you jump to certain death or fight back and be labeled as a monster? You can choose whether or not you want to change your life right at this doorstep. If you do say no, then nothing will happen to you. If you say yes, then your life will change. Succeeding will bring you great power. And if you fail, then you will be enslaved within Oblivion for eternity. What is your answer?’ Tus heard the ancient voice that sounded like sandpaper as he stared at the altar with the land and sky frozen in motion. The words repeated themselves over and over again, forcing him to answer without the chance of taking it back. Armed with a borrowed sword and cheap armor that looked like wood, he said aloud without hesitation, “Yes!” The altar hummed, a green light flickered in the surroundings, and Tus ceased to exist.
8 196 - In Serial18 Chapters
The Calling: Awakening
Irnoc is a young street rat just trying to survive in a world where mystical beings are summoned to obey the will of the Priests. When a burglary goes wrong Irnoc and his best friend Cat gets sold into slavery. Irnoc makes a daring escape during a monster attack and awakens some of his latent abilities, only to be picked up by the priests of Corana as he wandered the desert. All with power must be trained, and all Callers must belong to the temple, so it’s follow or die. The priests aren’t the only ones that Want Irnoc for their plans, and Irnoc has plans of his own, he must rescue Cat from a fate worse than death, a brothel slave.
8 105 - In Serial21 Chapters
Steam's Shadow
In a world where humanity hasn't advanced beyond the technological use of steam and gas, a young detective together with his partner travel to make sure that noone missuses this simple source of power.Due to this they get their hands on information on some things better left unturned. -------------This is an Ongoing story of mine, which will receive a new Chapter every month for now. Depending on the input of you readers the number may be increased. http://i3asil.tumblr.com/ https://www.wattpad.com/user/I3asil These are the other places where you can follow me and read my stories too. Thank you for reading!
8 188 - In Serial25 Chapters
Sonata Jackson: The journey of a female soldier
Sonata Jackson had a rough life and thinks military life can help her move on. Only for her to do jobs that she never thought she would do.
8 129 - In Serial16 Chapters
✨【DETOUR SEVEN】✨ // JJBA Villains
7 men from different timelines (and universes) took a slight detour at the end of their lives. Fate had taken an unexpected turn for them, transporting them to an entirely different time and world.Is this a second chance? Do second chances even exist in the first place?Read to find out how they adapt to their new lives, figuring out ways to blend into society in an entirely different universe.How will they survive in this society?ON HIATUS FOR NOW----[ A JJBA Villains fanfic]---JJBA and its characters belong to Hirohiko Araki.
8 113 - In Serial41 Chapters
Can Hurt Heal
LaNyiah 20 about to be 21 aka Nae, Just wanted her life back to normal. Well it was never normal once she hit her freshman year of college. Major pieces of her were already broken and then a part of herself was shattered and stolen along with the murder of her parents. She has a sister 19 about to be 20 that is all she has left. She shuts everyone else out but what happens when a gorgeous chocolate man tries to break her shell. Will the truths that come forth hurt her worse or help her heal.Tynia is 18 about to turn 19 and she has insecurities but will she face them or let them consume her and kill her will for life and love. She hides it well as she's lively and a social butterfly. She has an older sister whom is quiet and shut off but she notices it only happened once she went to college. Nia wants love but will her insecurities stop her or will she step out of her comfort zone. Her parents were murdered and it almost silently killed her but her sister was her life line that kept her pushing. Will she also heal?The only way to know the answers to those questions is to dive right in the story. . .
8 219

