I left the tent before Karsen could wake up, practically crawling so I hadn't made any sound that would have woken him up on my way out but this was not for polite reasoning. I'd been this way all because I didn't want to talk to him yet after last night.

I'd never been so... unclothed, in front of anyone before and with my long time of processing of it all, it was now a little shocking to me that he'd actually seen me that way, that he'd seen me in nothing but my underwear.

It was mind boggling to think that last night Karsen had kissed me and touched me everywhere and what scared me the most is that I really liked it.

I liked every moment, every kiss to my neck, lips, jaw, even the kisses down my body and I had no idea it was good or bad thing that i'd almost slept with Karsen, but there was absolutely no logical reason for it to be good so it had to be bad.

Especially since Karsen was not one to be into relationships.

It was a mistake, one little minuscule kiss that went too far because of some unresolved tension between us but now that could change. All we needed to do was forget about it.

And to forget about it, I had to ignore him, until I came up with a better plan at least.

Avoid him. Or something. I had to do something because doing nothing wasn't possible and I had no idea what to say or do.

So that was why I was standing and eating ice cream around the counter, no pancakes on my plate like Summer's had, just the plain ice cream with a big ass spoon in hand. Trying to get the taste and feeling of his warm lips off of mine but it still lingered there like a reminder that it had felt so damn good in the moment. And even now just thinking about how he kissed me made me inwardly swoon.

I guess I knew why girls loved him so much. He probably could do magical things with that mout-

"What're you think so hard about?" Summer asks me as she pours more syrup onto her pancakes and I look over to her, my thoughts coming to a pause as lick I my lips of any ice cream that remained.

"Just thoughts, in general, school and stuff." I mumble out, tracing my finger over the design of the spoon and she hums. "Im kinda scared... for real life."

Me too.

"Why?" I ask to keep her talking and she does after taking a bite of her pancake with ice cream, "I just don't want to mess up, my diet is already messy."

Truth was, her diet wasn't messy, but they expected so much from her that she thought it was when it wasn't, she rarely ever ate junk food and often withdrew from it, but I guess that was some sort of guilt she had on her shoulders.

"And I'm scared I won't get anywhere." She mumbles the words out, "Sometimes I think I made a mistake with my major."

Sometimes I do too. Because what job prospects are there even for what I studied? Not much, and thats just the harsh truth.

"You did what you loved, and thats all that matters."

"But what if I wasted four years of my life?"

"You didn't waste it if you enjoyed it." I tell her, taking another spoonful of ice cream and eating it and she seems to ponder through my words before she nods, as if it actually made sense to her, "I guess you're right."

My lips quirk up a little at that and I'm just about to speak again when the back sliding door opens and four guys voices come to hear.

Four different voices, meaning one definitely belongs to the golden boy.

Meaning I am definitely gonna leave.

"Im gonna go shower." I tell her, putting my ice cream bowl down on the counter and walking around to quickly get up the stairs, taking it two at a time before I dart to the bedroom i'd changed in yesterday and started getting ready for the day.

===

After showering I'd put on one of Summers black denim shorts and a cute belt as well as a plain ribbed dark blue shirt before I went back downstairs, my now damp curls laying down my back since i'd left it to air dry but I didn't quite feel like leaving it untied now.

So I walked back upstairs to put it in a bun, but instead of just getting to my room without any interruptions, i'd walked right into Karsen, and my eyes widened when he looks away from his phone in hand, and over to me.

Our eyes met.

Ans he blinks at me.

He was just about to speak, probably just to talk about last night when I interrupted him, "You know Summer told me theres this restaurant where they like cook the food in front of you nearby, I've never been to one." I tell him, walking closer with a forced smile and he blinks again, clearly confused of the randomness of my admission.

"Uh, oh really?"

I nod, "Yeah, you should get ready, so we can go there now." I tell him and he raises a brow, scratching the back of his head, "I did..." He mumbles off, and as soon as he finishes his sentence I eye him, seeing that he was no longer in his clothes from last night, and his hair was kind of damp from his shower.

I clear my throat forcing out a choked laugh, "Oh yeah, okay great." I chirp, just about to walk around him when his hand darts over to my wrist and I almost squeak, looking over to him beside me.

I look up at him, my eyes surely softening into a pleading glance. "Karsen, we'll talk tonight, okay?" I whisper, only loud enough for him to hear and when he hears the desperate tone in my voice his eyes seem to grow more gentle than ever.

