here's the first chapter , and if you want to read the full story it is already uploaded on my page::

Some people say you can move on from trauma, you can move on from the feelings those people made you feel. But what most bottle up about this trauma, is that it'll haunt you until the day you die. Every moment, every wound, every vile comment, and while everyone else is living painlessly and perfectly, your stuck in that never ending movie of how tragic your life is and always will be.

"Dinner", I heard Nolan knock on the door, as I quickly flipped the box of my little knick knacks under my bed. I couldn't let them see what was in this ever so discrete box, that was labeled as a new pair of soccer cleats.

"Coming", I yelled out hoping the door wouldn't fling open and Nolan would sit here with me as he asked me what was under my bed that I kept in a box. How could I describe the contents of this box in anyway where they would understand it?

I took the box back out, flipping underneath it to the photo I hated the most. It was him, my tormentor and previously my father who had passed. I was thankful he died, I could now live knowing he would never have his hands on me again, but I should've known I would never be free. Every moment of my life there he is haunting me, following me, scaring me, taunting me he's there every time my eyes shut for just a couple seconds.

I had no explanation why I kept the tortured photo, it was just simple a photo of him from a newspaper at some event. I couldn't explain it to anyone who would listen, all I knew is that one day when he stopped haunting me I would burn the photo.

I stuffed the photo under the rest of the papers, and flipped through the rest seeing his death announcement in the newspaper I had cut up, a necklace that Natalie had told me belonged to my mom, and my detailed statement of the neglect he showed me and the physical, mental, emotional abuse he made me suffer.

There were pictures of my bruised body in those files, I would burn all of them when he stopped haunting me. I would burn them all, just like Natalie who doesn't even touch on the subject that she suffered tremendous amounts of abuse and she is happy now, I always wondered how she could be happy now. It had been not even a year since the last time, and she had gotten over it, but I couldn't.

Natalie, my sister was one of those people where she didn't hold grudges, she let it go and wouldn't hold onto it, but I was the opposite I couldn't believe he was the person who I was supposed to call my father.

I couldn't just get over the list of things he had done, he had emotionally, physically, mentally abused my poor mother,Natalie and myself. And for all of that he couldn't even make it to trial, he went and hung himself, because he couldn't suffer the pain of it all. I just wanted him to know what it felt like, I just wanted him to know that agonizing feeling but he couldn't even handle having his business all out in the open so he ended any chances of that.

But for Natalie, I saw many reasons for happiness, she had forgotten about it all and I knew she didn't have nightmares so she lived her life with the people she loved. She gave all the credit to her husband, Nolan who Daniel had forced her to marry. I guess something did come out of that trash man, a marriage.

"Melly everyone's at the table", Natalie complained, I took the necklace out of the box and hung it around my neck then I shoved the box under the bed and quickly slipped on the dress I was wearing earlier. I opened the door, and saw Natalie standing there with her hands on her baby bump, it was her favorite unconscious thing to do. I think sometimes even she couldn't believe she was pregnant. Her and Nolan had been trying for an eternity and they had ran into a lot of complications so this pregnancy meant everything to her.

"Sorry, I was just studying", I said knowing she knew I was stressing about the exams that were coming up.

Her eyes wandered to my neck, and she acknowledged the necklace without a word.

She nodded her head as we both came to the stairs and I let her walk in front very slowly, she wasn't even supposed to be going downstairs. The baby had complicated her health and she was put on bed rest, but she always told me she knew her limits she was a working woman she couldn't be stopped.

"I'll just say you were in the kitchen", she whispered and I nodded my head as we both sleuthed down the stairs and she took her seat and so did I, noting everyone's faces.

"Melody, where were you?", Leah whispered over, she was Nolan's sister but even though he was older she was at the age of 8, but I think she adored being the 'baby' of the family.

"I was in the kitchen", I told her, as she looked at me with prying eyes. She looked so innocent and pure, everyone looked at her and saw that youthfulness within her. Nobody at this table would ever look at me like that, they all knew the pain, the torture they knew all of it and it changed the way they thought of me. They now saw me as not a child but a matured adult.

I hated Daniel for everything he did, but the thing I hated the most was he took away my childhood. He was to blame of when I was stuck in foster homes, I always kept an eye over my shoulder, why I never trusted a single person just as a kid at 7 years old.

Sometimes I was jealous of the fact that Leah hadn't felt that pain, I wanted the worst thing on my mind to be a boy or I was failing a subject, I would give up anything to get his face out of my mind.

