Do you even know what your talking about

I had no idea what I had gotten myself into when I got into college. I was always told that I would be able to do anything I set my mid to, that I would help the world one day, that I would pass college.

But that was never true, not even a bit.

I was naive and trusted everything I was told without thought but I believed I was different than everyone else.

It all started the summer before my first year of college. My best friend had asked me to go to the caffe down the road from my house and we were just going to study. Then I saw her. I had never seen someone so beautiful.

I walked over to her and asked for her number. Her smile was like nothing I'd ever seen but she turned me down. I didn't know how to deal with my emotions so I slinked out of the coffee shop as my friend yelled my name. I just kept walking until I reached my house.

The next day my friend told me off for blowing her off like that but I didn't care.

The girl from the coffee shop was just so beautiful and I couldn't get over her.

I've never been like other girls because I find other woman beautiful and attractive but I've never seen men in an attractive way. I know it's not natural but I just love women.

I'm scared that if my friends were to ever find out they might disown me but I have hope that they'll be supportive. I know my family wasn't.

My mother would always say that it was just a phase with a contorted face and I believed her but a sinking feeling said that she was wrong. As I grew older I started to realize that she was horribly incorrect.

Sometimes I wish I could just like men the way I do women but then I think "Will I ever be happy that way?" And my answer is no.