On Saturday morning i'd scrubbed his number off my arm.

On the other hand, on Friday night, i'd written his number down on a paper and kept it in my top drawer beneath some folded clothes, because even if I couldn't see it, I knew it was still in there when I did decide to call him.

Why? Because as much of a cold bitch I was, I did feel fucking bad for how I was being, but it was much too hard to break a cycle so suddenly just for his piece of mind.

I felt bad for stressing him out, someone who did nothing to me, yeah I had my own problems and was pissed at the world but Karsen himself had been nothing but nice to me.

So I kept his number at the bottom of my drawer beneath the folded clothes.

And now as I got in my car and began to drive, part of me began to hope that i'd forget about it as I made my way over to Gracie house, having done a few pages of work but I had to babysit her a little before I went my nona.

She was leaving soon. And part of me was sad, part of me didn't care, and another part was just neutral. Kids were kids, but Gracie, she was special in her own way.

She was smart, only struggling because she had no support since both her parents worked late hours, and even if they loved her well when they were around, it was still not enough.

I learnt from a young age that children needed attention even teenagers needed attention, maybe not as much as a child in first grade, but in the end, a tenth grader, like any child, wanted to know their parents cared about them enough to pay attention to them.

We all needed someone to check on us every once in a while, a check in, maybe a reassuring hug or smile or something- and if we don't have those things, we might grow to be sad, lonely... bitter.

Life was cruel that way. Because some people had no one their whole life, and yet instead of adapting to it, they still needed someone, yearned for someone, wanted someone.

But wouldn't allow for anyone to walk in, at least not easily.

I don't know how i'd driven to her house without crashing into something since my mind was wandering and even if my eyes were open, it felt like i'd been daydreaming the entire time.

I sigh softly to myself, taking the key out the ignition before I open the door beside me and get out of the car. I lock it and walk over to the front door, eyeing the driveway and I see their car, knowing her parents were probably preparing to leave and weren't out yet.

I get to the door and knock, just two simple knocks of my fist and moments later the door swings open, and when I see no one in my view, I look down.

And immediately I see Gracie.

"Hey Eva!"

I smile at the girl, tapping her head of curls that were an unruly sight but still looked cute on her as I walk around her and further into the house. "Hello."

She closes the door, locking it too and follows close behind me. "Are you tutoring me today? Its Saturday!" She says defensively, as if that would stop us from a tutoring session but thankfully it was not tutoring.

I was just gonna be babysitting her for an hour or two.

"Not tutoring-"

"Oh yay, we can watch movie!" She squeals loudly before she scrunches her nose, she starts kicking her legs as she stands in place, almost like a horse, or bull, that is before she starts sprinting towards the kitchen to probably get a packet of M&M's and popcorn for the movie.

I stare at her figure in confusion as to why she'd made a zoom sound and then I hear her mom clear my clear confusion up, "She just finished watching the Cars movies, back to back."

I look to her and almost snort at that. The Cars movies were good but that was kind of funny since she was not a car, just a human girl who happened to really love animated movies.

"I see." I drawl as she walks over to the coat rack, getting her coat and she stops for a moment, as if in thought. I awkwardly watch her, just about to retreat to the kitchen, taking a step back.

"I'll go help her make the popc-"

"Wait uh-" She starts quickly before turning and looking to me, smiling gently and I stop, smiling back hopefully not too awkwardly. "Yeah?"

The only time I really talked to Gracie's parents was before I started tutoring and babysitting her, obviously they needed to know who was taking care of their kid, but that was the only time apart from the goodnight and goodbyes.

"Im sure Gracie told you we're moving soon."

I nod at that since she takes a pause. She then nods too and sighs, "I know this is probably, unusual, but Gracie, she kind of struggles with letting go."

I guess thats normal for children, isn't it? Everything felt so much more sentimental when we were younger.

"Could she call you... sometimes." She stops but quickly adds, "Its just, she was sad about leaving her friends... and you, you really helped her and she cried and mentioned she didn't want to leave everyone behind."

I stare at her at that. A lump had grown in my throat and I don't even remember when last anyone part from my nona wanted to call me, just to talk to me.

I swallow the feeling in my throat and nod quickly, rubbing my hands up my arms before I cross it over my chest. "Of course, yeah, I don't mind." I tell her.

As soon as I speak she relaxes and it makes my heart soften for her mother. She was just a mother who wanted her daughter to be happy.

Some mother's don't even care about their children's happiness.

"Thank you Adrienne."

I smile and nod before I turn around, walking over to where I hear a microwave beep and I almost smile knowing there was a little girl who cared about me in there making us popcorn on a step stool because she couldn't reach the microwave with out it.

I roll my eyes.

Kids.

===

The babysitting took long than i'd expected and I had to skip out on going to see my nonna. But just because I didn't get to go to her, I still decided i'd call her.

So at six when I got my mom and I some takeout i'd sat in the car of the parking lot, calling her and when she answered i'd sighed.

"Hello nonna."

"Yes yes nipotina, how are you? Did you eat?"

Typical grandmother questions.

"Im good and not yet, but I will." I reassure her. She hums on the other end and I can practically hear the sound of her sliding the beads over the material for one of her necklaces or bracelets she loved making.

"Why didn't you come today?" She questions.

"Babysitting Gracie." She clicks her tongue in acknowledgment to my answer, "How is the ragazza? Still moving?"

"Good, and yep, I'll be calling her to check on her when she leaves."

She hums on the other end, probably thinking it was a good idea since i'd told her about how apprehensive Gracie had been to move, but at least now she'd get some rare calls from me.

I sink back on the seat when the thought of calls hits me. And I remember Karsen, and his number, and how I should maybe call him soon.

Really soon.

I bite my lip in thought, growing uncomfortable at the question in my head, but if there was anyone I should ask, it was my nona.

"Nonna."

"Nipotina."

"I need advice."

She gasps, "On men? Finally-"

I snort, "No, not on- well yes on a man, but not what you think." I quickly add and she probably is thinking on the other end because she doesn't reply for a moment.

"Fine, fine go on."

"Theres this guy, and we have to work on a project together but I don't want to call him to do it... and he kind of is stressed."

Her response comes immediately after I finish my sentence, "Don't stress the poor boy out il mio bambina!" She practically scolds me and I close my eyes in mock pain.

Yeah, of course that was her answer.

"But-"

"No buts, you're not only stressing him, you will be stressing too soon enough." She tells me, which of course makes sense since its both of our grades.

Not just his. Not just mine.

It was ours.

I sigh, exchanging a few parting words with her before I ended the call and drove myself back home with the food in passenger seat beside me, and my thoughts raging.