While I laid in bed, I couldn't help but think back to what Karter had asked me. Did he really want me around forever? I've been nothing but a pain to him, the same with Alaric. I'm clingy with both of them and they want me to stay around for all of eternity. It's kind of hard to believe they'd want me there longer than I should be.

A frown on my face while I looked up at the ceiling. My mates laid next to me silently, I know they're awake but none of us say anything. There isn't much we can say. I mean what they asked was a huge thing, I don't know what they expected me to say. I love them both so much, I love my children so much, but if I was meant to spend eternity with them I think I would have been born a different way so I could be with them.

But I wasn't. I wasn't born a vampire or a mixture of wolf and vampire, so I think we only have limited time and I'm okay with that. I want to make the most of my time with my mates and pups. One day I know I won't be here, and as much as I don't want to leave my mates and pups I don't want to change that. If I was meant to be put on this earth to live for eternity I would have. But the moon goddess needs me back one day so she chose for me to be born mortal, not immortal.

As much as that breaks Karter and Alaric's hearts, I can't control what the moon goddess has in store for me. If I had the choice I would love to stay with them, but I don't so there's no point in trying to change that. I've accepted that we won't be together forever, but they have each other and I hope to the moon goddess they don't leave our children behind like I have to. They will need them just like my mates will need their fathers.

The only one who may struggle is Aria because she will be the only girl, but she'll be able to look after themselves. I'm hoping by the time I die my pups will have their mates for someone to lean on, then my mates will have each other.

"Will you not consider it? Think about it before straight up saying no?" Karter whispered.

"I still stand by my decision." I whispered back to him. It's not fair to any of us that he wants me to change. If I do I won't be the same Nova, my pups will know that I've changed, I don't want to do that to them. If I'm being completely honest I don't want to be a vampire or like Karter, I'm happy the way I am and know that I will do what I wanted to do in life because my time is limited.

"Karter we can't pressure her. It's not our decision to make." Alaric muttered. I know he's upset that I don't want to spend eternity with him, but I refuse to let my children see me as someone else and not their real mother. Because I know not only will I change because I'll be immortal, but everything else will.

"I refuse to live without you, Nova. I don't want to." Karter said.

"And I refuse to be anything else but what I was born to be. I'm a wolf, I don't live forever and I've accepted that. Karter I love you, but I don't want to change. I'm happy the way I am, I'm healthy and I have so much time before we have to even think about anything like that. Let's just make it count while we can." I sighed.

"Please try to understand where I'm coming from. We were all born to be the way we were for a purpose. I was born a wolf so I could be with you and Alaric, to give you pups and a good life before I die. I don't see why we should change what the moon goddess made."

"I don't give a shit about the moon goddess." Karter spat out. "I care about you and our pups, I care about having you by my side and our pups having a mother. They need you, Alaric and I need you."

"Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm tired." Tired of Karter pressuring me into something I've made a final decision for.

"Please reconsider. I will get on my knees and beg you, please Nova." Karter whispered after turning on his side wrapping an arm around me. I stayed silent knowing it'd end up in an argument.

I sat with my parents, each of the pups laid in a bouncer each. All of them sleeping from just being fed. Alaric and Karter are out patrolling with Toto and Theo so they weren't here. Karters question has been on my mind and I've been spacing out most of the afternoon I've been with my parents.

I can't help but think if I've made the right choice. Would it be better if there was a way I could change? My pups wouldn't have to watch me grow old and fragile, they wouldn't have to witness me slowly age with every passing year and be upset with that. My mates don't want to live without me. I really don't know what to do.

"Nova?" Papa snapped his fingers in front of my face. I jumped a little before looking at him with a small smile.

"Sorry." I muttered.

"What's going on, huh? You've been in and out with us all afternoon. Talk to us." Dada gave me a soft smile.

"Karter and Alaric asked me something yesterday." I told them. "They said if there was a way to change me to be like them, would I do it. And I said no, I'm happy the way I am and I don't want to change myself. But I don't know anymore. What if my pups need me? What is Aria has any questions? I won't be there to answer them because I'm dead or too old to talk. She'll be the only girl and won't be able to ask her dads anything because they might not know. I've just been thinking, what if I made the wrong choice, maybe if there was a way to change me I could and my pups would have all their parents and not have to go through the grief of losing one. I mean, they have two dads, I'm their only mum. They don't have two mums, it's only me. I'm so confused and conflicted I don't know what to do." I ranted. Getting everything off my chest to get an outsiders opinion.

"It's understandable. If I was immortal like Karter and Alaric I wouldn't want my mate to die." Dada said. "But I also understand where you're coming from. It's a massive decision and can't be spoke about in one conversation, all of you have to have a long, and I mean long discussion about what everyone wants. But it all comes down to what you want and what you're comfortable with."

