Years gone by and here we lie

You're like my star, we've come so far

Age: 7 Year: 2004

"Nico?" Will whispered to his best friend, whilst they were lying in their pillow fort. "Your eyes look like stars. I want to marry someone with star eyes. My mama says every boy marries a girl whose eyes they love. I don't like girls. They're mean and pinch."Nico looked at his friend and whispered back: "I don't want to marry a girl either. Your eyes look like stars too. We could marry each other. We're already best friends."

Will smiled a toothless grin: "yes, let's do that! We could do it when we're both 25." "That's in..." Nico paused, and started counting on his fingers. "18 years. That's so long." He whined at Will but still smiled back. Will suddenly jumped up and out of the fort. "Let's tell my mama!"

The two ran down the stairs, to Will's mother who was cooking dinner. She smiled when the two boys ran into the kitchen, almost slipping on the floor. "What's wrong sweetie?"

"I'm going to marry Nico when we're 25!" the 'to' coming out as 'fo' because of his missing front teeth.

"Is that so sweetie? I thought you wanted to marry Lou Ellen?" she smiled, but thought: 'it's just a seven year old's fantasy, he'll get over this phase'.

"Mama I don't like Lou Ellen. She is nice but not as nice as Nico!" Will seemed certain, saying every word like he knew exactly what he was talking about. For all he knew, it was okay to marry a boy.

"That's fantastic dear. Now go play while I finish dinner." She flashed a fake smile at Will and Nico.

The boys ran away with not a care in the world.

Little did they know that would soon change.

Will you lay here? With me, my dear

When the sky is not so clear

Age: 10 year: 2007

"Will! Will, where are you?" When Will heard Nico screaming, he abandoned his game, and ran down the stairs.

Nico was sitting on the front porch of his best friend's house, head in his hands, and shaking uncontrollably.

"Neeks, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Did you fall off the swings?" Will hugged the smaller boy closer, and let him sob into his shoulder.

"It's mama and Bianca. Last night they went to the shops, and didn't come back. I asked papa, and he said they're not coming back. Never." He broke down again, sniffling, and clutching his friend's shirt.

Will soothingly rubbed his back. The sun had started to set.

"Will, dinner!" Nico looked up at the blonde, his eyes pleading him not to leave him.

"Mom, can Nico stay over?" Will's mom came onto the front porch. She looked between the two boys. The tearstained face and the concerned face of her son.

"Okay. I'll call your dad Nico."

-

After dinner, Nico and Will went to Will's room. They changed into their sleepwear, and snuggled into bed.

"Will, can you hold me? I'm scared."

"I'll always be there for you Neeks."

You hold me in your arms and I hold you back

And when the dark sky fades to black

My tired eyes are blinding by the fairy lights

Age: 14 Year: 2011

"Will, can I tell you something?" Nico's asked quietly, looking down at his feet. The two friends were sitting in a tree, the sun beating down on them, but partly blocked by the leaves.

Will looked at his friend. Nico's eyes had lost their happy gleam a long time ago, when Bianca and his mother died, but for the first time in a long while, his eyes showed a waterfall of emotions.

"Sure thing, Neeks. I'm never going to leave your side. I can keep a secret."

Nico looked genuinely relieved, took a deep breath and opened his mouth. "I've...I...I've been feeling certain things lately. Remember when I told you I didn't like girls, back when we were 7? Maybe I didn't realise it back then, but... Fuck why is this so hard!? Okay I'm just going to drop the bomb. I'm gay. I like boys. I want the D's. (

After the last sentence his eyes widened, and he clamped a hand over his mouth. The Italian looked at Will, awaiting judgement.

"Neeks, that's amazing. Go you. Just don't put it like that when you tell your dad. He might choke. And that makes two of us."

Nico's head whipped up, and he stared at Will wide-eyed. He was NOT expecting this reaction.

"Wait you what? Makes two of what?"

The blonde laughed. His laugh had a hint of relief. He suddenly tackled his raven haired friend, momentarily forgetting they were in a tree. They feel back, and onto the grass. Luckily the fall wasn't hard, or long.

