"Don't care enough to bother. Maybe I'm just my father. He couldn't see all of me, now I can't trust another. So darling if you'd rather a happily ever after, don't you see? that ain't me, judge me by my cover." —Leo Kaylan.

••

We are back in his car to head back to school, and it feels like no matter how much time I spend with him, I can never get enough of him.

The drawings I saw in his room are plaguing my thoughts, and I cannot help wondering if he is alright. I wish he knew that he could confide in me; I will not judge his pain or his sorrows like everyone else.

I am distracted from my mind by his awful singing as he nods his head to the music on his radio, his fingers making rhythms on his steering wheel.

A genuine smile breaks on my face as I watch him. No one would think that a mirthful soul like him would draw such painful-looking art. He appears so unbothered and without trouble that it would take more than just a mere glimpse at the surface to discern that he is fragmented. I want to peel his mask off and see his soul. But he just won't let me.

He notices the audience and looks at me with a toothy smile. "What?"

I fabricate a chuckle, shaking my head. "Nothing."

"That's a huge lie, green eyes. No one looks at someone so absorbingly without reason. Come on, what are you thinking about?"

I shrug. "I just think you suck at singing." I laugh and he pretends to look hurt but he's still smiling as he presses his palm to his chest.

"I think I sound good."

I giggle. "Okay."

I look out the window with an unchanging smile and he speaks again. "I know my voice is not as angelic as the angel sitting beside me but..."

I am blushing but shaking my head at the compliment. "I do not sound angelic...and I am not an angel."

"I don't agree with the first part of the statement, but the last part needs consideration bearing in the mind how naughty you were earlier at the beach."

"Oh God, don't." My face tints to a bright tone as I press my palms over my eyes, and he laughs at my nervousness, salivating his lips.

"But honestly." He clears his throat and tries to speak in a more serious tone. "You sound really good. Nothing moves my heart, but when you sing, I feel it deep down somewhere."

Wow. Did he mean that?

I stare at him and he looks over at me briefly before looking away again, not granting me the chance to read his eyes. Still flushing at his flattering remarks, I sink my point of focus to the flower patterns on my dress. "I'm not that great."

"Trust me, you are. You draw well, you sing well...oh yeah, and you circle your hips well."

He shoots me a grin and I have officially melted into a pile of nothing. He can't say that then smile at me and not expect me to morph into a human strawberry.

We turn into the school's parking lot and I feel the utmost disappointment that we have arrived so soon. Where is the traffic jam when you need it? I bet if I were on my way to a job interview or something it would have been present.

Being alone with Blaze felt good. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not even a copy of my favorite novel, and that's something. That's a whole lot.

"Hey um, will you be coming with me to the meeting?" I ask as I unlatch my seatbelt.

I hope I don't sound too needy. I wouldn't want him to think I am trying to snag up all his time.

He smiles as he kills his engine. "Of course I will be. I did promise you, didn't I?"

My inner self is currently smiling from ear to ear while my subconscious is shaking her head with a face of pity. She knows I am in way too deep. I know that too, but I can't seem to stop. Blaze is like an addiction that I can't get enough of. The more time I spend in his company is the more I want more; need more. I just hope I won't need rehab after this.

I grin. "Thanks."

We get out and he presses a button on his car key to lock all doors as we make our way up the pavement to the college hall.

I look over at him and smile, and he chuckles. "What? You keep looking at me the entire journey here; is there something on my face?"

I shake my head. "No... I just like seeing you like this."

He swirls his batch of keys skillfully around his finger. "Like what?"

I shrug. "Relaxed. Contented."

His eyes soften noticeably—a rare sight to see— and then he smiles, a wide one that has my heart racing way past the normal pace. The two dints in his cheeks and his white, perfect teeth never fail to set me into a trance.

"Blaze." A deep voice sounds from in front of us, and we turn our gazes to see a man standing in our pathway.

Blaze's smile instantly fades away, promptly being replaced with a straight line, and I begin to wonder why he looks this indignant. But when I pull my gaze back to the man, I realize that it is the same person I overheard him speaking with that last time in the hallway and the person who I saw on the photo earlier today. His dad.

The man is an exact replica of Blaze, possessing the same sparkly, aquatic eyes. He isn't wearing his police uniform however, just light blue jersey and khaki trousers.

"What trouble did you cause this time? The college called to tell me that you hit a kid in the Cafeteria," he begins.

I look from him to Blaze, whose jaws are now firmly clenched, and I wonder if he would ever dream of hurting his father. Maybe not, right?

