What does it really mean to be apart of a family? A happy family? Or at least a healthy family? I wouldn't know. Maybe I could tried searching for the answers on the internet.

Or try to salvage sone sort of description from my brain after reading a book containing a happy family, that seemed like a good option. But all I could come up with was that heathy families were basically the opposite of my family. Or well, lack thereof.

Good enough. Right?

I had no choice but to think it was good enough, because I had nothing else I could do now.

I was here already getting ready, upstairs in my bedroom, putting on the earrings Karsen had gotten me as a pre Christmas gift. I knew that wasn't a thing, he just did that because he wanted to give me the earrings.

He said when he saw it at the mall it reminded him of me, and he couldn't control himself, so he got it for me, and he was so damned happy when he gave it to me that I didn't even have the heart to tell him that he could give it to me as my official Christmas present, I just took it.

He had that usual smile on his sweet face, caring eyes, soft grin.

We were truly opposites. My face was in a permanent scowl, I think. But somehow, Karsen made that scowl a smile. He was the only one who could really do that to me.

It was scary how much power he had over me.

If we were to break up he'd be hurt, but i'd be shattered.

I shake my head of the thought. It was Christmas. Happiness. Smiles. Gifts. It was a beautiful day, at least thats what I think a happy healthy person would think, so I think it.

"Breathe." I tell myself in the mirror, admitting to myself that I actually looked good and not like I was stressing over meeting my boyfriend's parents on such a special day.

I didn't want to mess today up. Because it was a memorable day, not just a random Friday morning, it was Christmas evening, after a day where I hadn't gotten any, Merry Christmas, words sent my way.

Besides on my phone, by my nona and my friends, maybe I was a cold hearted bitch, but i'd never not reply to a message from my nona. I replied back with a Merry Christmas.

I know my mother and father were with my nona right now, spending the day with her, they'd left earlier, maybe two hours ago.

My mother hadn't said she was going with him, but when I heard the door open and close downstairs I knew she wasn't alone, she would never leave the house on her own will, she couldn't fool me. She chose him, she chose that man over me, she was spending Christmas with the only person who mattered to her, him.

And so today, I choose Karsen.

I feel a heaviness behind my eyes but I don't cry. I don't think I can anyway. It would feel too fake, too forced, too odd, embarrassing to continue crying over someone who never seemed to care about my tears anyway.

So I don't cry, I smile.

I have a plain red dress own with long sleeves, black heels strapped on my feet, red lipstick on my lips, and my hair was in a tight ballet bun that Summer had taught me to do, these were those buns that had so many pins it would take a tsunami to pull it down.

I looked nice, I cleaned up well, so I felt better than I did in the morning when I ate a cereal bar, and that was all I ate because I barely had any appetite.

Right now, I was hungry. Extremely hungry. They'd have food there, hell we were going for dinner but maybe I should eat something before I go...

Before I can even put my thoughts into action I hear my phone buzz repeatedly on the bed and almost groan because nothing goes my way.

I grab the phone, seeing Karsen's name and I know he's outside waiting for me. I end the call, grabbing my coat before I stuff my phone into the one pocket before I grab the little box on the bedside table and stuff it into the pocket as I get downstairs to the front door.

I use my keys to unlock the door, and again to lock the door before I make my way to his car, fanning myself when I get in the car.

"Its so hot in here." I say, leaning back on the seat, taking my coat off.

"Because I'm in here."

I scoff at that, just before he turns my cheek, planting a kiss on my lips. "Merry Christmas beautiful." Karsen says, just before pressing another kiss to my lips and my heart melts, a smile overtaking my usual facial expression.

Only Karsen could make me feel this way. "Merry Christmas handsome." I murmur before pressing another kiss to his mouth, moving back just to take out my present for him.

"You'll like it, I hope." I tell him, and his whole face lightens and it makes me worry. Its our first Christmas as a couple, so I hope he loves the gift, I wanted today to be memorable in a positive way.

