James' POV(Trigger warning)

Reynolds pinned me against a wall. I whimpered in pain as he pressed his knee in between my legs.

"Oh, quit it." He growls at me. I reached forward and bit my neck harshly. I whimpered again, causing him to dig his nails into my wrist. I gasp and bite my lip drawing blood. I squeezed his leg that was in between mine, trying to get him away. He just push harder. He left a big, purple mark across my neck. I felt blood trickle down my neck where the mark was. He looked into my eyes and licked his lips. He pulled off my shirt and pushed me down to the solid ground. I didn't have my binder on. He pulled his own shirt off and went down onto his knees to get to my level. He pushed me against the brick wall, it scraped against my bare back. He reached his hands under my bra and rubbed my breasts. I gasp and try to push him away. He growled at me and pinned my hands above my head with one hand.

"Stop! Stop!" I screamed. He didn't. He didn't stop. No one could hear me. All I heard now was the insults he would say to me and my heavy heartbeat.

"Slut. Tranny. Fag. Queer. Dumba$$. Stuckup. Dumb. Girl. Ugly. Moody. You will never be real guy. Die."

Repeated in my head. I screamed at the top of my lungs but I couldn't hear myself scream. There was a gag in my mouth. I begged and begged and begged for him to stop. Tears running down my face. I had no hope.

No light.

"James! Stop please! Wake up!" Reynolds said to me, pushing against me. Tears stream down my face and I look at him confused. Furrowing my eyebrows.

"It's okay. I'm here. Please...

~.~.~.~.~

Wake up!" I heard a voice say from beside me. I sit up straight in my bed. Breathing heavily, the seat around my body making the sheets stick to my skin. I take a deep breath and look next to me. Thomas is looking at me with great concern in his eyes. I feel my neck.. no bump, no scab or any mark. I take a breath of relief and shake my head.

"Did you have another nightmare..?" Thomas asked me gently. I nod and look down in my lap. A stray tear falls down my cheek. I feel Thomas put his arms under me, and pull me onto his lap. I situate myself onto his lap, facing him, and set my head on his bare chest. Listening for his heartbeat. This has become a daily thing... nightmare, calm me down, fall back asleep, feel guilty. I sigh and press myself into him. He chuckles and runs his hand through my short hair gently. I felt uncomfortable because I didn't wear my binder to sleep. Thomas had been making sure I didn't sleep with it on, or keep it on for too long. He traces his hands down to my lower back and I shiver from his cold hands.

"What time is it?" Thomas asked me. I shrug.

"If its past midnight, it's officially December." Thomas states.

"What the hellllll." I say, muffled because my cheek was pressed against Thomas' chest. He laughs at me quietly.

"The year has gone by so fast." I mumble. He nods his head.

"We started dating almost 2 months ago.." I realize. It feels like yesterday when we shared our first kiss in the flower field.

"Yeah.. and Christmas is coming up." Thomas tells me.

"Where did time go?"

"I don't know and don't want to know. As long as I can spend most of my time alive with you."

"Are you proposing to me or something?" I laugh and feel my face heat up.

"One day I will~" he flirts. I hit his arm playfully. He lays back in the bed, taking me with him. I fall onto his chest and giggle, I lay on his chest and close my eyes.

"You're so cute oh my lord.." he says, covering his face with his hands. I giggle and smile up at him.

"No I'm not! It's literally probably 1 am, I'm laying on your chest really tired and I'm just looking at you. How is that cute?"

"Oh, you don't see what I see darlin'." He says, my face heats up once again and I laugh. He leans down and pecks my lips sweetly. I look up at him with a stupid smile across my face.

"Screw you..."

"You wish."

"You wish for it more."

"Is there a problem with that?"

"Aww~ you think about doing that with me~!"

"And you don't?"

"Meanie."

"Wow, that hurt my feelings."

"You love me."

"I do."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I smile and roll of of him and to his side. I cuddle into him. I feel my eyelids get heavy but before they slip shut, a buzz comes from my phone. I sigh and roll over to grab my phone. Thomas instantly comes over to me and spoons me from behind. I laugh and grab my phone. A text from Jules.

Jules🔥- James, I need a favor.

J.J🌈- what? And why are you up at 1 am?

Jules🔥- I could be asking u the same thing

Jules🔥- Your probably up f-ing Thomas tho.. ;)

J.J🌈- do u want me to do u a favor or not? 🙄-///-

Jules🔥- Yes! I need you to come to Mexico with me.

"I'm sorry what..?" Thomas says, reading the conversation I was having. I shrug.

J. J🌈- What?

Jules🔥- hear me out, I'm already inviting everyone else, (btw something Is wrong with Pegs, she's never up this late and she seems off) my parents want me over for Christmas but they won't believe me if a say I have friends. You guys don't have to stay for Christmas but I want you guys to go...

I look at Thomas. He shrugs and nods.

J. J🌈- I guess. Thomas said okay. We will go. And I'll message Peggy.

Jules🔥- Yay! Thanks James!

J. J🌈- Np.

I hear a soft snore come from Thomas. I giggle and click open my messages to Peggy.

J.J🌈- Sis?

My phone stays silent for awhile, I sigh and turn it off. I go to put it down, but my phone buzzes.

Jem💎🏳️‍🌈- JJ? Why are you up?

