"Kids come get lunch." I called out. Three sets of footsteps came into the kitchen. I smiled knowing why there was only three. Aria and Atlas sat down on their chairs while Amaris fought to have a seat that he couldn't have.

"Amaris, you need to sit on a chair." I told him as I set plates on the table.

"But Ki' mama." Amaris whimpered.

"You can sit next to Kit, but you can't sit on him. You know the rules." I looked down at him. Amaris squeezing his little arms around Kit's neck while Kit had him on his hip.

"Come on Amaris. You can sit next to me." Kit told him and sat Amaris on a chair before sitting on the one next to him. Although he whimpered a little, Amaris sat nicely and ate his lunch but made sure Kit was close. In the last year them two have become inseparable. Most nights I find Amaris in Kit's bed instead of his own.

Alaric, Karter and I have spoken about letting them share a room so they'd still be close to each other and not have to share a bed. But due to laws adopted and fostered kids are required to have their own bedroom. So we got Kit a double bed instead of a single so him and Amaris had enough room. Kit is growing to be a tall boy, I'm sure he'll be as tall as my mates, but Amaris is still very small, mentally and physically.

His comfort person is Kit of course, like mine was Karter then joint with Alaric when we found each other. I'm not bothered about it now, as long as Kit is comfortable with Amaris being in his personal space and sharing a bed, then I'm not worried. But what I am worried about is Amaris being too much for Kit and then there's tension in the family.

From experience I know that people like me and Amaris can be overbearing at times, I just want Kit to know that he can tell one of us that Amaris is bothering him so we can let Kit have his time alone. I know there were plenty of times when Karter got agitated because all I wanted was him and didn't let go.

However, Kit hasn't shown any signs of agitation or annoyance when with Amaris. He does everything Amaris wants of him, carrying him, bathing him, even feeding him his breakfast lunch and dinner. Kit even goes as far as staying up at night when Amaris cries. I feel bad because a boy of eight shouldn't have to be doing that for a boy of four.

I have told Kit he can tell Amaris to sleep in his own bed, if he needs comforting he should send Amaris to me and his fathers. In reply, Kit said we didn't have to worry because he had him. I worry that Kit's childhood and teenage years will be taken from him because Amaris is very reliant on Kit. No matter how much my mates and Kit himself reassure me that he's fine and Amaris isn't a bother to him, I can't help but worry.

I know Amaris is my son and I love him dearly, but I know pups like him aren't easy. Again, I know from experience. Looking back I was never an easy pup for my parents always wanting Karter. Although I loved and still love my parents, I never wanted them. It was always Karter until I met Alaric. I know at times, especially when we were young, Karter saw me as a burden more than a friend to hang out with.

I'm not saying Amaris is a burden, but I don't know Amaris getting hurt because he can't be with his comfort person, and I don't want Kit feeling guilty because he upset Amaris. But all I see is smiles and hear laughter from the two. Kit is happy to go along with Amaris to play. And if Kit does something, Amaris follows like a shadow. We've started referring Amaris as Kit's little shadow because where one is, the other is there or not far behind.

Me and my mates are going better than ever. Even if I look older than both of them now. They still respect my decision of not wanting the spell of immortality, but as my pups get older I can't help but feel guilty that I'll miss out on so much, that when they need me the most I won't be there, even if they're a thousand years old. Nothing Karter and Alaric have done has made me feel like this, time has. Time is so precious and I have the opportunity to practically stop time so I can be with my family.

If anything Alaric and Karter do things for us as a family, we go for days out and make the most of it. They've accepted that I didn't want the spell, but now that I look older than my mates and my age is older, I can't help but think why not. Why not do it for my family before it's too late. My stomach sinks when I so much of think about five years from now. It seems like so much time but it flys by and then not only would I look weird going out with my mates, but they'd get backlash from being with an 'older woman'.

