This is unedited. Please ignore it. Ahead to the shitty chapter.

*****

I fucked up.

I knew that since the moment I saw Levi standing by the doorway, eyes wide with his skin pale like all of his blood has been sucked out of him. Knew it since the moment our eyes met, since his gunmetal eyes clashed with my turquoise eyes. At that moment, all of the things I feared off happened, and all my nightmares became my reality.

I never wanted to lie to him. I never wanted to pretend as my twin. But my selfishness got me, lured me into an illusion where I can be with him, where I can feel loved by the one that I wanted the most since I was a kid. The one who never got to be mine because he was someone else's since the start. And that someone is none other than my fucking twin.

It fucking hurts. I never got to tell him I love him. Instead I was forced to watch at the sideline, watch the both of them look at each other with nothing but fondness. It feels like stabbing myself with a poisonous knife every time I need to spend my time with them, just to be treated like an extra. I want Levi all to myself, to be the one who he loves, but I can't. Rein is the one he wants, not me.

My selfishness got me to where I wanted. I got to spend time with him, I got to tell him what I feel towards him, I got to feel loved by him. But it wasn't enough. I wasn't truly happy. I can't be happy knowing that he only loves me because he thought that I was Rein. That everything I did for him, it was Rein who's doing that. It didn't make me happy to hear those three words when the truth is it wasn't for me, but for someone that I pretended to be.

I felt guilty. Every night my conscience bugs me, slowly eating me away. It gets more and more harder to carry as each day pass by, making the weight on my shoulder heavier. But I couldn't deny the fact that it still made me glad. Every second that I spent with him made me feel alive, like I'm the luckiest person that ever existed. The way his hands perfectly fit with mine, the way his soft lips feels like live wire every time it meets with mine, the way his voice softened every time he tells he loves me. It made all of the guilt I feel be forgotten, buried at the back of my mind.

But now I couldn't go on with all of my lies. Just the look of Levi made my heart shatter into pieces, made me want to go back in time and undo all of the pretense I made.

And then he cried, asking me for a good fucking reason why. A good reason why I did all of that. I couldn't respond. There's no good reason for what I did. It was all fueled by my desire, fueled by my selfishness. No matter how I look at it, there's no fucking way that I can pull some valid reason for what I did to him.

The sight of him hurting and crying all because of me sent millions of bullet straight to my heart. I don't want him to fucking hate me. I don't know what I'll do if he starts to hate me but I couldn't blame him. It's all my fucking fault, and him hating me isn't enough to pay for what I did.

I was planning to tell him everything but I was scared. I'm a fucking coward for not taking responsibility over what I did. And now everything fell into a damn mess, a mess that I wouldn't be able to fix and clean up.

I let out another shout as I threw a punch on the wall, feeling my knuckles burn as it made another hard contact. I don't know how many times I did it, but soon enough I can see my knuckles being coated in red, my wound leaving a red mark on the wall. I kept on doing it, ignoring the pain coming out of my knuckles, hoping that the pain will somehow make me forget about the unbearable pain in my chest.

It didn't.

The scene earlier kept on playing inside my mind, making me feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare. Levi's broken face was burned deep inside my mind and no matter how hard I tried to keep it away, it wouldn't.

Before my broken fist hit the concrete wall once again, a hand grabbed my arm, halting me. Looking down at who interrupted me, I'm about to shout at them when I saw the face of my cousin, Isabel, with her eyes swollen and red as tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

"Eren, s-stop it... P-please... Stop hurting y-yourself..."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took deep breaths in attempt to calm me down. I couldn't afford to lash out at Izzy. This isn't her fault.

"Iz—"

"Sorry!" Her words came out fast and rushed, her head low with her eyes tightly closed, like she's afraid that I'll hit her. "I'm very sorry! I-I didn't mean to—"

She wasn't able to finish her sentence since I pulled her into a hug, hushing her while doing so. It just made her cry even more, soaking the front of my shirt with her tears.

"E-Eren, why aren't you mad at me? Come on, do what you want! Scream at me, slap me—just please! Don't act like I did nothing!" She started hitting her fists on my chest but the impact is so weak that I barely felt it. I didn't do anything to stop her, just kept on hushing her and keeping my arms wrapped around her shaking body. I looked up and took a deep breath, closing my eyes to stop the tears that's threatening to resurface.

God, I never thought that it would hurt this fucking much. I might as well get shot straight to the heart.

"Shh, stop crying, Iz. None of these is your fault. Everything came to this because I'm a fucking coward. So please, Iz, stop blaming yourself." She gripped the front of my shirt, her sobbing slowly becoming calm.

"But it's because of me that he discovered it..." Her voice sounded so small and weak, her guilt practically dripping in every word.

I pulled away, lifting one of my hand to rest on top of her head, ruffling her hair in an attempt to bring her assurance. "It'll come to that sooner or later. If he didn't hear that, I don't think that I'll ever have the guts to tell him the truth." Then I gave her a smile, a smile no more genuine than the life I've lived to the past months. "Maybe that's a way of fate, telling me to stop my delusions. I was just so caught up in it that I didn't see it long ago. You're not the one to blame so please stop crying."

