《Ancient's Smashing Reviews》The Bad Girl is an Agent - @dreamermin36
Advertisement
With the world going to shit these days, people being quarantined, no one taking it seriously, and the dinosaurs coming back, it is important to keep smashing!
This week I took the time to read a few chapters of The Bad Girl is an Agent by .
TLDR; A crime mystery tragedy romance, I think...
Grammar and Word Usage: Not her primary language - Right from the start this single trait has the most profound influence on the entire story. English is not her primary language. Technically the story is grammatically correct, most of the time, but the word usage clearly is based on a different language with a different structure and way of thinking than someone who is a fluent English speaker. This is a problem as it forces the readers to read the same sentence 3-4x, again and again, to understand what is being expressed. This allows no flow and ripples through everything else.
Plot: A mess - The plot is messy and lacks clarity. There seems to be little purpose on first glance to the scenes. Why are people there? What are they doing there? Who are they? Where are they? When are these mystery people doing something I don't know the reason to? Nothing is explained from start to finish. Then there is no explanation of transitions between locations. What little bit of a plot I can piece together do not make cohesive sense. It may say what they do and what the reason is for some (not all but only some) choices, but even then it makes no sense. Its like a story of cross country from Asia to Europe by walking where the motivation is an expiring coupon for Taco Tuesday. I am more confused after I finished than when I started because the facts and reasons and dialogue do not match.
Advertisement
Character: Half and half - The story starts off well. The first chapter is solid characterization but after chapter one it... isn't. I can understand one character because everything to know about him to start off is given when you meet him. The other characters, not so much. Things just happen and, as I said with the plot, there is no explanation. You have internal dialogue without substance. The dialogue feels like another language because, even though it is technically English, the word usage and word structure is confusing.
Overall I would rate this 2 smashing out of five!
The story is rough. The most basic premise of the story looks promising but it feels very unpolished and needs clarity, additional drafts and work, and maybe even beta readers, before that story can be brought out to shine. It has potential for 3/5 or even 4/5 if it improves by leaps and bounds.
The author is not a native English speaker. So I give her full kudos for learning a whole new language and writing a story that uses English in what is technically correct. However, her limited vocabulary and experience limits the story and keeps it from flowing naturally.
Let's smash on out of here!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
Advertisement
- In Serial72 Chapters
The Court of Souls?
Author's Comment: I was asked about reading my work on other sites. The answer is simple: Currently I am not active in any other networks than royalroadl.com. Only here, I correct mistakes and errors. If you read it anywhere else and have to pay for it, or have to deal with an annoying amount of advertisement, You Are Being Betrayed. You would do good if you make other people in that network aware of it. This is a free project of mine for the purpose of having fun. And if people try to make money with it you shouldn't bother visiting their website. The only one whom I actually allowed to have my work on his website is Armaell who invested the time to compile them into pdf. (http://armaell-library.net/author/andur) ——————————————————————————————— Reading Order of the Multiverse-Books ——————————————————————————————— What do we talk about tonight? ~“How about a story?”~ Fine by me. Which story? Hopefully a good one. ~“There was once a lonely child in a world filled with myths, gods and demons. Only power counted there and the weak were worse than cattle. A world where survival of the fittest ruled.”~ Was it strong then? ~“No, but the child had a power. One that made him stand between light and darkness. Nothing could escape him, so he was shunned by his people.”~ What did he do? Did he fight his fate? Did he hide his power? What was it? ~“Oh, he fought. He fought a lot. And no thing could escape his power. It was something that everyone had to live with.”~ So he became a hero and changed the world? ~“…”~ Tell me. ~“Nooo, that's not how the story goes. This isn't a story of a noble man, doing good amidst a sea of monsters. This is a story of a demon who was... kinder than the rest.”~ A kind demon? How boring. ~“I think it would be better if I tell the story, so you can judge for yourself.”~ So tell the story!
8 145 - In Serial37 Chapters
Arcana
The ones who purge purgatories are called vessels. The world is full of vessels who seek the top so what if amongst them, you were powerless? Lantern Venick is a man full of weakness but for his family, he decides to set out and the adventure that awaits him is something he never imagined...
8 174 - In Serial8 Chapters
Re:Incubus
Cover: http://i.imgur.com/8lCACcS.jpgJoseph Akira, handsome, great at sports, smart, and a natural in martial arts, perfect in every way expect he's a narcissistic playboy, after a year in Tokyo he decides to get a job as a substitute teacher, he finally gets his dream job plenty of women to date and a way to earn the respect of his peers, only there is one problem he is caught off guard by one of the women he dumped a couple of months ago, and killed with his perfect life of beautiful women and being respected by others ruined, all looks hopeless into a blue haired devil god gives him the chance to start again in a new world.Will our MC claim his sweet revenge plus get his perfect life in the end, or will he fail? Find out now.
8 192 - In Serial100 Chapters
I'll become a villain in my next life
Why? I tried to help people but they just abandoned me! betrayed me! they don't want me to play hero!? then fine I'll be the villain" Those are the last words of 'Riruko Kaido' codename: Ragnarok, a level 5 Esper with the power to control matter and elements as long as has knowledge of the subject as he died from the hands of the very people he protects he was betrayed by his friends, abandoned by his lover, and sold out to the researchers by the very person he trusted...... follow Riruko Kaido as he live out his life in another world with a determination to become a villain....will he be able to maintain his word to become a villain? or will his past personality preserve the goodness in his heart? will he be a villain or a hero?
8 138 - In Serial32 Chapters
The Maple Leaf
A man held captive in a small room for decades had lost all hope of escape. One day a maple leaf, carried by the wind, enters his room through a small window - setting off a chain of events that give him the will to attempt a daring escape.After years of abuse, no outside contact, and total tyranny of his physical and metaphysical self - can he find a way to break free of the walls within his mind and the walls which surround him in reality?A story that explores the passage of time, good and evil, living with the concept of death, and the sheer power of one's will to survive.[Completed Novel - 45,000 words]
8 183 - In Serial6 Chapters
Dan's Birthday-PhanOneshot
Phil takes Dan on a lil birthday adventure.
8 169

