《If You'll Be My Star (Anakin x Reader) BOOK TWO *COMPLETED*》Twenty
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You sat up in your bed, your knees were up against your chest as you rested your chin on top of them. Your damp hair was left down as it was drying from the shower you had taken. You needed to compose and relax yourself from the kiss. But the shower couldn't wash away the tingling sensation that was still left on your lips.
It didn't wash away the want to kiss Anakin again, to be in his embrace.
You let out a sigh as you flopped down to lay down on your back. You stared up at the ceiling lit up from the moonlight. You didn't bother going down for dinner. You had locked yourself in your room the whole time. Ignoring the knocks at your door from the handmaidens or Anakin. He had also tried to reach you through the connection, but you didn't respond. Eventually, Anakin stopped as well. Your heart was longing for him, but you couldn't listen to it. You cannot act on these feelings nor should you even feel them. It was wrong and you knew better. You had to listen to your mind, not your heart. Even if you knew Anakin loves you and he foolishly expressed it to you.
You wished the heartache gnawing within you stopped.
You quickly sat up and got out of your room. The weight of your thoughts and emotions was suffocating you. You needed fresh air and it was well into the night, everyone should be asleep by now anyway. You quietly and mindlessly made your way through the halls of the Lake House, your necklace swayed with every movement. You subsciously played with your Padawan braid as you found yourself at the very place you and Anakin kissed. You shivered at the light breeze, a thin pale blue nightgown was the only thing keeping you warm.
But you didn't go back inside.
You walked over to the exact spot you were at earlier as you ran your hand across the fencing of the balcony. You looked at the lake, the moonlight was making it shine brighter than it did ever during the day. The stars twinkled and you wondered what your life would have been like if your fate wasn't already written in the stars.
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Perhaps in a different life, you would have lived the life your mother and Sola longed for you to have. You would have served your terms as Queen of Naboo, then maybe continued to do work in politics. You would settle down eventually and turn your focus on starting your own family. You felt your face heat up at the thought of Anakin being the one you settle down with. You were sure you would have met Anakin still as the event that brought you two together was bound to happen. But then again, you knew that Anakin was destined to be the Chosen One no matter what. The same goes for you as you are the Force Chosen.
Therefore, no matter what alternate reality you create in your mind, you and Anakin were never meant to be. You both had responsibilities that were bigger than your wants and desires. You and Anakin were supposed to become powerful Jedi, who were going to bring balance back to the Force. Love wasn't written in the stars for you, you knew that very well. It was what you agreed to that day you agreed to become a Jedi.
Yet, you couldn't help but feel like everything was unfair.
"____?"
You turned around and Anakin was standing behind you, concern written on his face. He was in his tunic and pants, most likely was in bed before coming out here. You felt his concern grow as he slowly walked to you. "You're crying." he pointed out as you turned away from him. You wiped the tears away from your eyes. You didn't realize you had started to cry. You didn't say anything as Anakin stood next to you, his blue eyes glued on you. You refused to meet his eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked gently.
"Nothing." you replied, keeping your focus on the stars above the lake. Anakin carefully placed a hand on your cheek and made you look at him.
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"You blocked me from our Force Connection. I cannot feel you at all." he told you sadly. "As much as that pains me, it pains me more to see you cry and not being able to help you. Please, ___, let me help you."
You closed your eyes as you took his hand off of your cheek and into your own. You held his hand tightly as you tried to form the right words without brushing on the feelings that were locked away.
"____, if it is about what happened earlier, we can pretend it never happened." Anakin said. "I just got you back. I don't want to lose you again. I don't want us to have this barrier and grow apart. Please."
You opened your eyes and looked at him. Anakin looked so scared and it was laced through the concern you felt from him. Fearing what you had to say, what you would do. Fear of losing you after expressing all of his emotions so openly to you.
"I don't want those things either." you answered as you tore down the walls you had up. Anakin let out a small sigh of relief as he felt your emotions hit him. He knew you were still bottling up something from him, but now wasn't the time for that. He immediately sent you a calm, comforting feeling through the Force Bond and you let it take over your own.
"Why were you crying?" Anakin asked, his hand was still in yours.
"The weight of life." you answered truthfully, but vaguely. Sensing you didn't want to really get into it and respecting your want, Anakin nodded his head and didn't pry. After all, he wasn't exactly being very open about his nightmares with you.
"You know," you said out loud as you glanced at the stars. "You don't ever have to worry about losing me. I'm staying by your side forever."
You looked back at him with a small smile. Anakin smiled back at you. "Forever, that's a long time." he teased playfully. The negative emotions and moments that had happened from the kiss melted away. As if it never happened like Anakin said.
"I know. But it's written in the stars, much like the prophecies written about us, we will be together forever." you declared.
You concluded you didn't want a different life, despite what you were bottling up. You knew in this life you and Anakin were going to be together forever, even when you both turn to stardust and your names become forgotten legends. It suddenly didn't matter if it was as partners in the Jedi prophecies or what you wished you both could be, Anakin will stay by your side.
"Together forever." Anakin repeated, not knowing he had confirmed your very thoughts.
Eventually, Anakin noticed you shivering as the night got cooler and decided it was best to go back inside. Everything felt okay again. The weight you felt was still there, but Anakin was right there with you bearing it too. You laughed at Anakin scolding you about how you could have gotten sick out here. But you both were just truly enjoying this moment. His hand never left yours as you both made your way back inside.
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