I tapped my fingers anxiously on the table of the Starbucks across the street from Studio Publishing House. I took a sip of my iced cappuccino with extra whipped cream and felt jitters flutter through me. Maybe I needed to lay off the caffeine. And the sugar.

After getting over the initial awkwardness of calling Miranda to figure out how to get in touch with Ethan, I told her my plan for getting Ethan to let Marcus free from this constant guilt. At this point, I wasn't even doing it for him to get back together with me, I just hated the idea of this hanging over his head for the rest of his life. He deserved better than that.

So, here I was, waiting on Ethan to walk out of his place of work, staring intently across the street at every person that exited the building. Like a creep (though let's be honest, on the scale of things, this isn't even the worst thing I've done).

Suddenly, the doors slid open and out walked a man in a button down shirt and slacks, a tie that had been unravelled and brown, shaggy hair. His face looked as it had the other two times I'd seen him - sad.

I jumped up and bolted out of the coffee shop, running across the street, almost getting knocked over by a bicycle on the cross walk. "Watch where you're going!" He shouted, tossing the finger at me.

"Sorry!" I responded, speed walking to behind where Ethan strolled ahead of me. This guy was fast. "Ethan?" I called out.

Only, he didn't hear me (just my luck). So I invoked my inner Connie-the-teacher voice and yelled out, "Ethan!"

He swivelled around abruptly, his eyebrows furrowed as he scanned the few passerby near us before his gaze landed on me and it fell completely. "You," He stated in monotone.

I gave him a meek smile and a small wave as I squeaked out a quiet "Hi." Now, if there's one thing I hate about myself, it's my inability to think ahead (let's not forget when I professed my feelings to Jackson the first time I talked to him).

Hence why I stood here like an absolute moron looking at the guy who hated my guts, with no script planned out.

"What do you want?" He asked suspiciously like I was going to pepper spray the guy or something.

"I was hoping to talk to you," I confessed honestly. I placed my palms at the side of my body to indicate that I didn't have any pepper spray, and also my palms were sweating because I was so nervous.

He scoffed, "I seriously doubt there's anything you can say that I'd want to hear." He turned around and began to walk on the path that he was headed along again.

I jogged after him, "If I can just have five minutes, Ethan! Please."

He turned around again, his gaze taking me in (probably judging how I was pretty much heaving at this point from the short amount of cardio I'd just done) slowly and landing on my eyes. "Counting down."

I took a deep breath and began speaking honestly, "Listen, I'm just here because I care about Marcus. I know you care about him too."

He shot me a pointed look so I corrected my statement quickly, "Or at least you used to care about him at one point. I don't know anything about your relationship with him, but I know about my friendship with him and at its very core it's about him being there for me. He's always there when I need him, Ethan. I don't have to know anything about your friendship with him to know that was absolutely the case for you too. He gives. That's Marcus. And I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through with your sister, but I know he still wants to be there for you just like he tried his best to be there for her. You have to let him find some kind of happiness in his life. Because as much as you think he's wronged you, he's a good man. And all he wants is to make something good with his life."

Ethan was glowering at me and I took a hesitant step back. Why did I always have such moronic ideas? Note to self: never listen to your 'instincts' again, Mabel. "So, you came all this way to make yourself feel better about your relationship?"

I shook my head, "No. Marcus and I aren't together anymore. I'm not expecting anything from this. I'm not expecting to get back together with him. I just want him to be happy and if that's without me, I'll be okay with that."

He just stood there, his gaze transfixed on my face (to the point where I thought I still had some whipped cream on my lips from earlier. I tried licking my lips inconspicuously to solve this dilemma). "This is ridiculous. You know nothing about our history. Don't kid yourself after listening to a couple of his sob stories."

My fingers twisted around each other nervously. This was going very wrong. "I wasn't sure it would make a difference to talk to you," I admitted. "But I hear his sleepless nights. I see how this affects him. I know how he can't move on. Not without your forgiveness. If that seems fair to you, that he should carry this weight on his own and not find happiness for the rest of his life, then I really did make a mistake coming here today."

He sighed after a moment and ran a hand through his hair. "What is it that you're looking for? A signed letter that Marcus can move on with his life? Guess what? I'm stuck in the same place he is!"

"Maybe you don't deserve to be in that place either. It's not what anyone would want for either of you. I don't need to know anything more about Vanessa other than the fact that she chose Marcus to know she wouldn't want that for you, Ethan." I responded quietly, silently praying I wasn't overstepping my boundary here.

I expected Ethan to scream at me. To tell me I was way past my limits. That I had no right to talk about his sister. What I wasn't expecting were tears to gush down his face and all I felt in response was an overwhelming urge to hug him. This poor brother mourning for his sister and using anyone he could to make sense of the situation. There was always a bad guy. He'd made Marcus into one in his head but I think deep down, he knew that wasn't the truth. I think he knew in Vanessa's case, there was no bad guy. It was just an awful series of events that led to the most awful one of all.

We just stood there, across from each other on this busy street, Ethan's eyes red rimmed, me clutching my hands together to not freak him out by running up to him.

My phone rang suddenly and we both jumped. I ignored the first two but on the third call, I tugged it out to see Miranda's name flashing. I sent it to voicemail before she called again and I frowned shooting Ethan an apologetic look before picking up the call. "Hey Miranda, can I call you back?"

Miranda's crying was the first thing that made my heart clench and let me know that something was very wrong. But her next words made my heart thump so wildly that I thought I might vomit. "Mabel, Marcus is in the hospital... he's in critical condition... there's been a fire... burns."

I had no words. I couldn't start my brain up. All I knew was that I didn't know what heartache was until this point in my life.

I didn't know how long I had been staring at my phone in my hands before Ethan's voice brought me back to reality, "You okay?"

My gaze snapped to his and in that moment I knew he could see the desperation in my eyes. I think he knew the expression people wore when the possibility of losing a loved one became a reality. All I could do was burst into tears.