《Ancient's Smashing Reviews》Betrayal at Dragon's Bog - @thestormfallen
Advertisement
Behind every great woman there is a smashing! How can he shoot something so beautiful?!
Today's victim is Betrayal at Dragon's Bog by .
It is a short story that is completed. As such it will be reviewed differently. The reason being that most stories, despite being short at first, aim at something longer and the point of my review in following is to help them understand where they can go in the future going forward, but if a story isn't continuing then naturally I should adapt.
TLDR; Action-packed short for the imagination with plenty of mystery to tease, but don't expect answers or emotional resonance from the characters.
The story is packed to bursting with action and fighting. Dragons are always cool to have because really it is hard to mess them up. They are a force of nature unto themselves. Also, the language, grammar, word usage, and writing is incredibly visual and makes it easy to imagine it, to hear it, to live it. The world offers mystery as you have technology, magic, DRAGONS!, a medieval cardinal-commander, and possibly even sci-fi all mingled up in an interesting mess leaving me to wonder what time period this is, what universe this is, or if the overall larger scale story is a conflict between science fiction and magical fantasy. The story is not wordy but punctuates the moments one after another trying to fit as much into its small size as possible, while still successfully pacing the action to not be concluded as soon as it starts.
Unfortunately, the story suffers from advanced grammar issues. Not basic ones like punctuation and capitalization (though there is some of that too) but rather higher-level issues, namely the fact that you have multiple perspectives combined not only into one scene but into one paragraph. You jump from head to head like its playing hot-potato and that is very confusing. The story also suffers due to its short size to not really give us character resonance. It tries. It truly tries, and that is worth noting. But there isn't much emotional attachment one can get for a whole cast of separate characters in a single chapter, followed by 6.5 chapters of pure action. The action does utilize their personalities and beliefs in such a way that any good action scene should, and so that is very good, but when people die or live, I find I can't really care as the characters themselves mean absolutely nothing to me. The plot also suffers because, even after rereading it, the world and mystery isn't explored, the reasons for the action do not make sense, and the aftermath, though explained briefly, is left with me wondering where we are going anyway because I dont get where we started and how this action sequence affected things.
Advertisement
This story is a situation of 'dont think about it, just enjoy it'. It is like the difference between Pacman and Final Fantasy. Pacman has no plot, just enjoy the brainless fun. Final Fantasy is a deep story and characters at its core. Neither are bad but play to different strengths. This story is a short story with a clear objective to be fun, visually appealing, action-packed, and offer a nice fight with really cool elements attributed to it.
Unfortunately, I cannot help but be the kind that is CONSTANTLY thinking while I read. I love in-depth plot and characters that leave me theorizing what is going to happen next, so I may not have it enjoyed it as others would, but that doesn't mean I don't see its strengths and weaknesses.
Overall I would rate it 3 smashing out of five!
I'm done! So let's smash!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
Advertisement
- End996 Chapters
Rebirth of the Thief Who Roamed the World
The world’s largest VRMMO, Conviction, was almost like a second world for humanity. It had integrated itself into the real world’s economy, with both corporations and individuals seeking their fortunes through the game. In this game, Nie Yan prided himself in his Level 180 Thief. He could barely be considered among the top experts in the game. Though, that was the only thing he could take pride in. He was penniless and unable to advance in life; a situation he was forced into by the enemy of his father. If it weren’t for the little money he made by selling off items in Conviction, he would’ve barely been able to eat. In the end, he chose to settle his matters once and for all. He assassinated his father’s enemy. He lay dying shortly after being shot in the pursuit. However, that wasn’t the end of his story. Instead, he awoke moments later to find that he had reincarnated into his past-self. Armed with his experience and knowledge of future events, he sets out to live his life anew.
8 897 - In Serial2114 Chapters
God Emperor
Eight hundred years ago, a legendary man passed away. Zhang Ruochen, the son of Emperor Ming, was killed by his fiancée, Princess Chi Yao. Then, eight hundred years after his death, he came back, only to find that the one who had killed him had already unified Kunlun's Field and built the First Central Empire, and was now known as Empress Chi Yao… Empress Chi Yao—Her Majesty governed the mortal world and enjoyed prestige in all directions as well as an eternal life. Zhang Ruochen stood outside of the Imperial Ancestral Temple, looking at the statue of Empress Chi Yao, and the flames of hatred burned in his heart. “After I practice for 13 years, I shall send the empress to her doom!”
8 285 - In Serial8 Chapters
The Gambit
The kingdoms have rarely experienced peace, with kings and rulers warring against each other on any percieved slight. With explorers riding the waves to find new lands and merchants eager to set up trade routes while profiting as much as possible. Would the status quo still hold up? The veil is already weakining as more magic and horrors seep through the gap. How would the world deal with the sudden increase in the limited resource of magic? With the times changing, barren lands become trade hubs and the power shifts. The system holding it all together, is in a fragile balance, would a single death break the balance and cause the most devastating war the people have experienced. The direction of the story : The story will not contain any main protagonist, rather multiple protagonists and antagonists with the protagonists having bad some character traits and the antagonists some good ones. I plan to make a story of flawed humans, so if you are looking for OP MCs you would not enjoy it. But I still hope you give it a try. This is my first time writing and I am doing it to get better, so any suggestion or criticism is welcome. I am a university student, so do not expect a robust upload schedule, I'll try to put out 2 chapters a week, but there might be some delays. I apologize for it in advance. P.s. English is not my native language, so there might be some errors, though I tried to mitigate them as much as possible.
8 101 - In Serial20 Chapters
Chance Meetings
Three mages and their knight escort are sent to investigate a blight afflicting a village.
8 165 - In Serial21 Chapters
MLP FiM: The Hero of Equestria (MLP FiM x Male Pony Reader) (Season 1)
After 17 years of living on Earth, (Y/N) is sent to Equestria as an Alicorn pony and he along with the Mane 6 must overcome various adventures and lessons of friendship in life.Twilight Sparkle: Wow! Nintega, you sure are ambitious.The Nintega Guy: What were you expecting from me? A oneshot? No, no, no. This is a challenge I am willing to take and overcome soon enough.Twilight Sparkle: If you say so. So how long will all of your books be?The Nintega Guy: Let's just say the amount in the Golden Oak Library.Twilight Sparkle: *gasps* S-S-So much. . . reading! *faints from excitement*The Nintega Guy: Twilight? Twi? Eh, she'll wake up soon enough. . . I hope. Anyways enjoy Season 1 of my MLP FiM x Male Pony Reader story everyone.Disclaimer by Pinkie Pie: Nintega doesn't know MLP FiM, it is owned by our creators Hasbro. Now it's time for us to have a party with this book!The Nintega Guy: Who else but Pinkie Pie?
8 86 - In Serial19 Chapters
The New Mechanic (Gerard X Reader)
Working in a male orientated environment has always been dull....until a new trainee mechanic steps through the door⚠️ Contains Fluff/Smut ( because I can 😉)🥇1 = category "GerardwayxReader"
8 107

