Sai's back since y'all missed him ❤️

Excuse any errors. 🤍

—-—-

Anya and little bean were still sleeping, it was going on 3 in the morning and I had tossed and turned for the majority of the night once I fronted, I laid here wishing my eyes would close so that the thoughts I was plagued with would leave me alone at least for a few hours.

You're not good enough.

They don't care, none of them care.

Sucking my teeth I got out of bed, cutting on the bathroom light I closed the door and leaned my back against the cool door. Closing my eyes I tried to relax but the trepidation in my long digits signaled something was bound to happen in this moment.

A panic attack. 3rd one this week.

"Come on, we can do this.. Relax." I whispered to the raging thoughts of our current system trying my best to calm them all down as tears welled up in my eyes but I blinked them away. The thoughts boomed loudly as if a bomb was exploding in my mind. Leaning against the bathroom sink I put my head down.

"In and out... slow... It'll be over soon." I coached myself as the trepidation was soon becoming unmanageable.

Having enough of fighting with myself I swung the medicine cabinet door open. Grabbing the bottle of medication I shook 2 out popping them into my mouth before cutting on the sink, standing there I allowed the cool water to graze against my fingers, it's touch calming me within seconds. Leaning down I scooped my hand under the water drinking some down with the pills I swallowed.

Looking in the mirror I wiped the water that cascaded down my chin.

You feel better now?

"Yes." I muttered responding to River. It seems as if he's been around with me but no Milo, Jaxon, or Zane, no one that I was accustom to. So I assumed they had gone dormant for a while not sure how long that would be but I guess I would be in the position of caregiver and host at least until Milo was ready to return.

Hearing a small voice outside of the bathroom door I made my way out to see little bean standing up in her crib.

"What are you doing up little one?" I queried tilting my head to the side as she cooed chewing on her small fingers. Smiling a little I scooped her into my arms and she laid on my shoulder.

"You must think I'm Milo, I apologize ahead of time it seems that if he's gone away."

She sat up as stared at me before putting her hand on my face.

"Da da."

"No. I'm not Da da..." I twisted my lips to the side.

"Milo, what are you doing up?"

I looked over at Anya who's eyes were puffy from waking up.

"I apologize for the disturbance I've caused.. Little bean was awake so I tried to care for her."

"You're fine Sai. I figured you weren't Milo." She chuckled standing up from the bed, taking little bean from my hold I laid across the bed as she grabbed a diaper and wipes to change her.

"Would you like for me to assist you?"

"Can you make her a bottle?" She smiled a little before focusing on changing little beans diaper.

"Of course."

Going into the kitchen I grabbed what I needed, reading the container of directions carefully I made her bottle and warmed it up but I made sure that it wasn't too hot.

"Here you go."

"Thanks Sai."

"You're quite welcome Anya.."

She looked down while feeding her so I took it upon my self to make her aware.

"I'm going to be here for a while, River and I."

"Milo must not want to talk."

"It's not that he doesn't want to...He's basically in a moment of Dormancy which means he's in a state of being temporarily inactive or inoperative, so I had to step forward."

I couldn't really read the look she was giving me. Confusion? Sadness? I don't know but I was going to make this situation fun one regardless.

"Hm, that's interesting." She said as she laid a sleeping little bean back into her pink decorated princess crib.

She said beside me on the bed and looked over at me.

"What seems to plague your thoughts Anya?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Is Dormancy a bad thing?"

"It really just depends. Sometimes it can be positive and sometimes it can be negative.."

"Let's hope for a positive."

"I agree, you should go back to bed. You can your other little bean need rest."

She chuckled and smiled before giving me a light hug. He belly had gone a little so of course whoever laid eyes on her knew she was carrying.

I won't be gone long. Just need to think.

And I need sleep a nigga tired.

Shaking my head at Milo and Jax's responses I laid across the bed feeling the medicine kick in which made me sleepy. Getting into bed I made sure Anya has enough room to stretch out. Closing my eyes I drifted off to sleep hoping the thoughts didn't bother me.

———

.

It was a little awkward having Sai fronting all day, I was so used to Jax or Milo or even Zane. It wasn't that I didn't like Sai, I did. It was just something I had to get used to since he didn't always front.

We were currently at the park taking a walk and getting fresh air, it was a little breezy out but nonetheless it was a nice day.

"Sai?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever tried Açaí Sorbet?"

"No? Is that an ice cream?"

"Kinda." I chuckled. "It's a fruit it's really good I have some at the house if you want to try it."

He nodded his head as we headed back to the car. I looked down to see little beans hand reaching out for Sai.

"She likes you." I said as he smiled a little, he leaned down to unstrap her and scooped her into his arms.

"Da da."

"She thinks I'm Milo, that's why she likes me." He said looking both ways to that we could cross the street to get to my car.

"Wanna drive?" I asked honestly tired, this second baby is kicking my ass.

"Sure. Are you hungry? If so, I can go get you something before we go home." He said glancing over at me as I headed him the keys.

"Yes. I want Tokyo Express."

"Well Tokyo Express it is." He smirked waiting for me to get into the passenger seat once I got little bean taking care of.

"How come you were up so early this morning?"

"Panic attack.." He said licking his lips before glancing in mirror to switch lanes.

"Those are often now huh?"

"This is the third one this week. I'm just glad we aren't having the suicidal thought anymore. I hated being plagued with those.."

"I totally understand. When I first met Milo I was coming out of a really bad depression."

He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me for a second.

"You? Depressed? How come?"

I sighed. "I had a lot going on with school and the situation with my parents. Just thought I'd be better off gone."

"Well I'm glad you found the courage to fight and stay because if you didn't Milo wouldn't have met such an amazing woman like yourself. I know I don't come around much and it's probably awkward as hell for the both of us but trust me I'm going to make the best of it. Ok?"

I smiled and nodded, Sai was a sweetheart. Milo's whole system was aside from you know who.

"Thanks Sai."

"Anytime you need me I'll be here."

He put the car in park and went inside to order our food, about 10 minutes later he was headed toward the car, little bean was sleeping and I was glad because she had been a little fussy earlier today.

Once we got home we ate and watch some random reality show about couples, I think it was called Are You The One.

Feeling my eyes getting heavy I got up from the couch and stretched. I noticed that Sai had fallen asleep on the couch, grabbing a blanket from the closet I covered it up and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks for being so sweet."

——-

Super short I know 🤨