~My biggest fear is that you will see me the way I see myself- Unknown~

True P.O.V

I looked up at the ceiling, bored. Karin just left the hospital room, and I was told my family would be in at any moment, but I didn't know if I really wanted to see my family right now. I don't think my family even cares. I know for a fact that they didn't care moments before my suicide so why would they care after?

They wouldn't. So when they walk through that door, I'm expecting nothing but hatred like normal. So when the walked in, I didn't expect tears. But somehow for some reason, I saw tears. They had actually had to wait for after Karin left because they had the put the IV through my nose. I think it was because the hospital didn't want me eating anything yet so they are now feeding me through an nasogastric tube through the nose, it felt weird. I wouldn't recommend it.

The first person to come in was Bryan, and the moment I saw my baby brother, I knew he was the one who found my body. I didn't even have to ask, the look in his eyes that shown that he knew that If he didn't find me when he did, he knew I'd be dead. He was potentially feeling the guilt that I could have died without my brother but I couldn't tell him a thank you, because I'd be lying. I was hoping to die, but I was still here, sadly.

"True, " Bryan whimpered before he ran towards me, and jumped onto my hospital bed and hugged me tightly and I had to hold back a wince that wanted to burst out, Bryan landed on my chest, with its multiple wounds. It was kind of painful, no it was more than painful. I raised one of my arms and began to rub his back, attempting to be soothing but deep down was hoping he could mentally hear me yelling at him to release me from his deadly hold.

He eventually let go of me, and when he did he had tears crusting the corner of his eyes. I had hurt him, my attempted suicide hurt him. But Bryan didn't know. He didn't know everything that's happened to me. I wouldn't want my baby brothers to know, I don't want anybody to know.

I put a hand on his cheek to rub the tears away, and he seemed to lean into my hand. He closed his eyes and simply leaned into my hand. I felt loved at that one moment. I knew it wouldn't last, so reach up and wrap both of arms around my brother, who jumped slightly at the contact but hugged right back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into Bryan's ear, as I stroked his hair, the dirty blonde hair of his, moving with my hand. His hair was soft if felt nice. I remember having my hair stroked like this but that was a very long time ago, and it wasn't ever going to happen again.

The person who did that doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't care about me. She never will.

"W-why did y-you do that?!?" Bryan cried out, the tears still pouring out of his hazel eyes. I felt like crying myself when I saw my brothers tears, it was hurting my soul. Seeing him cry. I didn't ever want to see it again, but something deep down told me I would. I always hurt those that I love. Maybe that's why those I love, don't love me back. They never will.

I felt Bryan's words hit my brain. Why did I do this? I wouldn't be able to tell Bryan the truth, I wouldn't be able to tell anybody the truth, I didn't want anybody to know. It wasn't like they needed to know me, a kid hated by everybody, was raped multiple times, abused by family, and bullied at school a place that is supposed to be safe but isn't.

Bryan seemed to forget he even asked the question, because he didn't pressure me for an answer, instead he hid his head in my chest, and cried his heart out, for what I hoped was tears of happiness that I was still alive, and not tears of selfishness, only wanting me to be alive for his own self-gain.

I didn't think Bryan was a person like that, but even the people I trusted potentially turned there backs on me, and didn't second guess themselves about, because to everyone else all I was, was a body of a human only alive to be a punching bag and used for others self-gain. Since I was young that's all I've been, nobody ever asked me what I wanted to do, they told me. I'm like a child's toy, the play too roughly with the toy and it gets broken and then forgotten when the toy gets replaced.

I rubbed Bryan's back as he let all the tears out, I felt tears prickling my eyes as well, but I pushed them back, there was no reason to cry, to show my emotions. To most people I didn't even have emotions, I wasn't alive enough to have emotions in their eyes. Me being me wasn't considered human to most people in my life. The words spoken to me by those people have made me believe the words they say, they repeat the same words over and over and it becomes impossible to not believe.

