《Coffee, Brownies and the Ruthless CEO (boyxboy)| FILLING THE VOID series, BOOK 1》18. Chapter - The Reason
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So here you go, double update! Victor's long awaited explanation is here!
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OLIVER's POV
My mind went blank for few seconds, and it took me a while to figure out what the man in front of me just said. His words didn't make sense at first, and I had to replay them in my mind for more than once to understand their meaning.
Why the hell would he force me to meet him just so he could tell me something like that? It was five years ago! I didn't need an explanation now! Whatever his reasons were, he cheated, end of story. He could never change that. There was nothing that could make me feel less angry and disgusted.
Nothing!
"Are you kidding me right now? I don't want to hear it. Why would you even think it was a good idea? It won't change anything! The cheating won't disappear, Victor," I said, louder than I wanted to, and sighed. This was ridiculous.
"God, who the hell is this close person to you? Are they stupid or something?" I said, unable to keep quiet. How could someone think this talk would help either of us? The only thing it would do was open old scars, nothing else.
"If she heard you, you would be a dead man by now." He chuckled, catching me off guard. I didn't expect him to find any fun in this kind of situation. It wasn't funny.
I glared at him, making him stop, his serious expression back on.
"Sorry. It's Alisson, my," he paused, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"My fiancée," he said, making my eyes widen against my will. I knew he was bisexual, so it shouldn't be such a surprise for me, but I couldn't help myself. I was so used to him being with men, I totally forgot about the fact he played for both teams.
"Right, you like women as well. I almost forgot," I mumbled, regretting it immediately. It sounded as if I was jealous, which wasn't the case at all. I looked at him, searching his face for any indication he took it the wrong way. I didn't need him getting weird thoughts. Just knowing he knows I live here and work here was a tragedy big enough.
"It's not like that. We got engaged because of our fathers. It's supposed to be a business marriage. She is asexual, and I'm not as bisexual as I thought in the past. Women don't work for me anymore. I think they never really did, not emotionally. But it doesn't matter right now." He shook his head and took a sip from his coke, drinking half of it in one go. He looked weirdly dissatisfied after placing it down, but didn't say anything. It wasn't really important. Not after what he just told me.
"Yeah, right. And that's why you never had a problem getting it up for them, huh?" I froze after I realized what nonsense just left my mouth, shaking my head.
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"You know what, ignore that last part. We are not here to discuss your sexual life or crisis, or whatever you want to call it. Say what you need to say so I can leave." Leaning against the chair I was sitting in, I looked at him in anticipation. He couldn't tell me anything that would make me feel bad for my actions back then. Even if he had been threatened by someone to cheat on me, it would not excuse his behavior.
His brows furrowed, his eyes going down for few second before he looked back at me. I wasn't used to him acting like this. He looked almost shy, which wasn't really a Victor-thing.
"Fine, fine. Just, let me finish, okay? It's going to sound stupid, but I need you to hear the whole thing before judging. It probably won't help because from your point of view, it will sound ridiculous and stupid, but I want to explain the whole thing, before you start swearing," he said, mumbling the last part so I almost didn't catch it. Nodding slowly, starting to be a bit curious about his reasons, I focused my full attention on him.
He took a deep breath, as if preparing for some tough argument with his business partners, and started.
"Okay, do you remember the party we went on? The one at your working place back then? It was some kind of anniversary of the club or something," he asked, waiting for my nod before continuing.
"Well, we were having fun. And I didn't really expect that, to be honest. But whatever, that's not important. There was this guy who was hanging around you the whole night, Paul was his name, I think. He was flirting with you all the time, and it's not like I didn't believe in you or anything, but he was just so annoying I had to do something. I waited until you were too occupied to notice me and took him outside to tell him to fuck off. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't help myself. We were arguing for a while, and he just casually said I was too old for you and that everyone was saying that. I know it was bullshit. I know it now. We aren't that much apart in our ages, but at that time," he paused, nervously tugging on his hair. He looked miserable, as if he was recalling the whole thing and regretted it deeply. But I didn't have time to feel sorry for him.
