I spent the next fifteen minutes pacing back and forth across the room, occasionally stopping to sit on my bed — just to get back up and do it all over again. I scratch the top of my head and fidget with my fingers as I try to rationalize our actions and behavior from earlier.

It surprised me how I acted the way I did. I had no idea I was ever capable of being so assertive and bold. Come to think of it, I've never acted that way before with anyone. Was I really that desperate for Brahms?

And how does he even feel about me? I mean, the way he just walked out on me after. He acted like this stuff happens all the time and that it didn't really mean anything to him.

After pondering on it for awhile longer, I decide that I needed to get things off my chest before it eats away at me.

As I leave the room and make my way down the end of the steps, I can hear music coming from the library. I peek my head through the double doors of the library and catch a glimpse of Brahms. He was in his usual getup of black dress pants, white tank, suspenders, cardigan and all. He was sat on the scarlet red wingback chair by the window. His legs crossed, ankle over knee, with an open book in one hand. The other hand dangles limply over the chair's arm.

Slowly and awkwardly, I enter the room.

Brahms doesn't look up once to even acknowledge my presence. His eyes staying glued to the book he was reading.

Maybe he just hadn't noticed me yet? I think to myself.

I clear my throat loudly so that he could hear it over the music that was playing. Still, he doesn't even throw me a glance. It was until I cut the music that I am able get a reaction from him.

Brahms lowers his book and squints at me in confusion.

" I didn't know how else to catch your attention," I tell him, " You seem very immersed in your book."

Brahms nods, looking down at the cover of his book, " It's Jane Eyre," he replies, " I've read it more times than I can count on my fingers and toes."

" And you're not tired of reading it?" I ask.

He answers my question by proposing one back at me, " Can you think of a song you can listen to over and over. Or, perhaps a movie you can watch multiple times and not get tired of it?"

I take a second to think about it and then nod.

Brahms nods back at me in a "there ya go" type of way and then leans back in his chair, putting the book back up to his face to continue reading.

" Wait," I say, " I came here to talk to you."

" Then talk," He responds, " I can multitask."

" Okay..." I say, slightly annoyed, " But, it's kind of serious, Brahms."

He doesn't say anything and I watch as his eyes scan across the pages of his book.

I scoff in disbelief.

" Fine, ignore me," I say as I cross my arms, " But, I'm going to say what I have to say and you can choose whether to listen or not."

I take a deep breath and continue, " What happened today was unexpected. I think that's something we can both agree on. But, it was also... Alleviating, in a way. There's been a lot of tension between us lately and I feel, this is why we acted the way we did. Although, I don't think it was just to satisfy our gratification..."

He was in the midst of turning to the next page before suddenly coming to an abrupt stop. This lets me know that he actually is listening to me.

" At first," I go on, " I wasn't sure if I actually liked you or, if I have become so deprived of attention and affection that I was willing to do anything to get it... But then, I thought about the past few days. How I have been waking up with my first thoughts wondering where you are and what you're doing. And whenever I see you, I get these butterflies in my stomach. That's when I realized it was more than just sexual attraction. I just want to know... If we share the same feelings. It seems like you do but, there's something holding you back. I can tell."

Brahms places his book onto the table beside him and stands up from his chair. Walking over to me until he's a few inches away.

" It's true," he reveals, " I do feel the same."

A sense of relief washes over me.

" And it's also true that there's something keeping me from letting myself become fully involved with you."

" And what is it?" I ask.

" My past," he admits, " All I've ever done was hurt the people I love. That's why so many have left me. I know that in the end, I'll be all alone again..."

" I told you this before and I'll say it again. It wasn't your fault. It was your parents'. You shouldn't blame yourself for the things your parents failed to teach you," I explain, " They've never shown you a healthy way to express your feelings. Because of that, you have trouble recognizing and communicating your emotions. You never learned how to respond to these emotions with others but, you can learn and you can change."

Brahms shakes his head and looks down at his feet, his shoulders dropping, " It's already too late."

" It's never too late," I say, " And hey, I'm still here aren't I?"

He doesn't respond.

" Brahms, can you look at me?" I ask.

He shakes his head at the ground.

" Brahms, please," I say once more.

Slowly, he lifts his chin and his glossy eyes meet with mine. He blinks multiple times.

It takes me awhile to notice but, he had tears forming in his eyes and he was struggling to keep them in, " Oh Brahms..." I say, " You...can cry. It's okay to cry."

For a few seconds, I hear him sniffle quietly with tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Until finally, they spill over.

Immediately, I wrap my arms around his back. His face sinks into the crook of my neck while he weeps. I've never seen him full on cry like this. It was heartbreaking as it was relieving. Seeing how he allowed himself to break down like this in front of me.

I rub Brahms back soothingly as I mutter into his ear.

" Don't let your past take control over your life," I say, feeling his shoulders rise and fall with each hiccup, " You shouldn't hang onto it so hard that your hands become bloody and raw. But, you also shouldn't forget about it and act like it's never happened. You have to find a middle ground. A place of remembrance and acceptance... Freedom."

Brahms breaks from my embrace. His eyes, puffy and red with a few of his tears dripping from beneath the chin of his mask.

" Until I find that place," His voice croaks, " Will you be there with me?

I wipe his chin using the sleeve of my cardigan, " Every step of the way," I smile.

Brahms hugs me one last time before taking a seat back onto the chair. With his knees spread apart, he motions for me to come over. When I walk up to him, Brahms leans back into the chair and pats his thighs with his hand.

I turn around about to sit when Brahms suddenly places his hands on my waist. Gently, he pulls me down onto his lap. His hands interlock around me, chin resting on my shoulder.

Brahms clears his throat, " Y/n?"

" Yes, Brahms?" I reply.

" Now that we know how we feel about each other, I feel like there's not a better time to say this than to say it now."

I turn my head towards him, " What is it?"

" Y/n," he begins, looking at me with gleaming eyes, " There's nothing more that I want in this world than..." His voice trembles, " ...Than to be with you. I want to be the only man in your life who can protect you, care for you, touch you. Only if you'd let me..." Brahms pauses, " So, Y/n. Will you be mine?"

Brahms eagerly waits for a response, as I go speechless for a moment. His eyes ponder back and forth from my left and right eye.

" Y/n?..."

Unable to speak, I cup his cheek with both hands and plant a kiss on the porcelain lips of his mask. As I pull back Brahms' eyes go wide.

" I'll take that as a yes?" He says.

I laugh with a nod, then go back in for another.

After, we re-adjust ourselves until we were both comfy. Taking the Jane Eyre book he had put down earlier, I open to the page he had left off on. I ask if Brahms could read it to me and of course, he does.

As he reads, his voice feels so soothing to my ears and against my back as his chest vibrates with every word. That, paired with the strength, yet gentleness of being wrapped in his arms feels so comforting. Brahms' never-ending warmth reminding me that, with him, I am safe.