《Ancient's Smashing Reviews》The Bad Girl is an Agent - @dreamermin36
Advertisement
With the world going to shit these days, people being quarantined, no one taking it seriously, and the dinosaurs coming back, it is important to keep smashing!
This week I took the time to read a few chapters of The Bad Girl is an Agent by .
TLDR; A crime mystery tragedy romance, I think...
Grammar and Word Usage: Not her primary language - Right from the start this single trait has the most profound influence on the entire story. English is not her primary language. Technically the story is grammatically correct, most of the time, but the word usage clearly is based on a different language with a different structure and way of thinking than someone who is a fluent English speaker. This is a problem as it forces the readers to read the same sentence 3-4x, again and again, to understand what is being expressed. This allows no flow and ripples through everything else.
Plot: A mess - The plot is messy and lacks clarity. There seems to be little purpose on first glance to the scenes. Why are people there? What are they doing there? Who are they? Where are they? When are these mystery people doing something I don't know the reason to? Nothing is explained from start to finish. Then there is no explanation of transitions between locations. What little bit of a plot I can piece together do not make cohesive sense. It may say what they do and what the reason is for some (not all but only some) choices, but even then it makes no sense. Its like a story of cross country from Asia to Europe by walking where the motivation is an expiring coupon for Taco Tuesday. I am more confused after I finished than when I started because the facts and reasons and dialogue do not match.
Advertisement
Character: Half and half - The story starts off well. The first chapter is solid characterization but after chapter one it... isn't. I can understand one character because everything to know about him to start off is given when you meet him. The other characters, not so much. Things just happen and, as I said with the plot, there is no explanation. You have internal dialogue without substance. The dialogue feels like another language because, even though it is technically English, the word usage and word structure is confusing.
Overall I would rate this 2 smashing out of five!
The story is rough. The most basic premise of the story looks promising but it feels very unpolished and needs clarity, additional drafts and work, and maybe even beta readers, before that story can be brought out to shine. It has potential for 3/5 or even 4/5 if it improves by leaps and bounds.
The author is not a native English speaker. So I give her full kudos for learning a whole new language and writing a story that uses English in what is technically correct. However, her limited vocabulary and experience limits the story and keeps it from flowing naturally.
Let's smash on out of here!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
Advertisement
- In Serial477 Chapters
Decide Your Fate Games - R.Malak
Visit the World of Coroleya, a land of pure magic, mystery, and mythical creatures. Tread the Path of a Hero or become the Villain who seeks glory and power. Battle for your right to exist! Read about its rich history, and enjoy some Fantasy Tales. Welcome to Coroleya. Best of luck and may the suns shine down upon you. Artwork from: https://6d6rpg.com/2009/10/13/fantasy-art-barbarian-warrior/
8 446 - In Serial29 Chapters
Kael Cor:A Vampire's Awakening
Kael wakes up in a prison cell, a newly turned vampire of the lowest ranks. A ravenant, he has no memories of who he was but was left to bask in the glory and bear the punishment of a life he doesn't remember. But in this world he finds himself Kael will have to strap up his boots if he should ever survive and escape the endless maze of dark tunnels where hundred of vampires and darkelves are slaves to humans, mining away for the whole of their immortal lives the magic metal oricahlum. But unknown to him a destiny and responsibility the likes of which has never been granted a vampire calls out to him from his bloodline, and from the eerie caves that served as his prison.
8 175 - In Serial92 Chapters
Wake Up As Mafia Boss
Aljen Mura, a decent and workaholic Gaming Manager, was celebrating New Year's Eve alone in the park but hit by a fireworks. Waking up from his bed and finding out he possessed one of the villainous character from his games because he got summoned by self-proclaimed "God". He wished to end the game fair and square by starting to end his family lineage and lived in this world free. Watch our protagonist as he tried his best to end his mafia life but accidentally made him infamous, increased his fame and became the World's most powerful and influencial man in the history of Italia.
8 252 - In Serial22 Chapters
The Strongest Species
Humanity won. In the war against the supreme dragons, humanity wrested victory from the literal jaws of the dragons. The strongest species lost their title and was cast down in history as ancient creatures, devoid of any civilization. Their cities, culture, and civilization were completely wiped out, with only the oldest of mages and greatest of anarchs remembering them. Humanity took the achievements of this immortal race and claimed it as their own. Humanity flourished. Now, a thousand years after the war, humanity has forgotten this primordial race. Unbeknownst to even the greatest of humanity's saints, the dragons did not lose to humanity just because of humanity. They had their own hand in their own defeat. But just like they were a cause in their own destruction, they will cause their rebirth without the help of any creature. The dragons will rise again. It's time to reclaim the title of the strongest species.
8 180 - In Serial43 Chapters
HER
you're just too good to be true... can't take my eyes off of you.
8 202 - In Serial24 Chapters
Queen of Darkness [Inter-Universal Protectors: Book 3]
There is a story among the Terpolite people: The Frozen Ones. They were the Guardians of the world, of their power, and were entrusted with a secret before their slumber. An old player of the game has returned to discover that secret and finally take their vengeance . . . It has been two years since the defeat of the Dark King Enliatu. While relations between the two God Worlds are strained, they are improving slowly but surely. However, not all scars fade. The rebellion against the new alliance is ever growing, threatening the newfound peace found. The War is far from over. The hunt is on for the next Dark Ruler, the new Guardian of the Silent Core. The fate of all the worlds in Creation rests with them, their power, and that of the Photon Ruler. Will the two Guardians be able to overcome their differences in strength, power, and history to come together and save the worlds, or will the old players be victorious? [This is my original work and I have made it available on Wattpad, Inkitt, Scribble Hub and Royal Road]
8 169

