OLIVER' s POV

It was over.

I knew it the moment Joshua's expression changed after I told him what happened. The light in his eyes vanished, and his whole face turned into this sour expression that told me everything I needed to know. And if that wasn't enough to go by, his next words and the way he left confirmed my darkest fears.

"I need fresh air," he said, not sparing me a glance as he made his way out the door. He didn't even bother to take his mobile phone or wallet, as both lay on the table in front of me. He just up and left, leaving me in a dark lit room all alone with my depressing thoughts.

And as much as I wanted to yell at him to come back, I couldn't. I felt partly responsible for the situation. I should have been more careful around Victor. I knew him. The fact I wasn't even surprised he did it spoke for itself. Yes, I was shocked, but his actions didn't surprise me at all when I thought about it afterwards. He was that kind of a person, after all.

Lying down and curling up on the sofa, I closed my eyes in hopes I would manage to fall asleep and forget everything. But it made everything worse. The moment I closed my eyes, all I saw was Joshua's face. My head was full of him, full of pictures of all the happy moments we had spent together, the stupid quarrels we had in past or the days we spent lazing around like a couple that had been married for years.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, I turned to lie on my back and opened my eyes to get rid of all the pictures. I knew I was being stupid and irrational. He just went out. He left all of his things inside the house, which meant he had to come back eventually. But I couldn't get rid of the sinking feeling in my stomach. And as if it wasn't enough, I remembered my conversation with Victor all those days ago, about why he cheated on me and about insecurities and doubts, and my emotions turned into even more of a mess. Could being kissed by your ex be considered a betrayal of trust leading to insecurities and doubts? Thinking about it, I couldn't really come up with the right answer. Every person was different and had different priorities and limits. But I knew one thing for sure. If I was in Joshua's shoes, I would be mad. I couldn't tell whether I would be mad at him or at his ex-boyfriend, but the dark emotions of jealousy would be there either way. It might be because of my past experience with Victor, or I was simply too weak. But I couldn't help it. Just the thought of him being kissed by someone else made me tremble in disgust and anger.

Still, speculating over Josh's feelings was pointless. He went away without really saying anything, and I was left here with my feelings of guilt and fear of what this would do to our relationship. All I could do was wait.

Which was hell.

***

It had to be hours since Josh left. Or at least that was how it felt to me. I wasn't sure if I managed to fall asleep for several minutes here and there, or if I was so out of it the reality just faded away, but it didn't really matter. Based on the darkness in the room, it was still middle of the night, and I was glad for it. It meant Matt was still sound asleep, probably dreaming something nice and fluffy. He didn't need to deal with an emotionally unstable parent first thing in the morning.

A new wave of tears gathered in my eyes. I couldn't imagine what I would tell Matthias if Josh really left for good. He was a constant part of his life for a long time now. If the worst would be to come, my feelings would be the last thing to think about. As much as I always admired how smart Matty was despite his young age, I wasn't sure how he would perceive this. Relationship problems were still one big unknown for him.

Wiping the tears away and trying my hardest to calm down, a sudden noise caught my attention. I couldn't tell whether it was all in my head or not, but I was sure I heard keys rattling in the hallway. It took me a while to react as I was slowed down after the whole night of lamenting and lying around. I sat up, confusion clouding my mind for a bit. Matty was sound asleep, and I couldn't think of anyone wanting to come over this late. The only other people who had the keys for this house were my parents and my brother, and I doubted it was either of them. It was middle of the night; no one in their right mind would come over.

Getting up, my heart beating to the point of jumping right out of my chest, I grabbed the first thing resembling a weapon and went straight to the hallway.

I knew I was being unreasonable. Any normal human being would call a police if they had a suspicion about there being a robber. It couldn't be anyone else, right? But I was exhausted, sad, and the person had keys. A robber wouldn't have keys, would he?

Dragging my legs towards the hallway, the space lit up out of nowhere, and I was temporarily blinded. I was sitting in the dark room for too long, and my eyes weren't used to such a sharp light. My weapon slipped out of my hand, the sound of shattering glass making me flinch. It was too loud in the otherwise silent house.

Looking down, I stared at the glass fragments, fresh tears gathering in my eyes. It was just a glass figurine. A figurine I bought on a whim when I went shopping a long time ago, but all the stress from the previous day was too much that even the broken glass felt like a tragedy.

