Sorry for the late and shitty chapter. Please ignore the mistakes. Read on.

*****

"Here, Levi." The first person I saw as soon as I woke up is Hanji, sitting on the side of my bed, still wearing a worried look on their face. They handed me a glass of water which I gladly took, just realizing that my throat feels like a fucking desert. The water felt good, quenching the thirst that left my throat feeling like sand paper. "Are you feeling okay?"

'Yeah, if having a broken heart is fucking okay.'

I avoided Hanji's question and stood up from my bed, padding to the bathroom feeling Hanji's gaze on me the whole time.

Standing in front of the sink, I stared right at my reflection, taking in every little detail of what resulted from all of those crying yesterday. My eyes are swollen and red, my face still tear streaked from crying on hours end. Scowling at my reflection, I made a move and washed my face, trying to make myself look less like the mess I am. After that I went out of the bathroom and headed straight to the door, looking back at Hanji.

"Are you coming down? I want some tea." They stood up and followed me, walking through the halls and down the stairs with nothing but our footsteps to be heard. It's very unusual for Hanji to not talk my fucking ears off by now, and it's just making me much aware that there really is something wrong. That they're walking on eggshells, afraid that they might cause some more harm to me.

But I'm not fucking fragile, even after what happened, and them acting like I am one is really pissing me off.

So after setting the kettle on the stove and letting the water boil, I faced them as they sat by the countertop, raising one of my eyebrow and crossing my arms over my chest.

"What's with you?" They looked surprised at what I said, both eyebrows raising as they gape at me. Their mouth opened and closed when words failed them, but soon forcing out a confused 'what?'. I kept my face blank, as well as my voice. "Stop walking on eggshells, Hanji. I know that you want to fucking ask. Go on, stop acting like I'm going to break."

"But it just happened, Levi, it should still be a sensitive topic for you—"

"And I'm not a fucking damsel in distress. I already spent my damn day yesterday mulling over and crying over it. I think that's fucking enough." They kept their gaze on me, scrutinizing my face looking for some fault but then sighed when they saw nothing. They removed their glasses and rubbed their face, shooting me a half-hearted smile after doing so.

"Sorry, Levi. I was just so worried, y'know? After hearing you call me sounding like that, so broken and defeated, then watching you cry yourself to sleep, you just can't expect me to act all careless after that." After hearing what they said, guilt washed over me. They were only worried about me and I'm being a fucking asshole.

I didn't respond, letting the heavy silence take over us as I prepared us some tea. Offering a cup to Hanji, they took it while muttering 'thanks' and we sipped our tea in silence.

Deciding to break the silence, I set my tea down, keeping my hands wrapped around the cup before speaking. "Rein...he isn't real."

Repeating my actions earlier, they also set their cup down, looking at me before giving me a nod, prompting me to go on. "What I mean is, he's been pretending to be Rein all this time. But the truth is, he's Eren. He's been Eren the whole fucking time."

Hanji hummed and nodded, my hand proceeding to run the tip of my index finger along the rim of my cup. "How did you know?"

"I overheard it. I went to his apartment earlier to take a visit. When I entered his house, I didn't see him so I went to where his room is but when I was a few feet away, I heard him talking to his cousin, Isabel. That's when all the shits went down and...I discovered that he's been fooling me all this fucking time.

"I don't know whether or not I should believe it, I was in too much shock my mind isn't capable of taking all of those things in. I don't want to believe it, don't want to believe that all the months that I spent with him is nothing, nothing because all of them are spent with someone fake. But I knew that I had to, because it's the truth. Truth is always painful, isn't it?"

I let out a forced laugh, shaking my head as I did so. Hanji called my name, so soft and gentle, and I had to remind myself to compose myself before I completely break down again. "It just fucking hurts to know that I've been living my past months in love with a person who is nothing but real. I want to punch my fucking self for being such a damn idiot for falling for him, but I just couldn't help it. And now that I don't know if what he showed me is real or not...fuck, I never felt this so damn conflicted."

"Levi..." They placed one of their hand over mine, rubbing small circles at the back of my hand. The gesture is comforting, telling me that they're just beside me, and I was grateful for it. Hanji may be a crazy thing, but they can also be the best friend that you can have. "I know that this is hard for you. I won't tell you that it's all going to be okay since I know that you won't believe it but..." They squeezed my hand before shooting me a small smile. "I'm always here for you, okay?"

With their assurance, I allowed a small smile paint my lips, slightly punching their shoulder. "I know, thanks, Shitty Glasses."

They laughed, punching my shoulder back. "Anything for you, Midget."

*****

I wouldn't say that the next days passed by like a blur. That would've been great, considering how much of a mess I am, but no. In fact, time passes by so damn slow, like it intended to make me feel all these shitty feelings that I had in every fucking second. The bitter feeling of betrayal and hurt haunts me, and I'd prefer it if time would fucking cooperate. Maybe what people say is true, time passes by fast if you're happy, but moves excruciatingly slow when you're sad.

