《Ancient's Smashing Reviews》The Bad Girl is an Agent - @dreamermin36
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With the world going to shit these days, people being quarantined, no one taking it seriously, and the dinosaurs coming back, it is important to keep smashing!
This week I took the time to read a few chapters of The Bad Girl is an Agent by .
TLDR; A crime mystery tragedy romance, I think...
Grammar and Word Usage: Not her primary language - Right from the start this single trait has the most profound influence on the entire story. English is not her primary language. Technically the story is grammatically correct, most of the time, but the word usage clearly is based on a different language with a different structure and way of thinking than someone who is a fluent English speaker. This is a problem as it forces the readers to read the same sentence 3-4x, again and again, to understand what is being expressed. This allows no flow and ripples through everything else.
Plot: A mess - The plot is messy and lacks clarity. There seems to be little purpose on first glance to the scenes. Why are people there? What are they doing there? Who are they? Where are they? When are these mystery people doing something I don't know the reason to? Nothing is explained from start to finish. Then there is no explanation of transitions between locations. What little bit of a plot I can piece together do not make cohesive sense. It may say what they do and what the reason is for some (not all but only some) choices, but even then it makes no sense. Its like a story of cross country from Asia to Europe by walking where the motivation is an expiring coupon for Taco Tuesday. I am more confused after I finished than when I started because the facts and reasons and dialogue do not match.
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Character: Half and half - The story starts off well. The first chapter is solid characterization but after chapter one it... isn't. I can understand one character because everything to know about him to start off is given when you meet him. The other characters, not so much. Things just happen and, as I said with the plot, there is no explanation. You have internal dialogue without substance. The dialogue feels like another language because, even though it is technically English, the word usage and word structure is confusing.
Overall I would rate this 2 smashing out of five!
The story is rough. The most basic premise of the story looks promising but it feels very unpolished and needs clarity, additional drafts and work, and maybe even beta readers, before that story can be brought out to shine. It has potential for 3/5 or even 4/5 if it improves by leaps and bounds.
The author is not a native English speaker. So I give her full kudos for learning a whole new language and writing a story that uses English in what is technically correct. However, her limited vocabulary and experience limits the story and keeps it from flowing naturally.
Let's smash on out of here!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
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- In Serial7 Chapters
Grey
Thousands of years ago there was a great breaking of the world. Few alive have the knowledge of why this was necessary, but in the end, the world was split into two. On the one side, a person lived in a world of controlled technology and evolution. On the other, even the basest creatures can alter the world's path. Then came a boy named Icarus, who preferred Fern, and didn't particularly want to be there. This is his story, and how he became a fable told from one village to the next.
8 149 - In Serial16 Chapters
Vienna's Game
Seriously I got reincarnated into another world?! In front of my class nonetheless! As a teacher this is ridiculous, but at the same time, I get to stretch my legs again and enjoy my youth again, since I have the body of my young teenage self again, and I'm not afraid to use it! Except now I am stuck as a princess of the country that is nearing political turmoil... Well, I guess it's time to use my knowledge as a World History teacher to save this kingdom from plunging into civil war! As someone who is not from this world and has never learned how to talk back to their superiors, what could possibly go wrong?
8 117 - In Serial16 Chapters
The Legend of the [Place Holder]
The End came for me, I do not remember any of it though everything else has been engraved into my soul, or that is what I believe, for how else would I have perfect recollection of my previous world without carrying my brain over too? I was born to a happy family of 4 becoming their 5th member. I am the youngest of my siblings (obviously) and will remain the youngest for the foreseeable future. My mother is known as the Blood Tyrant to her friends and Talina of the Mists to her enemies. I personally think thats the wrong way around but what can I do about it? My father is a goofball with no apparent ambition or drive. His goal in life is to torment my mother and make the Blood Tyrant smile. There must be a good reason my mother keeps him around, I just don't know what that reason is. There is a secret hidden from me by my family and everyone else I meet in my little world. But little do they know that I am already aware of it. I may have been a crawling, bawling, eating, annoying, farting little poop factory but I was also aware of everyone around me, learning, watching, stalking. I learnt the secret kept from me and I will reveal it to you all. We have MAGIC and the biggest secret and the greatest crutch - ADMINISTRATION.
8 208 - In Serial16 Chapters
Zombies
This is one of three stories that I am offering as a test run. If you like it, then I'll choose to continue working on it. I have a whole plot line ready to explore! What can I say, I'm a sucker for rebirth, regression, and transmigration stories. This one is a regression story. The main character get's yeeted back in the past, to where the end began. Read on tortured souls as I do my best to break the weak, and sooth those who don't have a soul to break. I spent some time trying to make a story that explores all the gritty situations a resident of the apocalypse would encounter. Unfortunately, I do struggle with pace. I get just as impatient as you when I can't get to the next bloody encounter. But I despise OP characters, and I really wanna stop and explore the fascinating death of civilization. I write this in hopes of making a main character who get's to be the bad-ass I can't be, without, you know, skipping the good stuff.
8 171 - In Serial13 Chapters
The Overseer
The gods in this world have gone corrupt and rather from doing their duties, they have started fighting with each other for more power, as a result the creator ,the one who is responsible for the creation of everything including gods and devils, has gone infuriated with them. But there was a problem, he could not interfere between them directly, so, he summons Dante from another world, which was created by him too, and gives him the mission to correct everything and make sure that the world moves in the Right way, and he gives him the seed of "the overseer." Overseer is the title given to a person who supervise the entire world including gods and devils. This is the story about his journey as he battle his way to learn various universal laws and correct everything, and finally becoming the overseer. ( 1 chapters per week. Support me so that I can get some illustrations for this novel. )
8 192 - In Serial31 Chapters
Wot you sayin'?
One-shots centering on Joe and/or Dianne, but not necessarily Joanne
8 134
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