《If You'll Be My Star (Anakin x Reader) BOOK TWO *COMPLETED*》Twenty-Three
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"And when I got to them, we went into... aggressive negotiations." Anakin told you as he paused to find the right words.It was evening now and the sun was almost completely set. You both were in the dining room, enjoying each other's stories over dinner.
You and Anakin had another blissful day. You had convinced Anakin to take another walk with you on the lake shore in the morning and then spent the rest of your day between the garden and inside. You even let Anakin pick out the dress you would wear today.
It was a long silk black dress. It had a pleated skirt that touched the ground and hid the black flats you were wearing. It had a small train behind you. It had a black velvet belt around your waist. It had long bell sleeves that stopped at mid-calf. The shoulders of the dress were decorated with silver jewels and shiny metals that took the shapes of leaves and flowers and stopped a little into your arm. It was high collared, but it had a cut in the front that left your chest and front of your neck exposed. It formed a sweetheart neckline as well. But your necklace was left completely exposed. You knew that was mainly the reason why he picked this dress. It made his heart so happy every time he saw you wearing it. You knew he always thought about it as well and how much he loves it on you, you heard it clearly through the Force Bond. You love making him that happy, so you gladly wore the dress just for him.
Your hair was just done in a simple braid and you wore a matching silver headband.
Today was just so wonderfully perfect. You thanked the Force for the amount of time you got to spend with him. You loved every second of it. Both you and him were lost in your own little world. Where no one can interrupt you and you and Ani could be free to be yourselves.
And you never wanted it to end.
"Aggressive negotiation? What is that?" you asked as the handmaidens came and served dessert to you both, fresh locally picked fruit.
"Well, negotiations with a lightsaber." Anakin explained and you laughed. He laughed along with you.
"Ah, I see. I've had a few aggressive negotiations of my own." you giggled as you lifted your fork and knife to eat. You felt Anakin get mischievous and before you could question him, he lifted his hand ever so slightly up. With a flick of his finger, your fruit floated off of your plate and into his hand. You smiled brightly at him in amusement. Anakin's smile was as bright as yours as he placed the fruit down on his plate and took his fork and knife into his hands.
"If Master Obi-Wan caught me doing this, he'd be very grumpy." Anakin simply said before cutting into the fruit. Your smile faltered as you felt his annoyance. You knew he felt your concern, but chose to ignore it as he used the Force to send the cut off piece to you. You stuck out your fork and caught it. You took a bite of it as your eyes met Anakin's and you both smiled. Anakin went to cut off his own piece when you flicker your wrist and sent the rest of the fruit back onto your plate.
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"I believe this was mine, Ani." you teased. "But I'll allow you to have a piece."
You cut off a piece and sent it back to him. Anakin lifted up his fork like you did and caught it. Both of you chuckled as he took a bite.
"Thank you, Princess."
~
Clouds covered the moon and all of the stars. The warmth of the sun was gone and it was oddly chilly tonight. You thought it may be because of the clouds and being so near the lake. Anakin had lit the fire in the fireplace in the fireplace alcove. He went back and sat down next to you on the red velvet couch. You turned to face him, your back towards the fireplace and your hands were playing with your necklace. As you looked up at him, he was leaning in to kiss you. His eyes were glossed over in a trace, lost in his mind and feelings. You quickly turned away from him, bringing him back into reality. You both looked away from each other.
You felt his mood shifted into a serious one and you knew what was to come. Anakin felt guilty for the uneasiness he was causing you, but he had to tell you what was eating him up inside. You bit the inside of your cheek as your hands fell into your lap. You knew what was to come would completely change things between you and Anakin.
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you." Anakin started. You hesitated before you turned to meet his deep blue eyes again. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over- my mouth goes dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe."
Anakin paused as he felt you get ice cold, but not temperature wise. The ice cold one gets when what you are hearing makes your blood rush away. When one starts to go numb.
"I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. I know I said we can pretend it never happened, but my heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar." Anakin said gently, but a sense of neediness in his voice. He moved closer to you and tried to take your hand into his. But you moved away from him and pulled your hand away. "You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask." he pleaded with you. You didn't say anything as you looked down at your hands. You couldn't form the proper words. Anakin was pouring out his heart to you and you knew you were about to crush it into pieces.
"If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me." Anakin said, his voice a little harsher than what he wanted. Tears started to form in his eyes, but he fought them back. The last thing he wanted to do was to cry in front of you. Pain was all you felt from him while he just felt you numb your feelings. It added to the sick feeling in his stomach that you were numbing yourself.