But life fucking goes on. I went to the University every single day, listening to shitty lectures from boring professors but unable to take any information in. My mind is too clouded up to take anything in.

Hanji made a point to make me spend my time together with them as much as possible, sometimes even asking Erwin or Petra to join me whenever they aren't available. I told them that they don't have to do it, that they're just wasting time, but they insisted, telling me that it would be much better to keep myself occupied.

Which is true, because every second that I'm alone, my mind keeps on coming back to the time that I would rather not remember. It brings me nothing but pain but still, remembering those times is the only way to fill up the hollow void inside me, to fill the longing that I felt for him.

No matter how fucking much I deny it, the truth is I really fell for him, and it isn't possible to just forget someone who meant the world to you in just a few days. My heart still beats at a fast pace whenever he subconsciously slip into my mind, but unlike before, it is accompanied by a sharp pain, like someone is digging a needle into my chest but not plunging in.

I didn't know how long I've been staring, spacing out as I looked outside the window, caught up in my own world and hurricane of thoughts. I was only pulled out of it when I felt Petra, my seatmate in three of my classes nudged me.

Turning to look at her, I wore a questioning look on my face. She pointed to our Prof, Ms. Rico (she preferred being called by her first name) who is looking at me with a dissatisfied look. "Mr. Ackerman. It seems like you're thinking of something much more interesting than my lesson. Do you want to share?"

I cleared my throat, irritated at being caught. "No ma'am, I'm just distracted."

She gave me a warning look. "I'm giving you a warning, Mr. Ackerman. You've always been like that for the past days. It would be a shame to see you having a failing grade. Focus, okay?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

She gave a nod and went back to teaching. I felt my body slackened as I slid down my seat and slumped. I feel so fucking tired just by thinking.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, rearranging and clearing my mind. I can feel Petra's gaze on me so I opened my eyes to look at her.

"What?" She didn't turn away but smiled at me, understanding and worry reflecting in her amber eyes. I felt the vine that's wrapped around my heart constricted at the sight, reminding me of Rein's own pair of eyes.

"Nothing, we're just worried about you."

I sighed. "I'm fine. Thanks but no thanks, I don't need pity."

"We're just here if you want to talk."

'I know,' I wanted to reply. 'But that's the fucking problem. I don't want to talk about it.'

I didn't reply. Ignoring her worried stare, I just did my best to focus back on the lesson.

It still hurts too much to talk about it.

*****

Later that day, I avoided them. I went out of my way to be able to not see them, and soon found myself at the comfort of my house. Laying by myself at the couch, the sounds coming from the TV serving as nothing but breaker of silence, I kept my eyes fixed on the ceiling. How long has it been since it became this quiet? How long has it been since I've been alone?

In my mind, times where I spent my days here together with Rein—or in this case, Eren—keeps on replaying, like a broken disk playing over and over again. Everywhere I look, I can see him there, standing, talking, smiling—every single thing that he has done when he's always here to be my company.

I got too used to his presence that he haunts me now that he isn't here. His presence became something that I learned to live with, and now that it's gone I need to once again adapt to it.

Due to annoyance, I clicked my tongue. Why the fuck can't I stop thinking of him? How the fuck am I suppose to forget if my mind kept on fucking with me?

Damn it.

I stood up and turned the TV off, tossing the remote to the couch before I made my way to my room. Silently padding the wooden floor, I thought of things that would help me forget or at least remove him from my fucking mind. Finding nothing, I slammed the door of my bedroom shut, rattling the frames that are hung on the wall.

Looking at my bed, the first thing I saw is Eren's sleeping form. How he would be sprawled over the bed, the blanket wrapped around him as he softly snored, occasionally murmuring incoherently. I felt funny, but not in a humorous way. It just made me more aware of how lonely I become since we broke.

I miss everything about us. Every single fucking thing that I've grown accustomed to. Our dates, star gazing, hell, even the time we spent doing nothing. I miss all of it. But I knew that none of it can be returned to how it used to.

Deciding to take a walk outside, I went to my nightstand to grab my phone. In the process, I saw our picture together, the one that we took during our first date displayed on top of it. I took it down, making it face down on the nightstand, cutting the view. Keeping in mind the cold weather caused by winter, I went to my closet and grabbed a scarf as well as my jacket before I headed out.

When I stepped outside, my breath immediately created puffs of cloud, the cold seeping into my jacket. Securing that my beanie and scarf are in place, I started walking with no particular place to go to in mind.

The streets are bustled with crowd, both young and old alike. All of them are wearing varying colors of thick coats, boots, scarves and mittens to protect themselves from the harsh cold. All of them seems to be in a festive mood, plenty of bags in hand as though they just went shopping. It made me wonder if I'm the only one who's fucking moping.

My feet seem to have its own mind, guiding me through the streets. I didn't bother apologizing to the ones I collided to. Why would I fucking do it if I didn't really mean it?

The wind blew much stronger this time, cold enough to make me shiver. I hugged myself and rubbed my arms in a feeble attempt to warm up.