"That makes two gays, Deathboy. I swing that way too."

Will had fallen on top of Nico, and was looking down at his friend, straddling his waist. Nico coughed awkwardly, and the blonde realised the position they were in.

"Will, honestly, I knew you, of all people would support me, but I didn't expect this. And Deathboy, really?"

"What, it's because of your dark attire. And that's a good thing. Now we can swoon over boys, discuss who's the hottest. Or something else."

He suggestively wiggled his eyebrows, but deep down butterflies were going wild. Nico hot his friend playfully, but internally felt his heart speed up, and a blush crept onto his cheeks.

Before he could say anything however, Will pulled him to his chest and cuddled him close.

The sun was setting, and in the west the sky was golden, but in the east the sky was dark. The day and the night met. Opposites. Nico and Will.

How far would I have gotten without you here

bad times been forgotten for years and years

My life is beginning to piece together with you

Age: 16 Year: 2013

"Nico, do you remember two years ago?" Will and Nico were lying on Will's bed, shoulders touching as they looked through the roof window positioned above the bed. "You know, when we fell out of the tree because you came out to me, and I forgot that we were in a tree, going in for a hug, but instead knocking us both off the branch?"

Nico hummed quietly in response, not really listening to what he was saying, but concentrating on every individual word being formed, and carefully spoken, with pink, plump lips.

"And when I said that made two of us. Your reaction was priceless. But that's not what I'm on about. Fuck, you're right, this shit is hard. Okay." Will turned onto his side so he was fully facing Nico, and took a deep breath.

"Nico Di Angelo. I have known you since he couldn't even crawl. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am now. I know we both still have an entire life to look forward to, but you're here now, and I might ruin everything with what I'm going to say next."

"I love you Nico. I have been in love with you for four years now. You were the one to make me realise the I was gay. Well that, and the first time a girl tried to kiss me I nearly puked, and quite rudely pushed her away. I have a crush on you Nico. I like you as more than a friend Neeks. I am in love with you Deathboy." The last three sentences came out as if they gave the definition of the nicknames.

For a few seconds, all Nico could do was stare. But then his body unfroze, and for the first time in years, he let emotions take control of his actions. He let down the wall between action and emotion, thoughts.

The walls he had carefully built up around him came down, but not in a way he anticipated. Brick by brick, word by word, the wall was being removed, with carful hands, as if one mistake would sent everything toppling down into emotions.

He kissed Will. The moment of surprise was soon replaced by electricity surging through their bodies. The concept of fireworks going off inside one's head, seemed to be true. Colours danced around, and warmth enveloped both boys.

When they pulled away, Will pulled Nico closer, just touching their foreheads together. "Hey Deathboy, will you do me the honours of becoming my boyfriend?"

Nico pretended to think for a moment, although he'd already made his decision. "Yes." Then he leaned in and kissed his boyfriend again.

I could've made it on my own but you were like my stepping stones

I'm looking forward to twenty twenty two with you

Age: 17 Year: 2014 (trigger comes into play)

"Fag!"

"Useless!"

"Worthless!"

Nico let the words pour over him. It stung, but he knew it. The truth hurts, but it is the truth.

"Emo!" emo, maybe the least insulting one of all, but none the less true.

"I can see why your sister and mother killed themselves. You're so pathetic, they probably couldn't hold up with you anymore. Why don't you follow their example?"

The school door fell closed. The outside air only gave Nico more space to let his thought roam free. 'Why don't I kill myself already? Get it over with?'

The closer to home he came, the deeper he fell into the dark hole in his b=mind, containing the darkest, gloomiest thoughts.

Depression, people liked to use that word when they felt even slightly sad for a couple of days. Depression isn't just sadness. It was losing interest in your surroundings, hopelessness. Like you were drowning in a dark room, but you couldn't find the light switch, or the door.

Nico stepped through the front door of his house. He listened carefully, but apart from the quietly humming heating, there was no sound in the large house.

