Excuse any errors.

Anya in the mm. 💗

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I was trying my hardest to be there for him... Things are changing but I wanted my old Milo back. Graduation was coming up in a few weeks, Dre and Makayla were coming around again, M'lani was reaching new milestones everyday. He seemed happy but I guess it was a front.

Looking over at him at her slept I grabbed his hand and held it in my own that's when the tears started flowing. Why didn't he tell me how he was feeling? I loved him don't get me wrong but... Maybe we needed to be apart. I cried quietly until I heard him groan a little.

"Anya?"

I let his hand go and wiped my tears quickly.

"Yes. It's me." I sniffled as he shifted his gaze to me.

"Why you cryin ma?" He questioned rubbing his fingers against my knuckles.

I knew that voice.

"Just scared.. Where were you when Milo was doing what he did?"

He tucked his bottom lips between his teeth and looked away from me. "I tried to stop him-"

"Jax I'm not mad.. I'm just scared like what if you guys died huh?.. I'd have nobody.. I'd be stuck here on this earth without my husband and his crew." He chuckled a little after I said that.

"He did it while you and little bean were gone.. I don't know if their gonna send us away.. I don't wanna go away though." He said as his facial expression saddened.

"I know you don't but-" I paused seeing Brianna coming into the room, they had called her on an emergency bases.

"Hey Anya." She smiled a little as I greeted her before she sat in the chair on the other side of his bed.

"How are you feeling Jaxon?"

He shrugged. "Tired but what else is new right?" He said nonchalantly.

She signed shaking her head. "They called me on and emergency bases..You have to go back to Riverview-"

"HELL NO! FUCK THAT. I'M NOT LEAVING ANYA AND LITTLE BEAN!" He yelled throwing a pillow across the room.

"Jaxon-"

"Jaxon please calm down." I started crying again but the nurses and a guard came in and that's when it escalated.

"I'm not going and y'all can't make us go! I'm allowed to refuse!"

"Jaxon I'm sorry.. This wasn't up to me.." Brianna said holding her hand up so the guard and nurses could stop what they were about to do.

"We..We don't wanna go.. Anya we said sorry. Please don't make us go back there." That wasn't Jaxon talking this time, it was all Zane. I sighed and wiped my tears.

"I'm sorry Zane.. you guys have to go. You'll get better in there." I said as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"You don't like us anymore?"

"No Zane I love you guys but you have to get better so you can be happy again."

"How long will we be gone?" He questioned looking between Brianna and I. I honestly wasn't sure myself.

"They're saying 6 months-"

"NO! NO! NO! NO!" Zane screamed tears streaming down his face. It broke my heart to even see him crying.

"Anya please tell them I wanna stay."

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I leaned down and gave him the longest hug I think I'd even given, 6 months away for them? Milo's gonna be missing out of graduation and little bean. That's what broke me the most.

"Visitation?"

"Not for the first 2 weeks."

"I'm not going man! Fuck this shit!" He said trying to stand up from the bed.

"Zane?"

"Wrong answer." He scoffed trying removed the IV from his arm. I watched them as the guards held him down and the nurse sedated him my heart broke with every second of watching him.

After talking with Brianna and taking Milo some more clothes I went to Makayla's to get little bean. I didn't say a word but they knew something was wrong.

"Call us you need anything shorty." Dre said as I nodded trying my hardest not to cry.

"I love you guys."

"We love you too."

Driving down the service streets I wiped my tears and little bean slept in her car seat. It felt like a piece of my was ripped from my soul, I felt sick. 6 months with no affection from him, 6 months of no laughs, no "I love you.", 6 months of no support when no one supported me. I needed him here but I knew in order for him to get better he had to go away for a while. In that moment I decided that I'd document every milestone M'lani had because in 6 more months she'd be a year old.

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I'm back in this place again. My heart ached for not only myself but for my wife and daughter. They deserved better than me...

After checking into Riverview they put me on watch and sent me to the 3rd floor. I wasn't expecting to cry when I got here but it all hit me at once. My daughter, my wife, my two pride and joys.

M'lani would be a year in 6 months. I'd be missing every single milestone and that killed me but I needed to get better. I needed to be better for them and myself, I couldn't allow my depression to

take me out physically so whatever they needed me to do here I'd comply.

Brianna have given me a sketchbook, tossing it onto the small desk I sat down and began to draw. Everything that I was feeling, every single emotion that was bottled up came out on the first 4 pages of this sketch book.

My medication had been delivered to me soon after and I knew I'd be asleep soon so I quickly finished the sketch and wrote my name at the bottom of the paper so that whoever fronted next would know not to bother it.

I started yawning that's when I knew the medicine was kicking in, this dosage was a lot stronger than what I was used to, I think that I was actually immune to whatever the other medicine I was taking before, although this made me feel tired I wasn't feeling anything else but that.

Making my way over to the bed I took my shirt off and tossed it to the floor, kicking off my socks I got comfortable on the cool room. Glancing at the window the moon was now in the sky I sighed not believing I was back in this place again.

"God please, watch over my babies for me. I love them and I wanna get better."

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I got this y'all 🥺❤️