I had sex with my best friend.

Twice.

And I actually really considered him my best friend now.

Which was also just as surprising.

But two damn times?

We had sex twice in a row, left the room and acted normal, like we always did, except that he kept holding me around my waist, kissing my neck whenever no one was looking and I didn't push him away, because I kinda liked it.

Later in the night we got bored of everyone, so he took me away, and we made out in the bathroom. Which was very uncharacteristic of me since I was the one who'd thought doing anything inherently sexual in a bathroom was a big, no.

Till I did it.

And it was fun.

But now I was in Summer's car, rethinking all my drunken decisions and wondering if I could suffocate myself with a pillow instead of go to my classes on Monday morning.

I was scared.

Scared that I messed our friendship up, scared that I lost the only good thing I had for some moments of pleasure. I was scared that I made a mistake, one that I couldn't come back from.

My thoughts were in a big confusing haze, and I was torn apart.

So damn confused.

Not wanting to be alone, I stayed with Summer after the party and in the morning I was ready to go, ignoring what happened the night before, and instead thinking about facing my mother.

====

I walk up to the house door the following morning, seeing that my father's car was not there and my mom was probably inside the house since she never left this place.

I sigh knowing I couldn't do anything now, I was here, and I had to come home eventually, I turn the key that i'd put in the lock, unlocking the door, taking a deep breath in, and then out, before opening the door, and walking inside.

When I see her downstairs, cooking. I immediately scoff.

She never once cooked for me since my father had left us.

Not once, not even a cup of coffee, or a sandwich.

"Where were you?" She asks.

"My friends place." I reply, wrapping my arms around myself as I not so discreetly walk over in the direction of my bedroom.

"Are you dating that boy who always comes here to paint with you?"

That stops me right in my tracks.

I know exactly who she's talking about.

Karsen Krist.

"Are you dating that asshole?" I ask her instead, because Karsen was never going to be a problem, he was sweet, charming, protective over the people he care about, he wasn't my father, not even close.

"Watch your mouth Adrienne, thats your father."

I can't help the way my blood boils at those words.

Thats your father. It means nothing to be a father if you don't step up to take the role of one.

I turn back, walking closer to where she was, but still keeping some space between us, "My father?" I asked her.

"The same man who left all responsibilities to me? Who left me to learn how to drive, alone, learn how to change a tire, alone, left me to pay bills, alone? Thats my fucking father?!" I yell, the tears already falling from my eyes before I could stop it and I wipe them away harshly, not wanting her to see the pain linger.

"The same father who left? He fucking left us mom! He left me to do everything, i-if anything, he doesn't deserve the title, father."

She stares at me for a long time without saying anything, watching the tears fall from my eyes, watching me like a hawk, someone trying to dissect another person. "He pays for this house-"

"And thats all he does!" I yell at her from over the counter, because hearing her try to make him sound better than he actually is makes me want to rip my hair out of my freaking skull.

"Don't you see?" I press two fingers to my forehead, "He's manipulating you, he's gonna leave, he's gonna fuck us over and leave again, because thats what he does mom."

She quickly interjects, "He cares this time."

Its pissing me off how calm she is, how not angry, how okay she was with it all. I wasn't okay. I was tired. I was angry. I was so many things at once that I was nothing.

"Its not enough for me." I tell her, "He caused too many years of pain to come back now, to swoop in and save the fucking day, this is what I'm used to, this is what I do, not him, I'm the provider here, not him mom, he's nothing to us." I try to explain, shaking my head at her thought process because there was no logical reasoning for her to take him back after everything,

"He left us, thats all he is, the man who left us behind when we needed him most."

She stares at me, but she already looks like she knew that. And for some reason, she has come to terms with it. "He's a changed man, he's a good man now."

I shake my head, "Good men don't leave their families to fend for themselves, especially when they're in their most vulnerable state." I tell her, "Good parents don't make their children become the main providers in a household whilst they sit around and do nothing."

I see the way her eyes dull from hope to sadness and she stares at me at that, because its not just my dad Im talking about now. Parents. Plural. More than one, parent.

Both.

Not father.

Both.

That means mother too.

"You know, its always been about you." I start, leaning on the counter, "I worked three jobs at sixteen for you, I went through untreated depression because I had no money to help myself, because of you, its always about you, its always me who had to take care of you, but what about me? I took care of myself since I was a bloody fifteen year old." I sniff, wiping my eyes again, trying not to lose my shit.

"It's almost ironic that you were the one with all the problems in the damn world, yet I was the one who needed the most help."

She's no longer just staring.

Now she's staring at me, teary and red eyed and I shake my head at her facial expression because she had no right to cry when I was the one in pain for as long as I could remember.

Its about damn time she heard the truth. She couldn't be this delusional forever.