His dad, Hades, had distanced when Bianca and Maria, him mother, died. In the beginning it went almost unnoticed, but as Nico grew older, and was able to care for himself, his dad would leave him alone in the big house, whilst going on business trips all over the world. He never told people he had a son.

Close the bathroom door. Open the cupboard. Get razors out. Close curtains. It was a routine. The only thing Nico never did was actually locking the door. Sure, he closed it, but a small voice inside his head told him not to lock it.

Will didn't know. He didn't know about the bullies, the cuts. Nico didn't want him to carry yet another one of his burdens. Will had already pulled Nico through so much. Without Will, he probably wouldn't have made it this far.

The cold metal of the razor felt familiar in his palm. Nico rolled the sleeves of his hoodie up, revealing his wrist. Littered across the once tanned skin were red lines, small, big, deep, and shallow.

He picked up the razor, and pressed it to the inside of his wrist, where a doctor would take a pulse.

"Fag" the first cut felt relieving.

"Useless." The blood started to trickle down his arms, it was calming in a sense.

"Worthless"

The blood mixed with tears and pooled around his feet. His thoughts slowly clouded, and his vision turned blurry. The world around him slowly faded.

-

Will wanted to surprise Nico. He was free earlier than expected, and Nico had told him his dad was on a business trip again. The spare key was always kept under the welcoming mat at the front door. Will silently closed the door, so his boyfriend wouldn't hear him.

The curtains of the bathroom were closed. Nico was probably taking a shower, but wouldn't mind if Will came in.

As sneakily as possible, he opened the door.

"Nico? NEEKS!"

His eyes fell on the image he had hoped never to see.

Nico was unconscious, lying in a pool of blood. A metal blade lay a few centimetres away from his fingers, like he had dropped it in his fall.

"Nico! Oh gods, Nico! No please, please don't leave me. Remember your promise. 2022!"

Will sat kneeling next to his boyfriend, fumbling around for his phone.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My boyfriend. He cut. He's unconscious, and losing blood, fast."

"Okay sir, stay calm. We're sending the paramedics right over. What's the address?"

Will quickly told her the address, and about ten minutes later, paramedics rushed into the house, put his boyfriend on a stretcher. They drove them to the hospital.

He was sitting in the waiting area, pulling on his hair.

"Mister, are you alright?" a squeaky voice came from beside Will, and when he looked up, he saw a small girl, blonde hair dangling in a ponytail, while she clutched a teddy bear in her arms.

"Don't cry mister. Don't be sad. Everything will be fine. I know it. The doctors always say that as long as you are happy, you'll be able to fight anything. That's how I get through."

Despite the situation, a small smile found its way onto his lips. Before he could respond, the girl was taken by the hand. "I'm so sorry she bothered you. I don't know how she manages to escape every time we're about to start chemo."

"Chemo? Is she...?"

"Yes she is a cancer patient. Aly is a real sweetie, but gets distracted easily. She is from the local orphanage, abandoned by her parents. Half a year ago they diagnosed her with leukaemia. The meds are working but the progress is slow."

The nurse smiled down at the girl, very fondly, and Will immediately felt himself develop a soft spot for Aly.

"Will Solace." The nurse at the front desk called, and he stood, smiling once more at the little girl and the nurse.

"Mr. Di Angelo is stable. He lost a lot of blood, but he's asleep now. You can visit him. Room b114."

"Thank you." When he entered the room, the sight in front of him caught him off guard.

Nico looked small in the hospital bed. He was sleeping, but if I hadn't been told, he could have been dead. He was only hooked onto one machine, a heart monitor, which was rhythmically beeping.

Slowly, as if afraid to wake my sleeping boyfriend, I approached the bed. Nico's raven hair stood out against the white pillow, like an angel fallen onto snow.

I sunk down in the chair next to his bed, and grasped his hand. I let the emotions I'd been keeping at bay up until now, go free.