"What is it?" He asks me, taking it from me and I bite my lip, hoping it doesn't bleed, "Its something I hope you like."

He takes the silver ribbon off the box, doing it so carefully that I raise a brow, "Why're you unwrapping it like that?"

"I wanna keep it."

"The wrapping?"

"It's sentimental." He replies.

I snort, shaking my head, "You're weird Krist."

He sends me his signature smirk and wink before he continues to unwrap it, finally opening the box and I think my heart stops for a second, my breathing halts, and I wait.

His previous cocky little smirk falls into a flat line, but then, a smile so gentle overtakes it, and I almost lean over to kiss it.

It was a thin gold bracelet guys would usually wear, but this one had a tiny football charm, and a tiny gold paint brush charm on it. It was cute, and I noticed he used rings, I liked his rings, they were sexy, and I knew this would just complete his hands.

"Do you like it?" I ask him softly, leaning closer to him, "Its not the best thing ever but I thought it was sentimental." I grab it, turning it over to show him the inside. "It has our initials engraved." A&K

Before I can even finish talking about it he's on me, over the console and kissing me and I let out a laugh, "Krist!" I hiss between his kisses all over my face.

I guess he does like it.

"Fuck, I love you Adrienne, I love you, I love you, I love you." He says between his continuous kisses, he says it so easily, like it means everything yet was said in a casual admittance and I barely even have the mind to register it.

All I can do is be in complete and utter shock before he kisses me lips softly, just a thank you kiss, not a kiss like he had fucking said he loved me a few seconds ago and took my breath away.

He moves back, putting it on his wrist and I stare at him like he is damned well crazy.

He had to be. He just told me loved me, repeatedly, and is now putting on the gift I got him like I wasn't in a state of complete and utter shock.

He looks to me, his smile slowly slipping off his face when he sees my expression. "Whats wrong?"

I splutter, "Are you serious?"

Is my boyfriend an idiot? Yes and no, but this is past idiocy. This was naive, or something. I have no idea, but it was something.

"You're looking at me like you saw a ghost Addy." He says, bringing his hand to my skin, stroking my jaw before he looks down to my dress, "Also you look fucking stunning baby."

"Karsen." I say softly, my cheeks warm at the compliment but I can't breathe, blinking at him and he hums, cocking his head to the side innocently.

"You just said you love me repeatedly." I blurt out quickly, and he looks confused, brows pulling together before realization seems to seep into his bones and his eyes widen.

"Oh."

I blink.

A second passes between us, both of us staring at one another.

He blinks.

"Oh." He says it again, but more lower, like he fucked up big time but I have no idea what to say next, he didn't fuck up, but what the fuck? I cannot think properly right now.

He turns back to the steering wheel, starting the car up once again. "So theres not much peo-"

Wait. Were we gonna act like that didn't happen?

===

As soon as I open the car door my mind is way past his admittance of love, now I was horrified for the Christmas dinner with not only his parents, but his entire family.

Even with no food in my stomach I feel like throwing up.

"Is my outfit bad? Too much? Too little? To-"

"You look perfect Adrienne, I swear, you're perfect." As soon as he says that I feel my heart beat grow less erratic in my chest and I nod.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I love your lipstick." He says, and I raise a brow as we walk side by side to the door, "I always used red lip stick?"

"I know, and I love it." He says, looking at me, leaning down and kissing me softly and I gasp, wiping his lips seconds after he moves away from me, "Don't do that! They'll know we kissed."

He raises an amused brow as he kisses the side of my forehead, "Im sure they'll assume we do much more than just kiss Addy."

I narrow my gaze on him after I'm done wiping that red pigment away, "I have no idea what you're going on about."

He kisses my ear before whispering, "I could refresh your memory."

I roll my eyes but cant help but feel a little flustered, pushing him back, pointing my index finger at him in warning. "Behave."

He smirks, leaning down, kissing my index finger, "Yes ma'am."