"Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me. Because of you, I am afraid."

••

Today is Friday, and we don't have classes. So, I decided to head to my hometown for the weekends. I think seeing my mom and my little brother and catching up with Collum would make me feel better. I hope they won't catch on to the dark circles beneath my eyes and my swollen eyelids. I tried to cover them up with makeup the best that I could.

April wishes me a safe journey as I leave the dorm room, and I stand at the entrance to the school's campus, waiting to see my Mother's blue Honda pull up to the curb. The morning is extremely chilly, and the frosty wind blows my curls around the frame of my face as I try to get myself warm under my sweater.

Distant chattering leads me to pull my gaze next to me, and two boys are laughing and prattling as they advance in my direction. In no time, I make James's frame out of the pair, and I swing my face in the opposite direction to avoid making eye contact. I don't want to speak with anyone right now. Especially anyone related to Blaze Xander.

Apparently, hope just isn't on my side this morning as he spots my figure in no time and jogs over with his radiant smile.

"Good morning, Harmony."

I look around at him, pretending that I am just noticing his presence as I forge a plastic smile. "Hey..."

Rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, he sheepishly peers up at me from the top of his eyes. "I heard about last night..."

I suspire, looking away from him and to my shoes instead. "Yeah... I don't want to talk about it. It's really embarrassing."

The entire circle had witnessed me crying and storming away the moment the squirrel's lips touched Blaze's neck. I must have looked like nothing but a laughingstock.

"Yeah, I am sorry. So, where are you heading?" He observes my heavily packed knapsack inquisitively.

"Home. For the weekend."

"Ah. I see." He bobs his head while his companion comes to stand next to him, dangling a key chain on his finger quite impatiently.

I smile a little, hoping he'll heed to his friend's silent wishes and continue his journey, but he only lets out a soft breath and tries to stretch the conversation.

"Look, Harmony... Blaze is actually—"

My Mother's car finally breaks the corner and I have never been happier in my entire life. I don't want to talk about Blaze. Just the thought of him is enough to give me an emotional breakdown, and I put too much effort into my makeup this morning so that my eyes wouldn't snitch to my mom.

I wave my hand toward the oncoming vehicle, and James trails my focus to the feminine shape behind the wheels. "Oh, your mom?"

"Yeah."

The car comes to a stop at our feet and the window rolls down to reveal Haylee Skye with a vibrant beam on her face. "Good morning, Harmony-baby."

"Morning, Mom." I grip the handle of the door, and her eyes dart to James who smiles and lifts his hand to her. She renders a greeting back, but I can tell she wants to ask who he is.

"See you on Monday, James." I wave at him, and he smiles and salutes me.

"Okay, enjoy your weekend."

I close my door, and my mom begins her expedition down the street. I place my knapsack onto the mat by my feet and pull my curls out from their tuck in my sweater.

"Who's that boy?" She interrogates, glancing through her rearview mirror at James who is heading inside the school with his friend.

Oh. Just the friend of a boy who I kissed and who touched me in my room during a power outage. And just so you know, he did all of that just to sleep with me. Wow, your daughter is a lot stupider than you may have thought, Mother.

"He's a friend I met there," I answer shortly, quickly leaning my body forward to turn the radio up. The soulful music streams through the car and I lay my head against the leather seat, staring ahead of me silently so that she won't pry further.

"Oh." Is all she says, and I pray she drops the topic.

Surprisingly, she does. Maybe it is due to the fact that she hasn't seen me in a while and doesn't want to spoil the mood.

My mom makes a big deal out of me conversing with the opposite sex, thinking it'll lead to me getting pregnant and dropping out of school. It's one of her biggest fears. If it were a month ago, I would have thought it ludicrous, but based on how I had almost lost myself to Blaze Xander completely, she does have a lot to be concerned about.

I used to think I was grounded and level-headed, that peer pressure was something I'd never succumb to, but I am starting to second think it all seeing how easy it was for me to get taken advantage of.

"Anyway, I have a whole weekend planned for us, sweetheart. We haven't hung out much since school and I am so excited. I missed you, baby."

With her eyes transfixed on the road, she reaches a hand over to pat my cheek, and I smile shyly at the affection as a toddler would. "Me too, Mom."

I had forgotten how virtuous and pure I was before Homewood came in and washed it all away, opening me to the cruel reality of sex and hormones, and everything that comes with the stage of adolescence.