When I think about when I'm old and on my death bed. I don't want that to be the last face my pups think of when they remember me. I can't help but think, if I did this then all this stress and worry would be lifted from my shoulders. And I know it will, because as the days are going by, the heavier I feel. Like I said, Alaric and Karter have been nothing but perfect, but I feel like I'd also be doing them a favour too, not just the kids.

"What's got them cogs turning like that?" Karter chuckled as he sat at the table with the kids, Alaric sitting next to him while I made theirs and my lunch.

"Not much. Just thinking a little." I gave them a smile before turning back to what I was doing.

"Anything we can help with?" Alaric asked, only then did I feel the presence of my mates behind me. Their arms wrapping around me so my back was on both their chests.

"Not now." I shook my head. "But I do want to talk later. It's important and I need to get it off my chest."

"Want me to see if my dads will have the kids? I'm not sure if I like the sound of this talk." Karter chuckled nervously while Alaric stayed silent and rubbed his thumb on my belly.

"The kids don't need to go anywhere." I turned around and wrapped on arm around each of their necks making sure to give them both equal amounts of attention. "It's nothing bad, I promise. So get all that shit out of your heads. You're not getting rid of me any time soon." I smiled a little.

"Good. You're stuck with us until the end, doll." Karter said in relief and kissed my head.

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Alaric replied and nuzzled his nose into my cheek before placing a kiss.

"What if there is no end?" I asked. "What if it could be us without me getting old? Without me dying." I whispered at the end.

"You're considering it?" Karter looked at me in shock.

"Let's talk about this later. Please." I said, I don't want the kids to worry about something their little minds shouldn't be worrying about.

"Whatever you need, baby." Alaric nodded. "There's no rush. Don't go thinking irrationally."

"I'm not, I won't." I gave him a small smile. I kissed both their cheeks and turned back to the food and continued to prepare our lunch.

As I walked into the bedroom after tucking in Amaris, I sat on the edge of the bed. I let my head fall forward and felt Karter and Alaric move so they were behind me. Both of them kissing my shoulders only making that guilt build. Who am I to take away their beloved? How could I be so selfish?

Tears started falling down my cheeks. Their thumbs on each cheek wiping away the tears that fell. Only for them to be replaced.

"I'm scared." I whispered.

"Of what, love? You have nothing to fear." Alaric tried to soothe me.

"We're here. There's nothing that should scare you." Karter added.

"I'm scared of leaving. Leaving you two, the kids. I'm so worried that if I were to leave my babies will need me the most. They won't have their mother. You two won't have your beloved and I'm scared of what could happen to you all." I cried.

"Hey it's okay." Alaric held me to his chest. "What's going on huh? What's got you all shaken up like this?"

"I don't want to die and leave you all. I want to meet this witch to do the spell, I'm scared out of my damn mind about all the bad things that could happen when I'm gone. When I'm too old to leave the bed when you or the pups need me the most." I burst out.

"Doll, we haven't made you feel pressured have we? We don't want you to feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. We'll be fine, the kids will be fine and we'll make sure of it." Karter asked.

"No." I shook my head. "Goddess no. It's been four years since my babies were born. A year since I gained my oldest baby and I'm scared that when I'm gone that's when they'll need me the most. When you and Alaric need me the most. This guilt and fear is eating away at me and I can't stop it. I've thought about it, long and hard and I'm sure this is what I want. Before it's too late."

"Baby you need to be 100% sure on this. We should sleep on it, talk more tomorrow. Drop the kids off with Tommy and Arlo, spend time on talking just to make sure." Alaric stated.

"I'm sure. I don't want to sleep on it, I don't want to talk." I sniffled looking between the two. "I'm more than sure, so please don't fight me on this. I'm not leaving, I refuse."

"This is your final decision?" Both asked. I nodded keeping a firm look on my face so they knew how sure and serious I was about this.

"Okay. We'll go see her tomorrow." Karter replied.

"I love you both so fucking much. And I will never leave you, just like you refuse to leave me."

"We love you more, baby." They both smiled.

"For all eternity."