Word eventually gets out and Sam's sexuality is soon common knowledge to the people on campus. It's ridiculous and maddening and I don't agree with it in the slightest; but people love to talk. People love distractions, gossip, anything that takes their minds off of their own looming problems.

However, people are far less judgemental than I had thought and none of Sam's friends have treated him any differently. To be honest, a lot of them had already made assumptions that he may swing in a different direction.

"Are you okay? About everyone knowing, I mean. I know you didn't exactly want it to be public knowledge." I ask, interrupting Sam as he rifles through my washing pile in search of his shorts. Our clothes get mixed up more often than I'd like to admit.

"Yeah, it's not how I wanted to handle the situation but I can live with it." He responds, his attention still diverted.

He tugs out my rainbow shirt and holds it up with a quizzical expression.

"Are you actually keeping this?" He asks. I nod quickly, snatching it from his loose grasp.

"Yeah, it's really comfy." I exclaim, holding it to my chest. Sam shrugs, holding his hands up before returning to his mission.

"I'm just saying that you've handled the situation really well, you don't have to act tough around me." I murmur, watching him make a mess as I get back to our previous topic. He sighs heavily, giving up on his search for a minute and standing up straight.

"I know. In truth I'd like to have handled it my way. I wanted the chance to tell people my way, in my own time and I was denied that. I'm more angry than anything else." He says, almost defeatedly and I nod understandingly. It's really nice to hear the inner workings of his mind for once.

"That's perfectly understandable, I'd feel the same way." I admit and he shrugs but smiles faintly. His eyes zero in on a fragment of clothing and he descends on it like a hawk, plucking his shorts from the ground with a proud grin.

"I knew you had them." He says smugly but I roll my eyes at the utter lie that has just escaped his mouth.

"No, you didn't." I argue, watching as his smug grin falters for a moment.

"Well, you had them, didn't you? That's all that matters." He mumbles, tugging off his tracksuit bottoms and replacing them with the shorts. I avert my eyes politely, muttering under my breath but not bothering to actively argue any further.

"Where are you going anyway?" I ask, spinning idly in my desk chair. I hear the clinks of his belt and take it as reassurance that he's decent, turning my head to glance at him.

"I'm going to have coffee with Alice and another guy from Spanish." He states, his eyes flicking back up to mine as I nod.

"It's a bit cold for shorts, isn't it?" I ask but Sam disagrees, his mouth twitching into a cheeky smile.

"They're my favourites and I want to impress this guy." He admits and I suddenly feel my whole mood turn sour as a wave of comprehension washes over me. Oh.

"Take a jumper." I call out and he nods, ducking into his room to grab one. I frown to myself, not exactly liking the situation but not having any justification to feel that way either. I don't like the feeling. It's not logical.

I get up and wander to the top of the stairs, perching on the second one as Sam tugs his shoes on. I glance to the keys sat beside me and sigh, wandering how Sam's keys manage to escape him so often. He pats his pockets, frowning to himself.

"Hey, have you seen my...?" He trails off, already seeing the keys dangling from my index finger. I throw them to him and he catches them in his right hand, grinning at me.

"I'll see you later, don't wait up!" He coos, opening the door.

"Alright, I l..." I trail off, frowning deeply to myself before amending my words.

"I'll see you later." I mumble, my frown still deep set in my brows as he shuts the door.

Had I really been about to say that? Just like that? I had been about to say 'I love you', for no rhyme or reason other than the fact that those words had been at the forefront of my mind. I stay sat in my position, slowly mulling it over.

It's true I love Sam platonically. It's hard not to, but any further affection had never been registered in my head.

I shake my head, battling against the absurdity that I hold any romantic affections towards my best friend, but the harder I try, the less comfortable I feel. Surely love is something that you notice, something that doesn't take you by surprise? But then again, how do I know that what I'm feeling is even love?

I always imagined that love is a feeling that grows consciously, something that you notice and nurture. Not something that side tackles you, leaving you dazed and confused in its wake.

I take the time to think about Sam. It's true that I think he's attractive, but he's not the only person that I can register as attractive. It's also true that I think his personality is more favourable than others, but that could be a factor of my antisocial nature. I definitely feel happier and almost...lighter in his presence.

I flex my fingers agitatedly, not at all comfortable with the uncertainty revolving in my mind and I decide that the only thing I can do right now is trust myself. A part of my mind loves Sam and I accept that. I feel strangely relieved at the realisation, relaxing slightly at how simple that had been.

Figuring out just how far my affections go for Sam will probably be a far more complex task but for now I feel content.

I still feel uncomfortable with the idea of Sam being with other people romantically and I ponder whether it's jealousy. It turns out that I don't have to mull it over for very long, it's definitely jealousy.