"It was a bad period of time for me. My father was pestering me all the time, I made a huge mistake at work, and our company lost a big contractor because of it, and then there was this fucker telling me I was too old for you and that you would find someone younger and hotter. Someone who had more time for him and who was more dependable. I'm not sure if you remember the whole evening and night, but after we finished the talk and he left, leaving me in front of the shop to dwell on what he told to me, I ended up feeling insecure as fuck. I know I should've talked to you about it, I know there were millions of things I could've done instead of what I did, but I didn't think clearly. When I came back to the bar, I saw everyone looking at me, and all I could think about was what they thought about us, and if they were murmuring about me being too old for you or not. When we went back home, it was really late and we were both tired. Again, I'm not sure if you remember, but I wanted to have sex. I was being a bit rude about it too, so I can't really blame you for rejecting me that night, but it was as a big slap in my face, and everything just came barreling on me. I felt insecure, too old, and incompetent. All I could think about was you not wanting me because you didn't find me attractive anymore, and my mind just kind of went in wrong direction. The day after that, I went to a bar to drink it away, and there I met Charlie. He was flirting with me, he looked good, and he was willing. And I did the worst thing I could've done in that situation. I flirted back and took him to the nearest hotel. I planned for it to be a one night stand, which doesn't really excuse anything, I know. But I didn't really want it to last for so long. It's just kind of got out of control. You worked a lot, and as I said, it was tough at the company at that time. Sleeping with him made me forget all the worries, and it got to the point where we would meet once or twice a week, sometimes at our flat, and it continued like that for half a year until you found out. Charlie didn't know anything about you, he saw your things there and asked a lot of questions, but, as you already know, I told him the horrible lie about you refusing to move away and all that shit just to make him stop asking. I'm not trying to blame it on you. It wasn't your fault, not at all. Everything's on me. I should've talked to you, to figure it out and calm down. But my pride and insecurity got in the way, and I couldn't bring myself to do it. You have no idea how much I regretted it right after you found out. When I saw you face, your tears, my mind cleared, and I knew immediately that it was the biggest mistake of my life," he smiled sadly, but his face looked kind of blurry because of tears that gathered in my eyes. I didn't feel bad for him. Not a chance. But I remembered the night clearly, and I remembered the weird feeling I had the whole month after that. I recalled my uneasiness because it felt as if there was this growing distance between us, and it suddenly made so much sense it kind of overwhelmed me.
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"I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it or to make you forgive me. I didn't lie when I told you I hated cheaters back then. My father cheated on my mum several times, and she was hurting the whole time. I hated seeing her like that, and I despise my father for it. It's unforgivable. But when Alis said telling you would help both of us, it made sense at that time. I tried to imagine how I would feel, and I knew I would want to know why my lover cheated. And that's why I'm here. That's why I wanted to talk to you, and that's why I used such a method to get you to agree to this meeting," he finished, looking at me with regretful eyes.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to recall all the bad memories, but knowing the reason really made me feel better all of a sudden. It didn't excuse his action, but it explained a lot and made me realize there was really nothing I could do to prevent it from happening. He never talked about his work at home, and he never told me how insecure he felt. He never let anything like that show on his face, so there was no way I could've notice there was something seriously wrong before he cheated for the first time. I remember trying to talk to him when I noticed the distance between us, but he just blamed in on stress at work, and I believed him. There was no reason not to. I knew his father could be a dick, and Victor worked for him, so it explained a lot. There was seriously nothing that hinted at it being a lie.
Feeling a tear suddenly slip over the edge and falling down my cheek, I stood up, my head spinning a little. I had to get home. I couldn't stay here right now.
"I have to go," I said, not paying any attention to him and running out of the bar, colliding with my brother's huge body as he was about to enter.
"What-" he started, but stopped when I hugged him, trying to keep the tears from falling.
"Take me home."
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So, what do you think?
How stupid is his reason on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being the stupidest)?
Did you feel at least a little bit bad for him?
And what do you think of Ollie's reaction?
Let me know your opinions!
Honestly, I teared up while writing this. I don't even know why, I didn't feel anything when I thought about his reasons. But writing it felt different and it made me feel bad >.
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