J. J🌈- you know I stay up late or wake up sometimes. You don't. What's wrong?

Jem💎🏳️‍🌈- nothing.. I just woke up because I.. fell off my bed.

J. J🌈- I'm not buying that.

Jem💎🏳️‍🌈- nothing is wrong. Go back to sleep.

J. J🌈- Jem...

Jem💎🏳️‍🌈- drop it.

J. J🌈- Jem, please.

Jem💎🏳️‍🌈- I said, drop it! Go back to sleep!

J. J🌈- ... do you want me to come over?

['Jem💎🏳️‍🌈' has put device on silent mode. Goodnight! 💤]

My breathing hitched in my throat. I sigh and set my phone down and cuddle into Thomas. Please say she's okay...

Peggy's POV

(Trigger warning ⚠️)

I tossed my phone onto my dresser and choked on another sob.

'Hey guys? I'm not feeling the best can you guys cheer me up?

Hey guys, Maria said she might be leaving, I'm upset

Sis? Angie? Can I have a hug?

Liz, I know you're about to leave but can you please just...

Guys? Please don't argue.

Baby💋🌹- I'm moving Babe.. I'm so sorry... I promise we will stay in touch. My plane is taking off. I love you.. bye...

Guys...

That was my past couple of weeks. People ignoring me and the people who I thought I could talk to, leave. James is so happy now. I sobbed and sobbed. This became a daily thing. Maria left a weeks ago and hasn't sent me a text since. I wrote that down on my wrist to remember her. Just in case... I don't know where she went... I grab my yellow notebook and open it. Full of pictures.. and memories.

I don't want my memory....

I turn to a clean page. I grab my camera and take a picture of my wrist with the writing on it. As the picture is developing, I write a caption.

'Last thoughts...'

I write a bunch of names I've been called and depressing quotes. I take the photo, and tape it in there. My hands start to shake widely. Look at me now... once happy. Now lost. I take a selfie of me crying. And set it down to develop. I start to write lyrics to a song...

'A wrote a song a journal gave it to the world..

Told the story of when I was just a girl..

I sought Understanding clarity and truth..

By burying all the wounds inflicted on my youth...'

Overlooked youngest child!

Your sisters and brother are better!

I take a shaky breath

'You criticize my choice to stand up to my past..

To give the pain a voice so it too, could pass..

But I felt brave and filled with pride as I let go..

Of bitterness that wouldn't leave or let me grow..'

I take the photo to the book. I take other pictures that had me in them and would cross out my face with black marker... writing the names I was. Just a mess up. I saw one of James and I hugging on Christmas...

' "Here. I got this for you.." James said to me shyly, holding a present to me. I gasp and smile with a toothless grin. I open it and there was a purple necklace that said...

'You're my sister.. I love you.

Bloodline or not.'

I felt tears run down my face.. that's the first time he remotely called me his sister..

I hug him tightly.

"I love you so much JJ..."

He hugs me back.

"This is our Jem. So you know I'm always there..."'

I sob... I couldn't take it anymore. I grab the razor from my table and slide it down my arm.

1 cut

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9....

Blood drips onto the page as I sob. I wrote more...

'I will spend a lifetime.

Trying to understand

Why

Someone sharing my bloodline

Would not

Lend me their hand...

Am I supposed to apologize??'

I throw my notebook. It hits my box of memories.. and my jewelry box. I slowly walk to my box.. and see the only necklace in there.. was the one JJ got me.. I cry and grab it.. I put it around my neck...

'I will never be satisfied, Peggy? Come here please.

I'm so helpless Peggy help!

I want to just burn... Can I have a hug?

God.. I hope he's satisfied with her.. Peggy, what do you think?

Margarita? I think I'm in love with them... what do I do?

I'm going to marry him someday. Do you think he will want to?

Peggy help

Peggy I need you.

"Guys.. I—.."

SHUT UP PEGGY!!'

"HOW COME I'M ALWAYS THERE FOR THEM BUT THEY'RE NEVER HERE WHEN I NEED THEM!!??" I yell.

"Overlooked! Selfish! Stupid! Slut! Bitch! Dumb! Younger! Not special! Useless!"I scream, scraping the blade down my arm with every comment. I heard someone jiggle the handle to my door.

"Peggy?"

"SHUT UP!!!"

...

I hear them start to pick the lock. I grab some of my notebooks and unlocked my window, getting out onto a tree.

"Peggy!" I hear Angie yell after me. I slam the window shut and start to climb down the tall tree, tripping on the way. Scraping my arms and bruises forming on my skin. It was cold... I jump down from the final branch and start running. I didn't know where, I didn't care either. My feet started to ache. With every breath I took I knew I didn't want to go back. Until I ran into someone... my stuff splatters everywhere. I fall to the ground and so does the other person. I look over with my vision blurred...

John is there...

"Peggy..?" He asks..

"SHUT UP! GET AWAY! THE VOICES THERES TOO MANY! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!! WHY DON'T YOU CARE??!!" I scream, and curl up into a ball, screaming.

"Peggy! Peggy Peggy Peggy.." He whispers, crawling over to me. I start to sob and hyperventilate. He shushes me and strokes my hair. I try pushing him away but he doesn't let me go..

"Stop.. Stop.. stop..."I repeat to myself...

I felt weak.. he was touching my bare skin.. my mind raced. I passed out....