I was trying to lighten up the mood but I can tell that I'm doing a horrible job at it. I can see her reluctance, but in the end she smiled, a look of relief flooding her face. It lifted some of the heaviness in my chest, but it doesn't relieve the pain that's still assaulting it. Then the look on her face morphed into one of worry, her gaze fixed on my knuckle that's still bleeding out, the crimson liquid staining the floor.

"Oh my God! Let me—let me fix that. Sit on the bed while I get the kit."

"No, it's okay—"

"Don't argue with me, Eren. You might've broken it. Now stop being a child and sit on the bed." Turquoise eyes clashed with another and I sighed, knowing that she'll make me do it one way or another. We are known to be stubborn.

"Fine."

"Good. Now place your ass on that bed while I get the kit."

She ran to the bathroom and I walked back to my bed, sitting on it tiredly. I rubbed my face with my hands, totally exhausted with the events that happened earlier.

Before I can even stumble back to the painful happenings earlier, Izzy came out of the bathroom, a first aid kit in hand. She knelt in front of me, taking out everything she needs before holding out a hand. "Show me your hand."

"Really, Iz. I can handle it."

"Stop it, Eren. As far as I know, a bleeding and probably broken knuckle isn't the definition of 'okay'."

I just did what she asked and she started working on it. After she finished removing the blood, she dampened a cotton ball with alcohol. "This is gonna hurt a bit."

I smiled a little. "Come on, how many times do you have to tell me that? You've been doing it for years."

My statement made a little smile appear on her lips. "Well, you're just a troublemaker, always getting into fights." She sighed, shaking her head while tutting disapprovingly. "I wonder how Aunt Carla isn't getting g sick of you."

"If you only knew." Both of us chuckled at that before returning to silence. I felt relieved to finally set her out of worry.

Staring at my hand that's being aided, I started spacing out, my mind slipping back to the earlier events. I couldn't get over what he had said earlier. I wonder if it was true. If I really did come to him as Eren since the start, would he really learn to love me? Would we still be together now?

There's no place for what ifs now. I couldn't go back in time and start over, nor reset everything I did. It would only bring me hurt to think of the possible things that should be happening right now if not for my foolishness.

"I'm really sorry, Eren." I was snapped back to reality when I heard Izzy. She wasn't meeting my eyes, just keeping her eyes fixated on my wounded knuckle. "I wish I can do anything to fix it, but I can't think of anything. I never should've pry in the first place. Maybe it wouldn't come to this."

"We already talked about it, Iz. I don't want to hear you blaming yourself, okay? Listen to me." She didn't respond. I know that she got the heavy feeling of guilt in her chest and even though I don't want it to happen I know that I couldn't do anything about it.

Silence returned after that, but this time, I didn't let myself wallow in self pity. It wouldn't do me any good. Instead, I should think of a way to apologize, think of a way to have his forgiveness and to have his trust again.

The silence was broken when my phone that's resting on the bed rang, capturing both mine and Isabel's attention. I took it and stared at the screen, my heart hammering in my chest when I saw Levi's name flashing on the screen.

Answering the call, I pressed the phone to my ear, Isabel watching me with worry. I shook my head and forced a smile, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"Levi, I'm sorry. I—"

"Eren." Instead of Levi's voice, I heard Hanji's, voice stern. It made me gulp, realizing that the easy-go-lucky Hanji is being serious.

"Hanji." Isabel tilted her head to the side. I mouthed "Levi's friend" and she nodded, returning my attention to Hanji. "What is it? Is Levi okay?"

I heard a sigh came from the other line. "Yeah, he is. He just passed out from exhaustion." Another sigh. "What the fuck did you do?"

"I..." I told them everything, how I went back from Germany to get back to Levi, how I pretended to be my twin. It made my throat dry, my mind realizing how much of an idiot I am for doing all of the lying. I'm regretting everything.

"So you're Eren all this time? I can't believe what you did. That's shitty. You don't know how damn much it affected Levi. He was crying so damn much that he passed out."

I can feel my anger starting to surface so I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I shouldn't let my anger get the best of me. I'm the bastard here, I don't have any rights to be mad.

"I know that, Hanji. I'm so fucking aware. Do you think that this isn't hard for me? It fucking is. This is harder for me than it is to Levi. I feel so guilty and mad at myself for hurting him. I... I'm scared that he already hate me. I don't want that to happen."

"I won't interfere with what's happening between you two. Just remember this; it would be better if you stay away from him for a while. A few days will do. He needs to breath and think, and you not bothering him would be a great help. I understand you, you did it because you love him and everything you said and did for him was all true. But he is so hurt that he thinks that all of those aren't true. Try to fix this, Eren. It hurts me to see him like this. "

I let out a sigh of relief. "I will, Hanji. Thanks for not being mad."

"And who said that I'm not mad? Of course I am. You hurt my little marshmallow. If you only knew how much I want to strangle you right now. But it's not my place. I'm just here to help him."