Seeing a movement from the corner of my eyes, I looked up, forgetting all about there being a suspicious person, and felt my heart stop for a split second. There, right in front of me, stood Josh. He was in the middle of taking off his jacket, and the loud noise startled him as much as me. I could see he was taken aback by the situation we were in, but my mind wasn't capable of thinking properly, not to mention talking.

I found myself staring at him with wide eyes, and I couldn't believe he was really there. For a moment, I considered having hallucinations, but that would mean I was either going crazy or my mind completely gave up on me, and I didn't think either was the case.

"Ollie," Josh said, his voice quivering. He was looking at me with this weird expression, almost as if watching a scared animal, and it sent me over. My eyes filled with tears yet again. Was this a hallucination, after all? It sure seemed like that. There was no way Josh was back and was looking at me with so much concern.

"Ollie, what are you doing? What's wrong?" His strong arms suddenly curled around me, squeezing me in a tight hug.

My heart was pounding like crazy, and my surroundings started to blurr into a mix of different colors. Not sure about the situation and about what was going on, I stayed still, not moving an inch. I was afraid of waking up if I touched him. There was no way this was real. I had to be dreaming.

"Oliver! What's wrong? You're scaring me." Josh pulled away far enough so he could look into my eyes, his hands never letting go of me. He looked really worried now, and if the whole ordeal wasn't so bad, I would have laughed. My imagination was infinite.

It took me several more seconds before I dared to speak up. My mind was too confused and messed up to function the way it did any other day. Even remembering simple words was difficult.

"You left," I whispered, looking into his beautiful eyes, wondering why he was here. I was sure he wouldn't come back anytime soon. Why would he? I let another man kiss me. A man that was my lover in the past. The fact I didn't return the kiss didn't mean much when I let it happen in the first place. I was one hundred percent sure Victor was going to be part of our life from now on. The way he bonded with Matt during the few hours they had together was saying that much. And meeting him again after this would strain Joshua's and my relationship without a doubt. I couldn't imagine Josh being able to believe nothing would happen after this. If I were him, I wouldn't trust myself after the events.

Joshua's hands moved from mine to my cheeks, looking at me with so much tenderness it seemed impossible.

"Ollie, I'm sorry," he said, hugging me once again. Tears were running down my cheeks like waterfalls now, and even over all the confusion, I felt sparks of relief filling me from inside.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," he repeated, squeezing me more. I hugged him back, my whole body starting to work again. I was clinging onto him as if he was my last hope, scared to let go.

"I was just so angry at him. I needed some fresh air to calm down so I wouldn't lash out on you. You are innocent in all of this, and you don't deserve my anger at all. I forgot to take my phone and by the time I realized it, I was too far from home. I got lost in thoughts and kept on walking and walking. And with no way of contacting you, all I could really do was start walking back home and hope I'll be back as soon as possible. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for making you think I left because of you. The only person who is responsible for all this is that bastard. Don't you dare think even for a second you're the one at fault here. You did nothing wrong." His fingers playfully tugged on my hair, his chest pleasantly vibrating while he talked.

"Unless you returned the kiss?" he asked, and although I could hear a trace of humor in the tone of his voice, I couldn't find it within myself to joke around at a time like this. All I did was shake my head and squeeze him even tighter. Everything I really needed at the moment was his closeness. I needed to know he was really here.

"Thought so," he chuckled, and I could feel him kissing my head. The feeling of his warmth all around me was making my messed up emotions calm down, and my mind started to clear up.

I wanted to talk more. I wanted to make everything crystal clear and discuss what we would do from now on. But it was as if he could read my mind, and he didn't let me.

"I hate to say this, but we will have to talk more about this tomorrow after you come back from work – or more like today evening as it's already past midnight. You need to go to bed right this moment so you can have at least few hours of proper sleep. I don't want to risk you collapsing at work." He took me by hand and slowly dragged me towards shower, taking one with me before we went to bed.

And as ordinary as the shower and our falling asleep was, it was one of the most beautiful moments in my life. I felt safe and loved, curled in Josh's arms, and my feelings for him grew with each breath he took.

**********************************************************************

Anyway, did the first line give you a scare? ^.^