True P.O.V

I woke up to a bang noise and I knew it was just another fight between Chris and Mom, it was becoming a very common occurrence now. Chris didn't think it was acceptable for mom to being whoring herself to whoever she felt like and allow Madisyn, Michael, and Bryan to see it. She honestly was being a bad mother, but she's always been a bad mother to me but she's taking it way to far being a bad mother to my younger siblings. I sigh as I pull myself out of the bed, a frown plastered on my face as it became apparent that I would have to stop the fight between the two of them again. I think Mom is getting sick of me defending Chris. She's starting to show signs of her old self, a self I knew never truly disappeared. Once you treat someone like shit for the first large portion of their life, it's hard to treat them normally without wanting to fall back into the old ways.

Mom was losing her patience on treating me right. Oh, if only she knew everything I've been though. All she thinks has happened was what she's seen and done to me at home, and maybe she knows a hint of all the bullying I've went through. She'll never know the whole story because I don't think she even cares enough to know how I'm doing now, she doesn't even see the hints of anything that I was and currently am going through.

I guess that's just the kind of mother she'll always be. She'll never change and she never will change. I don't know why I ever thought she would, why I ever had faith in this family ever changing, because they've proven time and time again that they haven't; and never will change.

It's would almost be depressing if it wasn't what I expected from them. This was exactly what I expected from Mom, and what I was expecting from Chris and the twins. They'd slowly become the people they once were.

The people they were before my attempted suicide.

Before I even remotely told anyone I was being bullied.

Before I was raped multiple times.

But that was before. This is now. I wonder what the reason mom hates me for now. She's never really explained to me why she disliked me. She's yelled at me that I was a mistake, but that doesn't explain why for the first seven-ish years of my life before she decided she hated me. She kept it hiden for a while, granted I knew that. She didn't even think about hiding it after dad and Chris started to show how much they hated me as well. After they started hating me, she just decided to show it.

I slip on a pair of skinny jeans, which took me a couple seconds because skinny jeans were made to suffocate our legs, but totally make our asses look awesome.

Not that looking awesome really matter to me. It really doesn't. To me, you look greatest when you feel your greatest, if you think you rock that hair style or clothes than why does it matter if somebody disagrees? It really doesn't but everybody seems to make a big deal over it. It's your life, not theirs. Live it your way. So if I'm going to wear skinny jeans, then I'm going to wear skinny jeans. End of story.

I walk down the stairs, yawning as it was still early in the morning, five. They always have these fights at the worst times. It's either everyone is awake, or everyone is asleep. I'm a light sleeper, you have to be in order to stay alive, or I did. Now the skill is only used to stop my family from fighting each other, because that's all they ever seem to do anymore and a small part of me can't but feel like being at blame. They were, taken a bad family, a sucessful family and all I seemed to do was tear it apart. They were happy, well, happy with a hint of hate towards me. They would have been completely happy without me but some part of me wonders if I hadn't been born would they have picked on one of my other siblings? Would they have replaced me for the abuse with Michael or Madisyn? I can't even imagine them getting abused, I don't think they'd survive if they were suddenly abused. I'd been raised with abuse, which probably explains why I'm used to it.

Once I hit the final steps I see Chris and Mom having a yelling fight, and two guys on the couch, both looking blissed out. I shiver in disgust.

"THIS IS SICK MOM!!" Chris yelled loudly, causing me to jump slightly, the screaming bring back some memories that I had to force down. "THIS IS SO WRONG!! YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HAVING SEX WITH PEOPLE RIGHT NOW!!!" Chris' yelling voice boomed into my ears and I felt the memories try to fight back control. I shook my head and took a couple steps back, and up the stairs slightly.

" . . . worthless . . ."

" . . . sick freak . . ."

" . . . mistake . . ."

I shake my head to get the words, the past conversations to disappear, willing them to not have existed at all, but regardless of my wishing I knew that they had existed. They had, and it would haunt me for long after it happened.

Once the negative words stopped replaying over and over in my mind I stepped back towards the screaming fest, not that I needed too to be able to hear the screaming. I was afraid one of my younger siblings would wake up soon and then I remembered that Bryan and Michaels rooms are sound proof, Bryan due to Madisyn's loud music and Michael said he hates hearing all our bullshit. Madisyn probably wouldn't hear with her earbuds in, I know she blasts loud female artist.

"Hey Jen, whose this? Is he going to join us?" One of the men asks, looking at Chris when asking the question and I saw him lick his lips making both me and Chris shiver in disgust.

"NO I WILL NOT BE JOINING!" Chris snapped at the guy who was looking at Chris with lust. That's when I decided to step in, looking at mom with disappointment.

"Mom seriously?" I say looking at her with cold eyes. "Again?" I ask looking at those two guys who were looking at me with wide eyes, with Chris it was hard to tell if he was mom's son, with me, it would have been hard to tell I was dad's son. With mom, it was simple and easy.

"What I do is none of your business, neither of your business!" Mom snaps at us. I look at her with nothing but disappointment.

I ignore her while I walk over to the two guys, "Get the hell out." I snap at them, and they look at me with wide eyes before rushing to get out. I turn around to look at mom and see anger and hate in her eyes before I felt a hand crash against my cheek. I didn't flinch, I had been hit to many times to flinch.

"MOM!" Chris yelled at mom, wide eyes and extremely pale.

"What?! He deserves it! He always deserves it!" Mom said before turning and going upstairs towards her room. I turn away and rush out of the house, trying to catch my breath, that single slap broke down a wall that I had built, a wall hiding all the abuse.

How long until my will broke too?