"This isn't like you, J!" an annoyed Taylor shouted at the curly haired lad, "I know you, Jake, and I have no idea who I'm looking at; you're identifiable. I mean, I know I told you to take a break from studying, but what the fuck is this?"

She scoffed, shaking her head in utter irritation, "You know Mr. Grace asked me if he should worry, because you haven't been to class in three weeks? Three weeks, Jake Elliott Hart!"

Standing by the door, she took a look at the room she had stepped in; the space was covered in wrappers, used cutlery, paper goods, and take out containers.

"It doesn't matter anymore, anyway," Jake shook his head, his mind attacking every cell in his body.

Jake's eyes were dark; blood shot from the lack of sleep, while the bags under were only getting more noticable.

"What the fuck do you mean it doesn't matter? Do you even know anything about this boy that you can't get your hands off of?" every word being spewed out was full of exasperation.

"I know he's a good fuck, I mean, I hope he is, since you're throwing your future away for him, but do y'all ever talk? Do you know his last name, or what he does in his spare time?" Taylor crossed her hands, frustrated with her friend.

"Do you even know what kind of person he is? Because, all I see is that we, all your friends, are worried about you, since all we see is that the smartest person in this damn school got a damn D on his favorite subject because the relationship he's wasting time on is purely sexual with no base."

Taking a deep breath, Jake took a step to his side, sitting on the bed, letting Taylor scold him, before he cut her off to say, once again, how it didn't matter.

"Tell me what doesn't matter, J," Tay calmed down, grabbing a bottle of water from his mini fridge.

She could tell those three words weren't just a brush off of what she was saying. Taylor could easily read he meant something deeper than what he had been wording.

"Do you remember when we were like, I don't know, four and you got me that dumb, colorful little piano looking thing that every kid has in their house at one point in their lives?" Jake took a sip from her water bottle, as she sat beside him.

"Yeah, I remember," a laugh sounded from her lips, nodding, "You played with it everywhere, to the point where Ezra almost threw it away."

"Okay, and do you remember when you got me that awful guitar when we were seven and we spent Christmas together?" walking down memory lane brought tears to both their eyes, remembering how much time they really had spent together.

"Yeah, and then you started singing everything you said, making up songs all the time. I remember your dad wanted you to start using a pacifier so you'd stop. Not that you used it when I did," Taylor nodded, giggling at the recollection, "You told him that seven year olds are big boys and don't need pacifiers."

The two took a moment to just look at one another, before breaking into laughter.

"And I don't know if you remember Chloe, from camp?" Jake paused for a breath, before continuing, "She always used to say I would be a star and I'd forget everyone."

"I remember that; I still believe it," Taylor laid back, staring at the popcorn style ceiling.

Following Tay, Jake laid back, "The night of the awful drinking game debacle is when things changed."

"Yeah, I still hate Davis for doing that to you," Taylor's face read anger, recalling the incident that occurred; watching her best friend practically die was the scariest thing she had to encounter.

"Well, after that, I had to distract my mind and what better way to do it than with science and math. I figured I could drown myself in studying and either find the cure for what I have, or study law to protect the victim, or prosecute the offender."

"Jake, if you don't like it-"

"That's the thing, I do love challenging my mind with these subjects, but with Caiden, it's like I'm finding myself within him, once again. I'm learning to differentiate between fear and anxiety," he spoke, his tone changing when he worded the raven haired boy's name.

"Other than the occasional karaoke and bonfire events, I don't sing much anymore. I mean, I'm sure you've noticed it, T, but you haven't said anything. And it's not like you to not tell me what you think, so if you didn't say it, it's because you felt like I had to realize it, first."

Taylor nodded in understanding; he was right about everything he had said, but it had become almost routine to see him live this life, that she had nearly forgotten the other side of him.

"And with Caiden, I'm slowly breaking my own barriers, without having someone to break them for me," his last words were quieter than the others, his eyes tearing, uncontrollably.

"Have you told him any of this?" Taylor was wiping away the tears drizzling from her eyes.

"No, because what if the talking pushes him away?"

"J-" Tay began, but was immediately cut off.

"T, losing him is scarier than losing my own voice."

"What do you really know about him, Jake?"

"I know he wants to tell me things, but something is stopping him," Jake sat up, looking at the floor, as he spoke, "I can see it in his eyes, Tay; he wants to talk, but I can't push him."

"Jake, does he even call you, or does he just show up?"

"He knocks, I let him in, and he leaves when he's done," Jake spoke, quietly, his heart in pieces.

"I mean, I'm glad he found someone he can fuck more than once in his life, and that he broke this rule for you, but Jake, this isn't okay."

"I can't lose him, T."

"J, before you get hurt, you have to talk to him. But, before you do that, please air this room out, clean it, shower, and talk to your teachers," Taylor pulled the curly haired lad into a tight hug.

"I know, I just need time to think of what to say."

"Maybe bring up how you met-"

"Tay-"

"Listen, think about it, J. I have to get to class, but I'll call you later," with a kiss on the cheek, the brunette left the room.

Taylor was more than anything concerned for Jake's heart, as he was always one to give his away, but never got one in return.

