I recommend y'all to listen to this whilst reading the chapter

"Little do you know

How I'm breakin' while you fall asleep

Little do you know

Little do you know

Little do you know

"

.

She hits the right notes, the emotions drip from her voice.

.

"Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside

I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind

Little do you know

I need a little more time."

.

I take a deep breath before starting.

.

"I

I'll wait

I promise you don't have to be afraid

I'll wait

Love is here and here to stay

"

.

I couldn't feel a single fucking word I spoke. Yet my heart clenches as I sing, I feel a dull ache in my chest. It wasn't even painful but why the fuck did it hurt?

.

"Little do you know

I know you're hurt while I'm sound asleep

Little do you know

Little do you know

Little do you know I

I love you 'til the sun dies."

.

Why the fuck is this song so.. relatable?

.

"Oh wait, just wait

Just wait

I love you like I've never been afraid

Just wait

Our love is here, and here to stay

So lay your head on me."

.

I notice the tears in her eyes, the dull ache in my heart returns. I reach for her hand and grab it tightly as if that was going to fucking fix things.

I find my own eyes pricking.

.

"I'll wait."

"I'll wait."

"I'll wait."

"I'll wait."

"I love you like you've never felt the pain,

I'll wait."

"I'll wait."

"I promise you don't have to be afraid

I'll wait."

"Love is here, and here to stay

So lay your head on me."

.

Alya turns her head to look at me. Her green eyes shining with unshed tears, tears that are clawing at my heart.

What the fuck is she doing to me?

.

"Lay your head on me

So lay your head on me."

'"Cause little do you know I

I love you 'til the sun dies."

.

I pull her into me. She willingly buries her head into my chest. I can hear the applause in the background, the crowd cheers heartily. I look over and find some of them drying their own tears.

I hug her closer.

I fucked up big time.

. . .

This is my ninth cigarette.

It doesn't numb me from what I'm feeling.

It's been four days already. We're leaving tomorrow. I don't feel like going back to living in the hellhole I call home.

"Stop it, man, you're going to kill yourself," River snatches the cigarette from my hand. I jump at him, suddenly angered. He glares down at me and passes the cigarette back before leaving, mumbling about him calling someone.

I ignore it and take out another cigarette.

Tenth.

I light it and take a long drag before puffing the smoke out of my nose.

I feel fucked up.

A series of coughs snap me out of my thoughts and I look at Alya who is desperately trying to breathe. I clench my jaws when she struggles to do so. Her eyes water. She's like a delicate little flower.

Which reminds me of the white wildflowers I had plucked earlier, they had reminded me of Alya. Delicate and beautiful. Wild.

Rolling my eyes, I throw the cigarette on the ground and step over it. I look at her blankly, the green headscarf compliments her skin tone well and match her eyes. I fucking love the colour of her eyes.

I put my hand in my leather jacket to feel the flowers, they're still there.

I look at the woods, the wind is soothing. I lean against a tree. I find Alya looking up at me.

"Why are you here?"

I don't mean to come off rude but that's what I am. She is taken off guard. She fiddles with her fingers and looks at her shoes.

When do I give her the flowers?

"I'll leave if you wan-"

"Stay."

It's the third time we're under the stars, together. I lean against the tree and watch Alya, the soft glow of moonlight falls on her face. She looks at me. I fucking lose my brain when she puts her hand over mine.

"What's wrong?"

I laugh at that, shaking my head. Everything's fucking wrong. I'm starting to feel things other than hatred- that's what's wrong. Starting to feel regret, the guilt of saying things to hurt her.

Things (maybe) she didn't deserve to hear.

"Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

"Yes." She replies without having to think.

There is silence after that. I struggle with my words. How I managed to hate her for so long, it's beyond me.

"Stop being so fucking sweet. You shouldn't be ready to forgive me after everything."

She looks at me softly. Under the moonlight, she looks angelic.

"What changed, Zayd?"

"I don't fucking know."

"I can't do this anymore," her voice breaks a little. I fucking hate myself, why do I always hurt her, be it knowingly or unknowingly?

"What do you want me to say? I honestly don't know." I wish I did.

"Why do you hate me?"

"Did," I correct her. Her eyes widen, her lips twitch before she smiles warmly.

"I'll tell you someday," I look into her eyes, meaning it.

"Promise?"

"Promise," I nod my head.

I take out the flowers from my pocket. My heart falls, they have already withered. I'm about to put it back but her hand stops me.

"What's this?"

She looks up at me, her eyes wide and lips pulled into a sweet smile.

"Nothing."

She doesn't say anything, remains looking at me hopefully. I sigh and look at the dead, withered flowers, they don't remind me of Alya anymore.

"I had plucked it.. for you."

She takes it from my hand and holds it as if it is an expensive bouquet.

"Thank you."

We look at the stars together. I see her shiver slightly, so I pull her to me. She curls perfectly into me, it feels as if our bodies were made for each other.

"You'll sit with me on our way back," I tell her, still looking at the stars.

"But Theo-"

"Please," I grit out. I haven't used that word in ages.

She sighs, looking at the flowers in her hand.

"Oka-" my lips cut her off.