True P.O.V

Everyone, no matter how happy they are, has a moment, no matter how small, that they are depressed. That moment could last a second, that moment could last a year, it could last a lifetime, but that isn't what matters about depression. What matters is how it affects someone's lives. How it affects those around them. It's hard for the depression to affect those you love when they don't even know you're depressed in the first place.

Which brings us to the fact that everyone hates at least one part of themselves forever.

Too short.

Too heavy.

Weigh too much.

Have no friends.

Hate their hair.

Hate's there skin.

Hate's there home.

Family.

Nails.

Eyes.

Mouth.

Nose.

Upper Chest.

It really doesn't matter. There is at least one thing. Nobody is ever truly happy with themselves.

Me, I've killed. Majority of my family has as well but I'm used to that. Most of my families souls are drowned in the blood of others, both innocent and guilty. I have as well, so it really doesn't matter.

None of it ever matters, not anymore and it never will.

Killing's once made me sick to my stomach. You have to kill to survive in this cruel world. Especially in my life, this life isn't great, and it has never been.

The abuse and bullying make my emotions kind of fade away until none of it matters.

Because it never will matter.

Chris P.O.V

I sat inside the car silently, none of my family members were making a noise, all of us trapped in a shock-like state.

None of us knew what to do. We were all trapped in a shock-like state, none of us could comprehend it. My baby brother, trying to kill himself. It seemed impossible and if you told me he tried to end his life, I would have laughed my ass off, but the me now, seeing the ambulance right in front of the van mom was currently driving with my little brother held inside.

The van was quiet, well all except for the sound of the engine and my younger siblings occasional gasp for breath. Maddy and Bryan were all tears, nothing but tears fell from their eyes. They were the most shocked, the most hurt by True's attempted suicide.

I was sitting in the front passenger seat next to mom, who was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her hands have turned a pale white.

Michael was just staring out a window. His eyes were glazed over, he looked almost looked dead if I didn't know he was alive then I'd be scared he's dead. I knew for a fact he was alive because of the fog that appears on the glass.

"C-Chris?" A small tender voice asks out of nowhere. I turn around and see Bryan's tear-filled eyes glancing at me, fear surrounding his eyes. "T-t-true's going to o-okay r-r-right?" Bryan asked quietly almost afraid to ask me. I knew he was afraid I'd tell him no, that his brother was going to die. That he'd never get talk to True ever again. That was Bryan's biggest fear.

"Bryan, True's going to be okay, he's too strong to die," I told Bryan, trying to sound as assuring as possible. I myself couldn't force myself to believe it, but my soul was begging me to. To believe my brother would never die. That he'd live forever and never die.

Never die.

Silence took up after that, not a sound was made even my siblings tears have stopped and turned into nothing more than silence filled the air.

What happened that made True think this was the only option? He should have said something, told someone about what he's been going through. I would've listened.

I would always listen.

I knew I knew that he was depressed, but I didn't think it was this bad. I would never imagine it was this bad. If I did I would have done something, I would have definitely done something. I wouldn't allow my baby brother to die if I could prevent it, but this was proof enough that I couldn't tell if something was wrong.

What didn't I know?

What hadn't I noticed?

These were the two thoughts that ran through my head, over and over again, as mom drove towards the hospital following the ambulance, hoping my brother was going to be okay.

˜

When we pulled up to the hospital, silence still filled the car. When mom turned off the engine, no one moved. We all sat there looking at nothing in particular.

Mom unbuckled her seat belt and opened her door, in which every one of us followed foot. I made sure the car was locked, even though I could break hundreds of these cars and still get a new one the next day.

We followed mom into the hospital, Madisyn holding Bryan's hand and Michael walking on his own, still glancing at nothing at all. We walked into the hospital, going straight to the elevator, knowing we'd need to be on an upper floor, and after checking the chart on the wall we knew we needed to be on the seventh floor.

Once we got out of the elevator, another awkward ride of silence we walked into this floor's waiting room. We all sat down, and after I glanced around, I saw how we were alone. No one and I mean no one was here.

I was sitting next to mom and Bryan. I looked around the waiting room with disgust. We have definitely been to better hospital's, but this was an emergency. A serious emergency.

There were probably forty chairs in the room, two televisions on the walls, muted, one on a child's cartoon that I imagine Bryan would be interested in if he wasn't here because of his brother's attempted suicide while the other was playing a drama from channel eight.