Taking a deep breath, Jake began cleaning up his room. He could feel his heart slowly disintegrating into absolute oblivion, thinking of how attached he had become to Caiden, without a single word, just a touch.

It was after his room was spotless, that Jake emailed his professors, requesting to meet with them the next day. The teachers agreed, setting up the appointments.

****

The hot water ran down Jake's body, wiping away every worry and concern he had been feeling. He could feel himself recalling every night shared with the raven haired boy. Jake wanted more; it was a need.

Every part of Jake's body was a constant reminder of Caiden, and Jake was perfectly fine with that, but for quite a while had wanted to know anything and everything about the mystery that made its way into his life.

He had been craving something other than sex with Caiden for some time, now, but had no idea how to word it.

Finally feeling the water cool down, Jake exited the shower, knowing if he didn't have the conversation with Caiden at that very moment, he probably would let this go on until one day, Caiden's knock would disappear.

'Hey, can we talk?' Jake sent the dreaded text, and before he could lock his phone, he received a reply.

'I'll be over in a sec. I'm walking out of my room now,' the response read.

Jake inhaled in and out, hearing the knock on his door.

This knock would be a different one, though it was from the same raven haired boy.

"Hey, Jake," Caiden leaned in for a kiss, but Jake moved his face, stepping to the side, letting him in.

"I wanna talk to you, Caiden," Jake sounded more confident than he felt.

"Okay, what's up?" Caiden took a seat one the empty desk chair, while Jake took a seat on his bed. A part of him wanted to run, hearing those words, but the other half won, ordering him to stay.

"This thing we do... The sex we have is great, but there's nothing there," Jake let his thoughts run, getting right to the point, knowing if he allowed Caiden to take charge, the two would be in bed within seconds.

"We don't talk, and we don't even see our friends anymore. I know you're not mine to lose, but it's fucking sucky to see you with what's their face from two months ago, sitting on your lap, or throwing themselves at you," Jake felt every word pouring out.

"I don't do relationships, Jake; the only steady ones I've had are Ava and Eli," Caiden could hear himself yelling at him to run, but his legs would not budge, leaving him in the chair right across from Jake.

"Yeah, but I don't know why you don't; I just know that one day there won't be a knock on my door, and I'll be a mess that I, myself, won't be able to clean up. I can't fall for a ghost, and that's what I feel like is happening, Caiden," Jake took another deep breath, calming himself.

Caiden's eyes faced the floor, his mind racing itself into the unknown, while being chased by his heart. Does he let the boy in? Does he run away? Does he pretend that the curly haired lad doesn't matter to him?

"I didn't ask you over to argue, Caiden," Jake could feel the tension thicken.

"Can you tell me why you never talk about your parents, first, please?" Caiden heard himself ask, wanting more than being asked about himself.

"It's the same reason why I don't go to the lake house as often as the others," Jake replied, though Caiden had no idea what he meant by that and Jake could see it in his eyes. "About four years ago, my parents, myself, Tay, and her parents went to the house for a weekend, like most of our vacations. Ezra and Kyle decided to sit that time out," Jake spoke, thinking about his parents.

"Some client had called my dad that Saturday, because something was up with one of the investments he had, and my parents decided to leave that night, instead of Sunday, as we usually did," Jake continued, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to pour out.

"I stayed with Tay and her parents and twenty minutes after they had driven off, I received a call about a drunk driver and my whole life crashed."

"Jake, I'm so sorry," Caiden was shocked, dumbfounded at how open Jake was, yet this was something Caiden would have never guessed, as he seemed so put together.

"Taylor goes to see them more than I do; I'm an awful son."

"You aren't, Jake, you have your reasons. Plus, you don't need to be by their graves to speak to them."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I walk over whenever I go to the lake house; I leave my phone behind because I don't want the questions of if I'm okay, or not. The only one who really knows where I disappear to is Tay."

"So that's where you were that day?" Caiden comprehended why he had vanished that day at the lake house.

Jake nodded, letting the tears finally fall, when he heard the raven haired boy speak.

"When I was six I was adopted by the most incredible woman in the world," Caiden began, his eyes facing the wall before him. "Carla was amazing and she gave me everything I could ask for. I was living every child's dream with her as my mom."

Jake looked up, listening to the boy's voice.

"When I was about twelve, she got sick, and fought till her last day, when I was fifteen," he continued, thinking of the mother he had. "When I was put back in the system, I was put in a new house. I felt a special connection with this one kid there, who happened to be my age."

"First crush?" Jake asked, curiously.

"That would be gross, dude," Caiden chuckled, "I noticed we had the same last name and we had the same eyes, and had to ask him about his life. Turns out whoever my dad was, was doing some shit back then."

"Dude was your brother?" Jake gaped at him, shocked. Thoughts fluttered Jake's mind in confusion.

"Yeah, his name was Mark. It was awesome to meet someone who had my DNA, but the house we were in was awful. They wouldn't feed us at times, and beat us and well every shit thing you can imagine."

"Oh, wow, I'm sorry," Jake felt guilty for forcing him to talk.