He can tell Im not ready.

He lets go of my hand, taking a step back, "Okay." He mumbles out, just seconds before he walks away and I stand there for a moment, wondering when my life had turned into, talking, about stuff like... this.

With a soft sigh I run my hands through my hair, and keep walking.

===

We acted like nothing inherently sexual had happened between us the night before, the entire day, not even talking to one another actually, and it was unusual since Karsen and I spoke every single day, even about the stupidest, most random, weirdest shit ever.

But not today.

We went in separate cars to the restaurant, we also sat beside one another in the restaurant but we didn't talk, he spoke to his friends, and I spoke to Summer, and even when we spoke in a group, we never spoke directly to one another.

After the restaurant we went to one of the arcades in the small town close by and there the guys played games whilst Summer and I spent our time at an ice cream place to the opposite of it.

If was fun. A good distraction too.

But of course, when we were alone in the bedroom we were sharing since the other two rooms were taken, he was not having it.

And so he spoke to me directly, the first time since the morning.

"Are we just gonna act like we didn't do what we did last night?" He asks me as I brush my teeth and he sits on the closed toilet seat behind me, just watching me for so damn long till now, and I didn't question it because I didn't want to be the one to break our unspoken rule of silence.

"Yes." I reply.

"I don't want to act like it didn't happen Addy."

I clench my jaw, spitting the toothpaste out before rinsing my mouth after I run the water over my toothbrush, "I can't tell you what to do, but for now, I'm acting like it didn't happen." I respond honestly, turning to look at him but when he stands up my head tilts back and he walks closer.

"Why don't you want to admit that you like there being an us?" He asks me an innocent question, but his words are dipped in something, pure raw and wanting desire. I step back and every step back, he takes one forward.

One back.

One forward.

One back.

One forward.

Finally my back touches the door and I realize he did that on purpose as he locks the bathroom door behind me.

I look down to the handle, then back up to him.

"There is no us." I managed to murmur out and his jaw clenches, he swallows harshly, his prominent Adams apple bobbing before he asks, "Why- why not?"

I sigh, "Because I don't know how relationships even work, or anything like this, I have more important things to worry about than stupid sex and freaking kissing."

"That's not all dating is about Addy." He replies coolly, showing he's much more rational of a thinker than I am, especially right now when I keep looking around, not wanting to meet his gaze that was so set on me that it made a shiver run up my spine.

Im scared that i'll see that want in his eyes and I won't want to stop whatever could happen between us.

"Don't you like it when we're together?"

I look back at him, "Yeah, because we're friends."

"Then what was last night? It confused the fuck out of me Adrienne, why did you let me kiss you?"

"It felt nice to be wanted." I say softly, "But it doesn't mean I want this Karsen." Its such a lie. And it tastes bitter on my tongue and the way he looks at me makes me squirm.

He's looking at me like I just took his heart out his body and thrown it out the window.

"That's it?"

I nod, "Im sorry if I- if I knew you liked me... this way, I wouldn't have let you kiss me last night."

He swallows hard but nods, taking my hand and pulling me closer, but just to move around me to get to the door open before he walks out, closing it behind him and my lips turn down into a frown.

I knew I hurt him a little with that but it was better if he got over me now before he fell in too deep, it would be better for him, he could resume with his cheerleader to do list and I could resume with finishing our project and trying not to fall into the spiral of depression once again.

When i'm done in the bathroom almost ten minutes later I walk out to see him in my bed already, light snores as he slept and I leaned on the doorway, eyeing his back and almost sigh at how beautiful his muscles were against his skin.

I shook my head, rolling my eyes at myself.

How could anyone say no to him? He was everything.

But me? I was nothing.

Of course I found a way to be an idiot and reject him. I sigh softly, pushing off the doorway and making my way to the bed, putting the light off on the bedside table and I get beneath the covers, pulling the blanket over my body and I turn to look at his back, staring at it before I gain the courage.

I poke him, just a couple of times.

"Karsen."

"Hmm?" He hums.

"Im sorry."

"Its okay Addy." He mumbles, definitely still half asleep, but I just lean closer, kissing his back softly, his skin warm and he smells amazing.

I pull myself away from him and I turn over, closing my eyes, and falling asleep, hoping i'd made the right decision.