Chapter 2 – "Baby Got Back"

Beauty Queen – Ben's Brother

portrayed by

"Woah."

Mom stepped into the kitchen with her black purse hanging loosely from her shoulder. She was dressed in her usual pants suit and ready for work, even though she wasn't required to be there for another four hours.

"What went off in here?" she asked with a slight chuckle, observing the wreckage that had found home in her formerly spotless kitchen.

I sighed and looked over at Ethan, shirtless and too invested into the Biology book to even notice mom had entered.

"Ethan, here, is cramming for the biology test that I told him to study for." I explained, more annoyed than anything.

Mom nodded and smiled, briskly walking over to the stove. I eyed her carefully, becuase if my mom was anything, it was a woman with too much things to do to bother learning what a stove even did. "Mom, what are you doing?"

She turned around with a big smile on her face, enough to make my stomach churn. "I just want to make breakfast for my boys, is that so wrong?"

I blinked. "Yes. Since when were you super mom, anyway?"

She smiled. "Since my baby boy got a girlfriend.

I huffed, making Ethan growl in annoyance. "Keep it down would you?" he barked before sighing, "It's hard enough learning what the hell amino acids are. I don't need to hear you talking right now."

"If you would have just studied like I told you to then maybe you wouldn't have to cram."

He lifted up his arm and I swear it knocked me through a loop. I covered my nose immediately. "Jesus," I said in a nasally voice, "Can you please go and take a shower? Preferably with soap this time."

"Oh, Hardy Har-Har." He threw back. His face retreated back into the book, "besides, I don't have any clothes here."

"Well, you exactly can't go to school smelling like you've been frolicking in the garden of crap. You can wear one my shirts and a pair of jeans."

"Language." Mom warned and Ethan finally looked up and acknowledged her presence.

"Morning Mrs. Haynes, you're looking mighty fine." He grinned.

Mom blushed lightly. "Oh stop, Ethan," she said softly, waving him off like she was some thirteen year old teenager girl.

"No, seriously, you're really pretty today."

"Oh My God." I interrupted. "My best friend and my mom are hitting on one another. Please stop before I have nightmares."

Mom scowled, "Stop it Spencer, he's just being nice." She looked at her watch briefly before grumbling under her breath. "I have to go." she looked at the stove and then back to her supposed boys.

I waved her off. "It's okay. We'll get a muffin on the way to school or something."

She smiled and turned to leave but clapped her hands with realization and turned back with a huge smile on her face, "By the way. Dinner tonight with the Martins so bring your girlfriend."

"What?"There was an echo. Both I and Ethan looked at one another, looking equally as nervous.

Mom eyed us suspiciously, darting her eyes between the both of us before they settled on me, "Is that a problem?"

There was a stiffening silence after she asked. I peered over at Ethan for an answer or to at least come up with an excuse but then I remembered...he was Ethan.

"No." I answered quietly, much to Mom's happiness. She smiled, readjusting her purse on her shoulder and left through the kitchen door.

"Dude," Ethan mumbled. "You are so screwed."

I swallowed sharply. "For once, I agree with you."

Once we got the kitchen cleaned up and Ethan smelling like he had a roof over his head, we headed to school. I was too nauseous to even eat at that point and skipped breakfast which I'm sure I'd pay for when my stomach becomes the class clown during third period.

Once we got to school, Ethan and I split up. He went off to find Jake, our other male friend to get some more studying in for the Bio quiz later today and I headed to my locker with the short but strong headed brunette in tow, Karla.

"So, how was the party thing with your dad and his boss' daughter?"

I shrugged, opening my locker that sat conveniently next to Karla's. Convenient since she was closest (besides Ethan of course) to me in our little group of six.

If me and Ethan's relationship was like a marriage then me and hers was like Anakin and Obi-Wan''s. She was like a mentor of sorts and not just because she was a senior and slightly older, but because she had the right words and knew exactly how to deal with a situation. She was mother hen.

"It was alright if alright means that my father and mother think I'm in love."

Her eyes widened, "They think you're in love with the chick already?"

I sighed, head still in the locker. "No," I mumbled, looking for my family life book, "they think it's someone else."

I heard her locker close. "Well, why do they? I mean, it's not like you lied to them or anything."

I finally found the book at the back of the locker under the endless math stuff and pulled it out, slamming the locker and leaning against it.

When I didn't answer her, she groaned. "Why?"

My eyes stayed forward. For some weird reason, this hall was empty. At this time of morning usually everyone was bustling by trying to fit in time to talk to friends and get their books.

"I don't know really." I said truthfully. "I just said it to get dad off of my back."

"Your Dad and perfection." She spat, "One of these days he's going to realize that there's no such thing."

"Yeah, well, today's not that day and now they want to meet my non-existent girlfriend tonight when Mr. Martin comes over for an intimate dinner with the family."

