When you're an only child with a shitload of responsibility's, you learn how to be so independent that you forget that being dependent in certain situations isn't actually bad.

You forget that asking for help is even an option, that having other people looking out for you is actually normal, and sometimes, people really just want to help you, not expecting anything in return, just from the goodness of their hearts.

Something as little as asking for help for example. That shouldn't be bad, it should be a way of life, something you do when you're seriously in need, when you stumble and need a hand to get back up, you look to someone, and you let them help you.

And for some, like me, loneliness becomes your state of mind, you see it everywhere as normal, alone at the movies, alone at home, alone in your bed, alone in class.

Loneliness is not where you are, it's something you become, because theres still people around you, but it doesn't feel like they are actually there.

It feels like you're alone.

And the loneliness becomes your normal.

It works this way, I was always here for myself, I kept myself safe, I handled myself, I thought I didn't need no one. At least thats how I felt, how I thought.

In the mornings from Monday to Friday I was a fine arts college student maintaining good grades, not the best in the class but good enough, on evenings from Monday to Wednesday I was a library clerk at my college and Thursday to Saturday I was usually a kids from ages 7 to 12 private home tutor as well as a babysitter for kids ages 4 to 12.

Then Sundays, I was just me.

On Sundays I was just Adrienne.

Adrienne who read books and loved painting. Adrienne who liked black tea with two sugars and a little bit of milk, less than a teaspoon because I don't like the taste. Adrienne who laid in bed and stared at book covers for hours, imagining what it would be like to design one.

I loved books. I loved thick novels. I loved the most fictional fiction. I loved love. But only in books.

That was me, Adrienne Eva Faye.

A simple human, who liked simple things like being alone and locked away from every other living person. Or maybe I convinced myself that I liked it, Im not too sure.

My whole life people were too much for me to handle, too loud, too rude, too much. Too damn much. Maybe that's why most days I felt like I was too little.

"Eva." One of the kids I tutored says from beside me and I looked to her, blinking away from my thoughts as I hummed softly with a nod to assure her I was listening, no longer floating around in my head.

I let the kids call me by my second name. Eva. Since it was easier to pronounce, and plus a lot would tell me Adrienne was a boy's name. I'd alway reply saying it was a unisex name, but then i'd had to explain what unisex was and that always seemed to confuse them and if I had to explain a name for longer than five minutes, i'd probably end up in my car, driving home, moneyless.

"Is this correct?" The nine year old asked me and I looked to what she'd written down on her small whiteboard, 6 multiplied by 4 equals 24.

I smiled at her, nodding at her six multiplications that were all correct and she grinned a wide toothy grin.

"Yay!" She said, doing a little dance in her seat, "I used to suck at my six times tables." She told me honestly as she wiped out the board she'd used beside her with her surprisingly tiny hand.

She was so tiny for her age that I was scared she'd fall off this high chair and it'd be a far too long way to the ground, maybe potentially leaving this child with a freaking concussion.

Suddenly the couch looked like a much safer option.

"You could've also said four multiplied by six to make it easier Gracie."

She huffed at that, her eyes narrowing when the washable marker was harder to wipe out from the corners, a particular spot where she couldn't get to, "I know but I wanted to be smarter."

And smarter she was.

I knew Gracie for two weeks and I could tell she was the littlest firecracker in the box, a tiny firecracker that would pack a heavy punch of every color imaginable.

"Do you think you could get me that cereal box up there?" She asked innocently, not knowing her parents had already told me she eats far too much cereal, but the cereal wasn't the actual problem, it was all the sugar she put in it after.

"Im too short." I lied easily and she rose her brows comically high, making me feel like a giant. "How tall are you Eva?"

"Im five foot five."

"In centimeters!" She added exasperatedly as if it was obvious that she wouldn't understand, then she got off the chair, jumping off and my eyes widened, hoping she wouldn't fall flat on the floor and onto her face.

Thankfully, she did not.

I let out a breathe in relief.

She took her ruler with her on her way down and walked to the wall where she had height placements already set on it, all of only her height so far, all the way to the top of the wall where nobody could even grow to.

Im pretty sure her parents had done the little number chart before she was even born.

In the other hand was a permanent marker which I admittedly should've put away but hadn't. She tapped her bare foot on the floor, her toenails matching her fingers that were painted a bright purple, waiting for me to tell her my height. "Its one hundred and sixty seven centimeters." I told her, and her eyes popped out of her little head.

This girl was seriously a living, breathing and walking example of caricature, without the politics of course. I'll just say that she's cartoony.

"Thats way too high up for me!" She squeaked out and I felt my lips twitch up into a smile at the ends.

I sighed and got off the stool, walking around to help her so she could do it herself. She took the lid off the marker and stared up at the numbers, "Can you lift me up? I want to mark it." That was my plan anyway.

Gracie struggled with math just a little, getting more and more acquainted with numbers would help her so I'd just let her do it.

She outstretched her hands and I picked her up from the back, immediately she hummed, looking for the mark that was right in front of her blonde ringlets of hair before she finally found it and made a loud, aha, sound.

She marked the number one hundred and sixty seven and I was about to put her back down when she tapped my arm, letting me know she wasn't done yet.

I kept her in place as she wrote something on the wall till she put the lid back on her marker and tapped my arm softly, "Done!" She said and I put her down to the floor, looking up to see Eva.

Beside my height she wrote my name. Just like her name on each one of the markings.

I really hope her parents wouldn't have a problem with it.

"You're really tall Eva." She says as she walked around to go to the chair again and I shook my head lightly. I really was just an average height but I guess anyone was really tall compared to Gracie.

Moments before I could reply I heard the door rattle and looked to it, hearing the keys and when it opened her parents walked in just as little Gracie jumped off her mount Kilimanjaro of a seat all over again.

I looked to the clock when she hugged their legs, looking to see that it was now 6pm.

After work.

"Thanks Adrienne." Her mother, Ms Clerke said, handing eighty dollars to me since i'd only been here for four hours.

I got twenty dollars an hour, wasn't much since I only did this a few times a week but it was reasonable.

"Thank you Ms Clerke." I said, taking the money and putting it into my back jeans pocket as I walked around to get my coat, sending a polite smile to Mr Clerke who returned it.

It was for some reason around sixty degrees today, more on the colder side for a day in late August.

Just two weeks after my last first day of college forever.

"No problem, have a good weekend." She said when I put my jacket on, taking my bag with me.

I would try too.

Probably wouldn't.

"You too." I reply, looking back to Gracie who was waving her hands wildly as a goodbye, I smiled at her giving a small wave of my fingers in return before I turned around to the door, my smile slipping from my face as soon as I opened the door, and I left.