"You never give up when I'm falling apart, your arms are always open wide. And you're quick to forgive when I make a mistake, you love me in the blink of an eye. Your heart is gold and how am I the one that you've chosen to love? I still can't believe that you're right next to me after all that I've done." —Plumb.

••

Even the weather seems to not be on my side today. As I make my way down the street in the direction of the town's Health Centre, my mind is just as cloudy as the skies above me.

I want to call my mom and talk to her about how depressed I've been of late, but she'd probably just give me one of her 'I told you so' lectures. She did warn me about getting involved with boys at the college, but I took no heed to the wise advice. I have done enough self-criticism these past few days; I can't handle any outward chastisement right now.

Light sprinkles of rain spot the pavement beneath my feet, and I bring narrowed eyes up to the sky that has now become a pillar of grey.

I should hurry before it comes down heavily, although getting wet could probably wash away my melancholy.

My exposed legs are as cold as ice, and I can barely feel them as I try to hasten my footsteps. I lift my palms to my mouth and blow in them for warmth, then tuck them into the pockets of my sweater. The harsh wind blows my hair around my face, and it's so stifling that I have to intake a breath, seeing the vapor emitting from my mouth.

The weather hates me. Everything does.

Suddenly a car drives up beside me, and I jerk away from its screeching tires as it comes to a stop at my feet. The window winds down, and I still in my spot while my body goes numb. I am not sure if it is because of the rain or the boy sitting behind the wheels.

I blink away the raindrops from my eyes to be certain my pupils aren't deceiving me.

Blaze bends his head to have a look at my frozen figure. "Get in."

"It's okay...it's just a small distance down..."

"Get in the car, Harmony."

I chew on my lip and make my way over to his Mercedes. I get in and close the door, the warmth of his car hugging me as I snap my seatbelt.

He keeps his focus ahead as he steps on his gas and drives off.

The car is madly silent, but the void is torturously deafening. I glance over at him, and he appears to be deep in thought. His attention is fixed on the road, and his temples are tense. One of his awful singing and bad dancing would be great right now; I haven't seen that in a while, and I know that maybe I will never see it again. I lied to him. He trusted me, and I showed him why he didn't put his faith in humans in the first place. I don't think it will ever be the same again.

His hands are noticeably pale from him firmly gripping the steering wheel, and my eyes catch a few red blotches on his knuckle.

I reach my hand out to touch the marks. "Are you okay? Your hand is—"

He nudges my wrist away from him, grimacing. Not too harsh but definitely not too gentle either.

I lower my eyes to my fingers, and I can feel my orbs forming puddles again. He doesn't want me to touch him—that hurts. But what hurts even more, is the fact that he won't look at me past five seconds, almost like whenever he does, that nude photo crosses his mind. I see how his eyes rake over my body as though I am naked standing in front of him, and I see how his muscles tighten as he looks away. He has no idea how much that image is haunting me just the same.

In no time, we have arrived at the Health Centre. And I am disappointed because I fear that I won't see him again after this.

He swings into an available spot, and I unsnap my seatbelt, squinting my eyes while reading the sign on the doors of the building.

"Um...thanks," I mutter as I grip the handle and open the door. He doesn't say anything, and instead, he unsnaps his seatbelt and gets out of the car as well.

"You don't have to come with me," I tell him as I walk up to the glass doors of the building, noticing how he is still trailing behind. "Thanks for dropping me; I'll manage."

He ignores my banter to open the door, and we step inside the humid room. The rain is still hitting the pavement in light sprinkles, so the small drops that slapped our skins a second ago mixed with the cold air conditions are enough to freeze us over.

A few persons are sitting around, reading magazines and just chatting away indistinctly, and I notice a middle-aged lady at the front desk, skipping through a health magazine while sipping on what seems like coffee.

"Good morning." I smile, and she looks up with a pleasant beam as her eyes travel between Blaze and me. "What can I do for you high schoolers?"

High Schoolers? We aren't, but it's rather irrelevant to address such a trivial matter when a larger fish needs to be cooked.

"I wanted to see the doctor," I state. "I just wanted a checkup."

"What kind of checkup?" She asks as she grabs her notebook and pen, scribbling something down.

The clinic is a joinery of a normal Doctor's office and a Gynecologist's office, so it must be vital for her to enquire about what health aid I require, but what do I say? A check up on my vagina? With Blaze standing not even a foot away? That's awkward.

The room is quiet, only the sound of a little boy playing on the tiles of the floor while his mother rebukes him every other second. This clinic has an issue with privacy because I am sure everyone can hear my business.

"Uhm...my..." I glance at Blaze awkwardly, but he isn't paying attention to me, or maybe he is pretending not to.

"My lower region.." I finally finish. I internally shake my head. "I just...want to check if my hymen is alright."

She nods. "Okay, dear. What's your name?"

"Harmony Skye."

"Okay, Skye. Do you have an appointment?"

I shake my head. "Um, no, I don't. Do you guys do 'walk-ins'?"

"No, dear." She sighs apologetically. "You would have to get an appointment before you can see Doctor Francis."

"Oh. Alright." I offer a tight-lipped smile, and as I am about to turn away, she speaks again. "Hold on, Skye. Let me phone him and ask him if he is swamped with consultations for the day. If not, I could squeeze you a spot."

I smile gratefully. "Thank you."

She picks her phone up and makes a call, then after enquiring, she nods. "Okay, sir. Yes, alright."

She hangs up and looks up at me pleasantly. "He says he can tend to you."

"Okay, thank you." I smile again, and she offers one back before gesturing to two chairs on her left. "Have a seat; he will be with you soon."

I find a seat at the corner, and Blaze does too. I am not sure what made him accompany me; it has only been about an hour since he asked me to stay away from him.

He forks his fingers through his hair with a sigh and finally speaks. "Well, at least you got the ropes of how this works so, see you around."

This is what I am scared of.

He gets up to leave, and if I say that doesn't make me feel like crying a river, I'd be lying. I don't want him to go. The smell of clinics and chemicals tend to remind me of the night my dad died, and we had to spend all night at that hospital. I hate it more than anything, and the fact that Blaze won't be here with me will leave me with nothing else to do than wallow in my racing thoughts.

But I won't be clingy and annoying.

"Okay..." I look at my hands in my lap, so I won't have to exchange glances with him. Although he is probably not looking at me, he has barely done that since the nude picture and my dishonesty.

He walks toward the glass door, and I swallow my feelings but don't take my eyes off my hands.

You have to be strong, Harmony; being weak is for losers. My dad said that little phrase once. It might be a bit cliche, but it feels as though he was foreboding this.

Blaze freezes with his hand on the door, and then he lowers his head. I look over at him to see him ruffling his hair while mumbling something. He makes a U-turn and returns, plopping down on his seat and crossing his arms against his chest while he keeps his gaze ahead.

I look at him with a mixture of relief and confusion. "Why'd you stay?"

He shrugs but doesn't look at me. "I hate Calculus, and it's the period I have next."

I smile a little because a part of me knows that that isn't the reason why he chose to stay with me, and I am so grateful.

He said once that he doesn't deserve me, but the truth is, I am the one who doesn't deserve him.

~

❤️