Excuse any errors. 🤍

This is a filler by the way. 🥺

————-

Milo

I leaned against the arm rest and tapped my foot against this soft carpet in my therapists office. I wasn't really feeling it today.

"I remember you telling me that you were hearing voices at one point. Did your last therapist test you for Schizoaffective Disorder?" Brianna asked pulling out her notepad from the bottom of her desk, I didn't even tell her that I had recently been hallucinating.

"No.. I don't think so.." I mumbled, it was weird today because I hadn't switched, I just wasn't feeling like myself and I didn't like this at all. I felt tired and my mind was fogged.

Anya was at my apartment since we had a break from classes today and tomorrow, she was still asleep when I left.

"Ok, well I'm going to have you tested for that.. Have you been hallucinating at all?"

I nodded my head. "At this point.. I can't tell the difference between hallucinations and reality."

"Oh, yeah that's not good. What do you normally see?"

I rubbed my eyes and sighed I really wanted to just walk out of here. I was growing annoyed by her questions all of a sudden.

"My parents.. the last time it happened I saw them." I huffed out feeling my breathing hitch in my throat.

"And what were they doing?"

I felt like I couldn't breathe.. I didn't want to talk about this, not now.

"They were calling my name over and over... Like my mom was screaming it." I said playing with the end of my shirt.

"Do you think about them often?"

"I don't really care to talk about this...I don't even wanna be here right now." I said pulling my hood over my head and sloughing in the chair.

Brianna sighed. "It's alright, if you want to end the session early we can, completely up to you." She said taking her glasses off and closing her book.

I just stared at my hand and chewed on my bottom lip.

"Milo?"

I just concentrated on picking the spot on my hand but she kept calling my name, at least I thought it was her. I just kept my head down and picked at my hand until the skin broke.

"Milo, Your hand is bleeding..."

I stood up and tucked my bottom lip between my teeth. I needed to leave, I wanted to be with the only person who could understand me, that was Anya.

Not giving Brianna a chance to catch up with me I walked out of the office and to my car.

Milo...honey..

There is was again.. the voice. My hands started to sweat as I drove, tears welled up in my eyes. I knew this voice was familiar.

"Mom?"

Yes angel.. I miss you so much.

"I miss you too mom." I sniffled, not being able to see because I was crying I pulled over into an empty parking lot, I then opened my glove compartment I grabbed the weed I had and the swisher sweet.

This isn't how we handle our problems man. Sai said as I ignored him. I just wanted everything to stop. "Shut up. I'm fine."

No you're not... You're sinking. You're gonna breakdown soon.

"I SAID SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" I yelled slamming my hands against the steering wheel, once my breathing regulated enough I rolled the blunt and felt in my pocket for a lighter, when I found it I smoked half of it and tossed the rest back into the compartment and headed home.

Once I walked in Anya was in my t-shirt and shorts cooking something to eat. She looked so beautiful, so caring and understanding.

"Hey Milo." She smiled giving me a kiss before making a face at my low red eyes.

"Hey beautiful." I muttered licking my lips before giving her another kiss.

"You're high?"

I nodded before chuckling , she was cute when she was upset.

"I needed to clear my mind after this session so I smoked a little bit. You mad at me baby?" I said poking my bottom lip out. She laughed a little and shook her head.

"No.. You just...Today's different with you, you just don't seem like your normal self."

"Who's really normal huh?" I said raising and eyebrow at her.

"I guess no one." She sighed and turned away from me.

"What's wrong baby hm?" I mumbled laying my head in the crook of her neck as my arms locked around her waist. "You missed me?"

"I did but .. I don't know maybe you should go lay down." She said wiggling out of my hold. She stood on her tip toes and pecked my lips.

"I'm straight." I shrugged and went into the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror I suddenly became angry and hated everything I saw. My fists balled up and I swung my hand back and punched the mirror, glass shattered as I stared down at the pieces they reveled my reflection. I picked one up and noticed how sharp the point was.