College isn't always a good place.

••

My mom and I spent all day Friday, shopping, going to the spa, and doing typical girl stuff.

It was great. I forgot about Blaze for a while, and he only coasted across my mind whenever I saw a black pullover, a pair of Nike sneakers, black wavy hair, icy blue eyes, dimples, full pink lips—okay, maybe I should say I thought of him when I saw everything. He never left my mind at all. Not once.

I miss the person I was before I was dragged into the world of love and heartbreak. I was such a simple and relaxed soul. Now my mind is consistently racing about a boy who only used me so he could take the most precious possession I could ever own. I want my peace of mind back, but unfortunately, it is in the hands of Blaze Xander and I'll probably never be able to repossess it.

Today is Saturday and Collum finally comes over. We sit on my porch and talk while my mom prepares dinner.

Collum Haynes is the epitome of perfection in my eyes. He's handsome—with chocolate-brown hair and a pair of golden amber eyes that would make any girl fall all over him. He has an astounding personality to top it all off, which pretty much makes him a dream come true.

"So, how is college so far?" He breathes, splaying his arms over the edge of the bench we are seated on.

"It's alright..." I mutter inaudibly. Homewood is the last on my list of conversation topics right now. Better yet, it isn't on my list at all. I just want to escape from that hell hole called University just for today.

"How about you?" I try to switch the light off me.

"Well." He takes a deep breath. "It's awesome." Then he starts grinning away like he's having the time of his life.

Wow. Must be super awesome. I can't relate.

"It's just phenomenal. I met tons of new people, my classes are fire, and my teachers—they make the lectures so enjoyable. It is a great experience." He nods.

Well. I met a few people, one of which used me for sex, my classes are lame, and my teacher almost molested me in his office. Gotta love college, right?

I am so envious of how proud and highly he can speak of his. I wish I could say the same for mine but being at Homewood has been a disaster for the most part.

"That's great," I tell him genuinely. If only he knew how envious I am.

"By the way..." He bounces my shoulder playfully; it is a thing we used to do a lot; I am surprised he still remembers it. "Guess who has a girlfriend now?"

I gasp dramatically. "Wait... no way!"

He laughs as his face flushes red, his brow eyes clouding with blithe. "Yep, yours truly."

I smile. "Woah, way to go, dude." I bounce him on the shoulder, and he chuckles.

Whoever that girl is, she is truly fortunate. Collum is a real gentleman and respects women a great deal. Unlike someone I know.

He looks over at me. "What about you, any nice college guys?"

I stare at him indecisively, contemplating whether or not I should tell him about Blaze. When Collum and I were younger we used to talk about a lot of stuff—share secrets and so on, but I am not sure if we still have that level of confidence and comfort. I try though, just to see if it's still there.

"Well...I met this guy..."

His face pipes up as he turns his body to me, eager to hear more.

"Um, well...it's so complicated; I probably shouldn't mention it." I shake my head, feeling ridiculous.

His face forms a tight frown as his forehead folds in curiosity. "He has a girlfriend?"

"No... he doesn't...well, I mean I don't think he does. Regardless, he doesn't like me the way I like him. Turns out he just wanted to sleep with me."

Collum's features tense. "What a jerk. Seriously?"

"Yeah..." I look at my fingers, and I can feel the burn returning to my throat.

He sighs and places his hand on my shoulder comfortingly, gently squeezing. "Don't worry about it, alright? You will get over him; you're amazing."

Get over him? I don't think that'll be happening any time soon.

I smile a little. I appreciate the words of encouragement, but they didn't make me feel anywhere near better.

"Hey, don't worry about it, forget about him, okay? How about we go watch some movies, like the old times?"

He's trying to cheer me up and it makes me smile. "Yeah, okay."

••

"Are you ready, honey?!" My mom calls out to me as she stands in front of the mirror in the hallway, putting in her small pearl earrings.

It's Sunday and we are about to visit my dad's grave. Collum spent all Saturday with me and after he left in the night, I signed off to bed early after April called in to check up on me. I told her I was alright, and she advised me not to worry about Blaze. I told her I wasn't, but right after she came off the phone, I cried myself to sleep.

Being away from the college isn't as curative as I thought it'd be as I kept on ruminating on all the events that happened between me and him. The distance only made me miss him even more.