We sat there for maybe an hour before a man in a white coat walked into the room.

"Night?" He asked looking up before seeing five people in a row staring at him, two of the younger children crying.

The doctor nodded before walking over to us.

"Night family?" He asked, in which every single one of us nodded.

"We are doing a procedure called gastric pumping, we are removing all the medication your son swallowed." The doctor said, lifting the paper on the chart he had before looking back up. "Do you have his medical information? Insurance?" The doctor said before looking up at mom expectingly but I knew she had nothing. True wasn't on our insurance as far as I knew, and I knew mom had no idea where True's medical papers are if there even still around.

"I, I don't have it," Mom said looking down embarrassed, her gaze locked on her hands which rested on her lap. I wanted to snap at mom for not having the one thing that we might need. This just proved that she didn't deserve to be True's mother.

"Okay, that's okay, can we see your id and card?" The doctor asked mom, who nodded instantly. She pulled out her roughly grabbed purse and pulled out her insurance card, id, and credit card. She handed all three to the doctor who walked away.

I knew mom hadn't take True to the doctor in forever, if ever at all. I think about a month ago, I had walked into the kitchen and caught him grabbing something, at the time I had thought it was money, which is what I told mom, but now that I think about it, it had been strep medication that Michael had needed as he had strep a week previous. At the time I didn't know I was wrong but I did now.

True was trying to stay healthy probably knowing mom would never take him to the doctor if it wasn't at the point of him dying. Which explained why we were here.

Deep inside mom's purse I knew was medical papers that were for me, Madisyn, Michael, and Bryan but not True.

I look over at Madisyn who had fallen asleep in the chair, tears still falling down her cheeks, even in her sleep. I knew Michael was awake, but he was in shock, his eyes blown wide open. My poor brother, he looked like he was waiting for something special to happen when nothing was coming.

I looked over to Bryan who was sitting in his chair, tears streaming down his eyes as well, but his eyes open and his gaze directed towards the hallway the doctor had left down. He wanted that doctor to come back, to tell him his older brother was okay but that obviously wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

I hadn't been the best brother to Bryan since I tried to force him to be an ass to True, which was wrong on my part. He was the only one who didn't treat True like absolute shit. Throughout the whole time, he remained faithful to True, which is something I couldn't say as well.

As long as Bryan knew we were mean to True, he'd ask us why, and I honestly couldn't answer. I knew Madisyn and Michael did it because I did and I did it because True began to ignore me, began to distance himself. I still to this day don't know why. I may have punched him and kicked him but that was nothing near enough to push him to suicide. I'd never do anything that would push him into suicide.

I look over to mom who had her face in her hands, looking older than she usually does. On one side her second son nearly killed himself, but on the other hand, she treated him like he was the worst thing alive. She also failed as a mother, if she was a true mother she would have stopped the bullying we did to True but she didn't, and that's all you'd need to hear to instantly hate my mother. In all honesty, True's attempted suicide is somewhat on her hands, more than ours, she's the mother, she should have noticed. How couldn't she notice??

How didn't I notice??

I'm the big brother, I'm supposed to protect him, but I didn't and now here we are, inside of a hospital, waiting for a doctor to come and tell us he's okay.

Bryan never looked up to me, no he looked up to True, hell I should have looked up to True, he was such a strong person, he was broke time and time again, and continued to pull himself back together. But I should have noticed that he was becoming un-breakable because that's what was happening to my brother. He was becoming to breakable.

I look over at a clock and see it's 9 o'clock now, which made me sigh, wanting the doctor to come out already. I looked over at mom when I heard her begin to mutter to herself.

"How am I going to tell Jamion?" She kept muttering. That's when I realized what exactly she was talking about. Telling dad. Dad's coming home tomorrow, at about eight a.m. but I don't think he's expecting to come home to find out his second son tried to kill himself. How was I going to tell him?

Yes, I was probably going to be the one to tell him as mom was just like him, she wouldn't say anything. I'm not even sure dad's going to care about True's attempted suicide since I've only ever seen dad care about his image. I want to call and tell him but I knew he'd think it was a joke if I told him over the phone. I needed to tell him face to face to make him believe me.

I almost lost a brother, though we aren't very close, I know it would break this family if he died.

Even though I almost lost a brother, mom almost lost a son, love him or not.

What would have happened if we hadn't come home in time??