And so these thoughts just burdened my mind as the dinner table talk roared, mentioning of the pregnancy, business, friends and family but I ate silently, as Leah told me all about the new school she was going to.

Sophie, Leah's mean girl at school, I couldn't keep myself from comparing her to my old good friend Lola. Lola and I our relationship had become strained ever since my old boyfriend Zeke left for Mexico for his dads job, she wasn't her kind, chipper self around me anymore.

She said seeing me without my other half just made her depressed, she even told me her therapist knew about the whole situation. She said we had made her believe in love and now that we were over it made her loveless, I couldn't explain it myself or even understand it to begin to process it. And after that I just walked away from her, ducking in the hallways when she came to avoid her cruel self.

"What do you think I should do?", Leah asked, taking me away from the comparison of Sophie and Lola, and back to Leah who was nervously chewing on a carrot.

"Stand up for yourself", I said, which was very hypocritically myself, that was the opposite of what I had been doing.

I wish I could stand up for myself yet the words never came out of my mouth, I had a whole list of names I could call Lola, and my feelings jotted on a sheet yet the second they tried to leave my mouth, I became hoarse.

"Good advice, I'll try it", Leah said, serving more on her plate and I nodded wondering when this dinner would end.

To my dismay the dinner lasted longer than usual, as everyone walked through the nursery even though they had already seen it a million times.

I headed to my room making a beeline for the door. Shutting it as quickly as I could as everyone was too busy to notice where I had went with the nursery.

It wasn't that I didn't like them, I liked them, probably even loved them just I was tired, and exams were coming up and everything would just start sneaking in again, the visions, the nightmares in the middle of the day. It all starts out so innocent and turns into something so ugly.

"Hey saw you slip out", Natalie said, opening the door with her bright smile. I saw it in her eyes she tried her hardest not to remember it. I knew she had moved on, she found her happy place, she wouldn't remember it anymore. She had closed the memory and added a lock and key to it, throwing the key away forever.

Her eyes glanced over to the side of the bed I was sitting on, shielded from me as she took a seat.

"You know if it's getting bad again, we can book another sleep therapy session", she said, wanting to see my eyes, wanting to know where I stood. But the therapy wasn't helping, nothing was working, I had already admitted I would always be scared of the night. It was the loneliest time of the day and I couldn't turn on lights to avoid the darkness.

"I'm fine, really", I told her, and she heard it in my voice that I was second guessing myself from this moment alone.

"Well I'm going to go say bye to everyone, I'll just tell them you went to sleep early", she said, knowing a moment alone was needed, especially on my part. Maybe I could use some sleep, maybe that's what I needed a night of rest in the comfort of my own home.

But who was I kidding I would never be able to sleep happily, I would never be able to have those refreshing naps that people speak of. Every moment of silence is filled with nightmares, that's why as soon as the door shut, my earbuds were plugged into my phone and loud music blared from them, blocking out any nightmare that was to form as I closed my eyes.

I opened my unwilling eyes and saw my notebook wide open, sadly the next day was exam day, and I had studied for it, but there was never enough studying to be done. So I opened the journal and cracked it one more time before the morning.

Into the night, after I had retained most everything I needed to know, I knew just knowing everything wasn't the only thing I needed to pass the exam, sleep was needed.

So I got into bed, cranking up the music that played through the room, hoping tonight, I would get some sleep.

I saw his face, he was running towards me, but I couldn't move, I couldn't scream, as much as I wanted to I couldn't open my mouth. I just shuddered feeling the weight of each scar that ran across my body.

"I've never seen someone so worthless, do you see yourself you can't even move", he taunted me, as I backed away from him, how was I silent now. How?

"Still silent and squeamish just like I remember", I felt his hand graze my shoulder holding me steadily, and my skin had his touch engraved into my mind. I felt the shudder ripple through my body as I scooted away from him along the concrete cold floor.

"You deserve everything that comes to you", the first punch was always the most hurtful, and then after that I had become prepared for it. I felt his hand blow into my cheek, making me wince at the pain.

I felt hands on my shoulders, pulling me up, and and I feared it was him, but as I heard the voice screaming my name, I opened my eyes and saw Natalie. With that squeamish look on her face, she had the look of horror in her eyes.

"Mel, you scared me", she pulled me up, hugging onto me, making sure I couldn't see her eyes.