I feel as though I've been attacked by my own emotions and decide that, even though it is very uncharacteristic of me, I want to talk to someone about it. My memory suddenly jogs, remembering how cryptic Robin had been the last time she had spoken to me and my eyes narrow. She knew. That little witch, she knew!

I press her contact and hold the phone to my ear, not surprised when she picks up after only the second ring.

"Hey Eli!" She chirps enthusiastically. My eyes narrow even further.

"You know, don't you." I mutter. She's quiet for a moment before a faint giggle escapes from the other end of the receiver.

"Know what?" She asks, taunting me. She wants to see whether I'll say it, probably thinking that I won't be that blunt. Too bad for her, that's exactly what I am.

"That I'm in love with Sam." I say outright, rendering her silent. She splutters for a moment, a surprised laugh escaping her.

"How could you not tell me?!" I demand, smiling faintly at her reaction.

"Because it's SO obvious!" She replies indignantly and I scoff, although I know that there's undeniable truth behind her words. The whole campus had seen what she had, and none of them even knew us. It must have been glaringly obvious to her. I groan, letting my head fall into my hands.

"It's alright, Sam is blissfully unaware." She assures and I roll my eyes, not surprised in the slightest.

"Since when?" I ask, genuinely curious and she hums in thought.

"I'm not sure, I mean I knew that he had a thing for you the first day I met you, but you were much harder to read. I'm not sure when I first noticed it with you, it was a very slow thing. But I'm certain that Sam's been smitten all his life." She says, giggling towards the end.

"He met me when we were eight." I correct and she sighs heavily.

"Plus, he doesn't have a thing for me. I would know if he did." I argue and she chortles in response.

"Oh, honey. I'm not sure which of you is denser..." She trails off and I huff in irritation.

"His infatuation is plain as day, he really is awful at hiding how he feels. I'm pretty sure he stopped bothering halfway through year eleven." She states. It is true, Sam doesn't bother hiding how he feels other than to be polite.

I take a moment for her words to sink in, my certainty in myself and my feelings only growing. My anxiety flares suddenly and I feel very small, despite being very tall.

"What do I do?" I ask, my voice sounding very alien to me. Robin notices, but doesn't fuss and for that I'm grateful. The reality that this realisation could change everything is suddenly very real to me.

"You follow my advice. You be honest with him, you tell him how you feel." She advises as if it's the simplest thing in the world.

"He's seeing other people." I voice, trying to keep my concerns to myself and failing miserably.

"Only because he thinks that you aren't an option." She reflects.

"Am I an option?" I ask and she sighs gently.

"You'll always be his first choice, Eli, but whether you want to be a choice is up to you entirely." She says softly and I nod, rolling my eyes at my idiocy. She can't see you nod, Eli.

"Okay." I breathe, glad that I had someone like Robin to guide me through this.

"Everything will be fine, Eli. You two have been through everything together, you'll get through this too." She assures and I vehemently hope she's right about that too.

"Ok, thanks for everything, Ro." I say.

"Absolutely not a problem. I'm glad that you finally realised, you two have something special and you've been missing out for way too long." She says wisely and I laugh.

"Okay, Dr. Phil. I'll speak to you soon." I huff teasingly and she chuckles.

"You better, I want all the news as soon as you have it." She says sternly.

"Yes, Sir." I mock, hanging up before she can protest my sass.

I hold my phone between my hands loosely, turning it as I think. Nothing has to change right now, I still need to sort out my own feelings before I even think about enquiring about Sam's. I take a deep breath, settling myself.

I'm shocked out of my reverie by the door opening and I look up sharply, smiling when I recognise Sam in the doorway.

"Have you been sat there the whole time?" He asks, gazing at me incredulously and I shrug sheepishly.

"How was it? Did you like the guy?" I ask curiously, not able to help myself.

His face contorts into a cringe and I smile at his reaction. He shivers visibly, shrugging off his jumper and plodding up the stairs, sitting a few below me so that he can talk to me easily.

"He was ok at first but then he started asking the weirdest questions. Do I have a fear of Santa Claus? What do I think about a threesome with a blow-up doll? Would I find accidental incest weird? It was honestly so traumatising, Elias, you have no idea." He whines, flopping his head against my knee and I laugh incessantly.

"You do know how to pick them, maybe you attract creeps?" I ask, watching his expression droop considerably.

"A nice guy, someone who'll make me smile, is that too much to ask? Why can't I find that?" He asks, his eyes searching mine. I smile gently, balancing my head on my palm.

"You will." I utter and he scoffs, rolling his eyes. I have another thought but I don't voice it, content to watch him disagree, content to listen to the dramatized version of the story, but the thought won't escape my head.

Maybe you already have?