Excuse any errors. ❤️

Poor Jax 🥺

———

Opening my eyes I realized I was the one who's stayed fronted. I was a little happy because I wanted to see Anya and little bean, spending time with them was fun for me. It was only 8 in the morning so I laid in bed for a few more seconds before getting up to handle my business and take our morning meds. We had a session with Brianna so I needed to prepare for it, It wasn't anything bad we just wanted to discuss progress since being on our new medications.

I honestly didn't feel like going but of course I couldn't back out since it was 15 minutes until I needed to make my way up there.

Giving Anya and little bean both kisses on their foreheads I got dressed and grabbed my car keys before hearing Anya call my name.

"You're gone?" She mumbled shifting in bed.

"Yeah, I'll be back after therapy."

"Ok be careful." She smiled before yawning.

"I will bae." I said before leaving out the front door. It was weird staying fronted for so long after being away, I get that Lo was trying to keep things together but I like being able to come out and voice my opinions. He wanted to keep us locked away now and I hated it.

Please don't ruin this.

"How would I? You know I always keep it one thousand with Bri." I mumbled responding to Milo as I pulled into the parking lot cutting the engine once I put the vehicle in park. I waited for him to respond but I didn't hear his voice so I shrugged it off and went inside.

After checking in I was called back by Brianna, sitting on the small couch in front of her I looked around the room.

"Looks like you decorated."

"I did. Do you like it?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's nice."

"How's everything been?"

I sighed and shook my head. "Milo's been trying to keep us locked away, ever since him and Anya got engaged it's like we don't exist anymore.. And the new medicine is helping him keep up locked up."

"How do you feel about it?"

I furrowed my eyebrows before staring down at

my hands. "It pissed me off.. It's like... I don't know.. I don't wanna be away from Anya or little bean but he's keeping me away.."

"Well you have to realize that although you're another part of Milo... Anya and the baby belong to him... So technically Anya isn't your girlfriend and the baby isn't yours... You're only apart of Milo."

"Doesn't feel like that to me.. When I'm around them I feel like I'm the one who's in control.."

"That you are but-"

"I just want someone to love me like Milo loves her and little bean. I want my own family... I know I'm just apart of the system but my feelings are.. Never mind I don't wanna talk about the shit anymore."

"Jaxon... you've been doing good.. You've mad a lot of progress-"

"Fuck the progress... Like I said before I ain't suppose to show feelings.. Fuck feelings, fuck this system too!" I said slamming my hands down on the arm rests and my chest heaved up and down.

That's mean Jax...

Damn that's how you really feel my nigga?

Brianna tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. "I can't sit here and say I know how you feel because I don't but I will say that Milo is trying to live his life without you all in it if that makes sense..."

"BUT I DON'T WANNA BE LOCKED AWAY! IT'S NOT FAIR!" I said pushing the magazines off the table as Brianna jumped a little. I stood up and walked toward the bookshelf and sighed.

"I'm sorry.. I can't talk about this anymore. I'll let someone else front." I said letting anyone else who wanted to front come forward.

———

Sai

Feeling a bit of anger and confusion I turned to face Brianna realizing we were in a session.

"You have to excuse Jax's he's been feeling a bit down lately.. I apologize on his behalf." I said picking up the magazines from the floor.

"It's alright. How are you Sai?"

"Doing well.. As Jax might have mentioned, Milo doesn't allow us to front as often as we'd like, which is upsetting but we tried to reason with him and he's not budging... Jax is just upset because he's in love with Anya but he knows it'll be nothing more to it."

Brianna nodded her head in understanding but I know she had no clue what it's like for us.

"Jax knows that Anya and little bean don't belong to him but... In some way he feels like they do because of the interactions between them. He wants to be there for them and care for them regardless of what Milo allows."

"Do you think Milo will let him from at least 1 maybe 2 times a day?"

I shrugged my shoulder. "That's something they always fight about... I just sit back and keep quiet until the internal argument ceases."

"Hmm.. Ok, How does the medicine make you all feel?"

"To be honest I feel numb, like I'm there but I'm not if that makes sense."

We talked for about another 15 minutes before it was over, once I left the office I headed back to the apartment with Anya's favorite food. Shrimp Alfredo.

"Anya I'm home. It's Sai." I said putting the food on the counter.

She smiled and made her way over. "Shh, little bean just went to sleep. How was the session."

"It went well." I smiled before opening the bag of food for her.

"That's good.. What made you front?"

"Jaxon..he's not too happy but we'll talk about that later." I said as she dug into her food.

"What did you do while we were gone?"

"I turned in some assignments, Makayla and Draya came over for a little while and little bean threw up on my favorite t-shirt." She said before chuckling.

"Woah. Did she eat too much?"

"Yeah I think so, but she's ok now."

"Good.. well I'm gonna go take a shower. Wanna watch Animal Planet later? their showing shark attacks."

"Nah. I'll pass." She laughed before giving me a side hug.

"Thanks for the food Sai."

"You're very welcome sweetheart." I said making my way to the bathroom. I guess I was in there for quiet a while because when I got out Anya was asleep.

Let me from, I wanna tell her goodnight and give little bean a kiss.

"No Zane. You can come out tomorrow." I mumbled before throwing on a t-shirt and sweatpants.

Fine.

After watching Animal Planet I turned off the TV before feeling my phone vibrate.

Yo Lo, basketball tomorrow?- Amir.

This is Sai, but sure man. See you tomorrow.

Locking my phone I headed to the bedroom, little bean was fussy so I made her a bottle, humming a tune in my head.

Wake me up before you go, ooh I need a little more

Just a little more, a little more of your love

Wake me up before you go, ooh I need a little more

Just a little more, a little more of your love

She cooed a little which made me smile. "You like singing huh?" I asked as I continued feeding her, after burping her I noticed it was now dark outside, laying her down I decided to skip tonight's pill and see what tomorrow might bring.

Hopefully this wouldn't be a mistake.

——-

🥺