The two stand there having a heated staredown and it is evident that they need space, so I look up at a steaming Blaze and force out a faint smile. "I am going to the Music Club first."

"Okay, I will be there soon," he answers, but his eyes are still fixed on his parent.

I bow with respect to his dad who nods at me as I step past them quickly. The tension is so thick that it is almost suffocating.

••

We are sitting in his car and I couldn't be any more annoyed than this. I hate being around him more than anything, hence why I decided to board at Homewood despite the close distance Grissville is from the school. I just can't be around this man for too long or one of us is going to get punched down.

"You are lucky your uncle is the chairman, or you would have gotten kicked out of the university."

"I could not care less," I answer truthfully, propping my feet up on his dashboard as I recline comfortably in my seat.

His eyes follow the action, and I can tell he wants to tell me to take them down, but he knows better so he just lets out a strained sigh instead.

"Blaze, could you please for once not be this arrogant?"

I roll my eyes and look out the window through the tinted glass.

I am being arrogant? If I clearly didn't get in trouble for the thing, why is he here taunting me?

"That girl seemed nice...is she your next victim?"

I sigh. "That's none of your business; you shouldn't worry about me."

"You should stop using and manipulating people to get what you want. She seems like a good girl; you should just leave her alone."

I pull my gaze to him with tightly furrowed brows, and my expression must appear villainous because a slight timorous look surfaces on his face and it makes me irritated even more.

He's always looking at me like I am some criminal. I know I came a long way from gang violence in high school to robbery and carjacking, but I would never harm him, mainly because logic says you don't harm your father.

That's how I live. Logics. I can't feel what it is like to trust, love, or care. I live my life unable to empathize with other people's sorrow, not even my own sometimes and it is a lonely place to be, but I don't want to care about anyone anyway—not when the world is filled with so much fake love and care. I don't want it and I don't need it.

"I think it's best if you don't involve yourself in my life," I make clear to him.

"Blaze, how can I not? I am your father. You don't think about my feelings when you say things like that do you?"

I snicker dryly, and he narrows his eyes.

"I can't empathize with anyone," I remind him. "Have you forgotten that I'm a messed-up sociopath who can't understand what it feels like to love someone? To care. You know I can't feel anything even if I wanted to so just stop asking me to."

He shakes his head exhaustedly. If he's tired why won't he just leave me alone then? I didn't ask him to care for me, especially since I can't find the feelings in me to care about him because of this stupid ASPD.

He should just give up on me. I wouldn't mind. Most people do when they find out how I am wired.

I know for a fact that Harmony will when she sees how messed up I really am. I try to show her signs but she's still around no matter how much my words are blunt and harsh. It's scary that my initial plan was to have sex with her and pull her from her shell, but I have gotten the chance to do that so many times and the deed is still not done.

I can't do it, and I am not sure why.

The most mindboggling part is that I seem to care for her—I felt it that night I witnessed her having an asthma attack; it scared the shit out of me to have seen her in that state and the thought of something happening to her makes me feel uneasy inside. I keep telling myself that I am being this nice to her so I can shatter her innocence but to be honest, sleeping with her hasn't been on my mind much lately, so I have no idea why I am still hanging around her.

I don't care for anyone, Ever. Until her that is. I care about her and I am not sure if it is because of sex anymore. Her singing—her voice is the only thing that can get me to shed a tear in this life or the next. It comforts me, more than sleeping around with many girls does.

It's fucking corny, but maybe Harmony is my medicine.

"Are you even listening to me, Blaze Xander?"

Oh, he was talking? I had no idea.

I rub my forehead. "What did you say?"

"Next week is your mom's death anniversary, for once you should come to her grave with me and—-"

"I am not coming."

He exhales hardly, and if he keeps this up he's going to get high blood pressure and I am not going to take responsibility

"Why Blaze? Why?"

"Why?" I look at him as if he's crazy. Or maybe I am the crazy one? I don't know. "Have you forgotten how she beat me every single day? Have you forgotten the bruises she used to leave on me? How she neglected and walked all over me like I was some lifeless doormat?"

I begin to laugh, and he looks at me like I am insane—another look he gives to me pretty often.

"Oh wait, how could you forget? When you were the one who fucked her head up so bad that she had to take it all out on me. Well, look." I open my arms widely. "Congratu-fucking-lations! You both fucked my head up too!"

"Blaze if you continue like this...you won't find love. You won't find someone to love and you won't learn to love and care again."

I look at him. "I don't need someone to love, what is love anyway? That woman said she loved me but that sure as fuck didn't stop her from beating me with a fucking wire. Just leave me alone."

I get out of the car and slam it close and he buries his hands in his hair.