《Married to the Heartless Billionaire》21: Baggage
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I wished I didn't have baggage.
I wished I didn't have to worry about being publicly shamed. I wished I didn't have to worry about whether my sister was going to have a meal, while I ate plenty. I wished I didn't have rules, I wished that I ran a long time ago. I wished I could tell someone, every little issue bugging me.
And as I watched Nolan play on the field with the little boys, I wished he could be that person, I wanted him to be.
But at the end of the day I couldn't be that person that he wanted me to be, he had introduced me to his whole world, his family, his friends and I had no one and nothing that I was proud of.
I frantically paced the small garden surrounded by grape bushes, my fingers curled in my hand feeling almost numb. I ran my hands along the soft white stone that outlined statues of Greek gods and goddesses.
"Hey you okay?", a male, older voice said from the vineyards as I looked out at Alison and Clay talking a walk through the vines of grapes.
"Yes, just nervous, I guess", I grabbed at my hands in attempt to squeeze my finger in despair.
"Here come take a walk with me", Clay said as Alison rushed back to the house. I took his arm trying to find comfort in the scene.
"I just wanted to tell you that life has its mysterious ways of making everything right", he said as if he read my mind. Everything was crashing around me for a while and I was just starting to feel it.
"We as human tend to overthink decisions and contemplate our choices far more than need be, my advice is that once you realize something's special don't let it get away", he said as I took his words and compared it to my situation.
"I'm scared that there's no hope and that he won't feel the same way", I told him as Clay picked up that I was talking about Nolan.
"You remind me of Alison, strong and bold. Nolan and I are somewhat similar, well very similar to how we act around women.", he explained and I thought back to the moment at the treehouse, when he told me he was afraid.
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"I was actually married young around your age and I had been married three times and divorced three times. I fell in love so fast, that I never could make it work. And after I stopped putting my heart out on my sleeve, I had no luck with finding love and then one night I ended up meeting Alison at a bar, she was out with her friends and I couldn't stand her at first. She was uptight, but feisty and I was very very scared of her. I had always been the one to do the intimidating and to make the other person feel like I had the upper hand, but she made me feel all that and I pushed her far, because I was afraid, but I'm thankful everyday that she pulled back, she pushed to get closer to me and then once she stopped pushing I was broken and I tried tracking her down, until I got a handwritten invitation to her wedding, and so I overcame my fear and asked her and that was the best thing I've ever done in my whole entire life", my tears welled up as he told the story. I now knew why Nolan the love his parents had, it was eternal, everlasting and beautiful.
"Nolan had a serious girlfriend, they were ready to tie the knot. Nolan knew she didn't love him as much as he loved her, and he held on until it ate at him. He found out she was cheating on him and was with him for the wrong reasons, so he closed himself off from love and all relationships, he's a good guy and I know you're probably so sick of hearing that, but he is, he just loved her too much. He became afraid and like father, like son he pushed you away, but push back, because I promise it's worth it", he said making me open my eyes to understand that he thought I was going to be like her.
Natalie had amazed me the past few moments we had, she truly had this connection with me that made it impossible to leave my sights. She was a breathtaking person, who made me feel not afraid of love. I had wanted to tell her that so many times that she made me want to love, but the words never formed a sentence.
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She was definitely an outstanding soul, she had the heart to be sweet to Leah and also to an arrogant ass like me. She surprised me with her ability to communicate with others on a whole new level. If only she would ever open up about herself.
Her secrets ate her up from the inside, I heard her voice pitches change when she got close to her parents. She put on a show, a higher octave and an inviting smile, but when it came to her father's hands on her she flinched and I could hear the voice telling her to 'hold on'.
I could observe that she took on too much, she was a fighter for sure, but everyone gets tired of fighting their own battles. She strikes me as an independent woman, adjusting to the comfort of someone else, and like every relationship it would take time before I would understand her, but I was ready to be patient and observe the beautiful woman in front of me.
She was someone you wouldn't be able to forget, and I had a massive crush on her, but I was afraid that she wouldn't want to be with someone who could be sweet one second and an arrogant person the next, to be honest I was surprised she hadn't taken off running yet and I was glad she hadn't.
After receiving an unexpected outcome from Tyler about the image of the headstone, I knew I needed to hear her story from her. Tyler told me that it was her story to tell, no one else's and I should respect that. I sent Tyler on a search for a name, a relation and when he came back with a 'you should hear it from her' I couldn't imagine how bad it was.
"Avery, have you seen Nat", I scanned the room hoping Natalie had just wandered off to the gardens. I searched for Natalie as Avery shook her head leaving me in disappointment.
I wandered through the house seeing if Nat had gone on a tour by herself. I checked doors behind doors, and she was nowhere to be found. Could she have left me? Those questions bombarded my head as I only could imagine the worst.
"I didn't know that", my eyebrows frowned and I quickly made my mind up, I needed to tell him, this couldn't wait, I didn't care if he didn't like me, I didn't care if he couldn't even stand me, I just needed to get this off my chest, before I burst.
"I have to go find Nolan", I yelled to Clay as I raced off to find Nolan. It was time for me to take chances, fall sometimes and get back up stronger.
I raced through the vineyards trying to get out of this maze and back to the soccer field.
And that's when I saw him, frantically searching and as his eyes landed on me, he looked relived. I began walking over to his figure, not knowing how to bring this up, how to get the words out of my stubborn mouth.
"Hi...", I said shyly, holding my hands tightly grabbing at the ends of my dress.
"Hi", he said recuperating my nervous feeling. That was all I needed, that 'hi' to give me the confidence I needed to tell him the words on my mind.
"I know we're just starting out and I've been an ass lately, but I just wanted to say that I like you and I don't want to lose this and so I'm asking, would you like to go on a date with me?", his question made my smile grow ten times larger and his finger stroked my bottom lip, making me feel the stirring growing.
"I would love too", I said leaning up and touching his lips lightly, fireworks and butterflies swarmed around me. His hand that held me close made me feel like I was riding on a million clouds.
My head raced, my heart raced. I had said "yes" just a simple yes had turned my whole life around. He had already hurt me so much and we hadn't even gone on a single date. What more could possibly happen with just one date?
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