I hugged Bryan until he pulled back, rubbing his eyes with a closed fist. His eyes red and puffy from all the crying, I gave him a small smile that made his smile back, but wider and more vibrant. Comparing our smiles, Bryans looked so much more happy than me, my smile almost looked fake. It was kind of hard to smile when I didn't have anything important to smile about. The smile itself was fakeable, but people didn't want to see a fake smile they wanted to see the real thing. The real thing died a long time ago, with the True who hadn't been raped for what feels like forever now. The real smile died when the bullying started. That smile died the first time my family began to hate me.

That one moment though, everything felt perfect. Then Chris had to walk in.

I knew he had questions, I mean who wouldn't? His baby brother tried in his own life, no big deal. It was the fact that he didn't know why that bothered him, and maybe something else. Chris walked in, his hair looked like he hadn't bothered even fixing it within the last couple days, his brown eyes looked dull and tired, but lit up upon seeing me, it was the emotions in his eyes that shocked me the most, fear, sadness, confusion, happiness, comfort, oh and pity, pity was definitely there. I didn't want nor need pity but I didn't know who the pity was exactly directed at so I ignored it and lowered my gaze from Chris.

"Bryan go see mom," Chris said, making Bryan just then notice he was even in the room with us. A pout appeared on Bryan's face and he looked like he was about to protest against what Chris just said before backing out after seeing the look on Chris' face. Bryan slowly got off my hospital bed, before shuffling out the door, to the sitting room, passing Chris who closed the door behind him. Chris looked up after he closed the door, standing by the door, shuffling between feet like he was nervous, but I didn't see anything to be nervous about but I didn't comment on it. I didn't want to make Chris mad at me, because he was probably mad at me anyway.

"Why?" The question made me pop my head up and look at my brother and saw something that flat down shocked me, tears, they hadn't escaped yet, but they were there waiting for something to push them over the edge. My brother is going to cry. I've never seen this in my whole life. It was just something I couldn't imagine Chris doing. Chris showing any other emotion towards me other than anger wasn't common for me.

"Why not?" I asked back, and the question seemed to confuse my brother as he looked up at me with confusion written all over his face. He tilted his head to a side as if that would help him solve the problem.

"You tried to kill yourself!" Chris stated loudly, even though at this point he was only stating the obvious. "You were going to kill yourself and if you succeeded we'd never know why. You didn't a note, you would've been gone." He said looking down at his hands, as if they were to blame and they were partly the reason but it didn't matter now, I had fucking failed.

"Why would I write a note?" I asked making Chris' head pop up, and look at me in confusion but my gaze was on the ceiling. It was an honest question though. "I mean it becomes very apparent that nobody cares about me so a note would be so pointless," I said almost talking to myself, but I knew Chris was listening to every single word. I looked back over to him and saw his mouth popped open in a shocked like look, with the tears finally falling slightly, but nowhere near as bad as Bryan was crying, I had tear stains on my shirt right now.

"That's not true!" Chris said snapping out of his little daze. "We all care!" He said it like he meant it but he waved when I looked him straight into the eyes, my gaze was probably more of a glare at this point.

"Well, then you have a fucked up way of showing it," I said, gesturing to bruises that cover my left arm, two of which were from him. His face filled with guilt. He knew that some of this was his own fault. He knew it, and I knew it as well.

"I'm sor-"

"That's bullshit, don't you fucking dare apologize now," I said looking at him tears building up. "If I hadn't tried to kill myself you wouldn't be apologizing you'd continue being a shitty brother who doesn't notice shit about what's going on in my life and only cares about your own!" I said tears finally falling down my cheeks. Chris looked at me with more guilt than I've ever seen on my brothers face, but it was that moment that I knew he wouldn't ever and I mean ever truly understand the story because he never thought to see it from another angle. From my angle.

And trust my version, through my angle, he'd want to kill himself too. He didn't know everything that's going on in my life, and if he had been a better brother he might have. But he didn't. That's how much he's failed as a brother. That's all on him.