The first that overcame me was anger. Anger at the people who made my Neeks do this to himself. Anger at myself for not noticing what was going on, how he'd been hurting. And, even though it was very small, I felt anger towards Nico, for not telling me how he was feeling.

Defeat came soon after. Defeated by my thoughts, my obliviousness.

From defeat it was a short way to sadness, the sight of my unmoving boyfriend in a hospital bed, uncovered a part of me and filled my eyes with tears that threatened to spill down my face at any given moment. Sadness, because Nico felt this way.

"He will make a full recovery. He's stable and it's highly unlike that he won't make it." the doctor startled me out of my state, and slowly his words dawned on me. Nico was going to make it. He was going to be okay.

"Thank you. I haven't contacted his father yet, but is that an urgent matter, because I believe Mr. Di Angelo is in Italy on a business trip?"

I felt myself relax after receiving the information of my boyfriend's current state. The doctor looked at his clipboard, then looked back up again. "It has no urgency, but we do recommend to contact Mr. Di Angelo, as he might want to know about what happened." I nobbed. "I will contact him as soon as possible, when Italy wakes up."

The doctor smiled and left the room. I turned back to Nico, whose state was indifferent. His hand, the not-bandaged one, was lying on top of the white blankets after I'd dropped it. I took it between my own hands, and absent-mindedly rubbed circles on it with my tumbs.

"Neeks, you're going to make it. Remember what you promised. You promised that when we are 25, we would marry. In 2022. You can fight, you can find hope in the darkest of times, if you only remember to turn on the light. I'll be your light. I'll chase your demons away. I'll shine as you bright as you want me to."

My voice broke, and the first tears started to fall. I squeezed Nico's hand, more to comfort myself then him. My previously downcast eyes travelled up to his face, the soft almost feline feature, the rare, carefree expression as he slept. I could've sat there for hours, if nothing interrupted me. The interruption however, was Nico.

His eyes fluttered open, and he scrunched his nose up cutely.

"F...f...food." as soon as this left his lips, relief washed over me. A soft laugh bubbled from my throat, and spilled past my lips. Nico turned his head, and caught sight of me. His mouth curved into a soft, raw and pure smile.

One day we will be brave

I'll tell the world I feel this way

But I look up high and wonder why

They need to know how our life goes

age: 18 Year: 2015

"Will, it's two months till our graduation, do you think we should tell your parents about...you know...us?"

Nico looked at Will who was stroking the Italian's hair. His eyes were distant, as if he was in another universe.

"Will?" "Hm..." "Are you listening?" "Yes you said something about adopting a cat."

Nico chuckled, shaking his head. His boyfriend may be a future doctor, but when he zoned out, he was about as useful as a kitten. An adorable kitten, with the softest fur, the bluest eyes in the world. A kitten who gave the best hugs and made you feel loved.

"I said maybe we should tell our parents about us. My dad knows I'm dating someone, but he insisted that he'd meet you before graduation. So, what do you think?"

Will thought for a moment, and slowly moved his lips, as if he was tasting the words.

"Okay. But, we have to wait until the right moment. I have no idea what that is, but I'll know when it is."

Nico nobbed in agreement. They resumed their position, cuddled up on Will's couch watching TV.

-

Three weeks later Nico got a text from Will:

'meet me in the park in 10. The tree.'

Nico was, to say the least, confused, but put on his shoes and made his way to the park. When he got there, his blonde haired boyfriend shot up, and swept him off his feet. Literally.

"Deathboy, what day is it today?!"

"June 26th, why?"

"No Deathboy, today, June 26th, is the day same-sex marriage is legalized in all of USA. I told you when the right time came, we would tell our parents about us. I feel like that time is now."

So they went and told Nico's dad. He took it well. Filled with hope they went to will's mother. They didn't know what to expect, but they did know she was catholic.

"Hey mom, can I ask you something?" Will looked uncertain. His mother looked up, smiling softly at her son. "Hey Nico, Will. Sure Will, ask away."

Will took a deep breath. "What do you think of the legalisation of same-sex marriage?"