Sometime through the night after just mindlessly speaking and working and painting we'd went to bed, and I still didn't want to have to be alone.

For once.

I didn't want to be alone.

And so being the sweetheart he was, he let me crawl into his bee and beneath his covers, laying next to him, he let me hold his pillow before replacing it with his hand.

He moved closer behind me and when I didn't flinch away he relaxed, knowing I didn't mind, he kissed my shoulder softly, holding me too and I basked in his warmth as he held me.

He could sense I needed it, a touch, something more than an empty feeling, something more than the coldness without any body heat. I needed him close for a moment. And a moment was exactly what he gave me.

When I woke up with him still holding me I felt good. I felt comfortable. I felt okay. I felt better than I did in a long time which was a good sign.

But now I was even more concerned without all extra added emotions. Why was my father back here? Where was he staying now? Did he not have a new family? Was he happy? Why'd he come back? Why did he leave us just to come back years late?

Why?

I stare out the window just to see the sky, the sunrise, and I play with the pillowcase, nipping the end with my finger tips till he pulled my hand back to his, I feel his lips pressed to my knuckles behind me before he puts it down on my side, still holding my hand in his.

"Whats wrong, are you okay?"

I almost smile at how worried he sounds.

I nod, looking back to him over my shoulder.

His eyes meeting mine immediately before they drop to my lips, back to my eyes, and then my lips again, he leans closer, just a little, as if he didn't even mean to and force some reason, I do too and then- a fucking knock on the fucking door.

His forehead falls to mine at the sound and he groans softly, I smile a little smile. "Maybe its a sign." I whisper, as if saying it softer would be the equivalent of the words never having being said.

"Thankfully signs can be ignored." He mumbles back as he gets up and off the bed, stretching his arms out and my lips part as I get an eyeful of his abs and muscles that retract, straining against his deliciously tanned skin.

I look away, my body warming and my eyes widen when I look down and realized- my thighs were pressed together at something as small his back being on display.

The fuck.

I bite down on my lip hard and look over to the door to see he'd went out and downstairs so I could get up and get changed. Last night i'd just slept in one of his shirts but I couldn't be walking around like this while people were here.

I went to get my clothes in the other room, hearing familiar voices and so I quickly changed in there and redid my hair that was in a low ponytail before I walked downstairs, yawning softly and all their eyes moved to me at the sound.

"You're coming too?" Jake asks me quickly, almost excitedly and I raise a brow over at him. "Huh?" Coming where?

"To the lake house, remember?" Summer says from beside him on the couch and my lips part before I shake my head, "Oh- oh no im not- I don't even have clothes, im actually-"

Wait.

Going... home? Where my father could possibly still be? Where they both would still be?

Oh hell to the fuck to the no.

I swallow hard, "Uhm, do you maybe have extra clothes?" I ask Summer as I wrap my arms around my upper body and she scoffs, "Do I? Adrienne I packed for two weeks but we're only going till Sunday morning."

I don't know whether to be thankful for her over compulsive packing or worried about her for packing so many damn sets of clothes.

I smile and nod, "I guess i'll come with then." I tell them looking to Karsen who was looking at me, eyeing me for a moment and I quickly clear my throat.

"Can we talk for a moment?" I ask him and he seems to think of it before he nods slowly, I avoid touching him, or his hand as we walk away and back upstairs, me in front of him, him trailing behind me, and when he gets in the room first I close the door behind us, then turn back, and look at him.

"Can we just act like yesterday didn't happen."

He raises a brow at that, "So you're not gonna explain what happened to me?"

I blink, swallowing the dryness away and I'm pretty sure my eyes say the words for me. No, no I'm not gonna tell you Karsen.

He nods slowly in realization, "So you're gonna come to me, sleep in my bed, cry to me, continue to hold me and tell me I make you happy, make me think we're getting somewhere, when we're not?"

I bite my lip, "Is that not what friends do?"

"This isn't about what's going on between us apart from now, its about you still not opening up, you're still in your fucking shell, this is about what friends do, like talk to each other, not just act like shit doesn't happen Addy."

I folds my arms over my chest, trying not to grow antsy at his disappointed tone, "We're talking right now Karsen."

He pulls me hands down and holds it at my side in his own hands, "I hate when you do that, its like you're putting your walls up again." He mumbles and drops my hands on my sides which makes me almost frown.

"My walls were never down." I say matter of factly.

He stares at me, long and hard, "I have no idea if you're gaslighting me into thinking you weren't fucking crying on me yesterday or if you're serious."

I almost smile. "Definitely gaslighting

His lips twitch and he leans down, "Its not working."

My heart beat grows faster in my chest, "Don't do that."

"Do what?" He asks innocently.

"Get closer to me."

Our noses graze over, my heart beats faster, fuck, "You didn't seem to mind yesterday."

"W-we're talking."

"And you're not listening to me anyway." He tips my chin back, just about to say something when I speak swallowing away my remnants of apprehension. "Why didn't you ask me to come with you to the lake house? And why didn't you tell me you weren't gonna be here for the rest of the week?"

