A knock at the door startled me. Mostly because it wasn't at my bedroom door, it was the back door that led outside. I picked up my phone to check the time. It was nearly two in the morning. I'd only just gotten home from dropping Emmett off fifteen minutes ago and switched out my jeans for sweatpants.

I grabbed a shirt as I went to the door, tugging it over my head. I pushed the curtain aside to see who was outside. At first, I thought it might be Emmett. But he always texted when he got to the door, so he didn't risk anyone hearing the knock.

The motion detector lights on the back porch shined on Duke, washing out his dark skin. He was looking around, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his letterman jacket. He looked nervous.

I scowled, opening the door. "What do you want? Are you mad I outed myself and ruined your master plan? Well, muah-ha-ha, motherfucker. I out-schemed you."

Duke sighed, his eyes still darting around. "I was never going to actually out you, Clay."

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "That was not my takeaway from our last conversation."

"I just wanted Emmett back. I never thought you'd call my bluff. I thought you were a coward." He took a deep, shuddering breath and finally met my gaze. "Like me."

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Because I don't."

Duke didn't answer. Instead, he changed the subject. "I went to Jackson's party after the game. None of the guys would talk to me. Brandon even said that I'm lucky they hadn't kicked my ass for what I did. Apparently that's thanks to you. You told them not to."

"Yeah. I did."

He shrugged, furrowing his brows. "Why?"

"What would it have solved? I figured you'd just release the pictures out of spite."

"If our roles were reversed, I would've let them beat the shit out of you." Duke shook his head. He seemed to rethink that. "That's not true. Because I never would have told them. I would've done whatever you asked."

"I only came out the way I did because you were threatening me. I didn't want the whole school to know. I wasn't even ready to tell the guys yet. You took away my choice."

"I know. And I know how wrong it was. Like I said, I was never actually going to tell anyone. Even if you hadn't done what you did and you still kept seeing Emmett. It was a hollow threat."

"That doesn't matter!" I snapped. I instantly cringed at my volume, recalling the time. I looked at my bedroom door for a second, as if my parents might burst through at any moment to find the source of the ruckus. I turned back to Duke. I lowered my voice to say, "I thought it was real."

"But you still chose Emmett over protecting yourself. I need to know why."

"Because I love him." I thought that was obvious. "I wasn't gonna let you take that away."

"I love him, too. But I could never do what you did. I'd die if anyone knew about me."

Despite my anger, I felt a deep sadness for him. I understood that feeling. I felt it myself not that long ago.

I didn't know how to react when tears started trickling from Duke's eyes.

Fuck.

I groaned, pushing through my anger. I stepped forward and laid a hand on his shoulder. Duke threw his arms around me, breaking down into heavy sobs that shook his whole body. He squeezed me tight, leaning on me like he could no longer hold himself up on his own.

He was too heavy for me to keep propping him up, so I dragged him over to sit on the edge of the bed. He cried on my shoulder, soaking my shirt, for nearly ten minutes.

Once the tears finally subsided a bit, I asked, "If you love Emmett so much, why did you break up with him last year?"

Duke looked at me like that was a crazy question. "It was because I loved him so much." He pulled his sleeve down over his hand to wipe his cheeks. "I can't be with a guy. Not seriously. I started imagining a life with him. Beyond hooking up and high school."

"That's what happens when you fall in love with someone."

"He was supposed to be a way to get this out of my system," Duke said. "So I could move on from these feeling and be with a girl, like I'm supposed to, without thinking about what it would be like to be with a guy all the time."

"I think what you're supposed to do is be true to yourself."

"You can't be that naïve, Clay. You know my family. My grandpa is a preacher. He's convinced being anything other than straight is a perversion. An affront to God. He talks about gays in the same breath as rapists and pedophiles. He says they all go to the same place in Hell. How do you think he would feel if I brought Emmett to Sunday service and introduced him as my boyfriend? Or even just dinner at my house?"

"Your grandpa sounds like an asshole. And just because he's a preacher doesn't mean he has the final say in what is and isn't an affront to God. Unless he has some power I'm unaware of."

