"Danny, wait. Stop." A half drunk Jon shouted as he raced to catch up with me, or at least tried to.

I'd never seen this carefree side of him and if I weren't so drunk, I'd think it was cute. A grown man who everyone else saw as always the brooding, tyrannical, asshole, was now all disoriented and carefree as he stumbled to catch up with me.

"Hey." He said, pulling me to a stop just as I reached my car.

"Don't touch me. Never touch me again. You've lost your right to touch me." I slurred as I stared at his chest which I could see from his skin tight sports jersey.

"What're you doing here?" He continues, ignoring my statement and closing the gap between us.

"It's a club if you haven't noticed and I'm doing exactly what you were doing just now."

"What?"

He looks at me as though I lost my mind and I honestly felt as if I had. "I don't get why you're mad at me. You're the one going around sleeping with everything with a heartbeat and just cause you saw me talking to one guy you wanna act jealous? You don't get to be jealous-"

"I'm not jealous! I don't get jealous. I'm not some stupid dude who gets hung up over some stranger who he isn't even sleeping with-"

"Exactly! I told you I don't do one night stands and you obviously made it clear that you can't keep it in your pants long enough to even try and be in a committed relationship."

"At least I'm honest! Here you are being totally fine kissing up to some stranger... or maybe you're worse, maybe he's your boyfriend and I was just some sidepiece you wanted to score with."

"I-" Jon stops, stares at me for a moment longer with an expression I can't really decipher because I was so drunk before he shakes his head and takes a step back causing me to get some sort of sanity once more.

"I'm not yours, therefore I can do whatever pleases me and you can go along your merry way screwing whatever bats it's eyes at you."

"Fuck you."

That's all I said. That's all my drunk brain could come up with and I left a half drunk Jon standing at the side of the parking lot as I hopped in my car and drove off.

I knew I was way too drunk to drive but it was way better to put a million miles between us than to stand there and try to convince him that I'll put my fuckboy ways behind me just so he wouldn't go back in there to the dude I knew was waiting on him.

It shouldn't bother me that he would move on with someone else but it did. It did so much that I wanted to punch a wall or walk back into the club and punch the dude that did nothing wrong.

Shaking my head, I mashed hard on the brakes as I almost swerved into my housemate.

Damon hops in as he was too drunk to realize he almost lost his life and I watch as he immediately pushes the seat back as he got comfortable.

"I-"

"Dude, I'm so drunk." Damon says as he turns to look at me before chuckling to himself.

I try to get my heart rate under control before I slowly drove off and focused hard on the dark road ahead.

Knowing that neither of us were in any state to head all the way home, I parked the car at the beach and got out. Damon immediately joins me and we both get on top of the hood as we laid and stared up at the sky.

It was already late but it was better to sweat out a bit of the alcohol that to try and find our way home.

"I'm an asshole." Damon softly murmurs as he closes his eyes and I stay quiet as I allow him to talk.

"I had a good thing and I let him go because I was afraid of commitment."

He chuckles as he once more stared at the sky and I knew he was deep in thought. I'm tired of losing people I love. First my parents then Levi, I just... I just don't think I have it in me to lose someone else."

"I thought you didn't want to be with him, thought you didn't identify as gay."

"I don't care if people call me a fucking sheep or goat, I just want..."

He stops, letting his words trail off.

"Then why are you so afraid to be with him?"

"Because I'm afraid he'll leave me... Which he did. They always do in the end."

"That's not true. Chris loves you and I know it wasn't his intention to break up with you-"

"It wasn't Levi's intention either but I'm here and he's not."

"Damon-"

"He promised he'd stay and he didn't."

"He died of-"

"He lied. Pretended that he'd always be here and he left. What's gonna stop Chris from leaving me, huh?" He stared at me and I had no response. "So I fucked it up. Ensured that if I drew him away now, it'll hurt less."

"You love him. That'll never hurt less."

Damon sighs as he looks at me. "I know. " He responded defeated. "I love him... And I lost him."

"At least you had a chance to love. My family is here and it's like they're not. We are so broken...

My dad doesn't know I'm bi and if he did, he'd beat the shit outta me. I know I shouldn't give a crap but I do. He was there for most of our lives, we weren't a perfect family but we were one.

I don't know if I drew him away or if we weren't good enough but I already lost him once.

If it's that easy for him to walk away, why should I think anyone would stay with me, huh? I couldn't even get my dad to stay... So how could I get anyone else?

And worse... What if I'm just like my dad? What if I'm the one to leave? I don't want someone to feel this fucked up because of me.

So it's better... It's better to just have one night stands than to have a relationship that's destined to fail."

"We are both so fucked up."

I sighed as I realised he was right. We both had people who cared about us but because of our past, our thoughts, we couldn't let them in. I couldn't even talk to my twin about this because I doubt whether he'd understand.

For one, he's straight. He's the total opposite to me in every way possible and his life is perfect. And two... He's the most loyal guy I knew.

"I wish I were my twin." I murmured as I turned to Damon.

"I don't. Because if you were, then I couldn't do this."

It was wrong, it was so wrong.

I knew it and he knew it.

He had a boyfriend and I had a boss but we were so drunk and I just wanted to stop hurting.

So I let him kiss me and pushed all the reasons why we shouldn't to the back of my mind.

We were both drunk, it was allowed.

At least that was what I convinced myself of as my best friend, my brother's best friend, the guy we called our blood, kissed me late at night under the stars.