He knows im just trying to find other things to talk about but he still answers which Im thankful for, because truth was, I was curious.

Did he not want me there? Was that why he was staring at me downstairs?

"I didn't think you would want come with us anyway."

I move away from him, walking around to his bed to get my phone and I ignore how if I moved closer I could've kissed him.

"Maybe I didn't, maybe I did." I drawl as I switch it on and sit on the edge of the bed, looking to see more than ten texts from my mom, and three missed calls.

I text her back, telling her I won't be home for the weekend and since my father is there, he can take care of everything, the way he always does, swooping in to collect his fucking credit of a father that still tries.

Fucking asshole.

"Im gonna go shower."

I only hum in acknowledgment, turning over and laying on the bed as I go to my texts and look for nonna's text from yesterday.

I wait till I hear the door of the attached en suite click when it closes, and then I dial her number.

I clutch the phone against my ear, swallowing hard before I hear her voice and sigh, "Did you know he was back?" I ask softly, not at all how I sound with anyone else but that was me with nonna, softer, sweeter, the happier version. I still had a piece of that Eva in me, and it always came out when talking to her.

She's quiet for a moment. But we both know she knows exactly what I was talking about.

Maybe she wasn't expecting this call so soon.

"I did."

Betrayal.

Thats all I saw it as. Betrayal.

I did everything for them, but they couldn't even do this for me, tell this man to leave us, to spare us or anymore pain. Lord knows we needed it.

"And I think its better if you hear everything from me than your mother honey."

I nod to myself, "I know."

"Are you busy?"

"Im going away with my friends for a little."

"I think thats a good idea miele."

I hum, "Quando è tornato?" When did he come back. I ask, switching to Italian, hoping that Karsen doesn't understand Italian so I can tell her everything right now.

"Two weeks."

Two. Damn. Weeks.

The tears start to pool in my eyes.

Two weeks ago was also when she started miraculously wanting to be better, giving me that stupid fucking speech about being better when I came home.

I should've known it wasn't here wanting to be better for us, its so she could be good enough for that bastard who left, the man who deserved nothing good.

Not even her.

"Perché nessuno me l'ha detto?" Why didn't anyone tell me? I ask.

"You hate him."

"Yeah, I do, I hate him and she's back with him!" I cry out softly, "Se n'è andato quando avevamo più bisogno di lui, se n'è andato quando ero bambino, mi ha lasciato per diventare un adulto, se n'è andato, cazzo." He left when we needed him most, he left when I was a child, he left me to become an adult, he fucking left.

"And I stayed, I stayed and helped, I grew up fast for this, I did what I had to do because he never did." I speak softly into the phone, having switched back to English without even meaning to. I breathe softly through my nose, wiping my eyes with the pillowcase, "Morirò prima di perdonarlo." I'll die before I forgive him.

"Its not good to hold so much hate in your heart Eva, its hurting you too." She says its rationally, and I hate that she sounded so neutral about the situation, like it was okay.

But it wasn't.

I didn't care. I'd rather hold hate than be delusional enough to go back to some man who'd leave me when I needed him most. I'd rather hold hate and hurt than call a man father, a man that had never actually been a father to me.

I hear the shower water stop and swallow down anymore words, swallowing down my feelings, swallowing down all the sadness, and ignoring it.

The hear the door open behind me and I lick my dry lips, "I'll talk to you on Sunday nonna." I say, cutting the call and pulling the covers up my body, "You can shower if you want to."

I stay still, "Can I just stay here? You can go. I won't even touch anything i'll just stay in the bed." I tell him as he walks around to the cupboard, white towel around his waist and my lips part at his back muscles once again, this time water droplets sliding down his skin.

I almost fucking sigh at the sight.

"Im not leaving you alone."

"I want to be alone." I mumble as I pull the thick comforter up and over my body, including my head, a few minutes pass before its completely ripped off of me and I almost scream in annoyance.

I notice he's now using a pair sweats, no shirt, but sweats, and I blink. "What if I pulled the blanket down when you were changing?"

He shrugs, "Then you would've been a very lucky woman."

I glare. "I hate you."

"I don't believe you." He says as he pulls me up by my wrists, pushing my hair back before he cups my jaw between his hands, "Go shower." He's pressing my cheeks together and I glare harder because I probably look like a fish.

"I don't want to go."

"I'll lick you."

"I'll kick you in the balls."

We stare at one another, and then he leans forward, and he freaking licks my cheek and I almost kick him, but he's quicker.

He grabs my knee and pushed it down, holding it as he smiles back cockily, "Very fun, now can you shower?"

"I probably tasted like salt from all the crying." I say with a grimace.

He nods, licking his lower lip, "Yeah, yeah you did."

I laugh softly at that and he smiles sweetly, kissing the side of my forehead like he always did, but not before kissing my cheek too, which was new, but it was equally as nice, "Just come with us Addy, I want you there with me."

I want you there with me.

I couldn't say no to that, not even if I wanted to, not because he'd force me, but because for some reason, now I really wanted to be there with him too.