I knew as soon as I saw Nolan, and the lights on, I knew she hadn't randomly come to check on me. I couldn't open my mouth in my mind, but from the look of horror on her face I had been shaking and screaming.

"I'm so sorry", she whispered into my ear and I felt the tears slip down my cheek, falling slowly, as I was frozen in the moment and it was one that happened too soon.

"Here come on let's sleep", Natalie said, pulling me down with her as her hands rustled through my hair trying to remind me that I was there and I was safe but as soon as I was asleep she would leave. And I knew because I had never gone to sleep when she was there, I just pretended I was sleeping to comfort her, to have her know that she tried and succeeded. It made her happy knowing that she could help me.

She slipped out of the room, and as soon as she left I got up, and cracked open my notebook hoping the boredom would tire me out, itself, but unfortunately I knew the ending it would be another sleepless night.

The morning came quickly, and just as quick I had remembered that I wanted to go to the library before school started, knowing Nolan he was already ready.

I raced out of the room, as I pulled my long song up hauling my soccer bag and a hair tie in the other hand.

They both looked over at me, and I saw that Nolan was about to leave, how could this be, I was early. For once.

"You have an hour to get ready for school, relax", Natalie said, as I flipped my head and pulled my hair back into a smooth, but rushed ponytail.

I slid the notebook from my room into the bag, as both Nolan and Natalie watched me rush, rapidly. And their eyes both trailed down to my outfit, specifically my shoes, I had missed a sock.

But at that point, I had given up.

"I wanted to go with Nolan, so I could go to the library", I said, as I pulled out the ponytail that secured my hair but if I had done any strenuous activity the hair and would snap itself.

"I'm sorry Mel, I'm leaving now I have to get to work early", he said walking over to the closet downstairs, and Natalie did some weird happy dance in the corner.

Please let's hope she doesn't do anything crazy.

Nolan hadn't gone to work in what felt like a decade, Nolan had been dropping me off and coming straight home after, but now in Natalie's eyes she was free of her doctor. He was overprotective about the baby. They both were but him specifically. Natalie knew her limits, she would stop if anything became to much, but she had been on bed rest ever since they had found out.

"I called Avery to pick you up and take you to school", he said as grabbed his classy shoes from the closet and raced to tie them up.

Nolan left in a rush, saying goodbye and rushing out the door but Natalie liked this rush of him, it made her even more excited.

"Bye, Love you", she said watching him from the window, more like watching him successfully leave.

"I saw the happy dance", I said, hopping whatever she was doing, didn't and wouldn't involve me in any part.

"Listen today is the one day I can go to work, and so I told Avery don't come and I got us a ride with Paris, remember you met her. I guess she has a son that goes to your school", she said, nervously and I stood nervously waiting for it to involve me and soon enough my answer was given to me. I had been fine with it, until I heard Paris's son was in my school, I knew she had a son my age, but never in my school and now I would have to sit next to him the whole ride there.

"He goes to school with me?", I asked, letting her see the distraught look on my face, as she gulped. I hoped it was just a misunderstanding, or he was in middle school, then I would never see him.

"Yeah she mentioned that you two are in the same grade, you must've seen him around", Natalie said, not noticing the look of horror on my face.

"I hope I didn't", I said as Natalie moved around the kitchen, as she slid two toasted waffles on separate plates.

"It's just for today, promise", she swore as she slid me the plate, and told me to eat up but all I could focus on was the boy.

My finals were off my mind, all I could think about was how in exactly thirty minutes, I would be going to school with someone I could've fallen in front of or kicked a soccer ball in their guts (it happens quite often). The sheer embarrassment that came from this along with the questions, why it looked like Natalie was my mom, why she looked the same age as me and so many more confusing questions.

I wasn't ashamed of me living with my sister, I was grateful but I didn't have what everyone else had and I missed that.

"They're coming early, he has some tutoring session in the morning", she screamed from the stairs and rushed down as fast as she could. This boy was already causing problems for me and now they were coming early, this day couldn't get better. I made my way to the foyer and slipped on my shoes.

"It's finals, what kind of last minute tutoring could save someone?", I asked, just voicing my opinion and I turned to see the boy of my nightmares. A sly smirk was on his face as he leaned against the door, making small talk with Natalie, but his eyes never leaving mine.

Dallas Grant, stood smirking 30 feet away from me. He was the only inconvenience that day, my first day. I remember it so clearly, I just wanted directions and he caused a scene. And ever since then he's been going out of his way to make my days worse.