A thin sheet of snow blanketed the ground. flecks of snow were sprinkled in Hannibal's hair. foot prints followed behind him. He had to walk half the way. The road was overgrown with plants, no one had used it in decades. Why would they? It only led to an unrecognizable burned down castle.

Hannibal stared at the rubble that was once his childhood home. vines and moss grew over the debris, as if the earth was reclaiming its land. He stepped around the pieces of stone and envisioned what used to be. He pictured the kitchen, his room, the parlor. He stepped around a fallen tree and spotted the Lecter family graveyard.

The plants swallowed the graves and fencing but the fire never did. Hannibal arranged for a headstone for his sister, even though there was no body to bury. Her grave sat next to her parents'. Moss and lichen made the engraved names hard to read.

Hannibal stared at her headstone. The sound of the axe slicing through Mischa's skin was still fresh in his ears. He can still remember the taste of her flesh.

He hadn't visited her grave since the last time he was in Lithuania, twenty years ago. He silently touched the stone and stood up. He gave one final glance at the graveyard and castle, then left.

Hannibal sipped the bitter wine. His dinner was flavorless, his mind was back in Baltimore, Maryland, with his wife and child.

The house he was staying at was screaming with silence and full of emptiness. He desperately missed (y/n).

He left her because he needed to say goodbye to his past. He needs to be different. He needs to stop killing. He also left because she needed space to process what happened. With Hannibal breathing down her neck everyday would only bring more resentment. He wanted to only leave for a couple of days but days turned into two weeks. He didn't know if he was ready to come home. What if (y/n) never forgives him?

While chewing his meal he bit down on his lip. The metallic taste of blood over took his mouth. (y/n) brought purpose to Hannibal's life. Would there be any reason to living if she rejects him?

The following day when Hannibal was walking in town, he heard the shouts of church bells, he decided to go inside.

The stain glass windows and high ceilings with saints painted on, reminded him when his mother would bring him and his sister to church every Sunday.

Hannibal sat in the back pew. A handful of mourners and sinners were scattered around the hollow church. Rows of prayer candles flickered under the dull lighting. It was so quite you could hear the hushed mutters of Hail Maries and Our Fathers from a few church goers. Hannibal watched a woman's knuckles turn white from pushing her palms together with all her might. It was as if she believed the tighter she squeezed her hands the more likely God would answer her.

The last time Hannibal prayed was seconds before his sister was killed. He'd prayed for his parents to be alive, he'd prayed for his sister to return safely back to the barn, he'd prayed for it all to be a dream. But he's older now and his parents are still dead, Mischa never returned to the barn, it wasn't a dream.

Why wasn't Mischa worth saving that day?

What kind of God let's children die?

He was six years old when he decided God wasn't real. But now he's forty-eight and finds himself sitting in a church pew.

His thoughts fell back to (y/n). He wondered what she would be doing now. He checked his watch, it's two in the morning in Maryland. He conjured up her sleeping face. He remembered how much he loved the expression she made while asleep, beautifully calm.

He heard a silent water droplet hit the granite floors. He reached up to touch his face. Hannibal realized he had been crying.

He stared at his open palms.

There's no life worth living if (y/n) isn't there. Hannibal decided that if (y/n) didn't wait to stay with him he'd accept that, and take his own life.

Another tear fell down his face. He pressed his hands together and prayed for (y/n) to still love him.

~~~

Thanks for reading!!! I'll be taking a month break, I'll return in march and begin posting weekly chapters again. I'm taking a break because posting weekly can get stressful after a while and I get a little burned out. Also because some of the comments are discouraging. Although most of you send really sweet comments which I appreciate, but there's also some that are just rude and unnecessary.