I have no idea how long I walked considering how blank my mind is. The next thing I knew, I was walking through a familiar neighborhood. I went here enough to be familiarized with it and there's no doubt that everything really is fucking with me even in my subconsciousness.

I found myself standing a few blocks away from Eren's apartment, giving me a view of Eren's bedroom. I cursed myself inside my head, cursing my idiocy. I should've known better to stop myself from going here. Deciding to walk away and get out of the place as fucking fast as possible, I turned to my heels but a familiar figure caught my attention.

From his bedroom, I saw Eren, sitting by his window, a guitar in hand. His hair is tied back, giving me a good view of the side of his face.

He started strumming the guitar, his thin lips moving, although in small movements. From my place I couldn't hear anything but a faint sound of the guitar, but I knew how crestfallen it is, if I were to judge by the way his face looked.

He stopped playing and looked up, taking a few deep breaths before wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

Only then I noticed how red and swollen his eyes are, his face looking thinner than how I used to remember. His usually vibrant turquoise eyes looked dead, like all of its life is sucked out of it.

The thought that he may be experiencing the same thing that I'm going though now sent an emotion that I couldn't describe. I stood there, my eyes fixed at him as he stood up and closed his window before completely leaving my sight. I didn't know what I feel, my emotions all messed up like a brewing storm. Finally taking back enough sense, I turned and walked away quickly, Eren's face burned in my mind.

It felt like my body is on autopilot moving even with my mind's absence. What I saw just made me feel worse than I did before and I don't know if I regret it or not.

Maybe I'll try to go there. It's the only place that I found comfort, no matter what memories that place held.

Soon enough, I found myself at the park where everything started. My legs felt weak and sore, heavy like mercury, and it just gave up when I sat on the swing. The rational part of me says that I'm overreacting, that seeing him like that shouldn't bothered me as much as it fucking did to me, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help worrying, couldn't help to feel hurt for him, couldn't help to feel guilty knowing that I'm the reason why he's like that. I tried to reason that it wasn't my fault, it's his wrong doing that brought us here in the first place, but it didn't stop the nagging feeling inside me.

I stayed there at the park for hours, watching the children play around, laughing and as carefree as they can be. How I wish that I'm a child again. At least I wouldn't be dealing with too much shits.

After an hour of exposure to the cold, my hands already felt numb, my face already red with my lips chapped. I already felt calm, at least as calm as I can be with my situation, so I decided to go home and take a well needed rest.

It didn't take long until I arrive. The first thing I did is take a warm bath and change my clothes into a more comfortable ones, before going to the kitchen to set the kettle for my tea. As if on cue, my phone rang, alerting me of a message. I took it out of my pocket and checked it, the message coming from an unknown number.

Levi, I'm already here, please open the door. I miss you.

My brows knitted together in confusion as I repeatedly read the message. Who could this be? Is this someone I knew?

Anxiety built up inside me as I think of the possibilities of who the sender may be. My instincts tells me something and I got a hunch of who it is, but I'm trying to deny it. Moments later I heard a knock from the outside, and it made the uneasiness I feel amplify.

Walking to the door, the only thing that I think is how much I hope that it isn't him. Hell, I'll be fucking glad if it is Hanji. Anyone but him. I don't want to make things more complicated.

I gripped the doorknob and took a deep breath, my grip so tight to the point that it is turning white. Then slowly, I turned the knob, my heart hammering in my chest.

When I saw the person standing by my doorway, all of the air in my lungs escaped me. I stared at the person with wide eyes, not wanting to believe what I'm seeing.

He smiled at me, his amber eyes as bright as ever, as smooth and rich as honey. His hair is just the same as it used to be since we were kids, just a taller and more mature version of it. He looked exactly the same as his twin, with only their eye color and hair length being the difference.

I was too shocked to move. It felt like I'm paralyzed, my mins reeling with thoughts of how complicated everything become. All because of his arrival.

Without saying a word, he pulled me into a hug, my body unable to do any movements. I just let him wrap his arms around me, bury his face into the crook of my neck.

I know I should be glad that he's here, that the real person that I fell for before is already standing in front of me in flesh and bones. But I wasn't happy, and it frustrated me more.

"I miss you, Levi. It's been too long. I'm back now."

His words just seem to echo inside my mind but didn't process anything. All I knew that his arrival would just make things more difficult.

*****

Author's Note

Holy fucking shit, I'm so sorry for not updating for too long! I was out of inspiration, and life is just too filled with shits. I apologize for being gone, and I hope that this chapter can serve as my apology (even though it's so shitty).

I hope that you enjoyed this. I want to know what you think about my writing these past few chapters 'cause I feel like I'm plunging into something that makes me feel like everything I write is shitty and not worth reading. An honest opinion would really be helpful.

Another note, I published a oneshot called "Stay". For those of you who hasn't read it yet, please do check it if you have time. I published it as a gift for Halloween.

So yeah, thanks for reading this. Every single one of you, thanks. I'm glad that you guys still read this even though I'm a shitty writer.

I think that's all. 'Til next time then.