Duke shook his head. I didn't know if he was answering or just thinking about it.

"That's what I hate about organized religion." I continued. "It's a bunch of people trying to interpret a two thousand year old book that's been translated through a dozen languages, and trying to force everyone else to mold to their beliefs."

"You don't believe in God?"

I shrugged. "I'm not saying there is no God. I really don't know. And I don't know what I even believe in, but if God exists, why would He make us this way—gay, bi, or whatever—only to punish us for it? Isn't that a flaw in His supposed grand design?"

"My grandpa says it's a test of our willpower."

"If he really thinks it's such a sin, and that it's something we are meant to overcome to be godly or whatever the fuck it is he thinks we're supposed to be here for, how does he explain all the gay animals? Because unless The Chronicles of Narnia are real, there ain't no lion Jesus to wash away their sins."

Duke furrowed his brow. "You've given this a lot of thought, haven't you?"

"Maybe once or twice."

Duke laughed.

I also gave a small laugh. Mostly because that was a big fat lie. I'd spent so many nights after meeting Emmett, wondering about my feelings for him. What they meant to me. What they meant to the wider world. How I might be perceived for even entertaining those feelings. Then, I'd inevitably start thinking about Emmett: his shiny black hair, his olive skin, his hypnotizing green eyes, and those perfect lips of his. That always made me hard, so I jerked off and went to sleep with thoughts of Emmett fresh in my brain, leading to beautiful fantasies. Most of which I'd now lived out for real.

A moment later, the weight of everything between us settled in again. Duke gulped, making his Adam's apple jump. "Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

"Maybe. With a lot of time." I said. "But I don't know that I could be your friend again after what you did. I don't think I'd ever be able to trust you the same way I used to."

Duke nodded. "That's fair."

"I'll tell the guys that I don't mind if they still want to hang out with you, though."

"You don't have to do that."

"I know." I said. "But I also know how lonely and isolating you can feel when you're struggling with identity and not living up to expectations. I cried myself to sleep so many times those first couple months after I first started having these feelings. Plus, I know you and Mark have always been super close. You guys were friends before either of you met any of us. You shouldn't lose your best friend because you made a mistake."

"You're too nice, Clay. I don't deserve it."

"You really don't." I smiled, thinking back to something Emmett said the night we met. "But I'm not a grudge holder." I didn't want to hold on to hate. It was a useless emotion that only brought misery and pain to everyone involved. I didn't have to forgive Duke or even be his friend again, but I could choose to let go of my anger.

After all, I had Emmett and Duke didn't. That, along with Duke's own self-loathing, was enough punishment.

As I walked Duke over to the door, I said, "I didn't tell the guys about you. Or about why you blackmailed me."

"Why?"

"It's not my secret to tell. People deserve the right to decide who gets to know, and how, and when. Even you. And if you never want to tell them, that should also be your choice."

"I'm sorry I took that from you." Duke said as he shuffled out the door, tugging on his sleeves. The motion light illuminated the back porch.

"I'm choosing to look on the bright side. At least I don't have to hide who I am anymore."

"Aren't you worried about people hating you? I mean, my grandpa isn't the only person around here who thinks like that."

I leaned my head on the half-opened door and shrugged. "I'd rather have people hate me for who I am and be happy, than have everyone love me for who I pretend to be and be miserable."

Duke nodded. "I wish I felt like that."

"Maybe you will someday."

"I hope so, but I doubt it."

That made me very sad for him. His gaunt face and red-rimmed eyes weren't helping matters, either. But he wasn't my problem to fix.

"Bye, Duke." I said.

Duke furrowed his brow and took a shuddering breath. "Bye, Clay."

I shut the door, flipping the lock. I suspected he understood this wasn't just a regular farewell. It wasn't "Goodbye for now until we see each other again." It was just goodbye. We would definitely see each other again, but this was the official end of our years-long friendship. It was sad, but a necessity nonetheless.

A minute later, the motion light went off, and Duke was officially out of my life.