"One night, Mark and I grabbed some stuff in a bag and ran for it and never looked back. We got part time jobs to be able to support ourselves, and moved into the smallest studio apartment. We were somewhat surviving, and then about three years ago, I got a call from some Lee Enterprises dude from Korea, claiming to be my dad."

"WHAT?!" Jake shouted, his eyes expanding wider.

"Yeah, I know. So, dude told me he'd like to see me and Mark, and that he bought us tickets to meet him in Boston, as he would be there for business."

"Right..."

"After the fourteenth call that week, Mark suggested we go and see what he wanted, so we did. At the time, Mark was dating this cop, Nick, and we figured if anything, we could call him for help."

Jake was speechless, listening to Caiden's life story.

"We took a flight and went to the office where he had been taking his meetings. This Lee person began telling us that he was ready to provide us with all the food, clothes, money, and anything and everything we required, on two conditions. A, Mark breaks up with this Nick dude, and B, we both attend the university he owned."

"He came into your lives twenty years too late, demanding what's right and wrong?"

"Yeah, I know. So, with that same reaction, Mark and I ignored him, getting back to our everyday lives. That was until one random day, I was getting ready for work and I heard a knock, realizing he had showed up at our door, handing Mark pictures of Nick with a kid and some woman; he took a seat on a chair in our little home. He clearly came with a purpose."

"The pictures weren't photoshopped?"

"No; I actually thought so, too, and asked Eli to check them out, since he's always been very savvy when it came to photo editing."

"Wow."

"It took a bit of convincing, but we finally agreed to attend the school, and when I heard the name of it, I began crying; Brandon was my brother, who didn't make it past the age of five. He died when I was three because some driver didn't look back, when reversing."

"Wow, Caiden, I'm speechless and so sorry."

Caiden nodded, thanking him.

"So, freshman year was pretty cool; I had the occasional hook up here and there and had my brother, Eli, and Ava with me; which to me, was way more than I could ask for. Mark was a bit more sociable than me, so his group of friends was a bit more diverse."

"More sociable than you? Shocker," Jake laughed, wanting to see a smile from Caiden.

"Do you remember Theo Gabriel?"

"I remember rumors; I remember hearing something about him forcing some kid to do some coke or something?"

"Well, he was always on some heavy shit; his mind was never fully conscious, and he apparently was related to Nick, Mark's ex," Caiden took a moment to let out a deep breath, while Jake got up to get him a cold bottle of water. Sitting back down, Jake motioned for him to continue when he was ready.

Caiden took a few sips of the water, hydrating himself, before he continued.

"Well, one day he breaks into Mark's room, and just goes off on him, threatening his life and I don't know what else. I was actually outside his door, about to knock to ask if he wanted to catch a movie or something, when I heard his scream, and immediately, I called Alyson. She was Nick's old partner, and before I knew it, I lost my best friend in the ER."

Jake got up, pulling Caiden into the tightest hug he could muster. His brain was rattling with this information, comprehending why he always kept everyone at a distance.

Caiden hugged him back, still unsure on why he was telling him all of this. Caiden wanted to run, but was more afraid of Jake running from him.

"So, then my life turned upside down, and I didn't allow myself to get attached to a single person; but then you showed up, and I hoped sleeping with you more than once would equal to opening myself up to you."

"I understand."

"I can't lose anyone else, so I don't let them in, Jake," Caiden pulled away from the hug, looking into hazel eyes full of worry and love.

"You remember the drinking game story I told you?" Jake questioned, taking a seat on the desk by Caiden.

"Yeah, it's not something I can forget."

"Well, months before that happened, I was at this party that Taylor threw, and there was this guy there who had my heart doing gymnastics. He wouldn't look at me, and really I didn't know much about him, except that people called him CL," Jake recalled the way that boy laughed and how his jaw could cut an unripe avocado.

"He was sociable and friendly and everyone knew him. He had the best smile, and I really tried to get noticed by him. I made my way back and forth around him, but after the millionth time, I walked upstairs, feeling dizzy. I had my own room at Tay's and I headed there, drowsy from the four beers I had."

"Dude, you know more than two is dangerous for you," Caiden chuckled, his hand resting on Jake's lap.

"Yeah, I know," Jake laughed, continuing, "So, this guy stumbled into my room, sad because this dude he liked wouldn't look his way, and I laughed, telling him that was what was happening to me. Anyway, a couple of hours passed of us just talking, and before I knew it, we were in bed together."

Caiden could feel a pang of hurt and jealousy listening to Jake speak about this one night stand he had.

"I think it was like two days later, and this random dude walked over to me at school. I was seated outside eating lunch, waiting for Taylor to come by with the ice cream she promised me. But that's not important," he laughed, before finishing up his story.

"I was confused because I didn't recognize him; he actually happened to be the boy I had slept with. He came by to tell me he was sorry, and that he felt bad for sleeping with me when it didn't mean anything. I told him it was fine, and we began talking, realizing we had so much in common, and within minutes this boy had become my best friend."

Caiden's face showed intrigue and interest, though confusion masked it all.

"Before he said his goodbye, as the bell rang, he told me his name was Landon."