"Almost." I slip on a pair of ivory flats to match with the light blue dress I am wearing as Elijah pelts down the stairs, making combat noises as he pretends to fight the air with his imaginary sword. I smile and shake my head as my mom appears at the doorway to the living room.

"Do you think these red shoes fit with this cream dress?" She opens her arms widely, twirling around so I can have a once over at her attire.

I chuckle playfully. "Mom, come on, it's the cemetery, not a dance."

She frowns. "Although your father is dead, I still want to look nice to visit him."

Her statement makes my heart ache as my smile settles into a broken line. I feel so sorry for my mom sometimes; she hasn't been taking my father's death very well. That makes the two of us. I really miss him, and if he were here, he'd have a ton load of advice to offer me. My mom isn't exactly the most approachable person to speak with about boy issues—she's a bit strict when it comes to the subject.

The day my dad collapsed from a heart attack in that kitchen is still vivid in my head; something that will always replay no matter how old I get. It haunts my dreams most of the time and leave me waking up to a wet blotch on my pillow.

Eli pulls my arm and drags me from my drowning thoughts. He pushes his shoe forward and I realize that he wants me to tie his shoelaces.

I giggle. "How old are you Eli? You should know how to tie your laces."

I squat down to knot them, and my mom shakes her head as she retrieves her purse from the couch. "He's just being spoilt; I taught him how to do them. Okay, let's go guys, it's getting late."

••

"You're an asshole, Blaze!"

Harmony's words and the deep hurt in her eyes haven't left my head since last night. She was right. I am an asshole and she's too good to be around someone like me. But I am much too selfish to leave her alone.

I'm livid that she promised me she wouldn't leave yet it was so easy for her to get up and walk out. I was wrong, and although I never admit to that, I know this time I was odious to have approached her with such wicked intentions.

Regardless of the fact that she'd be better off without me, seeing her with Kite just makes me fucking irritated. And I'll be damned if I allow him to walk in and steal her attention; the fucker needs to find another girl to target.

Stupidly, I thought making her jealous and fooling around with other girls would get her attention. I thought it would make me feel better about everything, but I am feeling anything but. I remember a time when I never cared for anyone; when I never gave a shit, but now I do, and it hurts like hell.

"Blaze, couldn't you have at least worn a tie?"

My father's complaint distracts me from my thoughts as I roll my eyes and avert my focus out the window, watching the trees as they rush by.

"You're lucky I even came," I mutter under my breath.

Why do I need to wear a tie? Am I getting married? I threw on a black jacket over my white button-down, and regardless of it not being tucked into my pants, I think that is decent enough.

He's fortunate that I decided to accompany him to that graveyard in the first place. I don't even know why I agreed to it. Ever since I met Harmony, I have been doing a lot of things that I am not accustomed to. My entire being is malfunctioning.

"Anyway, I am happy you decided to come," he says. "I love that we can spend some time together while we visit your mother."

I clench my jaw tightly. "She's not my mother."

He looks at me before blowing out a breath. Melancholy is streaked in his countenance as he refocuses ahead. He doesn't bother to say anything because it's no use; he knows he won't win.

There is a brief silence before I swallow and look over at him, deciding to ask him a question. At least I can get something for myself from this graveyard visit.

"Can I ask you something?"

He looks taken aback. We don't talk much and me asking him a question is equivalent to the sky falling.

"Oh, yes yes," he says quickly.

Why he got to be so desperate?

I sigh. "Um.... what would you call it if someone wants to see someone every day, care a lot about their feelings and feels angry when they hang around another guy or feeling like you want to cut the guy's throat with a knife when he's near her? Would that also be lust or something else?"

He looks lost for words, blinking his eyes rapidly. "Woah. That has been happening to you?"

"No, I am asking for a friend."

"Oh." He nods slowly, but I know he doesn't believe me. I don't care, I just need my answer.

"Well, that sounds like he loves this girl. All those factors occur when a person is in love."

"Okay. Then what if the person can't feel love?"

He pulls his gaze to me and I can tell he knows that that question is a total give away, but I still don't care.

"Um...well, maybe this girl is the exception to the rule. There is always one person that will always challenge your nature, and this person can also be your soulmate. Some damages can always be fixed and maybe this girl is what he needs to find back his lost emotions."

I nod. "Oh. Alright."

I look out the window, squinting my eyes from the violent sun rays. He smiles and stares at me for a while before shifting his gaze away with an unchanging smile on his face.