Double update again, don't y'all just love me? Lmao

The paper ball hits right on her head that is clad in a dark blue headscarf. She doesn't turn around though.

A weird feeling develops in my chest; I hate how I've been feeling strange these days. Some of the feelings are fucking great, they make me feel like I'm high on drugs.

Some fucking suck. Like the one that I'm feeling right now.

Had she heard?

Of course, dumbass.

She wasn't supposed to hear it. I just wanted the guys away from her. Josh had commented on her, told she was cute despite the headscarf. He has no idea, she's not cute.

Her beauty can't be fucking described in words. She's unique, beautiful in her own way. Not just the enticing green eyes that can make you forget your pain. Not just the cute nose that makes you want to kiss it over and over again. Not just her radiant smile that could light up the whole fucking universe.

Then River fueled the fire inside me by telling everyone I like her, like that's possible.

I can't deny, not anymore. She's fucking attractive and much more than that. But that doesn't mean I like her!

But making her fun would make the guys back away, they started talking about how cute she was. It was a dick move, I agree. But knowing the guys, they won't think about her that way anymore.

River said she had a shirt in her hand. A fucking black shirt. For me. Why do I feel my heart clenching? What is this feeling? I fucking wanted her to give it to me.

And then she hugged Theo.

Her hugs were something else and I hated that Theo got to know how it felt.

Motherfucking asshole.

I want her to give me those magic hugs. Only me.

Because she doesn't deserve friends.

A thought makes me ball my fists. What if she gave the shirt to Theo?

Fuck.

River said she was crying. I knew she wasn't. She wasn't ugly at all and she had to know it. Come on, no one's ugly. And she surely isn't, a blind man can tell.

But what if she believed me?

Triple fuck.

Fury filled my insides. I stood up and walked outside in angry strides, angry at myself. Confused as to why I was feeling like this. I'm fucked up.

Mr Kale calls my name out. I don't turn around, I don't want to be sent to prison because I'll end up killing the old man if I turn around. And Alya would end up hating me further.

I'm supposed to make her hate me, for God's sake! I'm supposed to fucking hate her.

I punch the trunk of the tree hard the second I'm outside the school. Breathing heavily, I do it again. And again. And again. Until the feeling inside me numbs. Until the pain on my fist overcomes the pain inside.

Until I know that I'm in deep shit.

It's just an infatuation, I guess. It'll disappear over time, right?

But what if I don't want it to go?

I punch the trunk again.

I feel a hand on my shoulder.

Taking deep breaths, I turn around. I find Theo looking at me with pitiful eyes. The fury ignites, my fists are balled by my sides. I fucking hate it when people look at me like that.

"What?" My tone comes as a bark.

"You should stay away from Alya."

The fuck? I grit my teeth and take a deeper breath, did he want me to kill him? Stay away from Alya? Who is he to ask me.. unless-

"Are you her boyfriend?"

"No-"

"Then I have no reason to listen to you. Fuck off before I make you."

"You're hurting her, Zayd. Can't you see? She thinks she's ugly, thanks to you. Stay away from her, man."

"I am knowingly hurting her dumbass."

"I can see that," he says sarcastically, looking at my bloody fists. I grit my teeth.

"Stay away," he warns before walking away. I refrain from going over and punch the life out of him. But I don't.

She thinks she's ugly, thanks to you.

I try to clear my head while a plan brews in my mind.

. . .

The cafeteria is crowded as always. The guys are talking about the one week trip that starts tomorrow. River's with some chick, swapping spit. Chase is his usual blank self.

Alya and Theo are nowhere to be seen.

I put my hands in my pocket and clutch the paper before loosening the hold, I don't want to crumple it. Another weird feeling develops inside me. I guess you could say I was anxious.

Just a bit.

I don't know how she'll react to this.

The bell rings, the cafe starts clearing up. We stand up and start walking down the hallway. We all spread out, I'm with River when we walk to the locker room, we have the same class.

"You can go, I'll be there in 5," I tell him.

"Smoke?"

"Yeah," I lie. He mumbles an okay and leaves. I wait and make sure there's no one around before walking to Alya's locker. I punch the code in, it opens.

I take out the red paper from my pocket and put it over her books. I see the black shirt placed in her locker, my lips curve into a smile. I close the locker and sigh.

Let's see what happens.

. . .

I lean against the wall and watch Alya. She looks more upset than she usually is. She looks like- like she could use a hug?

I wait for her to open the locker. My heart jumps, it's fucking annoying. She freezes when she looks at the red paper. Her green eyes widen and she picks it up. After examining it for a while, she unfolds it.

A minute later, her cheeks turn red. She has an adorable smile on her face. She bites her lip and places the letter back. I find myself getting relieved, maybe this is going to work.

She closes her locker and the usual jump on her steps is back. I finally feel at peace. She walks outside and out of my vision, I smirk thinking about the trip.

I'm glad Alya is in the same group as me. Things are going to be better. I'm going to make it up to her. Acting like a jerk is clearly not doing it. Not when I know that I've started to find her attractive. And not when I want more of her fucking magical hugs and kisses.

Just wait babygirl, you have no idea what I have in store for you. And once this shit about your insecurities and my infatuation is over, we can go back to hating each other.