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"I can't..." you whispered so softly to him. "We can't. It's not possible." you said a little stronger.
"Anything's possible. ____, please listen to me..." Anakin tried to argue.
"No, you listen!" you exclaimed sternly as you abruptly stood up and away towards the fireplace. "We live in a real world. Come back to it. We are both studying to become a Jedi. I'm the Jedi Senator. If you follow your thoughts, that I know of, through conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go. Regardless of the way we feel about each other." you told him as you looked at him. Anakin blinked away his tears as they widened at your last sentence.
"So you do feel something!" Anakin declared accusingly.
"Jedi are not allowed to marry. You'd be expelled from the Order. I will not let you give up your future for me." you stated, ignoring his accusation. At this point, you didn't care about your future, only his.
"You're asking me to be rational. That is something I cannot do. Believe me, I wish I could wish my feelings away... but I cannot." Anakin said as he got up from his seat and walked over to you.
"I will not give in to this." you declared as you both eyed each other. Anakin turned away and walked away from you. You held your breath as you knew he got an idea.
"You know, it wouldn't have to be that way... We could keep it a secret." he said, desperation in his voice.
"Then we'd be living a lie. One we couldn't keep up even if we wanted to. My sisters saw it. So did my mother. I couldn't do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?" you countered.
"No. You're right. It would destroy us." Anakin replied. His voice broke with every word. You looked away from him as one bitter thought crossed your mind.
We cannot rewrite what is written in the stars
Anakin perked up with some fight left in him as he heard this thought from you and exclaimed, "But that's the thing, ____!"
He quickly turned to you with eagerness. "What if we rewrite the stars? Say that you were made to be mine and nothing could keep us apart. You claim it is not in the stars, but it is. Fate is not pulling you away and out of reach like you think it is. You are right here in my heart. So who can stop me if I decide you are my destiny?" Anakin said as he walked back to you and took your hand in his. He placed it on his chest and you felt his steady heartbeat. You didn' say anything as he continued.
"So why don't we rewrite the stars?"
"No one can rewrite the stars, Ani." you whispered as tears formed. Your hand curled into a fist in his as he tightly held it. "The prophecies. The Jedi Order... We can't. This is the path set for us. I am not your destiny like you foolishly believe. How can you say you'll be mine when everything keeps us apart?"
"___, it's up to you and me. No one or prophecy can say what we get to be. We can leave, we can do anything. Just you and me. We can go somewhere faraway, somewhere only we know."
"You think it's easy. That I don't want to run away with you. But there are mountains and doors we can't walk through. I know you're wondering why, because we can be ourselves within these walls." you explained as a tear fell. "But when we leave and go back to the real world, you're gonna wake up from this and see that it was hopeless after all. It's not up to us. We are bound to break and my hands are tied."
Anakin let his own tears fall. He was hurting and confused and everything in between. Did you feel the same? You still hadn't fully said it yet, but you were saying all of these things like you did. Like you still do.
"Please, ____." Anakin begged, his voice barely above a whisper. "Please at least tell me that you feel the same. That you feel what I feel."
You closed your eyes as you looked away from him. You couldn't tell who's hand was trembling as you laced your fingers with his. You couldn't look him in the eyes as you bottled up more of the feelings you didn't want him to know.
"If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky." Anakin pleaded weakly for one last time. "I'll protect you, protect us. You have my heart, my love, my very soul and being. I just need to know if I have yours. I don't care about the consequences or the thoughts of everyone. Only yours."
You sadly opened your eyes as you looked at him as Anakin took his free hand and placed it on your cheek. He wiped away a tear, but it didn't stop the one that came after. You knew what you had to do. What must be done. What was right to do.
"No, Anakin." you said as you felt his heart shatter. A chill ran across your body as you numbed away your own heartbreak. He cannot know what you truly wanted him to know. "I do not feel the same. My heart and my love does not belong to you or anyone else. I solely live for the Jedi Order and responsibilities. You are only my friend and partner in these prophecies. Nothing more and nothing less."
Anakin let you go as he took a few steps away from you. "That's all I need to hear." he said quietly to you. You looked at him and he refused to meet your eyes as tears rolled down his face.
"Good." you replied as you turned away and quickly walked out of the room. Anakin couldn't bring himself to watch you leave. He watched the fire flicker, providing no warmth to the coldness that surrounded him.
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