I am living in a daydrem.

I am living in imaginary moments

before they even happen.

I am the living proof

that things do not always

have to be bad,

not while you have control over it,

not while you can protect yourself,

in a way.

I imagine myself in situations

that rarely do happen,

I imagine myself speaking of many secrets I have

so that someone might know the things I've been through,

so that someone might empathize,

so that someone might understand.

I have this innocent believing

that if I send positive thoughts into the universe,

the universe will send good things back.

But the thing is,

The universe is a BITCH.

The universe will

beat you down,

tell you you are not good enough,

and think:

"Hmm. What shit will I send her today?"

The universe is a disappointment,

a defeat,

it is a setback disguised as an open road;

the flesh of false alarm that we never catch,

yet we still, for some reason,

reach for it.

Our broken fingers pass through

the rivers of reality,

Our collapsible bodies dive

and never get up.

I imagine this parallel life,

not on purpose I suppose.

It comes unexpected,

It comes with imagining the words

that should come of my mouth,

words that should be typed into a keyboard,

one scorching push after another,

words that died often

too many times.

Iam always listening to the calls of this other world.

My ears are pressed to the keyholes,

my breath is silent.

I am still,

and so reality is still,

and I live in a daydream.

(for a while though,

for I can't survive being there for too long,

or rather it can't survive being neglected.)

I imagine not being so sensitive,

I imagine not being so much aware of the world

and for once, let things be on their own.

I imagine speaking some language

that others do not understand

I imagine speaking other language

that I don't even understand.

I am the wishing well

forged from bellow,

and I let myself forget

that there is even a slightly bit of prison around.

And as I am stepping in it's muddy water

and my hands try to recognize

the shape of it's wall.

I am already imagining

that I am above.

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//January 2017//