"I agree. And if you can't come to a compromise then don't. You shouldn't have to make irrational decisions because someone wants you to do something. It's unfair that Karter and Alaric is bringing the pups into the conversation, no mother should have to be bribed with their children. Like your father said, talk about things. Long and don't make any irrational choices."

"Okay." I nodded. "I'll talk to them."

When I got home, Karter and Alaric were sat on the sofa. I put the pups in their bouncers so me and my mates could have a serious discussion. I sat on the coffee table to I could look at both of them, they need to see me properly to know that I'm serious about this.

"We need to talk. A lot. I think we need to come to a decision because I'm losing my mind about this." I sighed. "I understand that you want me to be here forever, to be with the pups, so you both don't have to feel the pain of losing me. But I don't know what to do. So we're gonna talk until we come to a final decision. I don't care if it takes hours or days, months or years. We're talking."

"We weren't on patrol today." Alaric muttered. "We lied. Karter and I, we went to see a witch that I know of. A friend that owes a lot. She said there's an immortality spell, it works on humans if their beloved is vampire but don't want to be a vampire. She said she's willing to try and see if it works on you. Because you're a wolf. It might work."

"And if it doesn't? What happens then? It backfires and I get sent to an early grave? My pups lose their mother earlier than they need to. I'm not mad that you looked, I understand what you want, but I can only do so much. We need to compromise."

"How do we compromise something like this?" Karter spat out. "Being away from you for a minute is torture for us. You leaving the damn room is torture for us and you expect us to let you die? This could be everything for us, we'd have each other for centuries to come. Our children won't lose any parents because we'll always be here."

"I'm not expecting anything from you both. I'm so sorry I was born a wolf, but shit happens. Karter you think I don't get where you're coming from, when I do. I do get it. But when you're pressuring me like this I don't like it. You're using our babies as a weapon against me, guilt tripping me into staying for them. It's not fair is it? Not to me. We leave the children out of this, we need to talk like adults."

"Karter you know the decision. We can't force it." Alaric stated. Tears glossing his eyes, but he's accepted it. That my time is limited.

"I refuse that." Karter glared at the floor. His hands in fists. "You're being selfish, Nova. So fucking selfish. Not only are you going to make us feel pain because you're gone, but our pups. Our future children. How can you sit there and say you won't even do anything to stay with us when we all need you. I have spent every waking moment trying to please you, to make you happy. I've always wanted you to smile and laugh because I want you happy. Yet you can't do the same for me. For Alaric, for our pups. For our family."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. But I stand by my choice. I've done nothing but follow peoples choices, all my life I've been told what to do and when to do it. I will not be told how I can live my life and if I be like you or not. That's selfish, Karter. And I told you to leave the children out of it. Yet you can't. Stop guilt tripping me, stop begging me to change. I'm happy the way I am, I've accepted that I'm not going to be young forever." I sighed. I kneeled down in front of him so he'd look at me.

"Karter I know this hurts, I don't want to leave the children or you, or Alaric. It hurts me just as much as it hurts you. But I was born this way, I can't and don't want to change that. I've accepted this, it's my fate, what the moon goddess has planned for me. You need to accept this as well. Not for me, not for Alaric and not for our pups. But for you, because you'll only hurt more as time goes on."

"I don't want to live without you. I've never had to live without you. I don't want to know what it feels like. I want my best friend to stay with me." He cried.

"And I don't want to lose mine. I don't want to miss out on anything with you and Alaric, or the babies. But we all have to change our lives to live. We have a long time yet, more than enough time to accept it, to make amazing memories so you can look back and say, 'that's my Nova, so happy and full of life'. That's what I want, for you to remember me with good memories and our babies. Not everyone can live forever. We have to grow, adapt and accept."

All three of us cried as we didn't want to think about anything. Me not wanting to hurt my mates like this, my mates hurting because I choose to live the way I'm supposed to. Not they way they want. I'm happy, I'm content, I'm healthy and I have an amazing family that surrounds me. What more could I ask for? I have done almost everything someone could ask for in their life. An amazing partner, I got two, children and to get married. I've almost done it all. But I fear that Alaric and Karter won't accept anything.

That they'll live in denial and grief. Our pups won't just lose on parent but all three because their fathers are so strung up on grief. Wishing I had chosen to live instead of leaving.

"I love you both so much I can't show or tell you. But I have made my choice, I don't want to change myself. We'll take some time away, my dads will take the pups, we'll have mate time. We can work on this, find ways for you both to get over my death and to move on. I want you to move on, care and be there for our pups. To be okay and not reminisce on what could have been. Please, this is what I want."

"We love you more." Karter and Alaric whispered and pulled me between them. Their arms tightly wrapped around me. This is what I want to remember.

😢