"Im tired mom." I whisper, running both my hands through my hair, feeling the knots from the messy tangled curls, "Im much too tired of everything." I murmur seconds before turning around and walking to my bedroom, not waiting to see if she could respond to my words, if she could apologize, if she could understand.

Because I didn't care anymore.

I was fucking tired.

And she probably wouldn't ever understand me.

====

I fell asleep soon after the argument between my mother and I, only waking up to go shower at around four in the afternoon, keeping my phone off and away from me so I didn't throw it at the damn well, which soon enough, I had realized, was a bad idea.

Because when I was done showering and walked out in nothing but my panties, using the towel to dry my hair and saw Karsen on my bed I had literally dropped the towel from mere shock.

Then he looked up from his phone.

And he looked at me.

And his eyes lightened significantly, like he just won the freaking lottery.

I almost choked but instead I quickly grabbed the towel from the floor, wrapping it around my body and he blinked away from my tits, "I should wait for you in your bedroom more often."

I ignore his little comment. "How did you get in here?" I ask him, looking to the door that was now locked.

"Your... mom, she let me in."

Oh.

Yeah.

Right.

Her.

I swallow hard, looking to my phone, and even if its not ringing with a sound I notice it as it rings silently.

He looks to where I am looking, and because he's closer to it, he takes it for me, looking to the screen and he sees the name.

"So his name is Brenton." He says, eyeing the phone in his hand and I look to it as I walk closer to him, seeing Brent's name flash on the screen.

He'd taken my number at the party.

"He's my friend." I tell Karsen, walking over and sitting beside him, still holding the towel around my body, tucking it at the top, but when I reach for the phone he declines the call and puts it in his sweats pocket and I blink.

"If he's your friend then what are we?" He asks me, putting both hands between his legs as he looks to me beside him.

And I blush at that face, his face, the very same face i's kissed. "You're my best friend Krist."

He stares at me. "You're my best friend too Adrienne, but is that it?" He questions, "We had sex last night."

I grow flustered like it was new information but he just swallows like he's nervous to hear what I have to say about it all.

"Im not in the best mood to talk about that right now Karsen." I tell him as I look to my phone that buzzes again in his pocket, and I notice his discomfort. "I can't do this with you today, you should go home, just for now."

"Okay then if not today, when?" He asks me, his eyes searching mine for a long time, softening immensely and I swallow hard because I have far too many thoughts right now to think about giving him an exact date to just freaking talk.

"I don't know yet, we'll talk soon though, maybe tomorrow, I promise, i've just had a really bad day." I tell him honestly.

Truth was a relationship was the least of my problems right now and I just needed some space after earlier.

He stares at me for a second and I look away.

Its hard to let yourself be in love when you've never grown up with it. Its like learning how to ride a bicycle later in life, its a little harder, because you're not a child, you're not used it from a young age.

Its hard.

He stands up, taking my phone out his pocket, putting it down to my lap and I look to it.

I feel a kiss to my cheek and my skin warms against his lips, "I'll wait for you." He says softly and my heart softens when I look up to him.

He looks down at me, and our eyes search one another's, and the longer I look at him, the longer I see the comfort within those iris's and I want to get lost in it forever.

He leans down a little, and I tip my head back, letting him kiss my lips softly and I kiss him back, needing to feel him closer to me.

I bring my hands up to his jaw, my towel loosening but I ignore it, kissing him harder and I moan when he leans in till our noses press softly and my lips are most definitely plumped and parted when he moves back, just an inch away.

"I just want to make your day so much better Addy." He whispers and my skin warms, "H-how?" I murmur, and his lips quirk up as he leans in, kissing my neck and I tilt head back, lips parting when he sucks on my skin and when I hear the walking up the stairs the mood created seems to have diminished.

"We should s-stop, my moms home Krist." I tell him and he moves back, nodding before he pecks my lips softly, not pushing for anything more, "Yeah, okay."

He moves back, adjusting himself and I look away, blushing at the fact that I could do that to him with a kiss and a soft little moan.

"If you need to talk, you know where I am."

I nod, "Okay."

and he nods back and I watch as he walks away from me and to the door of my bedroom, but before he can leave I stand up, looking over at him, "Wait."

He turns back and nods once, "Yeah?"

I look around, biting my lip out of a nervous whim, "I know, I haven't... told you what happened with me." I say softly, looking up to him and he stares, "But I promise, I will, I still want to be with you, I just need some time."

He's eyes lighten at my words.

"Really?"

I nod, knowing I wouldn't deprive myself or him. Not this time. "I do." I say softly and I watch the relief swarm over him like a big fluffy blanket.

He nods, shoulders sagging, no longer tense, "I'll see you tomorrow, Addy."

I nod, biting my lip, butterflies swarming my stomach for no apparent reason, "See you, Krist."