"Okay, thanks for caring for him. I'll do my best."

"You better, Yeager. Or else..." They left the threat hanging before they ended the call. I let out a sigh and ran my hands through my hair, tugging it. Then I looked at Isabel.

"I'll apologize to him. I just need to let a few days pass."

I'm sorry, Levi. I hope that I can fix everything I broke.

*****

A few days had already passed. I resisted the urge I had to call Levi. I went on with my life, wake up in the morning still feeling tired from having lack of sleep, go to school, go home and spend another night thinking of him. I miss all the moments I had with him. I always wish that he's beside me, talking and laughing and cuddling. I miss his voice, the way his eyes lighten up whenever we talk about the thing that pick his interest, the subtle blush on his cheeks whenever I tell him I love him or kiss his cheek or forehead. I miss the way he look at me fondly, like I'm the most precious person in the world. Most of all, I miss those lips of him, miss the heat and taste of him.

He's a drug that I can't get enough of now that I got a taste.

After another day of dealing with shits in school, I went back home. The sight that welcomed me is Armin who's currently sitting on the couch, eyes fixated on the TV as he search through the channels available.

Even after knowing what I did, Armin took it all in calmly. He didn't treat me differently in which I'm thankful for, knowing that he also knew Levi.

Noticing me, he tore his gaze away from the TV and looked at me, a smile on his lips. "Hey, Re—I mean, Eren. Wanna watch some movies?"

I shook my head, removing my shoes before walking in further. "No, I think I need a rest."

His bright look turned dim, a sad smile on his lips. "You do. You're not sleeping nor eating enough. You should take care of yourself, you know? You're treating yourself way too hard.

I deserve it. I wanted to say that but decided against it. I just offered him a weak smile. "I'm fine."

I know that he didn't but it. But still, he nodded. "If you say so."

I walked up to my room and shut the door silently, throwing my bag to the couch before throwing myself at the bed. I pulled my pillow closer to me, the one that smelled a bit like Levi, and buried my face in it, inhaling his scent.

I fucking miss him so much.

I already let a few days pass. Maybe I can go to him and talk things out. I don't want to ruin everything between us. God, I would do anything to ask for his forgiveness. I should do it while Rein still isn't here because once he did, it'll be a lot harder for me to get Levi for myself.

Closing my eyes, I was drifting off to sleep when my phone rang again. I took it and answered it without looking.

"Who's this?"

"Eren." I sat up, my eyes widening as I heard the voice came from the other line. I felt my blood ran cold and my palms started sweating.

"Rein?" Shit. It couldn't be. How the fuck will I get Levi if he'll come to the scene?

"You don't sound so happy, brother. We haven't talk for a while."

"I—" Fuck. I hope that what I think is wrong. He just couldn't—shouldn't—come back. At least not until I made up with Levi. "Hey, sorry. It's just that a lot of things are going on."

"It does sound like it."

"Why did you call?" My heart is beating fast as I wait for his answer, my free hand curled into a fist. My stomach is tied in knots but not in a good way.

"I'm back. I just came back from Germany."

What he said hit me like a ton of bricks, my mind reeling as panic took over me. Shit. This is the thing I fear to happen. It couldn't be.

"Huh?" I sounded like an idiot, but I was too gone far to care. I don't want to believe it. Now the hope of us getting back together gets bleaker and bleaker with my twin getting inti the scene. The real Rein. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to surprise you. I guess it was a success?"

"Yes. You did surprise me." I stood up, getting my car keys on the night stand before bolting out of the room. I need to get to Levi. Quick. "Where are you now?"

"I'm going to Levi's apartment. I want to see him after so long. God, I miss him."

"How did you know where he lives?"

"I have my way, Eren."

"Is that so?" I didn't show it in my voice, but I am so fucking nervous. I need to get there before he does. I need to see Levi before it's too late.

I stormed out of the house in hurry, ignoring Armin's questions. Getting inside my car, I started up the engine and pulled out to the road, driving as fast as I can without breaking the speed limit.

"Rein, I need to go. I'll get back to you later." I hung up without waiting for his reply, focusing on driving. Time seemed to move slower with all the thoughts I had in mind, and I'm thankful that there isn't any traffic that will slow me down.

I didn't know how long I drive. I just did it like my life depended on it, which in a way is, and soon I am at Levi's neighborhood. I drove past the houses and looked for Levi's. I went our as fast as I could when I reached my destination, slamming the door shut in hurry as I jogged to his front door.

Only to see Rein hugging a very shocked Levi by the doorway.

*****

Author's Note

Hey guys. Sorry for taking too long to update. I am still so busy even after my tests ended.

So I know that the update is kinda boring, but I hope that you enjoyed it still. I wrote it in Eren's POV cause why the fuck not? I also do miss writing him so, yeah.

Please let me know your thoughts about this chapter! I would also like to know if you guys are enjoying this story. Don't worry, fun's about to start. (I guess.)

Enough of this author's note. 'Til next time then!