Its been a month since I heard the news of my little Bella. Within that month, I have blamed myself, blamed life, blamed my body and knowledge, I even blamed God. But I knew it wasnt nobodys fault. I knew things like this happen but it still hurts. It still pains me how I lost the one person who would have loved me unconditionally.

These last few weeks, its been pouring and cold. I would sit and watch the rain pour. I would sit outside, on the balcony and think how my life would of been like. How it would of been if I told Daunte. Think about if he would be happy, be upset or even angry. If he would turn me away and call me a liar or if he would embrace it and become a father. I think about what it would be like if we were a family.

My daughter because a mafia child. A child that I would try to shelter away from that as much as I can and him understanding my feelings. I miss him, even after he hurt me. But I want to tell him about our daughter, My Bella. I want him to hold me, telling me it will be alright and we will get through it together. I want him to feel my pain. But there is a part of me that wants him to suffer for hurting me. What hurts the most is that I cant blame him. We werent together and he was able to sleep with anybody.

Its difficult to lose a child but it hurts to lose a man you really liked and thought that liked you. Its been hard to get out of bed because all I want to do is roll in a ball and cry.

Im knocked out my thoughts to a knock on my door.

"Keyona?" I hear Nova on the other side of my door. But I dont say anything.

She knocks again. "Keyona? I got food. Im going to come in." She slowly opens the door and walks in with a tray.

"Hey, Oliver made breakfast. I thought maybe you would be hungry." She walks towards me and places the tray on the nightstand next to my bed. I shake my head, "I dont want it."

When I was released, I moved back to the mansion that our parents rented for us. Of course when they found out, they followed along. All I wanted was to be alone.

"Is it because Oliver made it?" She asked. I looked at her and rolled my eyes.

"Nova, I dont care who made it. I just want to be alone." I told her. Saying it a little louder than I meant to. She looked at me for a second, taking my hand in hers, before she spoke again.

"I dont understand what happened at the hospital. After the doctor talked to you, it was like a huge brick wall came up. You shut all of us out. Is it because of Oliver and your fight. Is it because of me not coming into work. What happened? Talk to me, you wont even talk to me and we use to tell each other everything. Whats going on? Please talk to me."

I looked at her in her eyes and I told her. "You dont know. You wont understand."

She stood up, letting go of my hands. "How am I suppose to know whats going on, if you wont talk to me, Key."

I look up at her. "Just get out please and take the tray with you. Im not hungry."

I turn around, put my headphones in, lay back and cover my head with my blanket. I turn my phone on to me and play You Don't Know by Katelyn Tarver.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

These lyrics hit me hard. They express my feelings about wanting to let go and to stop trying. It hurts to keep hearing the doctors words of keep my head up.

Me losing my daughter is not something nobody in my shoes can understand. It's not something I can talk to someone about who hasn't lose anything or someone. I love Nova, I really do but she won't understand the pain I'm in. She don't know and I don't think she will understand.

I cry listening to the lyrics of this song. I cry thinking of my daughter. I get up and walk into my closet and just behind my shoes, I pull out a shoe box and open it up.

I run my hands over the top picture. I pull it out and look at it. It's my ultrasound of my little girl. I wonder if she would of had her fathers blue eyes and my natural curly hair. I wonder if she would of got her height from me or her father and her attitude. I know she would of been sassy. I smile at the picture and bring it up to my lips and place a small kiss on it.

I place it back in and wipe my tears away. I need to go out. I need to get my mind off of this. I need to let loose and get drunk and that's what I'm going to do.

I walk out my room, head down the stairs where I hear voices. I walk towards the kitchen and see everyone at the table eating.

I clap my hands to get their attention, "I have a great Idea! It's Friday and I want to go out. Let's all get dressed and go out to the club." I said and everyone is just staring at me, saying nothing.

"So what you say?" I said smiling at them.

Josie gets up and walks towards me. "Hey Key, you okay?" She asks, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I smile at her, "Of course I am, so are we going out or what?"

I look around. Everyone is sill looking like they have seen a ghost until Kevion speaks up.

"Sure sis, I think we all need a night out, right everyone?" He says while looking at everything and they just nod their heads.

I clap my hands, "Great, then shall we get dress and be ready by...... let's say 8 o'clock?"

They all nods their head and Josie looks at me and asks "Are you sure your okay, Key?"

I smile at her. "Never been better. I'm ready to have some fun."

It's already 6pm and I had a busy morning. I had a few meetings and then I had that ultrasound just a couple hours ago with Brianna. The doctor said that she was about 5 months pregnant which is around the time we slept together. I told him I wanted a DNA test and he told me it would take a couple hours.

This can't be my child because that would mean she would have to move in with me and I'll be tied to her for the rest of my life. But it doesn't make sense because she we have always used protection. I have always wrapped up when I fucked her.

I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath. I jump up when I hear a knock on the door.

"Come in." I said and in walks Sofia. She walks in and shuts the door behind her.

"I ran into the doctor and he asked if I can give this to you." She says, with a yellow envelope in her hand. She gives it to me and I knew it was the DNA test. I rip it open and read it.

I stood up quickly and threw the paper across the room. This can't be real. I grab my phone and call the doctor up.

He answers it after the first rings.

"Yes Boss." I asked.

"Is the results true?" I asked him.

"Yes boss they are." He says and I hang up. This can't be true. I can't be the fucking father to her baby.

I throw my phone across the room and I hear Sofia gasps. "Are you okay, Daunte?" She asks and I look up at her. "Is there a reason your in here?"

She looks at me for a second and hands me a piece of paper. "I just came to give you the guest list of everyone that will be at the club tonight. I thought you would want to know that Rodriguez and his daughter booked a VIP room and he wants to meet with you."

I take the list from her and nod. "Thanks, you may go now."

"One more thing, that Briana girl is here also. Said she needs to talk to you about some tests. She is in your room." She said.

"Why the fuck is she here and in my room?!" I asked her angrily. "I put her in there because you usually have her go in there when she comes over. I didn't think it mattered. I'm sorry." She said quietly.

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "Your right, I'm sorry. You may leave."

With that said, she nods her head and walks out the door. I grab my phone and walk out my office and head to my room. I see her sitting there on my bed in nothing but a nightgown, rubbing her belly.

"Where the fuck is your clothes?" I asked her. She jumps slightly and looks up at me. "You never had a problem with me dressed like this before. What's the issue now?" She said with a smirk on her face. I wanted to slap her.

"Why are you here?" I asked her.

"I figured you would of gotten the test by now, baby daddy."

I clenched my fists. "By the way your acting, I figured it proved you were the father, which I already knew, since your the only one I slept with at the time." She smiled and got up off the bed.

"It still don't explain why you are here." I said. She walked up towards me, placing her hand on my chest. "I'm here so we can work things out. I know you love me. I know I'm the only woman that makes your heart beat quickly. Especially when I'm on my knees and your di-" I cut her off quickly, grabbing her wrists in my hands.

"Let's get one thing straight. I don't love you. Never have, never will so don't get your hopes up. This may be my child but that don't mean we will be together because that will never happen. I don't even want to touch you ever again. I will be there for my child and that's it. We will be nothing." I pushed her away from me lightly before I walked towards the bathroom. I stopped and turned around to face her.

"Oh and dont ever pop up at my houses again. If you have a doctor appointment or something, call me and let me know and I'll meet you. Now get your shit and get the fuck out my house."

I turned back around and slammed my bathroom door. I hopped in the shower and got ready for my meeting with Rodriguez.

Tonight is going to be crazy and bloody. I have so much anger in me that I need to let out. Rodriguez betrayed me and now he is going to suffer for it.