Just get it over with, Anya doesn't like you, no one does. I didn't recognize this voice at all, it wasn't a personality of mine. Who was it?

You're worthless. Just do it!

Don't listen to it man.. you're hallucinating. Just relax. I heard Jax said as my lip quivered.

"Milo!" I jumped hearing Anya yell my name, I didn't realize I had the piece of glass up to my throat.

"Milo! Give it to me please." She said holding her hand out as her eyes watered as she began to cry.

I'm not sure what came over me but I was blanking out, I started to laugh and she looked at me funny. "You think you know me?"

"Milo?.. It's...It's me Anya-"

"You think I won't hurt you?.. That we won't hurt you?" I chuckled still staring at her.

I made my way over to her but she backed away wiping her tears. "Milo you're scaring me, your eyes are dark" she said as her voice cracked.

Just do it!

I held the piece of glass to my forearm and she ran over to me grabbing my wrist. "No!" She screamed grabbing my into a hug.

"Move! Let me go! I can't take it anymore! Let me go!" For her to be so small she had strength I'll give her that.

"No, I'm not letting you go. You'll hurt yourself."

"I need to!" I yelled getting out of her hold. I held the glass up to my forearm again and swiped it across as a big cut formed.

Anya cried and ran out of the room, I felt dizzy as the room began to spin like in the mazes they have at carnivals.

"Anya-" Everything went black.

——-

Anya

I was so scared, my hands shook as I sat by his bedside, the doctor said he had a mental breakdown and also diagnosed him with schizoaffective disorder. I felt so bad, as if he didn't have enough going on in his mind this just added to the list. I asked the doctor was there anything I could have done to stop it and he said me being there for him before all of this happened was good enough.

I sniffled and wiped my tears before hearing him groaned a little, his eyes fluttered opened as he came to. He jumped a little but I grabbed his hand. "Shh, relax LoLo." I said giving him the nickname I made up for him.

"What happened? Did I hurt you?!" He said becoming frantic.

"No, relax you didn't hurt me but you did scare me though...You broke the mirror in the apartment and cut your arm, I tried to hold you so you wouldn't cause yourself any damage but-"

I paused hearing the doctor come in with two guards.

"I'm sorry Ms. Briggs, we need you to exit the room for a second."

"The hell is all this?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows as we looked at each other.

"Why? I don't wanna leave him." I said becoming nervous about what was going to happen next.

"Well due to his mental breakdown we're going to have to admit him to the psych ward for an evaluation."

"Evaluation? What? nah I'm seeing a therapist al- baby where you goin? Don't leave me in here, can't she stay in here with me?!" His voice cracked as a nurse came to get me, she held my hand as she guided me out of the room, they wouldn't even let me stay in his room with him, I herd him yelling and screaming my name.

"No! No stop! Anya please!"

I wiped my tears and watched from the window as they sedated him, he fought the guards for a while before they finally got him with the needle. I watched them strap him down to his bed and the nurses took him to the 12th floor. I guess that was where the ward was located.

"How long he will be here?" I sniffled asking the nurse.

"I don't know suga, maybe a few days, I'll keep you posted I have you down as a contact now. You're his-"

"Girlfriend." I said as she gave me a warm smile.

"Well I'll make my way up there and let you know if they tell me anything, you go on home and get some rest."

His nurses name was Mrs. Florence, she was an older dark skinned woman and she was short with gray hair.

I gave her a weak smile and grabbed Milo's car keys since I followed the ambulance in his car. Once I got adjusted I leaned over the steering wheel and started crying, my heart ached for him. I just wanted to go in there and cuddle him and show that I'd be there now matter what happened.

Once I got to the apartment I locked the door behind me, cleaned up the glass and tried to clear my head regarding everything that happened.

I checked my phone so many times during the night hoping I heard something but I didn't.

What was I gonna do while he was gone?

——-

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