She sighed. "What a pickle you're in."

I looked over at her with innocent eyes and pouty lips. Hoping that she got what I was asking for.

At first she blinked but after a few short seconds, she registered the message and her eyes blew up. "Oooooh, no."

"Please do this for me." I begged.

She shook her head vigorously, "Absolutely not, Spence. This has bad idea written all over it. Like Britney Spears 2007 VMAs level of foreshadowing."

"So what am I supposed to do? I can't carry a blow up doll."

"Then find some other girl."

I frowned. Like who?"

"Spencer, every single thing in this school under the age of eighteen with a vagina has a thing for you."

"Why does that mean I have a thing for them?" I shot back, a little offended that I was once again being seen as just a good looking guy.

She lifted a confused brow, "Why is this all of a sudden a problem for you?" her eyes narrowed, "is there something else going on?"

"No." I said quickly, "I've got to get to first." I tried to walk pass her but she caught my arm and pulled me back.

"First doesn't start for another thirty minutes," she retorted, keeping a tight grip on my arm, "Now tell me, what is going on with you?"

"If I knew I'd tell you."

"No cryptic crap, Spencer." She scolded, "Now tell me, what's up? Is it the Ethan thing?" she asked, finally releasing me.

My eyes shot to her, "No. Please don't bring that up."

She sighed. "Have you two even talked about that night since it happened?"

It was my turn to sigh, "No, I think he's afraid to bring it up and I'm fine with it."

Kids were starting to crowd the halls now, bringing their normal idle chatter along with them. "You two have so many problems that you don't address. One of these days it's going to knock the both of you onto your asses."

It was true but my philosophy was what wasn't addressed didn't exist. I and Ethan were good at talking but this thing – this...was a little too uncomfortable for even us.

Karla swept her hair out of her face, offering me a sympathetic smile. "It's okay to like-like him, you know."

I blew out hot air, "Why is," I screeched before I got weird looks form teens passing by. I recoiled backwards until my back smacked my locker, "Why is everyone asserting that I like-like Ethan? I don't. I'm not even gay." I said in a hushed voice, enough for me and Karla to hear.

She frowned. "Maybe because it's true. Best Friends don't act the way you do. It's so obvious you two are in love even Helen Keller would notice it."

"Okay 1. Offensive and 2. That's not true."

Karla's frowned curved further downward. "I just wish for once you'd express how you're feeling honestly without this Chinese wall up around you." She tried to smile. "It's okay to be...gay, you know?"

I started fidgeting nervously. "Look, I have to go."

"Face it." she interjected, "Ethan is the best thing you've never had."

I clenched my jaw, averting my eyes. "Love is for idiots." I mumbled as the narrow wide hallway continued to fill up with students.

She chuckled lightly. "You're saying that now, but tell me, what did you say when he did what he did that Halloween last year?"

I didn't respond. It was the answer she wanted and the answer I wasn't willing to admit. I was perfectly lonely and loving it.

"Think about it Spence, he kisses you goodbye, he calls you everyday, he picks you up and drops you home even though you have a car of your own, he watches chick flicks with you , he calls you babe sometimes, he sings to you when you're down and he's probably going to ask you to junior prom."

I snorted. "He has hundreds of girls to choose from."

"Yeah," she said, rolling her eyes, "and I bet he miraculously won't find one in time and has no choice but to take you instead." She snickered. "He might be blind not to see it but you aren't as ignorant. You feel it when you look at him. You know there's something special about him. Explore it and if you don't like it...then you're not gay."

I looked over at her more timidly, more scared this time. I exhaled shakily. "What if I do like it? What then?" I asked.

Karla's face lit up brightly. She giggled a bit and grabbed me by the hand, placing her hands into mine, "Then I'll gladly be the maid of honor at your wedding."

"I wouldn't' buy a dress just yet." I mumbled before sighing. "Now I really have to get to class." I said quickly, holding my book tight with one hand.

She smiled before nodding. "We'll talk once I get to your place tonight."

A smile steadily attached itself to my face when she said that. "So, you'll be my fake girlfriend?"

"You better treat me fake right or I'll fake break up with you too." She smiled.

I couldn't help myself, I dropped my family life book and grabbed her shoulders, engulfing her off guard into a huge hug.

"Thank you, Thank You, Thank You." I sang, still holding her tightly, probably a little too tightly since she was gasping for air.

Once I let her go she stumbled back looking a little irritated but overall happy as well. "That's what friends are for."

I smile done last time before picking up my book and readjusting my back on my shoulder. We said our goodbyes and trotted to class.

I had to walk a longer distance since the family Life rooms were far from where I was. Just another reason I hated Mondays.

The room was packed and all the seats were filled. All except one.

Ethan's bag sat in the seat next to him while the owner's head was still head first into the same book from this morning.

I smiled, briskly walking over to him. "Is this seat taken?"

Ethan looked up then down at the bag before smiling, "I don't know," he answered, "Mr. Bag looks kind of comfortable here."

I scoffed at his joke before moving his bag, throwing it into his lap before sitting down. "Well Mr. Bag is just going to have to deal."

Ethan snickered, resting the bag onto he ground next to his feet before diving back into the book.

I watched him as discreetly as possible. Not that it mattered though; I could be looking at him with binoculars and he still wouldn't notice.

But I still watched as stealthy as I could. I watched him as he licked the tip of his fingers every time he turned the page.

I noticed how he would scratch his head when he encountered a word too big and flipped to the back of the book to see if there was any form of a dictionary in the back and how when he would be reading something integral and get sidetracked by the pictures for five minutes.

It was...adorable.

I had to admit it. I was attracted to him but that wasn't enough basis to prove that I was in love or gay for that matter. I was just...confused. It happens to every guy. It's a test and I planned on passing it.

"Okay class." That oh so irritatingly familiar voice blasted through the already wild atmosphere that circulated through the room.

Mrs. Tanner, small, pudgy and annoying as hell made her way to the front of the class where her desk sat, dropping her books onto the table and leaning against the already faulty desk.

She peered over to me and Ethan, who sat in front of the classroom. "This isn't science, Ethan."

The boy in question looked up immediately before smiling sheepishly. "Put the book away."

He looked like he wanted to say something but decided not to; instead he obeyed and took out this family life book.

"This week's topic is Parenting." She noted, going behind her desk and opening a drawer. She pulled out a baby doll. " Today we'll be starting a one week experiment."

I groaned immediately, slamming my head on the desk. "Oh Gods. It's like a novel."

"Don't kill yourself just yet Mr. Haynes." She chided, invoking me to raise my head and stare bullets at her. "The ones whose kid is in perfect condition by class next week Monday gets free tickets to this year's junior Prom."

The glass erupted into a choir of cheers.

Prom tickets were always rumored to cost an arm and a leg; at least one hundred dollars per person. It didn't come as a surprise people were so eager. On my part, I couldn't care any less. I probably wasn't going to prom anyway. I hated things like that. I was too awkward in social situations.

"We're partners." Ethan chimed in quickly, taking my hand into his and flashing his signature boyish smile. Before I could protest his decision, Mrs. Tanner spoke.

"Mr. Littman, come and get a doll out of the box." She instructed, pulling out a big box presumably filled with dolls and putting on her desk.

Ethan didn't hesitate. He snickered and got up and pulled out one.

A black one. I narrowed my eyes in confusion once he came back to his seat. He chuckled, resting the baby doll onto the desk.

He caught a glimpse of my bewilderment. "What's the problem?" he questioned with a little smile.

"In case you haven't realized, we're white boys."

He nodded slowly, "...And in case you have noticed we're both guys. So unless they sell vagina growing beans somewhere, then you didn't pop it out yourself."

"Why do I have to be the one to pop it out?"

"Because you're the Mommy."

I grunted. "What makes me the mommy?"

He blinked. "You can cook, you worry too much, you have a great fashion sense and you're shorter and prettier."

I gave him a look that strained the definition of incredulity. "A lot of that was sexist."

He scoffed. "Jesus. Take the compliment, you third wave feminist."

I blinked this time. "You think I'm pretty?"

He smiled. "Kinda. I mean, you're face is kind of manly-girly mixed in one."

I giggled.

"See," he chuckled, "you even giggle. You are one hundred percent the mommy."

I rolled my eyes, playfully. "So who are you," I asked with a snort, "the underachieving, dimwitted father with no sense of hygiene?"

"Who's also hot. Don't forget the hot part."

I huffed, picking the doll. Tiny with straight black hair and creepy eyes that closed whenever you lied it down.

This was going to be interesting.

Before I could inspect it more, Ethan snatched the doll back and bent it over. "Damn," he mumbled looking at its rear end. His eyes shimmered with humor as he looked back over to me with a grin.

I narrowed my eyes. I knew what was on his mind. "Don't" I warned. "Don't you say it."

He grinned widely and hoisted it into the air "Our Baby Got Back!"

"Spencer, are you ready yet?"

I growled. "For the sixteenth time in the last five minutes. No mom, I'm not ready yet." I yelled, "God." I added in a whisper, looking into the mirror set in front in front of me.

My hair wasn't how I liked it. I had been combing it back and forth for the past three minutes and it still bothered me. I needed t to be perfect.

"Spencer."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Dad."

"It's time you came out."

I chuckled bitterly at its hidden double meaning. "Mr. Martin and his family will be here any second."